I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend.

The fact that he's absolutely gorgeous contributes to it but he's just so popular, caring, good with kids, motivated, ambitious and just perfect in every way. He also has an amazing body because he's a kick boxing instructor and he goes to the gym, which makes me feel insecure about my body. He always reassures me that he loves my body and doesn't like super skinny girls. I'm a healthy weight but since dislocating my knee in kick boxing, I can't exercise as much as I normally would which makes me feel podgy and out of shape.

I felt like this with my ex but it kind of died down because he showed his true, ugly colors. But it's like a whole lot stronger with this guy. He treats me like a queen and although I've been treated like sh*t by my ex's in the past, I just feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like he should be with a super model or something. I told him yesterday that I didn't think he'd ever like me back and he always says 'I don't like you, I love you'. But he seems really confused about how I thought he wouldn't like me back. I'm not an entirely insecure person either so it's weird.

We have a great relationship, we have the same interests and we're like twins in every sense. After a couple weeks of going out, we were already saying the exact same words at the same time.

He seems very much in love with me which I'm thrilled about but I always blush and go all shy or giggle when he compliments me or just kisses me like I'm being complimented or kissed by a celebrity crush! It makes me feel immature and inexperienced which is not a nice feeling seeing as I'm older than him!

How can I stop feeling like I'm not good enough?! I don't like thinking so negatively; I'm usually pretty positive so this feeling will eventually tear me down if I continue thinking it!

Please don't comment with 'leave him'. You really think I'd leave such a perfect guy?! xD
Another thing which doesn't help is the fact that he found me attractive but didn't initially like me as anything more. He said when we hung out, he didn't see me as anything more than a student/friend but I wanted something more at that time. It took a good couple months before he started seeing me as more than a friend. :/

Also, he told me that girls always chase him and that he's only ever chased one girl. I chased him, he didn't chase me so it makes me feel like I love him more than he loves me even though he'd probably dispute that.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Babe, he's in love with you for a reason. Take a look in the mirror BUT instead of putting yourself down, I want you to stand there and say everything you LIKE about yourself and cool things you've done. NO NEGATIVITY.

    I've been through this, too. I've been sexually assaulted and have been in three mentally abusive relationships in my short 21 years of life.

    My current boyfriend is completely amazing and I have no idea how I found someone so perfect. But I did and he loves me. I had to get over my own feelings that I wasn't good enough, which I did, by taking in the reasons why he says he loves me and loves about me and expanding upon that to reasons why I love myself.

    I would write lists, talk to myself while looking in the mirror and DO things for myself that felt good (like manicures and self facials! <-- go to Lush and get a mask. It's like gold. I feel so refreshed afterwards). I also have an injured knee, so take up sports like swimming which is low impact or cycling on a stationary bike (if you want workouts, just message me).

    Just remember he's with you and he loves you for who you are. Screw your ex-boyfriend. And don't even think about him ever again. He was a f***ing douche bag who needs a good ass kicking. No one ever deserves to be treated like sh*t and like they are not good enough. He was obviously not the right person for you and this current boyfriend who treats you like a queen is.

    Just got to learn how to love yourself! :)


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What Guys Said 6

  • Same happened with my ex girlfriend , we were as you said , like twins , I was doing everything for her like she was a queen , she also giggled when I complimented her and ever time I kiss her

    we were in each-others mind , when she was going to finish a sentence and couldn't I did and the same for me , pretty much the same as you , she also though she wasn't good for me and always saying , you could find a very pretty girl better than me , more sexy etc... I said , "like you? hahaha are you kidding me? the god made only one angel for me , and it's only you , I could never replace you"

    she was always insecure and tried to show that she wasn't jealous but I knew she was , I tried my best not to make her jealous but girls are always around me at school at gym , at English classes

    even on the way home , I was being jealous too but only certain times she did not have problem with it , but she was always thinking that way I will find another girl like you , that she does not deserve me and that I might find another girl and leave her hurted

    But in the end she dumped me , with no reason , maybe I wasn't enough for her , just try not to do the same thing and hurt your guy , he seems like me and she loves you , if you dump him he is going to be hurted very very very very very much. For this I am certain

    • That's sad to hear. I don't intend on leaving him that's for sure! I won't let my insecurities stop the relationship. Things seem to be feeling better though. I'm starting to get more accustomed to his company and we act like best friends, which makes me feel more comfortable in a way. I am starting to realize that he loves me and only me and I should be happy about it and accept it. I'm coming to terms with it all now. :)

    • Happy to hear that =)

  • You said in your own question you don't like to think negatively and its obvious you don't want to pursue this line of thinking. He has already reaffirmed you are good enough, so a bunch of random guys on the internet are not going to affirm you any more than he has.

    So I am going to leave you with a more cryptic, but relevant answer:

    Sometimes the brightness in others reveals our own darkness.

    • Do you mean that his goodness will show me something bad in myself? :S

  • first .. no body is perfect .. and I don't think that being handsome promotes that you should date a super model .. we obviously see hot girls with less than average guys so looks actually are just a bonus the important thing is that you feel yourself attracted to the other person .. if you won't be able to get through it in your inner game .. reward him for treating you like a queen by doing nice things to him that he will like and appreciate !

    • I know no-ones perfect but he's pretty close to it! I always tell him how he treats me so well and that makes him happy because he knows I was treated badly in the past. I always treat my boyfriends well. :)

  • It's not that you feel he won't like you back, it's that you feel like you're not good enough. By changing the message of what you're actually trying to say, by saying "you won't like me back", you include him in your insecurities, and it's natural that he would sound confused. Tell him that you feel this way because your ex's didn't treat you well. Then he will understand.

    You feel negative because it's the first time that you found someone who really cares about you and doesn't disrespect you, and because you're used to your ex's being like that, it's hard for you to accept that you have finally found someone that really cares about you for who you are.

    Also, love grows, so don't let the fact that he didn't initially love you bother you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What matters is that he loves you now. Also, even though you chased him, does not mean he doesn't love you.

    What you need is trust. You can only trust him and yourself by being exposed to his caring, and over time, you'll feel better about yourself. You need him to constantly reassure you, and slowly, it will work. Stay strong, and good luck.

  • It's easy. Let HIM decide if you're good enough for him. Just enjoy your time with him and be happy. Worrying like you are will only push him away. If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't be with you. Even if you don't believe it - just don't say anything. Eventually, you'll learn to forget about it.

  • May be People are not commenting much on your thread because they wanna tell you that you shouldn't be feeling this way .

    What your feeling is completely illogical. Really, and most likely due to how your ex treated you . What you need is therapy . Stop saying stuff to your boyfriend and enjoy year life with him. Let it go... but seek therapy while you are doing this.

    Your boyfriend is with you because he gets all he wants from you . You fullfil him. WHy question that ?


What Girls Said 1

  • Dont let the past ruin your present.

    If he thinks you are not good enough for him, he would of not dated you.

    But he loves you, he thinks you're perfect in his eyes.

    Stop thinking about all those negative thoughts.

    Just enjoy the moments you are with him and thank god he put him in your life.


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