Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)

Maxemeister
Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)

Prepare to be knocked on your arse by how incredibly amazing and dumbfounding this myTake will be. Doesn't it tell you a lot about what I have to do on Saturday night when I choose to write an essay instead of play video games?

The Sooper Dooper Step-By-Step Guide that will One Hundo get you them girls right over there

1. Pick a fine and dandy opening

Everyone knows that all women are gifted upon birth with the "Eternal Book on Recognizing Which Men Are Alpha Enough for You." Yes, it's a long title, but it was necessary for the evolution of the human race. But guess what, guys? I have gotten my hands on that very book and I'm going to tell you some hot and spicy openings to a conversation that are sure to win you the day:

1. *whisper into her ear* "I don't have AIDS"

2. "Well, where I come from, no means yes."

3. "Are you a parking ticket cuz u have fine written all over you baby."

4. "Are your parents autistic cuz they made one special girl!"

5. "Do you want good sex tonight?" "Nope." "Good, come with me!"

And if you say any of these things to a girl she will automatically want your babies.

Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)

2. Corner Her

In some rare cases, these incredible opening lines will not be enough for the insatiable woman you are hunting- I mean asking out to hear. So, in case she tries to make her escape, you have to have a plan in order to make her stay. Since I would never dare recommend brute force, I would say one of these three things:

1. "Wait I have candy"

2. "Don't make me call 911"

3. "I know where you live."

And if you exercise any of these statements you should be good to go!

3. Grand Finale

After you've almost assuredly gotten in her pants, you're going to have to make your big finish happen. I would usually go for the helicopter escape, but since you're probably operating on a limited budget, I would suggest having an alpha AF Honda Civic at the ready for the Great Escape.

Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)

You might question some of this stuff's legitimacy, but fear not. I have a PhD in woman science from the University of google. And if you are not attracted to the women folk, I can indeed write a separate guide for women folk on how to get your man. Or woman. Except you just read this. So yeah. Women and gay men will indeed agree in the comments, this foolproof plan is your one-way ticket into winning over the girl of your dreams!

Step-By-Step Guide Guaranteed to Get Guys Laid (Not So Seriously)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JudgmentDay
    67.media.tumblr.com/.../...c1fYyo1r04g55o1_400.gif

    media.giphy.com/media/Nf2PbfpGWSeKQ/giphy.gif

    Well done. This was absolutely hilarious when I first read all those pickup lines. And then it had me totally cracking up in the Grand Finale. Even if Guys or myself didn't get laid going by what you had wrote in this take, it is still worth reading some REAL FUCKING GOOD LAUGHS!!! LOL

    This take just reminded me of the type of content I usually find and read in a MADtv magazine for some reason.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Nuala
    Oh my god, they did it. They finally did it! A guy cracked the secret to ALL women! I thought they'd never get it.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Better luck next life! Good game, but the males have won! Only took us a couple hundred thousands years! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH

    • mikemx55

      @Georgetta This should have a different title:
      "Dating agencies hate him: find out why"
      "He tried theses simple steps, and you won't believe what happened!"

    • @mikemx55 I was gonna fucking do that but I got the wording wrong so I deleted it lmao

      SHould I do one for women folk?

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

818
  • Prncz_Priyz
    If a guy said that I would probably just walk away coz this is honestly shitty to me... or maybe he would get a slap or a kick in the balls if he didn't leave my way... but that's just me...
    • Ahh yes good thing assault isn't illegal here in the US lol

    • i would do that if the guy didn't stop trying when i made it crystal clear that no means no

    • Yup yup knee in the balls good luck m8

  • Ferretman21
    You forgot '' This rag smells like chloroform.. .. wanna smell?''
    • Lol I've used that one too many times to seem original

      "Baby I think I'm DNA helicase cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes"
      "You're like my pinky toe cuz I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in this house"
      "Let's test our combined displaced water volume on my water bed"
      "Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van"

  • Doffydood
    • Confirmed by the doofydood, confirmed by Jeb Bush, confirmed by myself, I've got all the confirms m8

    • Doffydood

      That's all you need tbh. Three confirms and you're golden.

