So I have just recently started getting back out into the dating world after a year break from my sort-of relationship ended. Now I've never been one to be good at dating, I was always sh
y at school and held myself back because of that, however after leaving school four years ago I have learnt to love myself and grow my confidence. So it's hard to believe that after 2 dates with a truly nice guy, who I genuinely like I found myself questioning myself, was I good enough for him? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Did he like me?
It was constant questions that were swirling around in my head, I began to doubt myself for the first time in a long time and it scared me so being me I did some research on guys and dating! It had been nearly three years since I had really dated a guy and I was like a fish in open water. Well riffiling through google and a whole load of crappy girly magazine blogs I felt disgraced to be a girl. So I'm here to give some dating advice of my own.
First of all I really wanted to address the whole "texting" rules when it comes to dating and relationships as I really believe what these sites are feeding us are a lot of bull. Now when you get to my age which is your early 20's your life, believe it or not becomes very busy. I work Monday - Friday as well as attend a part time university, as well as trying to juggle my friendships, family and now dating its very hard to keep up with texting someone 24/7. So when I saw that on a magazine like cosmo or some stupid shit like that, that if a guy doesn't text you constantly, guess what? .... he's just not that into you. At first I panicked, I'm not going to lie the little voice in my head was screaming 'he doesn't like me' then I sat back and thought about my actions. Did I contact him all the time? - No. Did I respond to his messages as soon as they came through? - No. Was i interested in him? - Yes. So why was I expecting a guy to do these things?
I think us girls need to understand that in this day and age people are busy, we do not need to be in constant contact with someone for them to like us. A little space creates mystery, suspense and shows that you are not needy. So these are my tips for texting while dating.
1) Firstly you must remember just because he hasn't messaged you back after an hour, two or even three that he isn't interested.
Believe it or not he maybe busy, working, playing football or heck maybe he's engrossed in a tv series and isn't up too having a full blown conversation with you at that moment in time. So when he messages you, if your busy - stay BUSY! Don't just drop everything to respond, make him wait and let him know you have your own life and that he isn't the centre of your world. For example if a message comes in from the guy I like and my phones in my hand and I'm not doing much then yes I will reply (I'm not saying make him wait on purpose, don't be the girl to play games). However on the other hand, when he messages me and I'm busy like now for example; He sent a message about 10 minutes ago while I was writing this, but I have not replied yet because guess what? I'm busy. So whenever your worrying about a guys response don't freak out thinking, Oh my god he doesn't like me, he's lost interest, how do I get him to message me back? Which brings me to number 2.
2) I beg you please do not double text for attention!
Now there is a few exceptions to this concept, if your talking and your forgot to mention someting and then add it in afterwards, that is perfectly acceptable. Double texting because he hasn't replied to your message in a timely manner or at all. I want you to imagine this scenario: your doing something you love, be it shopping, dancing, getting ready, now at this moment in time you do not have your phone in your hand or heck maybe it even died or had no signal. Now when you go to look at it you have 50 thousand fucking texts from a guy you liked .... well thought you liked. That go something like this: Where are you? Why aren't you answering me? Do you even like me? Oh my god your just going to ignore me? Your such a bitch and screw you. Now how many girls can hold there hands up to doing this? Because I know I can. Now can you understand a guys confusing and discomfort after recieving these from coming back from doing something he loves? He's all happy then BAM a smack in the face. Girls just don't do it, control yourself and hold back, he will get to you when he has a moment and if he doesn't then he's not worth it. (Please bare in mind if your last text was nothing for him to reply too, he gets a free pass)
3) Now I want to talk about conversation starters over text because girls everywhere are doing it all wrong!
Now how many of you would simply start a conversation starter which simply states "Hey how are you? How's work been today?" Now why this is sweet and caring, guess what? About nearly every girl is using this line which in fact now becomes very boring and repetitive. Try to start a conversation by saying something funny, bring a inside joke up or heck in this day and age a funny picture that reminded you of him. It will capture his interest sooooo much more and it'll make him think, hey this girl is actually alright. Because guess what you made him laugh and smile, you came across as confident and different and it won't go unmissed. Here's an example of a message I sent the guy I liked the other day "Oi old man how was your day? You feeling better today or want me to go ahead and order your coffin now?" Now this text was personal, funny and still asked the questions for him to reply too. It also shows your confident to show your true personality and guess what girls if he doesn't like what he sees nows the time for him to walk.
4) Girls do compliment your guys, make him feel appreciated and value him as a person.
He isn't there to make you feel better about yourself, because if that is the case then you need to learn to love yourself first. Now that doesn't mean he can't compliment you and make you feel good about yourself, just dont expect it or his validation. You are your own person and no matter how much you like him don't loose yourself trying to be someone your not. I'm a very straight forward person so when I like something he does - i tell him. If I like what I see, guess what? I tell him. I compliment him because they are genuine and he also needs to know you like what you see and like what he does.
5) Let him have his space.
It's as simple as that, guys pull away and sometimes it has nothing to do with you, he could be tired, stressed or just be plain busy. Instead of constantly nagging him for a conversation give him break, end the conversation and tell him you will speak to him later. Trust me he will love you for it. Go and have a break from yourself, enjoy some down time and leave him to deal with his own feelings. The more you chase him when he needs space will push him further away. There was one thing I read that I agreed with which was that when guys first start talking to a girl he will at some point pull away when he knows you like him, this is because he's scared - scared to loose his freedom, so of course when you don't give him that space and freedom his worst fears are confirmed. Cool it girls and learn to be independent! You don't need his constant contact to live.
6) Last but not least enjoy it!
Don't overthink it as hard as it might be, just act as if your casual friends and be yourself! Don't be afraid to ask him out or talk to him first! Have you ever realised that your guy friends you friendzoned always end up liking you, but the guys you actually do .... well just dont? That's because your not thinking about if he likes you back, your not seeking his approval, over thinking his texts and trying to decipher his messages - your being your confident self.
So girls I hope this helps! And guys I would love to know your opinion if you feel this is true. P.s if a guy blows you off on every occasion, is rude, disrespectful or ever makes you feel any less then he is, get your sexy ass up and walk out that door and leave. He is not worth your time, energy or effort! Oh and do not ever chase a man more then he chases you, I believe it should be equalled out.
Have a great day and remeber stay calm.