Is it true that once a woman is done with you, she's not coming back?

[LukeSkyler]

I deeply regret getting too comfortable in our 5 year-old relationship, taking her for granted, exceeding her timeline and not fixing my bad habit of doing things at the last minute. She left me for those reasons.

By the time I snapped out of it and realized what I had done and lost, I tried repairing it. My last attempt was offering her life commitment, an expensive blue sapphire ring, her favorite (I remembered on a conversation long ago she once said that's how she wanted to be surprised one day). It didn't work. She still declined it. This might sound crazy but now it's like tables have turned. I'm crazy over her, wanting what she wanted and she's no longer interested. She didn't look happy at all. She looked hurt and upset, said I should've done that during our relationship, not after she left and now it's too late.

So she's not coming back right? If a woman is done with you, that's it and we can't do anything to change her mind?

[IAmAzzurra]

If she is really done with it, I. E not trying to send you covert messages or get your attention, then yes, she isn’t coming back.

That saying that women will do anything she can to make her relationship work, and that she will leave emotionally long before she physically walks away is true. She will look for any reason to stay, she will gaslight herself into giving you a million chances.
She won’t walk away until there is nothing left. Not just for her, but in terms of what she can invest.
If she tried and tried and got very little back to the point where she can’t take it anymore, there is no going back.

Even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t let herself.

[LukeSkyler]

But I did proposed and she declined, still walked away. I was ready to give her the life she wanted. I still have the ring though, haven't returned it yet. I keep hoping that if I try harder and she sees the changes I'm making, she'll come back one day and say yes to me.

[IAmAzzurra]

She declined because long before she left, she gave up on seeing a future with you, & in the end stopped wanting it.
When you weren’t looking, she started to carve out a whole new future for herself.
She is worn out where you are concerned. There is nothing left and it sounds like she just wants to move on, or has moved on.

You didn’t say when the two of you ended, but your best bet is to leave her alone completely. Trying harder won’t do anything.
Let her see how she feels about life without you there. It will do you a favour too. Holding on to what has been and gone isn’t helping. If you want her in her life, she has to see the best of you from here. Not the old you.
It might be that the two of you could have a friendship in time, and then take it from there.
…. or you might decide in a couple of months that you weren’t right for each other, but you know what to do in your next big relationship.
Either way you both need space to reflect on what you really want.

I’ve been in a relationship where I gave absolutely everything to it. I adored him, and he pretty much ignored me for the majority of the time & it broke me. He has been to see me a couple of times since then, and when we see each other around se get along really well. we laugh a lot now, but I never intentionally have anything to do with him because he will always be the person who made four years of my life miserable.

You could try to offer her a friendship to begin with, but the two of you would have to start over completely …. and you would still have to mentally prepare for a possible “no” from her.

Either way, you both need space for now.

[JonesT10Apr]

true... damn true @IAmAzzurra

[DubiousIntentions]

Well, you know what they say. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. And a woman washes her hair. Do you take the dirty water and pour it back? Same thing with men. Once they are out of your hair they are done, kaput, finis!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/qr3wH4u4xus

[LukeSkyler]

This might sound pointless but I haven't returned the ring yet. I still have it in case she comes back. I want to believe there is a chance she'll one day say yes to me. I'm going to work on myself and be a better version, the man she always wanted.

[DubiousIntentions]

You don't really think anyone is going to wait that long with someone who has lots of repairs to make, do you? Once they move on there is usually no coming back. I say "usually" because there is always a chance.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah... if a woman gets fed up with you, you might as well just call it quits. It's basically over if she's not the one begging you to stay... it is like a bad sign. Once they're done, they're really done.

And a lot of the time they have the new man arlready lined up. So don't take it like it was all just you and her.

[LukeSkyler]

I feel so guilty making her wait too much. If I would've asked her the question 2 years ago (within her timeline), she would've said yes in an instant instead of no.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Could've, Would've, Should've isn't going to get you anywhere at this point though and it's best to figure out how to just best move forward. And what if you did 2 years ago... whatever the issue was this time around probably would still happen, and you'd not only be looking and losing what you'll lose now, but half your shit as well.

I'm saying you probably dodged a bullet and you just don't realize it yet. The pain of the breakup is probably blinding you to little stuff like that. I don't want you thinking I'm a calloused dickhead either... studies have shown that a breakup or even finding out a partner cheated starts the grieving process just like someone that has died that was close to you. The five stages of grief can be summarized as:
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.

