Would you divorce if you were no longer in love with your partner?
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1 y
I'm a huge believer in fate and destiny and if I'd truly felt like I've met someone for whom I've been secretly waiting this whole time, I'd divorce because if my husband was the love of my life I wouldn't even think of that. We are humans. We make wrong decisions and that's perfectly okay. But we have only this one life. People assume they'd betray their partner if they'd divorce, but they're betraying themselves every single day living in the union that has run its course.
If I fell out of love with them I would question myself as to why I fell out of love with them? If my decision was based off of my own selfishness then I would try to save that marriage over just thinking of myself , No relationship is perfect and no one else is going to save you , so I would ask myself what my partner is honestly doing to make me not love her anymore? If she is clearly being loyal and faithful to me and standing by my side then I would realize I am the one being the POS that I am only thinking of myself , for love to grow between 2 people , you both have to remove your inner selfishness for each other , it can’t always be your way or no way , understand that you can be wrong as well, understand you can’t point fingers at someone without pointing fingers at yourself first , If you are falling out of love with your partner because you are infatuated by someone else , you are clearly a selfish person. Because that other person you are infatuated with is not going to save you , they are just telling you things you want to hear to make you feel good about yourself , A guy will tell a girl everything she wants to hear so he can get her in bed , so don’t fall for that horseshit , You got married because you chose your partner to love each other until the day you die , you didn’t marry to be single , if you can’t sacrifice for your partner they will not be able to sacrifice for you and you will never experience true love , because you are choosing selfishness , So ask yourself are you being selfish? When you learn how to remove selfishness for your partner they will learn to remove it for you , if not then let them go , we can’t force someone to love us but we can love them the same way we want to be loved , understand choosing someone else over your partner is a selfish decision , the only way you should divorce in a marriage is if your partner is cheating on you or beating you physically , But if you are arguing and having a bunch of disagreements you fix it and understand you can’t always be right
Honestly I would have to be in a body bag before that happens.
But in an alternate reality... bad sex. Let me paint you a picture: hetero-relations.
You have no idea when she is in the "mood" because she doesn't tell you and every occasion leaves you feeling like a rapist. When you talk about it, she refuses to tell you because she's uncomfortable with telling you when she's in "the mood". But on the best occasions, you get to do your favorite position. Then afterwards you just lie next to each other in awkward silence. No cuddling and no deep-conversations.
Oh and how do you find out if she's in the mood. you kiss her neck and see if she yells at you or not. Yeah no making-out or petting.
But like I said the only way I'm leaving is in a body bag.
I would divorce my husband if he’s a cheater or abusive person (can be in any way not just physically).
Me not possibly loving my nonexistent husband anymore would have to take a lot apart from the initial reasons I would divorce him. That means if I sense any hint of disrespect in our relationship and not the little stuff (which I can’t give an explain for) but the huge stuff like swearing at me during an argument or being bossy or trying to control my life, believing he’s ahead of me, etc
Other stuff could be worked out like if he sucks at communication. Though I would have never married him in the first place if he wasn’t able to communicate with me first or loving or be affectionate or wasn’t loyal, honest, etc.
I overthink a lot so if I marry someone, it’s for a damn good reason and those reasons means success in the future. Any indication I get that won’t progress us in the future is a red flag for me. And once I’m done with someone, I’m 100% done
I should also add that my love for someone also depends on how they treat me. I’m a pretty logical person so I’m a big believer of actions speak louder than words. And if I get a sense that my partner doesn’t respect me (even if he says he loves me), I would believe he doesn’t love me because respect and love goes hand and hand to me.
How can someone love you yet doesn’t see you as a person? And by person I am looking at worse case scenario where a man is sexist and is with a woman (which happens most times in society believe it or not). The core of sexist men do not respect women at all. They see women as lower than them, as servants, babymaking machines, as someone who shouldn’t have an equal say based on anything especially their lives. How can someone like that truly love a woman? I just don’t see it
The infatuation phase is a temporarily stage base on intense attraction and lusting. It makes you only see the good, perfect parts of a relationship. That's not realistic.
If that's the only reason you got married, then you make a joke out of it. Commitment isn't to be joked about. I think the only reason a divorce is justified is for either abuse or infidelity. If they cheat on you, they already gave up on the marriage long ago and made a joke out of it. If they abuse you, then they don't care about you nor your safety and there is no trust there.
No I would not a relationship are an ebb and flow and the commitment is what is important to me. It is unrealistic to think that lust is going to last continuously without some bumps and in-out of love times.
I wouldn't now. I'd work desperately 100% hard to fix it. I could see situations, though, where that might be a course of action. Abuse, rape, illegal activities, etc. There are times when it's the right answer. I don't have a perfect matrix of when it is right and when it isn't but there are times when it's right. Thankfully in my case that's not on the horizon.
If the relationship was making me actively miserable and my spouse simply refused to do anything about the situation.
I believe in holding out as long as you can, but if you have a spouse that doesn't want to cooperate on really big stuff; that's a serious problem.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
The only reason I would divorce my wife is if she cheated or did something unforgivably despicable. Otherwise, I would stay with her for life, because that's what I committed to do when I married her.
QA, you are a great example of why divorce rates are so high today, and women initiate 80% of divorces. Despite the common perception, infidelity is not the reason behind most divorces. The number 1 reason divorces happen is lack of commitment, and you're a great example of that. Women like you are destroying the institution of marriage.
Marriage means "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death". If you don't mean it, don't say it, and DON'T get married.
0
3 Reply
Asker
1 y
Why you think of it as something set in stone? Is it the cultural conditioning? What you say is a nice a idea. However, it's not realistic. I see so many failed marriages where people are miserable it's insane. The whole idea behind a marriage is a stupidity in the first place. Why do you need a paper to confirm your "oh so special love"?
No I would try to work on falling back in love. I view love more as a choice tho and not a feeling. Sometimes love hard and difficult and sometimes it amazing bit every day I want to choose him. I also take the better or for worse and the death do us part very seriously.
I think the point of "love" loses its validity over time. If love isn't existent something different existed in this relationship before but not love. Of course there are points of no return like lack of respect, violence or cheating but divorce because of that doesn't even need deeper discussion, you just are doing it.
I have always considered arranged marriages as business deals. With things like dowry and other things, things turn for the worst. As we are humans after all.
So the matter of love does not come here at all, as far as I believe.
If not the arrange itself, the divorce procedure involving the court and lawyers convert it into a business deal in the end.
You don't always get a choice , sometimes you did not instigate the action , I'd argue most just give up too easily , for me ( many years ago ) I just received a solicitors letter , there was no saving to be done , extremely glad now of course.
I divorced my first and only wife when she started "not in the mood" shit.. sex was like once a week and a chore for her.. then once a month.. Good thing I had a good pre nup that was upheld in appellate court, I got custody of my 3 daughters because she had zero savings and zero job prospects. I raised my daughters on my own. My wife turned to meth, probably ended up on cops tv.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Not necessarily. Love can be reignited if both make the effort. I'd leave if she made it clear she had no interest or intention to make an effort.
Making any relationship work is hard work sometimes. If she won't try to do her share, why would I stay?
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