Any advice from/for the people who didn't experience that time heals all wounds?

[Anonymous]

People tell me everyday that Im pretty. Outwardly I did grow into looks over the years, . I have a lot of friends, i always get appreciative comments about my personality or vibe. I have been told twice that I have the vibe of am angel. I get asked out pretty often. I just feel like if time was supposed to heal this wound it would have by now. My ex ghosted me for another girl years ago. I gave him my virginity, I loved him so much, I trusted him and I looked at him as an amazing and special person. I want to be able to just move past it. Positive experiences make life menaningful but the scar definitly never fully healed. My ex did eventually apologize. However, the damage of trusting and loving someone and then being ghosted for another girl was so bad I feel like it's a miracle I didn't unalienable myself. Because at the time I wanted to. And I just didn't do it and life improved in every area accept for the romantic part. It's my heart stopped working after this happened.

[Anonymous]

I went through this twice in the past, and my biggest advice would be to forgive him so you can forgive yourself. Even if you feel like you have forgiven him, in a lot of ways you haven’t, otherwise he wouldn’t play such a big role in how you approach dating now. I don't know if you ever gave your grief the appropriate attention in order to heal it, but maybe now is a good time to work on it. Figure out what exact things bring you pain, for instance, it can be regret, shame, feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness due to him ghosting, anything, then start making peace with your choices and this outcome. A lot of corrective thinking comes with this healing process, like you literally have to reprogram your brain to understand that none of it was your fault, not every man is the same, you are worthy or experiencing love again, and so many other things. I’d suggest therapy as well if you haven’t done it already, but I never sought therapy because I was able to heal myself. You can do the same thing.

[Asker]

Firstly I’m sorry you also had to go through this i know how hard it it and I appreciate you taking the time to give me some of your opinion coming from someone who understands. I did try therapy recently and I was surprised that my therapist told me that I would react logically to many things despite me constantly questioning myself. And I guess what bothered me so much is that through all the positive feedback, through all the appreciation, and all the compliments and love I get (and am truly grateful for), some part of me still feels that inadequacy of being mistreated by the person I loved so much that I considered taking my life. And idc how weak it sounds I can’t pretend that it’s not what I felt at that time. I also had a lot of other things going on that many people don’t consider the average person would be dealing with so having that happen was like a breaking point for me. And so with all the good feedback, I wonder why if im a good person, an attractive person, a logical person, and I don’t often hear bad things about me even from my own therapist who is paid to give me constructive criticism would I be discarded and treated like shit by the person I loved the most. It’s defeating and feels like I can’t win. If I am a good person and can still be treated like shit it makes me feel like I have to agree with the sayings that good people tend to have it worse in life. And I tried to forgive my ex but I think what I couldn’t forgive was the fact that he exposed me to what I perceived to be a dark truth-that being a good person would not help me in life and would actually hinder me. And I get flashbacks to him in particular every time beings. “Good” person backfires on me. It’s like he became a representative in my mind for the nature of how things are. If that makes sense

[Opinion Owner]

I completely get it, I’ve been in that deep dark place, feeling so broken and lost, it’s hard to get out of that. I don't know what your personality in general is, but for better or worse I always lean towards being happy and optimistic. I decided that the past is a place of reference not residence, and that I didn’t deserve to make a home in my grief — you shouldn’t either. One thing that’s important to keep in mind is that what he did has nothing to do with you, nor was it a result of you being a good person. You could’ve been an absolute saint, best of the best, and he still would’ve done what he did because he’s selfish. It’s a long road ahead of correcting such a toxic thought process that you’ve internalized, but once you start and really commit to it, one day you’ll be able to stop associating goodness with grief.

[Vikkrram]

You know what ma'am the harsh truth is that "No one cares and life mooves on"