Have you ever realized you were the problem and felt regret?

[kitsachie]

Dating in my 20s has been an absolute nightmare, I've matured greatly as a person and I'm aware of the mistakes I've made and the faults I've possessed/still working on. My question is have you ever realized you were the one causing issues or you were the cause of the breakup and do you feel any sort of regret for your actions?

Yes

No

I am perfect, I don't make mistakes

I've never been in a relationship

[_Maya_]

Well don't take the dating advice from the person that doesn't date would be a start. Would you take advice on how to do your taxes from a homeless person? No I don't think you would. To answer your question though we all make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it for one. You are human. So am I. All we can really do is learn from our experiences and try and be a better version of ourselves. I can see you are down about dating. Don't let the past cloud what could be your future. Take what experiences you have and put what you have learned into your next relationship. Even if you were the cause of a breakup don't think that you will be again. You might meet the perfect girl... for you.

[kitsachie]

I'm mostly just disillusioned because all my attempts at dating have been the same result ever since my last serious relationship that ended about three years ago. I feel like I matured very quickly as a person but I'm regrettably very attracted to immature women. I recently met someone who I thought was my soulmate and I ignored red flags up until I realized she is a very emotionally immature person and could not accept fault (we had a falling out over her being rude to me and refusing to apologize). I really want to know from girls especially, have they realized what they've done wrong. My whole world view has been turned upside down ever since my ex abruptly left me, with no explanation. I found out through a friend she was seeing one of her male friends, but that breakup ruined me financially and emotionally (she was using me for her move across country and the moment we moved together she split with me).

[_Maya_]

Yikes. That is horrible. First don't let one stupid and selfish girl ruin your dating life. She will get what is coming to her one day. She used you. She will use others as well. That is going to catch up to her at some point. As far as moving forward my best recommendation is when you meet girls and decide to go on dates make sure it is with someone that has it together. That isn't going to be a foolproof plan but it is a start. Date girls that have a job and are supporting themselves. Does that guarantee they are mature? No but the likeliness that they are mature is much higher. I mean a girl that has a good career job. Be selective. You owe that to yourself. Good girls are selective too. Do the same thing and you have a good chance at finding someone that isn't going to use and abuse you.

[kitsachie]

I really appreciate your responses. I'm bummed out this girl I've been talking to isn't going to work out but it made me realize I really need to stop falling for the same type of girl. I get bored with stable people because I'm used to my life being chaotic and then it just cycles back into I get hurt and I check out from people and make broad assumptions. A good career driven girl sounds so boring to me 😔 but it's what I need and deserve.

[_Maya_]

Career women don't have to be boring. I am not at my career yet. I am working on a masters degree. You will just have to take my word for it but I am anything but boring.

[kitsachie]

What are you going to school for if you don't mind me asking? I never went to college because I hate the way college works in America, but I've always loved learning. I worked my way up through blue collar jobs and I've currently got a nice management position with a company, I never thought I'd be at this point.

[_Maya_]

First off good for you! That's awesome that you put in the work and were rewarded for it. The fact that you earned everything you have is an attractive trait in a person. As for me I went to school for my undergrad for psychology. My grad degree is in criminology. My hope and goal is to be a forensic psychologist.

[SueShe]

I don't date, never have and don't plan to do and therefore I don't have the feeling that I will ever be that problem.

However, people tend to put the faults for a failed relationship onto the other party because they don't want to realize that it takes 2 to get together but also 2 to separate. It is never just the fault of one of the parties but both have their share in this mishap.

I believe that the most common reason nowadays why people separate is because of lack of compatibility. The one or the other starts cheating but nobody is really interested in knowing why the cheating has occurred in the first place. I believe that sex/pornography is the main catalyst for a separation. It is sad to realize that sex/pornography takes the precedence over anything else in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I realize now I wasn't aggressive in my youth, and that cost me relationships. I didn't get the memo. I always assumed that if a woman was attracted to me, she'd say something. But young women don't do that (at least in my generation). The women of today are much more aggressive and kind of a mixed bag. But at this age if she's a decent woman she's already married. So yes, I realize the mistakes I made but it doesn't really do anything for me now as now it is too late to do anything about it.

