Ex wife wants me back, should I give it a chance?

[Anonymous]

Been married for four years, I lost my job two years in and became a drunk, so she divorced me.

Now I quit drinking, got my life back together and made myself a career, and she says I should always been like that and that we can hang out sometimes?

NOTE she didn't take or want anything from me in the divorce because I had nothing back then

Updates

+1 y

I don't hate her or anything and I think she was right in divorcing me, but now there's already a girl I like much more and I don't think I could have a serious relationship with ex wife. She could be a friend or a friend with benefits but not a serious relationship.

[ManOnFire]

Absolutely not. So I'm not saying you were all perfect either, you lost your job and fell into alcohol, that does happen to some people. It's not great, but it does happen. But at least you pulled your life together and are a lot better. And only now does she want to be a part of your life again. She didn't stick with you through the bad times, which is a test of real loyalty. She let you go. You are not obligated to take her back. And should not.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

From a Biblical standpoint you should go back because she is your wife before the eyes of God.

[Asker]

Aight but she initiated the divorce and now I'm dating a woman that appreciates me more

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

The new chick isn't your wife. You can forgive your wife but you need to go back to your family.

Your wife is the closest family member you have.

[Asker]

I'm tempted to go back to her but I think what if it's a trap or she's not sincere
Plus we married with civil rite so God is not involved and I'm not Christian

[Anonymous]

Well go for it just be her sexy toy until it gets serious let her use a strap on let her trust you more give into her wants!

[Opinion Owner]

This is why we don't want to trust you again

friends with benefits she is your ex not a girl who wants to just be friends in college.

[Asker]

Yeah but after a divorce it wouldn't be a good thing to get back together
I mean it makes no sense
If not a friend with benefits she can be a normal friend and just that

[DextroShade]

If that's what you want you should go for it as it sounds like she had a legitimate reason to divorce you.

[Anonymous]

So when times got rough she left you. She is a woman with no sense of committment. Not worth your time.

[Bostonbutterfly]

Why would anyone stay with a drunk person? Losing your job and trying to reapply and different from losing your job and drinking, wasting your life on alcohol.

[Opinion Owner]

@Bostonbutterfly Thank you so much for chiming in here. You've done a much better job than I could have of making my point for me.

She made this commitment when she married him: "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.""

He had a rough patch and got over it DESPITE her breaking her vows and divorceing him as soon as things got rough, and now she wants him back. She doesn't deserve him because she has clearly demonstrated that she is a fair weather wife, and the weather is not always going to be fair in a marriage. That's not how marriage works.

This is a great example of why half of marriages end in divorce, and women file 80% of them. Today's women literally have zero sense of commitment and they file divorce as soon as the road gets a little bumpy.

If you don't mean it when you you make your wedding vows, then DON'T FUCKING GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Women like you are destroying the institution of marriage.

[Bostonbutterfly]

By logic, he already gave up on the marriage by continuing to get drunk and not get helped; likely even ignoring the marriage too, being absent, etc. What if the wife did initially try to help out with his drunkness, tried to get him to a rehab center but he refused to and continue wasting it all on alcohol till he became an alcoholic. That alone destroys lives.

[Bostonbutterfly]

Not everyone that has a rough patch drowns in alcohol.

[Asker]

@Bostonbutterfly that's true but I don't see why I should try again now that I'm doing good and seeing another woman. Ex wife could be a friend of friend with benefits but not a serious relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

@Bostonbutterfly He had a problem and she gave up on him, obviously prematurely given that he turned his life around WITHOUT her support.

She is a typical modern woman and an example of why the institution of marriage is going down the toilet.

[Opinion Owner]

@Bostonbutterfly If you don't take the vows seriously, then DON'T MAKE THEM.

[Bostonbutterfly]

Well if she gave up on him easily without trying at first (attempting many times to take him to rehab center before considering it a lost cause) that's something else.
I had an alcoholic in the family (dad's older female cousin) and in the end, it was their children that were affected the most. So it's not just going through a rough patch but can cause lifetime damages to those around them too, esp kids. Therefore, alcoholism is indeed something serious.

[Opinion Owner]

@Bostonbutterfly I never argued that alcoholism isn't serious. It's an illness, just like cancer. And and a victim of it can recover, with support from the one persn in the world who loves them unconditionally, or at least should. What I said is she gave up on him instead of loving him and helping him, which is what marriage is supposed to be about. It used to be, but thanks to modern women it's not so much anymore.

I'll share a little more info to make my point, and this informations is readlly available if you care to check. If you look at the divorce rates among henerosexual, gay and lesbian couples, the lowest rate is among gay male couples, the highest rate, by far, is among lesbian couples, and the rate among heterosexual couples is somewhere in between. In other words, the more women involved in a marrige, the higher the divorce rate. The correlation is very clear. Women are teh common denominator in the high rate of divorce we see today.

This is an issue with today's women and we need to start calling them out for it rather than giving them a pass. The future of marriage depends on it. Denying is worse than useless. If women care about saving the institution of marriage, they need to own the issue and try to fix it.

[In_Trance]

Nope