Do you think single mom's can raise their son's to be real men?

[sage2021]

I don't see why not. However, another GaG user is debating me on this, and he's not very nice.
I was married for four years. During our third year we planned to have our first child. He finally was born and I was thought we were happy. My ex-husband had other ideas. A secret agenda if you will. So he abandoned us. To make this short, I ended up being a fantastic single Mom! It can be done even without help from anyone, no child support, just working hard by myself. It can be done cause I did it! Your opinions are appreciated. 🌹

Updates

1 y

I would like to change "Real men" to men. Thank you.

[Lliam]

Good question. You are proof that it can be done, Sage. So I guess that answers the question.

Did your kids have any positive male role models? I'm just thinking that kids learn by example. They are copy cats. So I wonder how they can learn about masculinity without male role models. And I think that boys in particular benefit by having someone who will teach them how to play sports and do guy stuff.

I

[sage2021]

@Lliam No, no male role model, and maybe it's better that he didn't. Not all males are good role models as you already know. If that weren't true, we would have so many cheaters, drug addicts and alcoholics; not to mention pedophiles and rapist, etc.
My son's role model was me, his Mom. No, I don't have hair on my chest, but I do have street smarts and common sense. I love to teach people about life. I was his life coach. Playing sports does not make a boy turn into a good man when he grows up. But how to maneuver life, well, that is a life skill everyone needs. Life is hard.
My father abandoned me when I was four years old. My husband abandoned my son and myself when he was just a few months old.
Most guys weren't into raising "Someone else's kid". They think they'll have to spend their own money on the kid, even though the mother works full time. So, that's what I was dealing with as a single mom. 🌹

[Lliam]

Your experiences with abandonment are awful, Sage. Yet, you turned out to be amazing.

Lots of kids are raised by single parents, and many of them turn out to be outstanding people. So it's definitely possible for single moms to raise good men.

[sage2021]

@Lliam thank you so much for your kind words. It's people such as yourself that keeps me going. Thank you for backing me up that single mom's can raise good men. Behind every good man, there's a woman, pushing him! 😉

[Lliam]

Good women are invaluable. :-)

Thanks for the MHO, my friend.

[andreasderjuengere]

''We'' can't even agree on how a man (or ''real man'') is like.

I have seen both outcomes from a single-mom upbringing: fucked up, and ok.

Conclusion: a single Mom can do it; it depends on her own ''quality''.

[OlderAndWiser]

A mother should be a role model for how a real woman acts, how she behaves in interactions with the exterior world, and how she behaves in relationships. A father should be a role model for how a real man provides for his family, shows respect, protects them, and gives them security.

I don't see how one person - even with the best of intentions - can be an ideal woman and an ideal man.

[DaveJord]

Well once upon a time I totally thought so, but that is back in a time when society and the culture at large upheld certain values and principals. But apparently today after a millennia of human existence and prosperity those are all archaic principals and values.

So honestly there is a big difference between what one would consider a man vs. real man, and it goes far beyond whether or not they wear make up or have pierced ears... or paint their toe nails.

By and large single mothers are seriously up against it... its super tough. But everything comes down to mother. In my experience single mothers (and I have dated a few) tend to completely spoil their children because they carry some degree of guilt around for being a single mother. So they feel this need to work twice as hard then they should, and their kids don't take any responsibility for the situation and the mother by and large don't want them to because its not their children's fault. Which nobody is saying it is... but when mom can't afford to do something for their children they feel guilt. As if they were married and had a husband then maybe they could afford it. So all the single mother I have date have terrible credit... and its mostly because they spoil their kids beyond what they should or can afford.

For men or future men this can be very destructive... because they think all women are supposed to be as committed to their happiness and sacrifice ass much as their mother did for them. And that is not reality... and they struggle with developing meaningful relationships with other women later in life. So maybe mom should of shown some tough love.

Heck my current girl friend is a single mom... and she has 17 year old girl. She was complaining because she had to miss work to run to the highschool and pick up her daughter. Apparently she is 17 and does know when her time is coming, and does not carry any type of emergency tampons with her... and she is too embarrassed to ask a friend if they can help her out. Like what women does not carry emergency back ups with them... and if you are caught short you ask a friend. But here is my girlfriend who has terrible credit calling out early from work to run to the highschool. I am just the boy friend, so I said nothing. But its bullshit... that kid just wanted out of school early. And honestly she's 17 and going to 18 in two months. She needs to learn how to be more responsible so what are you really teaching her at this age when no matter the burden or cost you drop everything and run down there.

