Ex girlfriend emotional immaturity, inexperienced? girls advice?

[Anonymous]

We were together for 2 months knew each other much longer. I really cared about this relationship but she did things that confused the hell out of me and I wanted to see what you guys think.

-Avoided conflict impulsively wouldn't look me in the eye if we were talking about serious things, led to issues never getting resolved.

-Wouldn't makeout or get intimate when sober and when we did she seemed inexperienced and unsure, wasn't an attraction thing heard from a very close friend of hers that she liked me more than any guy in a long long time.

-Her most recent relationships I've heard of haven't lasted more than 3 months.

-Wouldn't communicate about problems that stressed her outside and inside of the relationship, despite me telling her no pressure but I'd be there for her to talk.

-Commitment phobe from what I've heard

-Nothin but guy friends.

And let me say I'm a very confident guy but this relationship did some damage to my self esteem. I felt trapped because I would try to talk about problems but she would just close off into her shell. Problems aside she's a great personable girl so it killed me that these issues ruined our relationship. The worst part is I do genuinely believe she was trying too.

AND the break up confused me too, I got distant for a few days and she ended up crying and we broke up a week later Because she completely pulled back and gave me some crazy reason that made no sense and wanted to be friends, despite me trying to talk to her and fix the issue. She wanted to be friends directly after break up and kept contact initating everything and even showed up at events she knew I'd be at. Heard she'd been asking if I'd been hooking up with other girls too..got pretty mad when I told her we couldn't be friends right now too. I'm mindf***ed

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend is exactly like that, he blames his inexperience. I feel exactly that-trapped. were still together but I don't know for how much longer.

When I was in my first 'serious' relationship I was so shy I was 'scared' of looking him in the eye and to be honest no issue were brought up because I didn't really let him get that close to me. the rest of her actions you describe like nothing but 'guy friends' suggests that she's more of a 'guy-girl' in the emotional front because guy friends are good fun fooling around but nothing beats a friend whos a girl who you can talk about serious, 'girl' issues-but that type of relationship tends to be more difficult to maintain purely because you have to commit to the friendship more than with a guy.

I think that this girl clearly still thinks about you and cares about you and you probably know that too. But your correct in that either she's immature and inexperienced or this is just how she is and you have to work around it? If you want to make it work you both need to be on the same page at least i.e. appreciate you have communication issues, she accepts the issues you have and hers yours but in the end prepared to make the relationship work.

At the end of the day the balls in your court. She's contacting you because she likes you being in her life but due to the way she is she'll never upright tell you this unless via a drunk text or what. If she won't change don't go back to her. I don't know how you left the relationship but from someone still in it, its not worth it.

[Asker]

ya..seems like she's playing games now, which I don't appreciate. She randomly texted a few days after I sent a little miss you hope all is well text and then showed up to my basketball game, just small talk there, then texted me later that night see ya around like she's cutting off communication..i'm lost with her haha

[Asker]

and she brought up how she got into a car accident and wasn't gonna showup but couldn't miss th game. like she was trying to get some sort of rise out of me..? then seemed mad when she didn't

[justme20]

maybe she isn't an emotional person and prefers to not discuss emotions. I am the same way and I'm not emotional. Its not easy for someone to open up and maybe that is her fear that if she does then she will be hurt in the end. You both were only dating for 2 months so its still very new. I have been with my guy for over a year and I still am not open emotionally. Either give her time and see what happens or find another girl. Good luck to you

[Asker]

that's another thing I've thought about, I think her being so vulnerable when I got distant freaked her out..and being uncomfortable she pushed away, but still wanted me as a friend because she wasn't ready to give up on things

[justme20]

it seems likely. try talking to her and ask her why she wouldn't open up to you. Hopefully then you will have your answer

[Asker]

ya..and we've been keeping contact, I've been completely civil and she's showed up to my basketball games and things are always a little awkward. Last night was our last one and we were texting after and she went hot and cold then said see ya around and called me her pet name. I being a guy took it at face value, but was she testing my reaction? she;s been tryingto keep contact last month, but is almost giving up now..i have no desire to get friend zoned tho..someone always gets hurt that way

[mickhammer]

Sounds like you were ready for more committment but she wasn't. Check back with her in about 3-5 years when her "clock is ticking" and it's time for her to have children and you won't be able to beat her off of you. You are just at two different places in your lives right now... good luck and move past this and just find another. If she doesn't want you then go find one that does. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

[Asker]

that's kind of what I'm thinking man..can't help her before she helps herself, but I agree this is a girl I could see myself with down line.

[HighSchoolBoy]

This is almost exactly like what just happened to me.

[Anonymous]

You can't sit around waiting for her to grow up.