Do people treat other better or worse when they have been through a bad romantic situation but later find themselves in the reverse position?

[Anonymous]

Over my life I’ve had to deal with all sorts horrible incidents with women. Being ghosted. Being (unannounced) friendzoned. Being stood up on dates. Being insulted over things I have little or no control over (physical features I was born with).

All of that sucked. However when I find myself in a role reversal situation I usually try to treat others how I wish I was treated.

For example when I broke up with last girlfriend I really didn’t want to see or talk to her. I knew she was going to go berserk and not take it well at all.

However my girlfriend before me completely ghosted me (after dating for 9 months). The girlfriend before that treated me like I was less then human we broke up (despite me maturely accepting her decision) and gave me virtually no closure. Some of the things she said to me back then still haunt me to this day

Anyway I planned to do neither to my last girlfriend. As excruciatingly uncomfortable/painful as it was I broke up with her face to face and the whole ordeal lasted over 2 hours. She screamed, yelled, cried, made a huge scene and culminated with her threatening to commit suicide. It got so bad her grandmother had to call the police to have her placed on psych evaluation. On one end I truly felt bad for her but another end she inadvertently gave me closure and helped me confirm I made the right decision. I look her up on social media form time to time and thankfully I know she’s still alive

So as horrible as that was at least I was able to walk away knowing I did the right thing. I gave her full respect and closure. Let her say everything she wanted to say. She can look back and know she got it all off her chest. I know that will help her move on faster.

However I have never once in my life had a woman give me that kind of respect. But still do people generally treat others worse when they are mistreated in romantic scenarios?

People who have been treated badly tend to treat others badly

No impact

People who have been burned tend to think twice before they burn someone else

[Guy13]

It is so relative. I too have had the suicide card played on me too. Mine was not as neat as yours. I love hard so if there’s a break-up she’s killed me dead. I don’t get angry just saddened and already at peace with it.

[Asker]

Yeah I know it’s messy. But I basically thought carefully about how I was treated by other women and tried my best to give her respect when it all went down (as agonizing as it was). If she would handled it more gracefully (which she obviously didn’t) that might of left me with more cognitive dissonance about my decision.

The person who wants to break up does have advantage over the person it’s being done to. While they have to deal with the guilt they also had the freedom to make a decision. The person being dumped has only one realistic decision: accept it. There is nothing they can do to change the other person’s mind once they crossed that line.

That’s why the person doing the break up should be tactful on how they do this. The other person is being forced into a outcome they have don’t want nor control. But they will feel better if they know they were shown respect (which no woman has shown me in this situation).

[Guy13]

What you are saying makes total sense !! Half the people doing the break-up already have something going we don't know about anyway. And often that I don't give a F- comes out then... Guessing of course but you know !

[Asker]

I once drove a girl into breaking up with me because:

1) I loved her as person (still do) and I thought it would of made it easier for her to move on given it was her idea vs me doing it.

2) i admit I didn’t want to feel guilt over it. She did nothing wrong when we dated.

I regret that though. I thought we would of had mutual respect for each other after it happened. Instead she tested me like I was less than human.

[Guy13]

Sometimes... it would be nice if there was a selection on MRI that says "Relationship Erasure" so when they run one through come out "cleansed memory" !!!

[Asker]

You don’t know badly I wanted that. To forget everything. But I know it’s impossible so i have to deal with it and move on.

[Guy13]

Yep... no choice !!