Cultural Differences Are a Real Relationship Barrier!

[Unit1]

Hello and welcome! In this lengthy article I will share my experience as a migrant from Germany in a whole different country and a strange new world for me very far away from my then home (and to be honest I still see Germany as my home and I most likely always will).

First a compact and yet rich backstory

When I got where I am now I was in my mid teens and had no powers whatsoever, so I went wherever life has dragged me. I barely knew the language, the culture, the standards, the norms and barely anything about this country. Bear in mind, that this is not the country in my profile, that i am talking about (it's there for diversion purposes and I really like the Nordic Culture and countries).

Anyway I am thousands of kilometers away from Germany now. I will not disclose where I am for simple privacy reasons (and to be honest I don't like to be here at all). By the time I was dragged where I am (my parents just decided to relocate and that's it. They never told me the reason) I was in the middle of my ongoing puberty and raging hormones. It was around that time when I just started to be interested in girls both romantically and sexually, although I didn't do anything because of my severe depression. And as many know a bad attitude or depression is not something girls like.

Germany is a very multicultural country and it's "liberated". Yes, I'm using the quote marks because it's not really that today. That besides the point, it's culture is quite modern and Germany is advanced in many aspects especially with inventions and technologies. I have a love-hate stance towards Germany but I am almost 100% comfortable living there.

Before I left Germany there were many kinds of girls (and people in general) in Germany: Europeans from all over Europe, Russians, Turks and many more. As a whole we don't have many conflicts with each other in Germany and I like this fact. At least if you are like me or unlike one of those mass media and news obsessed grumpies, who only want to see the shit portrayed in the TV news instead of going out and being a decent human being. And the girls were mostly unique and varying. I loved it.

Post relocation😱

I got in the middle of unknown with my parents, a completely new place for me, a new order, different laws and a culture, that I never saw in my life before. YEARS passed before I first had access to a stable internet connection to connect to the world again. Finally I could access google translator and learn new words and study either in German or in English (but not in this language). That's how I passed high school and college. Meanwhile many things happened on the internet. "Memes" for example I didn't even know what that was (and I still don't understand them). "MLG", "360Noskope", "Doge" and other things I didn't see before.

Anyway I noticed a complete change in everything. Obviously it's not Germany and nothing like it but due to cultural differences and different standards I was either the Alien or the weird black sheep in the crowd of white sheep, who "did not want to fit in" and is "acting very strange" or they were complete and inferior idiots. At least that was for the people around my then age😖. With the elders it wasn't complicated almost at all.

And as such I got along with the elders much better (teachers, administrators, employees & employers, professors...). With those around my then age I had near 0 common interest with, neither the boys and girls. Needless to say I suffered constantly from severe depression and homesickness. I was and still am that social outcast suffering from both.

"So what are the girls over there like?" I can hear many of you ask. Well, they are very... different. While they have one common cultural trait there are also exceptions to those but I have rarely seen them. The main thing is, that they are traditional oriented, old-fashioned and more conservative-based from what I can tell. But I also have near 0 experience with women (in general!), so how could I know better. This is also why I am on GirlsAskGuys to keep in touch with women from all over the world rather than from a mono-culture, that is not-so-secretly just what I do not prefer🤦.

I like the girls being modern and more like their own self instead of sticking to traditions and being dependent on the culture like they have no choice. But each to their own.

I never had a girlfriend and I'm a kissless virgin. I will turn 23 years in a few moments and that will mark another year passed by and it will be the same thing over again.

My relative however is female and had at least one boyfriend as far as I remember. I do not really keep in touch with her but I saw her with a boyfriend. I'm not to judge here but I *secretly think*, that women in general have more value than men in society especially if they are in their teens and 20s and in their prime. And of course since it's traditional for guys to be the "chasers" she didn't seem to have the problems, that I have. It is also very usual for couples, that the male is older than the female.🙄

On another note I found some of their behaviors strange and likewise they find ours (or mine in that matter) strange. Like we don't do that here (shaking hands with the ladies! Like really? Shaking hands is not acceptable?), we do it like this here (I can't think of an example). Jokes, that are funny to them but not for me and in reverse. And so on.🤷

I get along with women on the internet and GirlsAskGuys kind of better than I do in real life here, where I am. Of course I know of a few women, who I consider are actually adequate but they are either 1. The elders and long taken or 2. the vast minority of the youth and taken. Women get taken as fast as warm pies it seems.😐

Last I was in Germany was in 2015. It was a business trip and as soon as I finally got there once again, I felt immediately "cured" from my homesickness and I felt just like at my then home - only better. I was relieved to see the German speaking folks again and my fellow Germans and European people and being back in general. With the fellow German employees over there I had pleasant experiences speaking in native German again. Hell, even with the strangers in Germany I felt more comfortable with than I do here when I went on a town stroll on the weekends during my business trip. Sometimes I just wish I didn't return back to my place of employment when it was time to go since I lost the job anyway weeks later because my employer is a corrupt scumbag, who nobody liked anyway despite our German clients being happy with me. I still have my German citizenship and German Passport and I'm not giving it away until I find a better alternative such as moving elsewhere better.

