Why do men cheat if they love their partner?

Question

I've never been cheated on (I hope lol)

but recently I've been watching Cheaters and Jeremy Kyle Show

& there's a lot of men who cheat yet they say they love their wife/girlfriend. I don't get it

anyone care to help me understand?...

(obviously women cheat too)

normalice · Accepted Answer

For men, sex and love are completely independent of each other. From what I can tell, in women the exact opposite is the case. As such, I can see why this can present a mystery to women. Please understand that I am not trying to defend cheaters - I am only explaining them:

For millions of years, the instinct in men is to have sex with as many women as possible. That instinct does not subside just because a man is in love with a woman who is in love with him. I would equate it to the portrayal of vampires in recent film. Yes, animal blood works, but the thirst for human blood is always going to be present. Monogamy can work as a substitute, as long as the sex is satisfactory in both frequency and quality, but it is not what men's instincts are actually driving them to obtain.

That is key: if the sex is satisfactory, it can work. That doesn't necessarily mean that it will work. It will dampen the volume of "the inner call", but it will still be constantly playing in their mind. If the sex is not satisfactory, that 'volume reduction' doesn't happen and the risk is, of course, much greater - but this doesn't mean that the man loves the woman any less. Remember, sex and love are completely independent concepts to men. Men can have sex with someone they completely despise - men can have sex with a tree, if the mechanics allowed it! On the other hand, men can never have sex with someone they love completely. However, they do need sex.

If they are in a relationship but the sex is insufficient, they will not be able to feel love for the woman until their sexual needs are satisfied: or, more accurately, their need for sex will greatly out-stimulate their love for the woman: it's sort of like being expected to feel a pin-prick on your hand while being submerged in lava. However, if the man simply goes out and cheats, satisfying those needs, they can once again feel love. This is why when a man gets away with cheating it can appear to strengthen the relationship. Of course, when he doesn't get away with it, it can completely wreck the relationship - but it doesn't always for women who understand this. I've even heard stories of women who arrange mistresses for their husbands. The challenge is, because the women do not have that divide between sex and love, the women the man cheats with are prone to expect relationships, even though the man has no love for them whatsoever, because he already loves someone else.

When a woman cheats, however, the reaction is a little different. First, for men sex is very important, and being considered 'good' at sex is also important - because it instinctively increases their chances of having a lot of partners. If their woman is out seeking sex from other people, that means that the man is inadequate. He will not want any part of her anymore. Second, on a more selfish level, some men feel that a relationship is 'payment' for the sex. If the women goes out and gives sex away freely to another man, that isn't fair.

Belgie · Accepted Answer

As a girl on GAG realized very recently, "cheating" happens often with no reason what so ever. And is far more complicated than many moralistic high-horse riding naifs seem to think.

In a nutshell though,the act of cheating is completely divorced from how they feel about their partner. Now, that is a problem in and of itself. But when sex with someone else literally has nothing to do with how you feel about your partner, then it's relatively easy to cheat on them while still loving them.

The real question shouldn't be why they cheat. It should be what has managed to cause such a gulf of separation between sex and their relationship. And how can they close that gap, so that sex is intimately associated with their relationship.

LaLa19Inu7 · Accepted Answer

Did you know that studies show that women actually cheat more than men...but they are better liars...so you don't find out about women cheating as much. haha.  Women are better at lying and persuasion apparently. I don't really need to comment on why men cheat even if they love their partner...normalice already did a pretty awesome job at that. haha. But I do have one thing to say...if you love someone...you shouldn't cheat...it's simple. If you can't keep your "junk" from being everywhere then you should be in an open relationship or be a bi/polygamist (where all parties involved are okay with this arrangement). There is no justification for cheating...whether you get caught or not...it's just not right or fair. And having bad sex in a relationship is not a good enough reason to cheat...either you break up with the person and find someone with better chemistry...someone to have better sex with...orrrr you work at better sex with your partner and practice a bunch and learn how to have better sex...or you focus more on the other parts of the relationship...and hopefully those parts are so awesome and wonderful that they outweigh the bad sex..lol.  I'm sorry...cheating is never okay. It just isn't.  Even if you are having loveless sex when you cheat...it's still bad. Betraying someone's trust is never alright...especially when you know very well what you are doing...and knowing you'll hurt someone..and then you do it anyway. It's just not okay. It's not.

lacesout · Accepted Answer

Men are never satisfied with what they have. Not just men but people in general.

The last words my ex said was, "I love you more then you could ever understand so much that I have to end this." In a way he was right. He cheated, I didn't know. In order for me not to get hurt was to end the relationship before he kept on cheating.

There is one more thing in my mind. If someone says they love you then there should be no reason for them to cheat.

Honestly it probably not love but only lust. Lust comes and goes and makes it easier to cheat.

Rabia · Accepted Answer

I really don't get it too, if I love someone I wouldn't cheat - I just couldn't do it .

So it's obvious for me that if someone cheat - he doens't love . So I think this men who say it just lie or don't want lose their wife/girlfriend so they say so - but how can they truly love them? I'm not able to understand

Bowesy · Answer

It's because they're idiots. Plain and simple. Stupid people who think they are something special and care little for others.

Some do it to score points against their partner, some do it cause they think they can get away with it.

Some do it because they "discover" they don't actually love their partner and pull a "coup d'etat" over their partner in a word, by getting with another person but build the relationship to the point their new partner will defend them and they are secure or have a child on the way or already born which they could use to say they have "an obligation" to the new partner.

It's something built on lies, supported by lies and ultimately crumbles under the truth.

Either sex can do this and frankly those that do are scum and plain morons. Respect, truth and loyalty are the key things in a relationship that is going to become a family perhaps in future.

Anonymous · Answer

if women didn't reject the guys that actually care about them in the first place these things wouldn't happen but women are repulsed by men that actually care about them, and love the men that have eyes for a multitude of women, that only act as if they care just to hold a relationship. guys that play the game.

but that guys that actually have a deeper love for a woman are seldom ever given the chance to see it through. whether the woman is afraid, or just seeks a challenge, its seeking the unknown, that challenge, that frequently comes back to bite her in the end. the second women know they have a man, for whatever reason they lose interest. so they must deal with the consequences of being with a player.

it can be avoided. women just fail to acknowledge that fact because they want drama and excitement in their lives.

Red_Arrow · Answer

Any man who really loves a woman will not want to hurt her. And cheating on a woman (when she finds out) will hurt most women. So the man (who really loves her) will not cheat on her.

As for what they say, realize that I can say that I can change lead to gold. Are you going to believe me just because I said it? No, people can lie.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't get it either. How can a person go down the road of cheating and not have the self control to stop themselves from actually doing it? I question the love thing too.

Also, Cheaters hires people to do their show. The people on there are actors. I've never heard the other show, so I couldn't say what they do.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Women cheat just as much as men... just saying.

And I don't know why ANYONE (women or man) cheats in general. Just f***ing weak.

And those shows are stupid, they are just about ratings. Most of the time the people they get are just acting.

Anonymous · Answer

If they claim to love their partner and cheat then they're just lying about it.

calialltheway1993 · Answer

Love their partner? BS.

gtex1991 · Answer

you assuming their even in love

Anonymous · Answer

Because they don't love them to begin with

Why do men cheat if they love their partner?

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