If you think I my ex-wife and I would did that for my kid your mistaken. This exactly the perfect situation to teach them responsibility. We dished out the tough love. Figure out kid, you should of known better and been prepared like we told you 100 times to do. Or have the fortitude to ask a friend for help, you're almost 18 years old so you need to grow up a little. I mean women carry those things with them in purses and back packs, or have them in their gym lockers all the time... that's what grown 'REAL" women do.

[dynamicyandere]

I wouldn’t say it’s impossible, but it would be more challenging.


It’s like a man teaching his daughter what it means to be a woman.


He’d be able to mentor her quite far, but there are certain things that will be a challenge.


Boys and girls grow up facing different problems unique to them.


Especially when it comes to male dynamics between males and females dynamics between females.


For boys, it may be like how to earn the respect of his male peers, or how to confront school bullies, how to handle tension and drama between other males at school or work, how to handle other men who are trying to assert dominance over him, how to navigate what goes on in male locker rooms, how to navigate the male social hierarchy, etc.


That is all more difficult to do when you can’t say you’ve been through the same thing and you’re unable to lead by example in those certain areas.


He will inevitably need to find some male role models and other males he can look up to and ask for advice and guidance and insight about things unique to men.


So, even though a father isn’t necessarily absolutely necessary. Good upstanding male role models are still necessary. Sons would still need to find other men to fill in the gaps of insight and wisdom. Mothers can introduce their sons to such men, but boys still need other men to help them develop fully.

[WindAtMyBack]

I think all kids should have a mother and a father. That doesn't mean a single parent can't raise a child and have them turn out good. I just think having both a mother and father is something every child deserves.

This is why I absolutely can't stand all the "baby daddy" crap. He's not a baby daddy. He's a father and should act like one.

As for raising a son to be a "real man", I don't think that's really something that should be "taught". I think it's something a child should learn by example. It's something children should see how a healthy adult relationship works. It rubs off on them and will have a big influence.

It's not a case that I think a boy child needs a father to raise him well, or a girl child needs a mother to raise her well. I think all children should have both. They need both sides of the coin, but more importantly they should have the opportunity to see how a relationship works. It will influence them whether they realize it or not.

A single parent is certainly better than having two parents in a bad relationship. But it's not as good as a child spending their formative years in a household with two parents in a healthy relationship.

[NathanDavis]

I don't see why not either...

in fact, I do know great people (both men and women) who were raised by single parents (mostly women, but also single fathers)

so to me, is not a matter of do I believe or think it's possible... I've seen it possible, I met them, and some of them are friends of mine, lol

so, it is evident

[Pegases]

You can do a great job of raising a boy, but your not a man, so you can't understand what it takes to be a man, just like a man can't fully understand what it takes to be a woman. Statistically speaking, children that grow up with just one parent verses both, are at a notable disadvantage in society because they only have the perspective of one parent. Thus, for a boy growing up with just a mother, he is more likely to adapt feminine traits simply because you are a woman. Is that to say he can't still be a good man? Absolutely not, but it is saying that he is more likely to be less masculine without a male figure in his life, and that is one of the reasons healthy masculinity as a whole is on the decline in our society.

[BeMuse]

Women tend to constantly tell men they can't do things even when men have done them over and over and over again in front of those same women and survived. Men tend to constantly tell men what's the big deal, just get it done. If all you have are female influences in your life when you grow up, then you will likely be devoid of confidence and will never push your limits. Women are generally very pessimistic. They are scared of the world in large. They are indecisive... Men have to be optimistic. We have to have confidence and courage. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to make decisions, even if they don't always lead to optimal outcomes. We have to take risks. Women tend to try to oppress all of those characters even if they don't mean to.

[BeMuse]

Being that women care about their men/boys they will always advocate for safety. They will always second guess everything. While it's good to know your women care about you, if that is all you hear you might start believing it after a while. If men are constantly pushing you to be a better strong faster smarter man then you learn to ignore all of women's concerns and get to know your own capabilities. You learn to be an island. You learn to lead. Thus you can be that rock women cling to. That man that makes her feel safe and so on. While if women try to fill the role of men, they won't get it right, it's more likely they will act as an abuse role model for men which might lead to chaotic relationships down the road when those boys grow up and they start dating crazy girls that always yell at them and start shit.