In the end take it from me, a migrant from Germany, who can't get any dates or women being interested in him. I don't like to put my finger on things or others and blame it/them (since it's the irresponsible thing to do) but it just seems so, that the cultural differences are keeping us apart. Thus no connection with the girls and women can be established.😔

Forever (involuntarily) alone...

...Until further notice.

But no need to stay tuned. It won't be soon. I'll be sticking around here for a while until I can finally relocate on my own.😑 I'm studying and working both full time to change that. I really don't want my grave and "home" to be here, where I am.

Thanks for reading

If you have anything relevant to say regarding this, I'm all ears (or eyes) for feedback. How were the cultural differences for you? Were they preventing something in any aspect of your lives?

[Richareens]

I enjoyed reading your article, nicely written! Personally I think cultural differences can be fascinating.

For instance, my Dutch friend buys his own cake when it's his birthday because it's normal to them. Generally for Asian culture, it would be a bit weird as it's usually the friends or family buying a cake for the birthday boy/girl.

Another case is me. Funny right? I have this 'cultural' barrier between my family and me. I like to say what's on my mind. They think I'm one with bad social skills but whatever. So the other day, my dad was talking about how some men can be violent so I should never make my man angry and must keep my mouth shut at all times as I refrain from talking back or defending myself. A woman in my community committee suicide because of an abusive husband. It's been known that the woman never spoke up for herself and just let her husband continue torturing her. In nepalese culture, many are traditional and women should always look up to men. The men is always right. Depend financially on a man, let him treat you like shit - it's his damn fucking given right after all?

Told my dad I'll kick him in the dick if he ever dares hit me. Family gasped in horror as they started laughing. Dad came back to his senses in an instant and with a serious face, chided me for being "stubborn" and continued lecturing me. Mom told me I should never bring up the word 'dick' because it's disrespectful in our culture. And I'm behaving very silly.

But yeah long story cut short, cultural differences while they can be interesting can also be equally annoying.

[Unit1]

Thanks for your feedback.
For your convenience i would suggest to keep certain things private, which is not to be confused with not speaking up. What I'm saying is that the wrong words can set off a series of events on sensitive people like your parents, that you currently so depend on, which are anything but pleasant or good.

You can be like me and be silent, find a job, make your own money, move out in peace and govern your own life. Then you'll only depend on your employer and won't need anyone's approval or anything. That would be the time to speak up things, that you kept private if you feel like it. Because then you'd be treated seriously and your time will be valued. If not then it's not your loss obviously.

[OlderAndWiser]

Cultural differences certainly do present some barriers.

I have lived in the Southern US for my entire life and my family has been in the Southern US for at east 300 years, so my identity with my regional heritage is very strong. I have dated women from Germany, Ukraine, Poland, Ireland, Brazil, and the Philippines. I have experienced differences in these women's ideas of what is important in a relationship, in their interests in music and entertainment, in their sense of humor, and in other areas.

However, I have also encountered such differences in US-born women. It is easy to overemphasize the significance of culture and to attribute important differences to culture, but that would be a mistake.

It is possible that you are using cultural differences as an excuse for not being more socially active in your strange land. Maybe the biggest problem you are facing is y our depression and I know - from personal experience - how much that hinders the development of dating relationships.

Don't feel the need to defend yourself if you disagree because I am not making accusations. I am just offering something for you to consider that might possibly offer a solution.

[Unit1]

Thanks for responding friend!

I don't feel you accusing me of something at all. If anything I'm pleased to see you understanding my situation and pointing out, that depression is also a hindering obstacle in just about every aspect in life and not just dating.

I'm fighting my depression almost daily. So I think I do everything in my power, that I can to keep up with it. The battles do not seem to end for me. But I know for sure, that I can't stop where I am and I have to push forward as time is running out.

[OlderAndWiser]

Keep up the battle!

[Munj82]

Good luck keep up the battle. A very valuable post to me like this of URS. Just to understand how much it can affect somebody and the problems people face becoz of it. I would like to add one thing though. There are Indians all over the globe. At least I have heard that. They are even to remotest places on the planet. And somehow they and their families have survived there. I am not saying as u should do the same. But the point was. Why some people are so flexible in their nature. One should look at that perspective. I think. Good luck and I hope u find ur way back to get any soon. Best of luck again.

[Unit1]

@Munj82 Much thanks sir! I appreciated it.

