How do you break up with someone who has the we can fix it mindset?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years. I have tried to break up with him numerous times, but it never seems to work. I care for him as a human but not relationship wise. I don't want a next person but I do feel bad just stringing him along because he's not an inconvenience in my life right about now. I don't see a future with him.

[Anonymous]

There shouldn’t have to be an inconvenience or another tipping point. You see and feel the relationship is over, so end it. Don’t need his permission or agreement, you end things then put the breakup into motion. The only thing holding you back is your own personal qualms, like not wanting to hurt him or feeling bad. Sadly that part just comes with the territory, there’s no easy way to rip this bandaid off.

[Asker]

He just won't leave. I believe he has an obsession with me. He goes into this serious downward spiral. Missing work, constant crying and alcohol abuse and my stupid heart just say keep him around after all he's not affecting the way of life.

[Opinion Owner]

I assume you're young.

Listen, you HAVE to put boundaries on your relationships…with friends and boyfriends.

You ARE NOT responsible for any actions other than your own. You CAN NOT love someone into changing.

He is basically holding you hostage with his threats. If you truly believe he is suicidal then please call 911 and get him the help he needs but More than likely, he's not going to kill himself.

He's using this as a weapon to keep you close to him.

Why should you stay simply because he's throwing a tantrum and holding his breath like a 3 year old?

He has serious underlying issues that YOU can't solve. Only HE can help himself. It sounds like you are in a seriously unhealthy codependent relationship and I promise you that a a good relationship will NEVER be based on threats or guilt.

You need to walk away from this.

You can try to be his friend, but that will just prolong the manipulative tactics he's using on you.

This is not love…this is control.

[Opinion Owner]

I misread, I thought you said he threatened his life. But in any case I’d still have the same advice