I Got Left On Read... Why?

[sensualquinoa]

We've all been in that situation where we send a risky text to our crush, glancing at our phone every few minutes with a mix of nervousness and excitement. No immediate response? That's okay... you go take a nap, do the dishes, finish your homework, the text still in the back of your mind. You come back a few hours later. Still no response? You decide to open the app to make sure the message actually sent. And... Boom. Seen two hours ago.

Although it's tempting to feel hurt, angry, disappointed, or even blame yourself, it's important to take a step back, take a deep breath, and truly asess all the reasons this could have happened.

1. H/she is busy. Maybe they're at work or with a friend or studying and glanced at the text, read it, and decided they would have to respond later.

2. Someone opened the text on their behalf. Some people aren't especially private with their phones, especially younger people. It could have been your crush's older brother, best friend, other best friend, not so best friend, or that classmate they gave their password to a couple weeks ago and completely forgot about.

3. S/he doesn't know what to say. Especially if the text doesn't directly ask a question or is something like "hey" or "what's up", they honestly may not know how to respond or are just trying to avoid the awkward "nothing much, wbu", "nothing much" exchange. Although maybe some acknowledgement would have been courteous, not everyone works that way.

4. Phone problems. Maybe their phone died as soon as they opened the text, maybe their phone is really old and laggy and the app crashed, maybe they dropped their phone in the toilet as soon as they read it.

5. They don't want to talk. We all have bad days. Sometimes we have days so sucky we don't want to talk to anyone and let everyone know by passive aggressively leaving all of their texts on read.

6. They truly didn't like what you said. Of course, there's always the chance that you really did creep them out or make them feel uncomfortable with that risky text. In which case...

What do you do about it?

1. Take some time to cool off. If you're really upset at being left on read, it's best to put your phone aside and cool off before coming up with an equally passive aggressive response for them.

2. Don't take it personal. It's extremely challenging to tell someone's emotion over text. A lot of feelings ger hurt over text and social media that could have been avoided with a simple face-to-face conversation.

3. Try again later. Wait a day or two and try again with a friendly, less risky question. And if that doesn't work...

4. Casually mention it in person. Mention it in a friendly or joking way, ie "hey I noticed you haven't been replying to my texts. What's up?" It will be much easier to gauge how the person is feeling with a face-to-face conversation, and they don't have the option to leave you on read irl (unless they want to walk away, in which case you'd know for a fact something was wrong).

5. Brush it off. Sure it can hurt and it sucks when someone doesn't want to talk to you... but we all have a life. No matter how much you love your crush, life goes on. Put on a good movie and get over it.

[Halligan]

I was not one to take it personally. This was a topic my husband and I talked about when we first started dating. There is a no phone policy at his work. But he told me to not hesitate and text about my day. So I’d periodically text about stuff that happened, anything that was funny, what was going on with the kids (we were both single parents). We both had an agreement if we had to go out of town for appts or a trip, we’d text when we leave and when we got there safe. We responded when we could and didn’t worry about double (or more) texts. We treated it as if we were writing letters to a pen pal, we responded when we could and we had a blast. Because we didn’t worry about those dating stigmas, we knew more about eachother in a short time than others who have known us for years. We also decided to see eachother every day in person, if only in passing for a hug and a kiss. When we couldn’t, we would video chat.

Relationships take effort. If one person doesn’t want to put forth the effort you want to, move on.

[Halligan]

Thanks for MHO

[TsundereMatrix]

I agree with all the points you've made. For me, personally, if I leave you on read is either because I'm busy and/or don't feel like chatting, I get sidetracked and forget to reply or I just don't want to talk to you at all.

Last year, I sent my crush a facebook message saying "How's it going?" It's been almost a year and he still never responded to it. It got to me and then I realized that he does do that to other people. I've watched him do it and also he isn't on facebook that often so he probably though it wasn't worth replying to since it was an old message. He rather talk to me in person a anyway.

[Kkaos]

You left out a reason, a reason that is far more likely than they ones you listed. They simply don't like you!

"3. Try again later." This is a terrible thing to do. You've messaged them, they haven't responded - the ball's therefore in their court. You can't keep sending things to them. If they haven't responded, you move on. It's not meant to be.

"4. Casually mention it in person" If you can talk to someone in person, you should never be sending them a 'risky' text. You should be saying the risky things in person so you can immediately gauge their reaction and not be left in the situation you're in now.

"5. Brush it off" Yes - That's exactly what you should do.

I've been ignored by many girls who most likely weren't interested in me and I've also ignored many girls who I wasn't interested in, that's life.

[sensualquinoa]

Yea the "they don't like you" thing was kinda what I meant in number 6. Maybe I should have been clearer tho. I was writing this from the perspective of someone who was at least somewhat close with a friend or crush tho, not just someone trying to shoot their shot, hence the "try again later".