    • baby I've got 7

    • Show All
  • LadyTerror
  • Rawrzz
    This, sir, this is up to the standards of GAG MyTakes, certainly. That was fucking hilarious. xD "Wait; I have candy."
    • And with these self-proven strategies you will win the girl of your dreams guaranteed!

  • PlainJane86
    Haha, Howard's is great. I forget, is that an actual line from the show?
    You need to make one for a woman to get a man xD
    • Nope, some guy put it on his face xD

      I made up the AIDS one lol

  • helloitsmethere
    • Should I write one for the lonely women folk, too?

  • redeyemindtricks
    Did you pick a car with the steering wheel on the wrong side on purpose? 😂😂
    • Baby a honda civic will give u all that u need, including a wrong wheel xD I'm sorry

    • Oh hahah I thought you actually did that on purpose, to emphasize the less-than-serious nature of the take lol

    • Lol I did just notice that, I was going for a more retarded mytake than I ever thought possible. And don't worry I'm writing a sequel for the lady folk

  • Browneye57
    A sense of humor is good. Your opening lines suck. The rest is irrelevant.
    You've way over-simplified the process. ;)
  • OrdinaryGentleman
    Well said, cornering really helps, the more you corner them the less they feel they need to run off. If they try you can just correct them with duct tape. It works wonders.
  • Unit1
    And now we need a serious guide to get us virgin boys laid at last :P

    Well, this is something funny.
  • mostwomenshouldstfu
    I'll never forget "Does this rag smell like chloroform?"
    • And keep staring, always lock your eyes on her, regardless of what she does. Be Mona Lisa. She'll see your obvious level of committment noticing you follow her around the room undressing her with your eyes. Go with the deer in a headlight look, mouth agaped is always a plus, little bit of drooling wouldn't hurt either. If you want it to escalate, rub yourself while watching her, surely this signals your attraction to her, more conspicuous the better. Try lapping your drink with your tongue to demonstrate your tongue-skillery. Show off your economic prowess and dine on the spoils of your own successful mining operation setup in one and/or both nostrils, she'll appreciate how saavy you are. Actually, the more unhygenic, the better, nothing says filthy animal in sack like a guy scratching his own bare a** in public. Forget winking, double it up and use both eyes, repeatedly, asynchronously, be creative and mix it up, double her pleasure.

    • 100% the Maxemeister brand male bat pheremones will indeed win you the love of your life

  • Eevee2026
    This was most entertaining 😄
  • relaxrelax
    we have different views on things but comedy
    lol love this kid
  • soosooboo2
    drive a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG and u can get laid easily 😂😂😉
    • Wow damn dude lol forget the pickup lines just drive up and be silent. She'll catch your drift

    • soosooboo2

      exactly dude 😉

    • Luckily I have a supercar so be jealous

      images.cdn.autocar.co.uk/.../...sy-autocar-759.jpg

    • Show All
  • Keepcalm89
    I like what Howard said! I'm gonna use that line with girls lol
  • JCPD14
    "I don't have AIDS" 😂😂😂
  • Fathoms77
    This is funny. :P
    • I know not what you mean. Getting laid is serious business, sir :P

  • TokyoGhoulLover
    I'm deaaad xD
  • YourFutureEx
    Thanks man. Got me pussy. Could confirm.
    • Could confirm. Is confirmed. I knew I could believe in u, m8

  • Saoirse_Nua
    Made me smile - Good take
    • The point isn't to smile, it's to get all the bitches! Leggoo!!!

      Thank u

  • sp33d
    Entertaining :D
  • Colton5
    Lol seems legit. Dood have u tested it urself?
    • How else do u think I got all these bitches

    • Colton5

      Lol okay, you said it xD.

  • Anonymous
    Ugly fat chicks can sleep around although no one will date them. This is why I think sluts are ugly and no one wants to date them.
  • Anonymous
    Yep, it works 100% :P
  • Anonymous
    • Nope that one was written by a scrub! Confirmed by moi!

    • Anonymous

      nope. written by an ultimate love guru master. confirmed by my majesty.

    • Nope mine's written by a guru future GAG presidential candidate

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