Am I a bad wife for reminiscing on memories with an ex boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I have been married for almost 2 years and I love my husband so much but we haven’t been without our struggles. Years ago I had a boyfriend who things just didn’t workout with. In fact he’s the only guy from my past that didn’t hurt me. I saw on Facebook that he got his girlfriend pregnant and it twinged my heart a little bit thinking that I almost married him and that could have been me. It stings even more since my husband and I are having fertility problems. I can’t help but feel a little jealous but I also feel so guilty for reminiscing on the past. Does it make me a bad wife? Am I cheating on my husband?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's definitely a tricky situation, sis. On the one hand, it's normal to feel nostalgic or jealous sometimes when seeing an ex move on. But reminiscing too much about what could have been with him probably isn't fair to your hubby.

I don't think looking back means you love your husband any less. But you gotta be careful not to compare him or the past to your present reality too much. That can damage your relationship over time if he picks up on it.

Maybe pour your heart out to a close girlfriend instead of dwelling solo. And be extra loving with your man - do special things to strengthen your bond. Show HIM he's your priority now.

As for the fertility struggles, I'm sure that's really hard. But try focusing on each other getting through it together as a team instead of what-ifs. Counseling could help work through those feelings too if it persists.

At the end of the day, your ex is in your past for a reason. Cherish what you HAVE, sis. Wishing you both the very best.

[exitseven]

Everyone has a past and sometimes you just cannot help but think about it. A week does not go by when I don;t drive by someplace that I went to with an ex girlfriend. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Anonymous]

you have your own husband. why be jealous of someone else when you already have that? besides the fertility problems (so sorry about that, i know that's rough), you have more than others, no need to overthink of the "what ifs" because that's just not your reality. maybe you shouldn't have gotten married yet? it doesn't seem like you healed from the previous relationship. i really feel like you should tell your husband you are struggling with your past and feeling jealous of others. talking it out helps a ton.

[Gent207-2]

No you are not a bad wife

Now does self-serving to memories of the ex you lost your vCard to and almost proposed to, even after she cheated on you multiple times, does that make me a bad husband just because my breastfeeding wife doesn't have a sex drive anymore?

Yes that makes me an absolute asshole.

But I'm still working on it

[bededazzle]

no. that’s not cheating. but for the sake of your marriage, it’s probably something you want to process

[Asker]

Should I tell my husband?

[bededazzle]

well, if it would make you feel better. but i don’t think you really did anything. you just had a memory and some emotions stirred up. you can’t really control that. you didn’t do anything wrong

[sawno]

These things happen but ultimately your still loyal. I do suggest moving past it though if you can, better for you.

[jahaims]

You are looking for the side with the greener grass because it is easy and convenient. Take care of your own lawn instead of wasting times on what ifs. You aren't truly in love with your husband if you are having those thoughts.

[riverrat3]

We all enjoy memories, you are not bad