You can figure out what stage you're in and just sort of help yourself get through it without doing something wacky like those dudes that leave messages on her phone begging her to just give you a chance (which is the bargaining phase).

One of the best shots you have of her coming back to you on her hands and knees is to actually get over it and start having the time of your life. You might not feel like you're having the time of your life, but fake it. But to be real, she's not even going to notice if she's 'monkey branched' to some other dude already. If she gets played by that dude, if there is one, that's when she'll facebook/instagram stalk you to find that stuff out. All that aside, just pretending you're having the time of your life and finally free... that could be therapeutic for you to just move on. My friend was on the rocks when he broke up and he was just fine after I bought him a couple hookers. You might not have access to hookers, but a new girl will perk you right up and get you back into the game.

Hope something I've said helps you on your path, and I wish you the best of luck.

[LukeSkyler]

I'm at the depression stage now. I have yet to accept that I've lost her forever. There are several stories of people that break up, get back together, their relationship got stronger and got married. I would like to think there is a chance she might give me that last chance.

I like drawing as a hobby sometimes, rarely ever into clubs (not my thing) and I'm actually more of an introvert. I have few, selected friends and the least I want to do now is dating and party, not in the mood.

[OlderAndWiser]

ALL WOMEN ARE NOT ALIKE! Stop looking for simple answers and formulas that lump all women together.

Under these circumstances, some women would give it another try and some would not. Sounds like this one has left the building.

[LukeSkyler]

I guess I can't do nothing at this point. I've tried everything, including proposing. I feel bad making her wait too much. If I had just consider her and do it within her timeline she would've said yes at the time.
All I can do is hope she'll come back and I get the chance to ask her again and it being a yes. I didn't want to lose her.

[Anonymous]

No. That's a bunch of bs backed by no logic. I didn't read your paragraph but if you're relationship is ending it's because neither of you know what you're doing. If you did it wouldn't be ending. Figure it out then get back in the game. She is going to continue to fuck up. Let her go. Plenty more just like her. You will continue to fuck up too unless you sit down and figure out the game.

[LukeSkyler]

I still got the ring though; it's there any time she returns. I wish she would just come back and we can have the life she wanted. I can't stand someone else walking down the aisle with her. I want to be that man, the one she wanted. I wish she could give me this last chance. I'm ready for her now.

[Gwenda2023]

My ex did the same to me. He would promise the world then couldn’t commit so we would break up - then he would promise me something and the cycle continued. Eventually I had enough. That’s when he claimed to have bought me a ring. By then I was done and didn’t believe him. I was over it. Wasting a woman’s time is a big no-no.
You want her more because now she’s unavailable. Human nature. Like the other comments say - try to move on and just learn from your mistakes.

[LukeSkyler]

yeah I was a total inconsiderate jerk. I never told her my issue wasn't the marriage itself (I was never against marriage) but my own doubts about fatherhood. I didn't know if I would do a good job in raising a child or if I would fail in some areas. I doubted my abilities as a father. That's the only thing that was holding me back from proposing earlier when I still had her. Whenever I have a certain fear, I tend to overanalyze it and think too much, then continue staying on my comfort zone.

I did wanted back in my life. I took my day off work (never missed work for anyone before), went after her at the airport, tried to stop her from taking that plane and proposed. It was sincere; I did mean it all. I didn't care about my fear of fatherhood nor comfort zone by then. She declined and got on the plane.

I would die to get that one last chance to make things all right again, her say yes to me and we can have the wedding at whatever date she wants.

[LukeSkyler]

I regret it deeply every single moment. I would've loved to turn back time and commit to her earlier. I would if I had that chance to. I still have the ring though. I'm there whenever she wants to come back.

[Anonymous]

ugh let her go! you ruined it by dragging her along. FOR YEARS. why would you do that? next time, don't waste people's time. sorry to be so blunt but you got what you deserved and she's smart and won't come back.

[LukeSkyler]

It wasn't the marriage itself I was having issues with. It was the part about parenthood afterwards. I know nothing about what's it like being raised by a father. I barely remembered my father because I was only 4 when he died of cancer. I didn't know if I would do a good job in raising kids or if I was lacking in some areas. I pretty much doubted my own parenting abilities. I never shared this with her though, felt it was too embarrassing.

[LukeSkyler]

but yeah I regret making her wait too much and not speaking to her about the issue. We could've likely worked on it and we would've gotten her proposal earlier.

[LukeSkyler]

I still haven't returned the ring though. I still have it.

[abc3643]

Yep. I feel bad for you. You have to move on. I know that sounds trite, but it's true. I've been feeling it for 30+ years.

