Have you ever wondered why women seem to love assholes? Have you ever thought about why this could be - perhaps just a woman’s nature? Or could it maybe have something to do with an extremely common misconception that people, especially men, have adopted?
I’m a woman who has been through all that, and I’m here to explain a few things to you gentlemen out there.
See the image above? Yeah, um... It doesn’t apply to the female gender.
It applies to everyone. Including men.
Let me rephrase that in a more technical way: Human psychology has a lot to do with getting others to like you. It means that humans are constantly trying to fit in; trying to be part of the ‘in-crowd’ whether they’re aware of it or not.
But what does this have to do with my topic?
There’s an article called The Basic Economical Psychology of Love and Desirability
This article talks about how people, naturally, are attracted to those who aren’t as “available” as the others. As it suggests, we as people “do not want a philandering partner, if we witness affections bestowed upon him or her by others, this, consciously or not, affirms our choice in a desirable mate, one with some measure of “demand.”” Basically, we value the people who receive most of the attention. And they receive most of this attention because they’re sure of themselves, and don’t depend on others to be liked.
What do you think the so-called “asshole” has, that differentiates from the stereotypical “nice guy” of our society?
Most people see someone specific and say - “This person is a bad person” but they forget to mention that they’re also incredibly funny, confident (which shouldn’t be confused with arrrogance) and outgoing. Are these asshole traits? I don’t think so. These traits, however, is what assholes tend to adopt. They tend to add these traits and blend them into their douchebag nature.
So which traits are the ones that are attractive to women (besides appearance, of course)? I’ll list them out for you.
- Confidence. This trait is attractive to both men and women. If a woman is confident in herself, men will be attracted to her. We all know this, but we put a blind eye toward it. Women who have low self-esteem are usually taken advantage of. But guess what? Men are also taken advantage of by women, if they lack this very important trait. It goes both ways, people.
From what I’ve heard and experienced, men don’t tend to take insecure and self-conscious women very seriously. Same goes for women! Confidence is a trait that is universally loved, it’s not exclusive to men.
- Extroversion. In this modern society, being extroverted means that you can easily establish social interactions with others without looking awkward. Extroverted people tend to have a lot of friends / acquaintances that like them.
- Someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Let’s face it, the stereotypical “Nice Guy” typically has a negative connotation because he usually is also a doormat, but he doesn’t have to be, though he does adopt this unnecessary trait. He’s a yesman, not an actual nice guy. Being nice is one trait of many that you can possess, in fact I think anyone with a brain can be nice. This doesn’t mean that every single person in the world will love you for it.
So what am I trying to let you all know?
Niceness can only go so far. But it desn’t mean we don’t want you to be. Niceness is something that you got to have, among other positive traits. Unfortunately, there’s a common belief that men hold: “Women love assholes, and they don’t like nice guys.” This is why nice guys only have that one single trait to give. If a man was nice but also confident, funny, loving, caring and good, believe me - women would be worshipping him 24/7. Of course, by being good I also mean he shouldn’t be philanderous just because women adore him now. It means he should keep his dignity and keep being the good guy he is, whilst receiving all the female attention he wants!
Personally, I know many nice guys who then, by receiving lots of positive female attention, they turn into players. It doesn’t mean he was always a player; it means he started out genuine, and then took the attention he received for granted. This is what you’re not supposed to do, because then no one will trust you at the end.
But I also know nice guys who are: smart, outgoing, charismatic and truly caring. These guys receive the most female attention, because they’re not assholes,but everyone wants to be with him. The difference between him and the nice guy who turned out to be a player, is that this guy knows how to choose women based on his values. He knows how to look at a woman, treat her as a person, and get to know her to see if she’s right for him, instead of carelessly jumping into bed together.
I’m not in any way condemning one-night stands, or the like, but respect is something that everyone deserves. You don’t have to be an asshole to get the respect you want. But you can add “confidence” to your list of traits.
Why don’t you be everything an asshole is, except for the “asshole” trait? That is, try to be sure of yourself (not arrogant), your authenticity and your social skills. But do not become a douchebag. It doesn’t work for you at the end.
So gentlemen, I hope I clarified a bit of what the differences are between an “exciting, nice and confident guy” and an “asshole, exciting and confident guy.” Believe me, the former is the best option to go for!!!