[Munj82]

Pls don't call me Sir. I am not Sir Issac Newton hehehe. Just I liked your post very much. Ur very mature at your age and I am sure you will find ur answers and solutions. Good luck :)

[Unit1]

@Munj82 Okay, then what should I call you?
Anyway I thank you very much for your compliment and good wishes.

[Munj82]

U can just call by my name. It's good enough.

[Anonymous]

It depends on a number of factors, such as your knowledge of and ability to adhere to aspects of that culture and that culture's tolerance for violations by foreigners. Differences like meaning of hand signs and the particulars of table manners are pretty easy to overcome simply by learning them.

However, larger cultural differences can be more difficult, as they can feel restrictive or imposing on oneself, for example, being pressured to eat a food one finds repulsive. They can also be a problem where it is contrary to one's own culture to act in that way, for example, I live in a foreign country and had a girlfriend who behaved and expected me to behave irritatingly cute, which I just couldn't do, because it is so contrary to my own cultural behaviour.

So in conclusion, cultural differences are a barrier if between the two parties there is inadequate understanding and adherence to the more dominant culture.

That said, there is the other issue of willingness to have a relationship with an outsider or former enemy. The Germans left a lot of their neighbours pretty bitter, and no girl is going to date a guy with that association without other compelling reasons to do so.

[Unit1]

Yeah, pretty much that. But i doubt girls care about the past of Germany today because we are now a few generations ahead of what was in nazi Germany.
And even then i doubt, that the soldiers had the desire to fight the world.

[kaylaS91]

Cultural differences don't serve as an absolute barrier in the successful development of relationships. As with most things, for some, it'll be a struggle. For others, it'll be something to bond over and embrace.

I've been raised in a very Polish household in Canada. I've been with my boyfriend, born and raised in China, for over three years and.. honestly, we've yet to encounter any cultural differences that we weren't able to work through pretty easily. Such as religious ones, for example. How I was raised Catholic and so spending the night at his place or not getting married in the church is a huge faux-pas. This might have been a struggle resulting from cultural differences, sure. But, just like couples fix problems they encounter even if they're from the same culture, we resolved this 'barrier' by working together on our way to the end-goal we've discussed and agreed upon. (that we will get married in the church so that I'm not forced to choose between him and my family. So I join him every week at initiation meetings.)

[sketchy]

Maybe, but being the exotic foreigner with the accent, automatically makes you far more intriguing and desirable to people (particularly if it's a country that doesn't get a lot of foreign visitors), and that *easily* outweighs any of the difficulties it causes.

[RolandCuthbert]

Great Take. I fear it won't get much discussion because it is not about race.

But great, great job!!! I will chime in later about the cultural issues in my own relationships.

[Unit1]

Thanks man. I'll be looking forward on your input.

[thatguywhere]

Cultural differences should not serve as a barrier in development of relationships but, since there are differences, people should let their partner know what the differences are so they know what to do in a given situation.

[lazermazer]

Hahahah, who said that they never existed in the first place?

[Unit1]

Nobody?

[lazermazer]

Mehhh.

[Anonymous]

What do you need to do to be able to relocate? Why haven't you already? and why did your family decide to move to such a different place? Just curious

[Unit1]

I need enough money to relocate but it would be the easiest with a VISA sponsorship or an employer, who has hired me in beforehand.

I don't know the reason why they relocated. They never told me. Never will. Rest assured i lost all trust in them after this.

[Opinion Owner]

dont you have a visa already, if you were born there

[Unit1]

No. I only have my german citizenship and my german passport. That's all. I got nowhere to stay in Germany.

[Omega_brie]

"Before I left Germany there were many kinds of girls (and people in general) in Germany: Europeans from all over Europe, Russians, Turks and many more.:

Do you hear that? It's the sound of 50 million triggered Slavs.

[Anonymous]

Are there any foreign girls dating european guys? does it work out well?

[Unit1]

Not, that I know of. In Europe I'm sure there are and I don't think it's a big deal over there.

[Opinion Owner]

ok let's wait and see if there are any girls here with that experience

[Unit1]

Where is here?

[Opinion Owner]

Here in this thread

[Anonymous]

Why don't you try to go to Hochschule (college) in Germany?

[Unit1]

I'm too broke to relocate, find a place to stay and work and so on. I'm really just too broke to do anything.

[Opinion Owner]

Your parents could help: do you have family in Germany?

[Unit1]

My parents are done. They're of no help but obstacles.

I have no one in Germany left.

[Opinion Owner]

If you're that broke, stay in a place where you know the ways and laws.

[ThisDudeHere]

All the best to ya.

[Unit1]

Thanks bro!

[CT_CD]

I agree. Nicely written

[disgustingweebtrash]

Yeah

[GayHowellMeme]

It is.

[Mrzero001]

Yes it is

[Tohru]

Very Interesting

[Anonymous]

Good points made

[Anonymous]

For me it is good