[LukeSkyler]

yeah I poured my heart out, admitted my mistakes, promised to be a better man and proposed but it was not enough. I haven't returned the ring though. I'm keeping it. In my mind, I imagine trying very hard, her seeing the changes I'm making and that maybe on my 2rd, 3rd, etc (whatever it takes), proposal she'll one day say yes to me.

[abc3643]

Give it up. Don't make the same mistakes I made 30 years ago this month. Your heart will be ripped out again.

She's not all that perfect; there are plenty of other available women and God makes more of them every day.

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, but they stay the same age."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ABo4_Lhqpc

[Gent207-2]

Move on

Memorialize your loss and accept the new reality that she I'd bo longer part of your life

[LukeSkyler]

I know but it's hard. I didn't want to lose her. I wish I could go back in time to 2021 and ask her the question. She would've said yes at the time. I'm too late and it sucks.

[Gent207-2]

@LukeSkyler
You can't and the more time you spend on wishing and dwelling the less time and energy you will have to find the next best thing

[Anemone978]

Just make sure if she has any men lined up scare them away and she will be so down she will come back to you. Do not let her find a new man lol

[LukeSkyler]

It makes me jealous to think of her walking down the aisle with another man in the future. I can be that man she always wanted if she just gave me this last chance. She declined my proposal. But I keep hoping the harder I try (I don't want to give up yet) and prove I'm making progress on myself, she'll say yes to me one day even if it takes proposing several different times.

[IAmAzzurra]

I have an ex who does this. It just makes me think less of him.

It won’t work.

[Anemone978]

To be honest, I think you should move on I know it is hard and sad but if she left, she left...
I am sorry it took her to leave to realize you needed her and to change but that is life, it isn't always fair. At least you will be better understanding for your next relationship.

[LukeSkyler]

Now I know how she felt at the time when I wouldn't give her commitment, exceeded her timeline and kept making her wait. I understand her hurt at the time. She felt hurt, not good enough, her needs being ignored, insecure, unloved. When she turned down my proposal, I went home and got drunk alone. I like drinking that much but that's the one single time I drank to the point of getting sick and puking the next day.

Honestly if she were to tell me to wait another year or so, then propose again and she'll say yes I wouldn't mind. I would gladly wait for her until she told me yes. This is just a fantasy though. I'll likely not happened and I lost her for good.

[IAmAzzurra]

The kindest thing you can do for her is to leave her alone.

That girl will not have enjoyed saying No to you. Nobody likes hurting a person they care about.

The more you try with her, the worse she’s going to feel about it.
Let her move on and decide what she wants She has suffered enough.

[worldscolide]

Its true of a lot of women, but not most or all women. but a lot of them. they will move from guy, to guy, and bleed him dry, kind of like a locust.

[LukeSkyler]

She was the one and I lost her. I still have the ring. I haven't returned it yet. This might sound crazy but I want to think there is some hope she'll come back.

[petitedollbabee]

Mostly true, yes. Sounds like she’s done trying with you.

[LukeSkyler]

and here I am, madly in love. I don't mind waiting for her if she needs time to think about it nor proposing again if she tells me to.
I can't stand the idea of her having kids with someone else. She's going to start over with someone new when she can just came back; I'm ready for her now at any moment. I still have the ring. My gate is open for me.

[petitedollbabee]

You treat her badly and take her for granted while in the relationship, and once she’s exhausted herself and given you everything that she can, she leaves. And then after the breakup, suddenly you are a “changed man” and are ready to treat her the way she deserves. But by this point, she’s already grown to resent you, you’ve deeply hurt her.

Too little too late my friend. You should’ve treated her well while you still had her. Let her move on and find someone who will treat her well in the relationship, instead of after the relationship.

[LukeSkyler]

I deeply regret it every moment. People can change for the better though. I will treat her better, become a better person, honor her if she gave me this last chance.

[petitedollbabee]

Let’s say she gives you another chance after some time: Great! But if she doesn’t, let her go! Don’t be that obsessive ex that can’t let go. If you love her, let her live a good life with someone else if she doesn’t want you back.

[Anonymous]

Don't be simp let her go if she wants to go there are many girls waiting for you..

Don't chase your old toys.

[LukeSkyler]

I'm not in the mood for dates. I'm depressed.

[In_Trance]

Unless she's on GAG.

Nobody in here knows how to break up. Fkn retarded.
Live and learn.

[Christoff92]

Most likely so. Yes.

[TrillXHippy]

Yeah