Prepare to be knocked on your arse by how incredibly amazing and dumbfounding this myTake will be. Doesn't it tell you a lot about what I have to do on Saturday night when I choose to write an essay instead of play video games?
The Sooper Dooper Step-By-Step Guide that will One Hundo get you them girls right over there
1. Pick a fine and dandy opening
Everyone knows that all women are gifted upon birth with the "Eternal Book on Recognizing Which Men Are Alpha Enough for You." Yes, it's a long title, but it was necessary for the evolution of the human race. But guess what, guys? I have gotten my hands on that very book and I'm going to tell you some hot and spicy openings to a conversation that are sure to win you the day:
1. *whisper into her ear* "I don't have AIDS"
2. "Well, where I come from, no means yes."
3. "Are you a parking ticket cuz u have fine written all over you baby."
4. "Are your parents autistic cuz they made one special girl!"
5. "Do you want good sex tonight?" "Nope." "Good, come with me!"
And if you say any of these things to a girl she will automatically want your babies.
2. Corner Her
In some rare cases, these incredible opening lines will not be enough for the insatiable woman you are hunting- I mean asking out to hear. So, in case she tries to make her escape, you have to have a plan in order to make her stay. Since I would never dare recommend brute force, I would say one of these three things:
1. "Wait I have candy"
2. "Don't make me call 911"
3. "I know where you live."
And if you exercise any of these statements you should be good to go!
3. Grand Finale
After you've almost assuredly gotten in her pants, you're going to have to make your big finish happen. I would usually go for the helicopter escape, but since you're probably operating on a limited budget, I would suggest having an alpha AF Honda Civic at the ready for the Great Escape.
You might question some of this stuff's legitimacy, but fear not. I have a PhD in woman science from the University of google. And if you are not attracted to the women folk, I can indeed write a separate guide for women folk on how to get your man. Or woman. Except you just read this. So yeah. Women and gay men will indeed agree in the comments, this foolproof plan is your one-way ticket into winning over the girl of your dreams!
Most Helpful Opinions
Well done. This was absolutely hilarious when I first read all those pickup lines. And then it had me totally cracking up in the Grand Finale. Even if Guys or myself didn't get laid going by what you had wrote in this take, it is still worth reading some REAL FUCKING GOOD LAUGHS!!! LOL
This take just reminded me of the type of content I usually find and read in a MADtv magazine for some reason.
Thanks, man. Where's the oscar?