Did I do the right thing by leaving him at a vulnerable time?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been so distant for months. I know his mental health is heavily affected by the issues in his life and I sympathize with him. I want to be there for him but his behavior is the reason I have started to become the way I am. Keep in mind that for months (not weeks…MONTHS) he has been skipping the little things that we used to do like saying good morning or good night, he doesn’t take me out anymore, we argue all the time about his behavior and he says that my needs are too demanding yet when I get upset he asks for a second chance or promises to change. He has yet to directly say that he doesn’t love me anymore but he ONLY says “ I love you” after I say it first now. He doesn’t initiate it anymore. He also acts irritated by everything I do. When I tried in the past to break it off he blamed me for being too selfish and focusing only on myself even though he was dealing with a lot from money problems to death. Yes I wanted to be there but at some point I started to accept that he didn’t love me he just wasn’t admitting it. Today I texted him and said I was done because he hadn’t texted me that day after being distant for so long and I was over it. He responded that his friend had just got shot. I apologized and asked him if he needed anything and trying to be there for him. After I got off work he called me and I missed his call because my phone was silent. By the time I seen it and texted back all he said was “Nevermind.” Then nothing. No update, nothing. I resisted wanting to break it off but I just felt like everytime I tried to talk something bad would happen and he would blame it on the circumstances. I tried to be there for him but he is never there for me and he ignores me all day. I finally called him over and over until he answered and demanded we talk. I told him that for a long time he said he loved me but he didn’t act like it. I told him to admit that he didn’t and he said “if that’s what you think then you can believe that.”

Updates

9 mo

I understand this all sounds pretty harsh but 2 days ago he promised to change after having a bad temper and yelling at me and threatening to kick me out of his car on the highway. We had sex that night and I didn’t hear from him at all for almost 2 days afterwards. That’s why I was mad that he hadn’t texted. I know that bad things are actually happening that his problems aren’t excuses. But this relationship is suffering badly all I wanted Was to hear him admit he lost interest so I can move on

[Alli39]

Look you're both in a really terrible situation but I do think you more or less did the right thing. He's clearly not in an emotional space to appreciate you and treat you with respect and kindness because I doubt he's evening giving that much to himself some days. So does it suck for him so deal with "one more thing" when he's already going through a lot? Yes. But clearly you've tried and this had been a long-term issue. You're not bailing at the first issue but after what sounds like months of problems that he's not in a place to address if he were to acknowledge them. So yes, you did the right thing because your job is to take care of yourself. You did what you could for him, but you should be sacrificing your mental health and happiness to make up for what he lacks.

If it helps they maybe think about it this way. Someday, when he's doing a bit better he might be able to think more clearly on why you left when and why you did and will realize that his actions were hurting you. If he really cares about you, then I like to think that at that point he will come to appreciate your choice, because part of loving someone means wanting what's best for them, even if it's not exactly what you yourself want. If he truly cares, he'll come to understand and respect what happened, and if not, then you left a relationship that had started to fall apart anyway.

At the end fo the day, it's not about "what this right?" but "did you really have another choice?" Because from my perspective, you didn't.

I both can't imagine and know exactly what you're going though. Sometimes, it's time to walk away, even from someone we love. And gods does it hurt to do. But I wish you all the best and hope you both find happiness, even if it's not together.

[ventustalks]

You probably did your best as his girlfriend but not all problems could be solved by you in his life. Don't worry about it. You gotta put yourself first if you are feeling unloved in the relationship.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You did the right thing. He needs to focus on his mental health now, not a relationship. He's not in a place to be in a healthy relationship now. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting some distance. Doesn't mean you can't get back together or even support him but he has to do the work on himself.

[Dkc123]

I can't read all this
. but it seems like u feel guilty and now seeking validation..

That tells something!

[spartan55]

Why does he have to admit anything? Just dump the guy and be done with it.