Will you get back to someone you don't trust because you still love them?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend who i loved a lot, broke up with me got back to me after a year and half; when he got back i asked him to prove to me that i can trust him again and to give me time to think, only to find out that he cheated again and was secretly meeting his ex. I still tried to give him another chance but I was suffering with trust issues a lot so he couldn't take it and left me again. He disappeared for 2 and half years then came back to me sending a message, but i didn't reply because I was already in a relationship at that time; I later knew that he told our common friends that when he texted me he wanted to tell me that he is serious this time and wants to get married to me. From time to time i feel sad/guilty for not replying to him as i forever lost him after that. I still miss him and have feelings for him years later but i am married now. I always tell myself that he was young and stupid. Do you believe I should feel guilty? And would you get back to someone like him who broke your trust more than once?

[lightbulb27]

no.

why you love him after all that and still... is what you need to examine. Maybe you saw that modeled as a child... cheating, leaving, etc.. so it feels like love. Time to explore that so it can be cured.

Sometimes people are drawn to what is essentially bad for them, because it's what is familiar or aligns with their childhood wounds. So find and heal those wounds so that energy is released, so you can appreciate and value your husband... in spite of his flaws and limitations.

[Asker]

I do come from a very broken toxic parents; thank you for your opinion. Maybe i am just only infatuated by him.. because he was my very first love, we were young and i reallg liked how he looked and his persona.. we never did anything together or had sex, and maybe that's why I kinda always wonder how would it be. He loved me at some point too and I can't let go of that feeling that he loved, even though with evidence he did do bad things and cheated and left me. He tried to come back years later and i had already met my now husband, so I had to shut him down.. and maybe because i was the one who got married and closed our chances makes it harder for me to move on.. you know what i mean?

[lightbulb27]

Bingo. You're "love" modeled as a child is what you seek... as that is what is familiar... in your sub conscious mind. The way out of this is to heal your inner child so "rise to a new level" emotionally so you don't need that broken love.
The risk in your life not doing that is a repeat... patterns repeat until broken. It may be you got lucky with current decent husband, but clearly your inner self is seeking out what is not good for you.
Very normal human... nothing odd... just you are being aware of your "inner voice" and need to heal it. Various ways to work on it... nothing is easy.
I have a process written down if there's a way to send you a pic. In short... you find the offending memories, speak truth into them, recognize the truth, release their power, re-frame what is the truth. Love heals, Gods love is best... pure love in concept.
Hopefully this other guy isn't coming around. What you communicate to husand is your call but in my view, being open and honest is a relief valve, especially if he understands and cares for you and not threatened. Bottling up such stuff... leads to more problems.
you should be ok as you are aware of and willing to work on yourself.

[lightbulb27]

Bingo! I wrote another clarifying response which got zapped.. grrrr. You're a normal human, it's good you recognize and reach for support and understanding rather than satisfy the urge. What you do is heal the wounds (emotional energy) controlling you. That is not love... it's messed up "love" from the eyes of a child.

In summary, that can happen... id suspect because the love aligns well to your sub conscious view of love. When you heal your inner child of the early life wounds, you'll move on and not want anything to do with that pain. I don't think it's first... if hurt like that, you'd probably run.
A brief process to heal is to find the memories that support the feelings, speak truth to them... for a childs view is limited but adult can see clearly, forgive and put love in to heal and release it's power, repeat. "God's love" pure love is what heals.
I have a pic showing the process which I can send or write down if you want.
There's various ways to heal trainings/traumas, that's one.
what you share with husband is your choice. In my view, being open (maybe filtering the message) is better because containing and holding secrets makes them more powerful. It's emotional energy.

[kylee2437]

Do not settle for men that use time as an apology. Time going by doesn’t justify the hurt that was done

[Spongebobssocks]

Nah leave him for good. Find a real man. No cheater is worth the toxic stuff

[Spongebobssocks]

Thank you for MHO

[Pinay_ako]

For them to hurt me twice? No.

[EmmaMary]

No, absolutely not.