My and ex and I had some ups and downs and things moved kind of quickly but he was like my best friend in ways.
I broke up with him for various reasons that may me feel like if someone loved me they wouldn't have done those things and would have respected my boundaries.
He's said it numerous times before that he thinks i was the only one he's ever loved genuinely. "the love of his life". Yet we ended up so badly. I moved on to other people and was happy about it and still talked to him and wanted him around. He ended up messaging one of the guys.
He's just petty like that at times. He finally got a girlfriend he met online, she flew to visit him and now lives with him after barely knowing him. I didn't find out until I messaged this girl he chose bring back into his life and refused to get rid of in order to keep me. He's been lying to all of us. I still do wonder if the moments we shared were ever really real. If the time I broke it off and we still talked but he called once a week was to keep me around until he found someone for sure.
He tried to get his new girlfriend to fight me coincidentally after I messaged him to ask him to stop messaging guys I talk to.
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Of course, I think many of us have had those thoughts before. Over time though I learned that it does more harm than good to evaluate that aspect of the break up too much. I mean think about it, if you convince yourself that he lied and didn’t love you, what good does it do? You’ll feel depressed, maybe angry or sad, just a plethora of negative and very hurtful emotions when you’re already trying to heal from the breakup in the best way you can.
I find it better to just acknowledge that no matter what, you loved him. You put your all into that relationship, and you can walk away with your hands clean because at the end of the day you did the best you could as a girlfriend. I used to spend a lot of time grieving a long term relationship, angry that he was just able to move on and I was stuck dealing with trauma, trying to date new guys and it not working out, I felt wronged in many aspects, even some jealousy despite him being a bad boyfriend. I really dwelled on questions like yours, and in the end it did nothing but rob me of more time. Maybe it’s better if you let go of this sort of thought process, and instead understand you did your best, karma will take care of him whether you see it or not, forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on.
Thanks for the added perspective. It helps a lot. There really isn't much that I can, it just bothered me and I'm slowly getting over it and putting the thoughts to the back of my mind
It’s ok for it to bother you, that was a very hurtful situation and it’ll take time to be in a better place, so grieve when you need to and don’t feel bad about it. I think it’s helpful though when you have your weak moments (which we both know comes at random and can hit harder some times than others), replace the negative thoughts with positive reinforcements such as how far you’ve come and how much better you are now. Also, remind yourself of the very real aspects, like sure he’s with someone new but she is not getting much. If she isn’t yet then she will soon face the obstacles as you did, bc he’s still the same person not something shiny new and changed.
I have no doubt he cared about you, and probably still does.
I don't personally believe romantic love can be unconditional, and people can quickly become resentful and vindictive, but I think there's always a little something left in there once you've been with someone
You know what they say, you can't truly hate someone unless you loved them first
Maybe. Couldve been love turned hate but I don't know. Maybe somewhere deep down I know what it was but the mix of good and bad still makes me hope it was good.
He said hed never stop loving me. the recent actions say otherwise though ( spreading lies, name calling, bitterness)
Yeah, it's hard to know someone loves you when they're being so nasty to you
yeah.. appreciate the added perspective though... I'll just wait for his life to fall further into shit and will probably move on again
Lol, not a bad plan. Sure thing!