[Sixgunsound]

I grew up with a single mom, and honestly I was way out of my depth without a father involved. When I join the military, I can say now that I am several years removed that I didn’t know how to be a man. I never dated in high school because I didn’t know how to be a teenage boy. I’ve had to figure everything out unassisted because my single mother resented the fact that she had sons instead of daughters and let her membership and various third wave feminism organizations steer her understanding of watch boys and men are, and project that bullshit as my brother and I.

[FunkyMonkee]

It CAN be done. I WAS gonna use my ex-sister as an example because her hubby died in a car crash when their kid was only 1 or 2 but, she did a SHIT job of raising him!! Going to parties was more important to her so, she'd just go to the party and leave him home alone!! If he wasn't in school, she'd just run off to work and leave him alone!! Now, he's in his 30's and STILL getting arrested for graffiti and drugs!! (I even have a front-page newspaper article downstairs about him getting arrested for graffiti a few years ago when he was 28!! And, every time she let him use her car, he'd get into an accident and wreck it!!

But, I'm pretty sure that if I think a while, I can recall other single mom's that did a good job raising their boys.

[LaureenVO]

There is no such thing as 'real men' you either raise someone to become a good person or you don't. Single moms are perfectly capable of raising people well

[RealMarek]

I think a single mom can do as well or better than intact couples who stick their kids in front of electronics 24/7 or allow them to be indoctrinated in anti-male ideology. Having some male role models helps, but people can make the best of a difficult situation just like they can mess up a straightforward situation.

[SiberFox]

To a certain extent, the boy will need a male rolemodel, otherwise he will likely look up to the men his mother dates, and the famous men he wants to emulate.
To many boys grow up without a father, trying to emulate the trash their mother brings home or the garbage they see is famous.

[Vegasrunner]

Overall no, but there are exceptions. Stats show that single fathers make better parents. I dont think its impossible for single mothers but it's more difficult. Also you calling yourself fantastic doesn't prove anything everyone believes there great at everything.

[Guy13]

He can be well raised and provided for but he does miss how to conduct himself as a man. Where I am Church sports is big... you should see all the single boys dropped off there. They get Men exampling twice a week...

[sage2021]

@Guy13 before you judge single mom's, how many times have you seen these big ole football players that were raised by single mom's and they say they couldn't have gotten as far as they did without her. I see that a lot. And when something great happens with doing their sports, who do they call to share the news with? Their Mom! You know it's true!!

[Guy13]

Don’t get pissy…I don’t apologize for my opinion and why would you frown above. You have the maturity of a 15 year old…later.

[sage2021]

@Guy13 Nothing was wrong with your opinion. I was in "Defense Mode" when I replied to your opinion. I thought my reply was pretty generic to be honest. I just hoped you would have agreed with me because you probably have seen this before (what I wrote). But sometimes in a text things lose their meaning and are taken out of context. I'm sorry my reply didn't relay that way to you. 🌹

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. A good single mom or dad can do a good job raising their son or daughter well if they are decent person and dedicate time and effort in giving their child the love, attention and guidance they need.

[USLegionary]

I believe the majority of male prisoners and female sex workers in the US are raised by single mom's.

[mr4435669]

Obviously not, the lack of a father figure will make the son grow mentally weak, in addition to the fact that mothers instill ideas in sons to be submissive to women.

[sage2021]

@mr4435669 single mom here. No, not ALL women teach their sons to be submissive to women. And if I had man that was submissive I would tell him to grow a pair. He's a wossey

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of women were able to successfully raise their children without their husband. My sister is one of them she had an asshole for an husband. Her ex refused to help her with child support. The turd skipped country and nobody could find him. He later reappeared after the children had grown. His children don't want him to be around him or their kids. It is a hard thing for a single woman to raise children.

[Surely]

In today’s world this seems to be happening a lot with both genders. As long as you have role models in the child’s life of the same gender. I am sure that a single parent household could raise a successful young person to adulthood !

[LimitedBenefits101]

NOPE NOPE NOPE, single moms shouldn't be raising sons ALONE at all, vast majority of gay men and bi men are raised by single moms that all should be terrifying.