[Flatmanlewis]

I don’t know if I can say I was “the problem” but I think it took a few years to mature and settle into some more positive behaviors. I certainly did contribute to the problems I had in some previous relationships and had to learn to change my ways of thinking on some things. I think the key for me was to be open to growth and to getting to a headspace where I was open to learning what I was doing poorly.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I had a toxic first relationship where I was treated badly and cheated on as a teenager. It definitely left some scars to do with trust issues and jealously issues.

My second partner didn't really address them, but my boyfriend now made me aware that my jealous behaviour was an issue, as I was communicating angrily and rudely, and wasn't treating him right.

I've done a lot of work on myself in the past 3 years, including self help books and trying therapy. I'm a much better communicator now and can control my feelings a lot better. We are happily together still.

[ZamerZ]

Well, let's put it this way: I made a huge maturity development in my twenties as well and was quite content with the confident person I became after an eternity of dealing with a lot of difficulties. So, overcoming them was a big deal. After meeting my last ex, who caused the majority of issues in the relationship, I lost a big amount of my progress and turned into someone I don't want to be. In the end, we kind of enabled each other to derail the relationship. I couldn't deal with this and decided that it was best to end things before there would be more regrets and resentment from my side. I know that I could have handled things much better, but I also understand why I said and did the things I did in that situation. All I can do is do better. Since then, I gained a big amount of my progress back and hope that I won't fall back into those patterns again.

[Anonymous]

I never been in a relationship thank God.

In my 20’s I was an obese creature. Thankfully.

Now at 25-26. I think a relationship sometImes sounds ideal. And for companionship.

But I also don’t like the idea of cheaters and someone undesirable/ ugly / gross next to me in bed. EW. I refuse. Cheaters: Ew 🤢. Ugly: Ew 🤢

I rather die alone with my cats / dogs that sounds better. Unless I get into a poly relationship with Hot Alpha Male. And I can have another Chad on the side. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That would work for me. Otherwise NO!

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! 🤢🤢🤢🤢

I rather just serve in the military, get Soldier dick for as long as I live.

[FreyaRed]

Yes, I was to benevolent and too lenient. Thought cooperation and equality is the key to happy relationship, but I was wrong. Someone needs to be the hard leading hand in a relationship, he was weak and couldn't reject his parasitic nature. I rejected reality and wanted the daydream of love that overcomes all obstacles, despite deep inside I knew it's against human nature. But i hoped I'm wrong.

[DarkCarousel]

Yes— my first serious relationship. I was already in a low place with self-worth and I didn’t always believe that he loved me or could be faithful to me. He worked hard to show me and it was still misunderstood. After we ended things and I went through some healing, I realized that I caused some hurt for him.
If I could go back in time, I’d have done some things differently to be softer for him.
But he’s in a great place and has a wonderful relationship and beautiful children.

[SAMI_DABBAB]

All I have to do is read the chats, I notice myself missing obvious hints and signs of things, a lot would have been different if I was more careful but no regrets, I grew through it

[Anonymous]

I think I have the problem of thinking I was the problem but maybe I really wasn't.

[kitsachie]

I struggle with that too. I can't tell when I'm being shitty in the moment. I blame myself for a lot of things but I've come to realize that sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn't work.

[MissBoogus]

I’ve been causing problems that I feel bad about but I think the relationship is ok

[virtue2332]

The way I see it is I'm always the problem because I have a choice to be there or not

[Nikki1989]

What @_Maya_ said basically.

[_Maya_]

Hi Nikki! Have a great weekend!

[Jmmmfi4]

OH IM ABSOLUTELY THE PROBLEM AND WHY IM SINGLE

[Iron_Man]

No I didn’t feel I’m a problem

[strateguy632]

..3rd

[Joker_]

never