[Kkaos]

Ah that makes sense, sorry if I came across as quite critical of what you said.

[sensualquinoa]

Np I always like to hear criticism so I can improve

[JustASmallTownPriest]

in my opinion in these situations it's best not to think about it too much. If they want to respond, they will eventually.

It's easy to drive yourself crazy wondering, but it's better to be yourself and be happy in the meantime. Best of luck homie^-^

[Logorithim]

These are all valid points, and the advice not to let it bother you is very good.

[StrangerByTheDay]

I totally agree with you dear @sensualquinoa
very nice points well made. I like your post. even though most of us already know that, you have laid it down in a very interesting way.
Well organized.
In fact it happens to me when I try to approach someone who does not know me. for instance if I stumble on a profile on social media that I like a lot. that person is not aware of my existence so i try to send a nice message. most of the time, no replies.
I once met a girl at the bar. we talked a bit. when I got home I searched for her on social media and boom hit her with a message saying nice things and that am really interested in meeting again, etc...
no reply.
few weeks after we meet by coincidence at the same bar. and in a joke "as you have mentioned above" I let her know about the message.
the conversation follows with many excuses. she did not want to hurt my feelings by saying she is not interested. I respected her silent answer. and we just meet by coincidence at the same bar from time to time and talk only. I am not complaining as for I have discovered we have nothing in common, I was just somehow attracted to her sexually. that's it.
Anyways, thank you a lot for this post dear @sensualquinoa
:-D

[sjoes006]

I say be proud of yourself for taking a chance and not leaving it to wonder.

Don’t expect a certain response or outcome.

You opened the door or window and let air or life in. If nothing develops then it wasn’t meant to and you can be friends or move on.

[NYCQuestions1976]

This is the only social media site I'm on so I'm not sure about any others. A regular texting conversation can happen over hours while doing other things and does necessarily mean you're being ignored. One of the few benefits over having an actual phone conversation, which is what I prefer.

[milettescheepers]

I get busy often and i leave people on read for hours. Sometimes they have to message me again or phone me to remind me theyre alive
Im just like that. But i know if i dontagree what you sent me or if id rather shut up before i say something nasty i leave it. Also if a guy can't catch that im trying to avoid him i do that so he can clearly understand.
It happened to me too lots of times and then i just go on and wait till he texts first one day

[Heythere2013]

There is no other reason then, they aren't interested in replying. By making all those excuses, you are just dismissing the fact that they don't feel like replying. No one is that busy. Phones rarely glitch, heck mine hasn't for years. Accept the fact they aren't interested.

[bubble_tea]

Nice take! I'm so glad my s/o and I didn't use apps to text each other back then.. no unnecessary stress.

[Pyrofox]

Number 3 is the main reason guys dont respond XD. They just dont know what to say that won't get mistaken as an insult XD.

[findingdreamland-1]

I sometimes do this. I have nothing to add as an opinion so i read i say hımm right. That is it. I do not like meaningless conversation what i can do.

[YoboiIII]

Honestly I'm pretty bad at texting and many guys just don't like texting. So girls should not always take it personally if it takes awhile for a guy to respond.

[siobhan99]

I personally don't over analyse things like being left on read, if they want to talk to you they will

[Gedaria]

You could try a phone call but could be embarrassing to both parties. What I would do would be to send another saying something like i set a text earlier hope things are ok please get back to me. It may work you can only try !!!

[Emma_240302]

Now I'm feeling lucky that my crush always text me 0.0

[JessForAdvice]

They’re just busy. They’ll get back to you later xx

[Anonymous]

Nice take :) i always freak out when i get left on read because someone used to ghost me, it really helped :),

[AqibFarid]

it happens when someone lacks interest it usually happens when things goes really easy, people don't appreciate things they get easily. make yourself worthy... make yourself get wanted!!

[Anonymous]

I like this take because people put way too much into how long it takes for someone to text them back, etc. People used to just have conversations, but I guess that's outdated now...

[KuriousKat90]

I can't tell if mine was read but it's been 7 days 🙁

[DiegoO]

I think many people over think with text messages. Whatever you gotta say just say it.

[Tomblebee]

And when they stop replying just in casual chit chat?

[sensualquinoa]

Same things could have possibly happened

[Tomblebee]

How to decide if they think you are anoying?

[10dsw]

Wow... you wrote an entire take because you got left on read!

I can only imagine how many times the average guy has been left on read without writing an entire tirade about it online lol

#narcissism

[sensualquinoa]

I actually didn't get left on read lol I just got bored and picked a topic ik a lot of people worry about

[RedPillGirl]

suuuuuure