Should I stop talking to my ex so much?

[Anonymous]

So my now ex keeps contacting me wanting to make things work. It's been 3 months and he's acting desperate, trying to contact me any way possible, I try not to respond so much. I broke it off with him for different reasons on his part. Like he has a lack of respect, lack of affection, doesn't make plans for the future, getting mad over little things. Bad thing is he was my fiance, I got tired of waiting around for marriage and it grew disheartening when people asked when we'd set a date and I couldn't give them an answer. He makes good money that's cool and all but he was lacking in the areas that actually matter I didn't care about his money and I just felt I deserve to be be loved better. So I broke it off and I told him about our problems but he took me for granted. He flipped the script and is acting different trying to win me back but I have a feeling he'll go back to his old ways.

[RangerBlue22]

He’s realizing he made a mistake but it’s too late now. He’s wishing for a second chance. He feels like he blew a very good opportunity (and maybe he did)

I don’t know how abruptly you came to this decision. When did you initially think of breaking up with him vs when you actually brought the axe down? Was it a few days, weeks or months? He didn’t see the early warning signs (women rarely verbalize them).

There are two sides to this. On one end if you spent a fair amount of your life someone it can be cruel to suddenly cut them out of it completely after a break up. Many people think that’s the best option and it logically makes sense but it’s actually cruel. However to keep communication requires that BOTH side know and respect where they stand. He doesn’t know or hasn’t really accepted where you stand.

So if someone doesn’t accept that the circumstances have changed and doesn’t respect that a firm decision was made then it’s time to cut them off completely. So any communication with him at this point makes him think he might have a shot a redemption. But you don’t want him back under any circumstance, right?

I would have one final conversation with him as let him know you respect him and enjoyed the time together. You can even tell him (only if you believe it) that a part of you will always care for him. However you Alain need to politely yet directly tell him (be very careful here) that things are done and he’s needs to accept boundaries. Be polite yet very firm.

If he still keeps it up after that then you have another problem on your hands. But hopefully it doesn’t come to that. Let him know you respect him but at this point any communication isn’t appropriate. If he continues after that it’s time to ghost/block him. Hopefully he gets the message loud and clear now. But give him one opportunity to hear this tactfully. He needs to hear you say it straight out.

[Asker]

I might we spent 7 years together and there hadn't been a change. I wanted to go on with my life but he wanted to stay with his dad

[RangerBlue22]

“Go on with my life”. Funny how I often hear women say that but when men say it’s not as acceptable. I wanted to say that to one of my exes but why does it seem like it’s more cruel coming from a man?

Anyway. Well you spent a lot of time with him. He’s going to be on your mind. But you made a fundamental decision in your mind long before he realized what this really was. You were more mentally prepared to be on your own. Men are often caught off guard here.

Anyway you need to make a decision on what role he will have in your life moving forward. Do want him to just “get the hint” and fade away? Do you still want to be friends (with boundaries). Would it be a relief if he was just gone for good? You need to make a solid decision on what role you want from him in the future then communicate it. If he doesn’t respect it or listen THEN shut him out. But you have to tell him where he stands and mean it.

[Asker]

Well go on with my life just means I wanna settle down, get married, live with my significant other and a possible family of my own in the future. And thanks.

[RangerBlue22]

Well if your 100% sure he’s not the man for this then tell him you really don’t feel comfortable talking anymore.

Many women think if they just blow off or ghost they are “sending a message”. Which you are but it’s really disrespectful. Instead tell him where you stand (respectfully).

I am a bit older then you and I remember women having better communication back then. Sms texting and social media has allowed people to indulge in passive fear. Women think they can just give off “signals”.

[FckY0u998]

the lack of affection is because he was/is trying to distance himself from getting hurt by you. i know in mine i was getting cheated on constantly so i tried to distance myself so i wouldn't get hurt unfortunately that tactic doesn't work it just hurts still. as for the lack of respect maybe he felt that you don't respect him. and yes he had a plan for the future every guy who's serious about a woman does. the cost of living is extremely extremely expensive christ i can't even begin to tell you how many times i thought about taking a plane out there again and just pitching a friggin tent and living in that just to be closer to her but with how dangerous that is i have to use my head instead of my heart. but majority of the time i tried seeing her i just get stood up

[Asker]

Lack of respect was from him having more money than me and me not having a job at the time. I know I said plans for the future but he never made any. He even talked about with his ex so why not me who was supposed to be his fiance. So yeah

[rosemilk]

first of all, i'm proud of you for realizing your worth. this dude was holding you back. you should definitely stop talking to him and find someone who won't take you for granted or cause you such heartache. your feelings were valid, he just started caring when it was too late and you were already gone.

[Asker]

Yes like I know I deserve better, it's crazy because he's the one that's always chasing me but doesn't act like he wanted me. He even said "any guy would be glad to have you". Well not him he was honestly blessed, he just took me for granted and I'm tired.

[Wise4myage]

Only fools act the way he is. So I say get. rid of him for good.

[Asker]

True I should I guess I just felt bad

[Wise4myage]

Theirs better things waiting for you.

[Anonymous]

Ofc you're Emma Watson
Guys should kiss ya feet because you think you deserve loved but don't give anything in return...😊

[Asker]

Did more for him than he did for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[In_Trance]

Stop talking to your ex completely. Block him

[Asker]

Yeah I should

[panamared1]

tell him what you just told us

[Asker]

I did and then some

[panamared1]

if you want to stay friends, just reply occasionally

[Asker]

I don't know I felt like he could change but he's only realizing stuff isn't so green now that I'm gone and I felt like I was being taken for granted

[panamared1]

do what is best for you