How to help my brother who was cheated on?

[Anonymous]

My younger brother ( 26 yo) was in the relationship for 8 years with the girl and yesterday night he found her in bed with her ex-boyfriend.

Long story short - my brother when he met his girlfriend dumped everything what he was passionate about ( he used to train swimming), dumped his friends ( as they didn't like the girl) and we also got more far in our relation as a brother-sister but of course he didnot have to come to me anymore for support as he had her of course. She used to be emotionally unstable at times - for example once they visited my parents and she got upset with something and throw my mother's plants to trash, she used to deal with anxiety and he used to take care of her, put a lot of energy, money and heart into this relationship.

He doesn't really show outside how he feels and that we are not that close anymore I found out I dont know how I could support him. I do not want him now to be hurt and go fuck girls around or do stupid things. I was there and done that. I would like to show him there is other ways to heal.

moreover we live in different places, countries.

To add - I am just on my healing journey so do not feel entitled to give any advices. I am more into spiritual healing and I believe everyone should make that decision by their own so I would be grateful if you would have any advices how could I support him, to not do something what could hurt him more in the future or maybe guys needs this time to heal?

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your brother. Not blaming him for not seeing the red flags, but what you described are all indications that she wasn’t right in her head. But love blinds us to people’s faults. I had gone through something similar when I was 19. We had been together for 4 years, during high school. She cheated on me, got pregnant by some dude who left her then tried to come back. At the time I was devastated because I thought she was the one. Being Native American there’s a lot of tradition there, especially marrying w in your own tribe which made a lot of people happy. So it really sucked. Just let him know you’re there if he wants to talk. Sure he’s going to be down about it for a while but it will pass. He just has to process it. Maybe having his friends around would help. But if he doesn’t want to talk just let him be. Check on him once in awhile. To a man the way we process things is way different than how women process it. We don’t go talking to our male friends about most things like this. If he’s a manly man he will be quiet for a while till he figures out what to do. That’s what most men do, especially in relationships when something is going on. He will keep to himself, processing whatever issue is at hand till he works it out. That is what a lot of us have instilled in us. He will come out better for this as ironic as it sounds. Usually what makes the best version of ourselves is all the hurt and pain we go through.

[Summeroflove]

Being there and comforting someone can help a lot. Plus is you have any single friends you could try setting him up with someone new.

[Summeroflove]

Also. I think if you call him and talk to him maybe he will want your help with healing and spirituality.

[_Maya_]

The only thing you can really do is be there for him and be supportive. However that looks like I don't really know because I don't know you brother and how he deals with stuff. I did see where you wrote that he doesn't really show his feelings much. He may just want to be left alone. Everyone processes this sorta thing differently. You know your own brother way more than we do and probably know what is the best way to show your support. That might just be letting him have time to himself to reflect on a shitty situation. I do feel bad for him though. That sucks and cheaters are the worst.

[Paris13]

Just be There for Him and Encourage Him to Heal with Family and Friends. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks to Gag. xxoo

[Celticwolf78]

When your friends don't like the girl that should tell you something but if your stubborn it's your own fault

[Anonymous]

Therapy might be a good idea.

[In_Trance]

You can't