Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Is it because the guy is more confident? Or is it because he is more “alpha?”

I’m going to say that it is neither of these things. Being more confident can lead a person to be overly confident and becoming cocky to the point of annoyance. Being “alpha” is just a farce as the “alpha” and “beta” theory have been disavowed by the scientist that coined the term.

The reason that some men seem more attractive than others goes to the belief system that a man has about women. This isn’t a “how-to” or “what every woman wants or believes” take. This is more of a thought process that has been researched and proven for decades. It’s also one of the hardest things for coaches to deal with. I tend to fire, or reject, a lot of clients based on their beliefs or outright refusal to even consider another belief system.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Here is the generally accepted thought:

Men who are deemed attractive are often thought of as more successful and higher achieving.”

Not totally untrue and generally backed up by observational science. However, this is only true to a certain point.

Let’s first look at a few overall beliefs that some men have and how this plays a role in attraction.

  • A man who believes that all women are gold diggers and untrustworthy is going to attract gold-digging untrustworthy women.
  • A man who believes all women are manipulative slutty bitches is going to attract women who are manipulative slutty bitches.
  • A man who believes that all women are intelligent, beautiful, and outgoing is going to attract beautiful, intelligent, and outgoing women.

Why is this?

We attract and select what we believe is true. Two very common themes in society are that people tend to subconsciously or consciously select partners who have similar features and beliefs. This is something that is known as assortative mating. Assortative mating can be defined as the phenomenon in which people choose partners who are like themselves and/or fit within a belief system.

Neville Goddard (1905-1972)
Neville Goddard (1905-1972)

What you believe comes out in everything you do when looking for another partner. Those that see those cues are attracted to you. Then you filter those people according to the beliefs you hold. Therefore, you end up with the person who matches your belief system. (I'm not talking about abusive relationships, that's a separate topic altogether. Very few people in the world actually seek out abusive partners.)

The only thing every one of your relationships has in common is you and your beliefs. If you believe every woman you go out with is going to lie and cheat, you will end up with women who lie and cheat.

Even they had no intention of that in the beginning. In psychology, it is known as conformity behavior. The person adapts and becomes what the other person expects them to be. Keep reinforcing the belief upon the other person, they will eventually live up to that belief.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Here’s a quick example.

The homely-looking guy with the three “hotties” around him may not be the most physically good-looking guy in the room. But, his view that women are smart, ambitious, and enjoy sex comes out in his interactions which attracts the women he desires to be with. Meanwhile, the most physically attractive guy in the room who believes women can only offer one thing is attracting all the shallow women who believe they only have their looks to get them by in the world and who do not find the little homely guy appealing.

The more the little homely guy interacts the more flirtatious the interaction becomes. Group conformity starts to take place and he now has five "hotties" around him. The more physically appealing guy is barely able to keep the attention of one woman.

The hidden factor in attraction

This has to do more with where you are and the perception of success than actual professional success.

Take a guy who wears worn-out t-shirts, oversized jeans, and ratty cross-trainer shoes as an example. Dress him in a classic stylish outfit with a professional haircut and you increase his attraction level by 50%. Believe it or not, but this is what mountains of research show.

A little style can go a long way.
A little style can go a long way.

In order to be attractive and focus people's attention, a man should look clean and well-groomed. All you have to do to confirm this is look at the plethora of women’s comments around this site and the net. Well dressed and well-groomed is an initial attention and attraction factor for most women.

The clean-cut hairstyle can also make a guy look more authoritative (successful), which is why it’s best to avoid the caveman look that seems to be popular among some men.

Now, take a look at where you go to meet people.

Go to a college frat party dressed in a three-piece suit and asking for a mojito, you will have a hard time fitting in. The big guy over in the corner shotgunning a six-pack and smashing beer cans on his head wearing cargo shorts and crocs is going to be seen as more successful than you.

Reverse the roles to a business meet-up. Mr. Smashing beer cans is going to look like an idiot while you are seen as more successful.

Move this to a slightly upscale club or bar. A guy who wears a well-fitted shirt, blazer, jeans, and clean casual shoes will get more attention than a guy who wears a similar outfit that doesn’t fit well.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Success is a game of perception based on the venue you are in. This doesn’t mean you lie and say you are CEO if you are not. Success is defined differently among different people.

This also plays into the touchy subject of money and gold-digging. There really isn’t any denying that this does happen. However, having a little knowledge about how to look for it can work in your favor. That's a huge topic on its own. I try to summarize it so it makes some sense.

Money and success do play a role, but not as big a role as many men believe. Again, it's more about perception than anything else.

If money and success were the largest attraction factors women looked for then they would not be going out with or marrying guys who worked at entry or mid-level jobs and getting paid just above minimum wage. So, what is the attraction factor?

It goes back to the belief system that the guy has about women.

If you believe that all women want is money, you will attract that kind of woman. In general, these types of women tend to have the belief that they are not smart, have had limited opportunities in their lives, and generally, have limited problem-solving resources available. So, money tends to be a major factor for them.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Change your belief, change the people you attract and filter for. “Women don’t care about money, they just want to know you have a stable job and can pay your bills. Like a responsible grown-up does.” A generally accepted definition of success.

These types of women, in general, tend to know they are intelligent, have had multiple opportunities available to them in their life, and generally have multiple problem-solving resources available. Money is not a major factor because they know they can financially provide for themselves.

The guy who believes women are gold diggers and only wants money shows up ready to start dishing out the cash. His overall mannerisms cue the attraction of women looking for those men willing to fork over money as their own personal ATM. His belief system also makes it near impossible for him to set firm boundaries. Which then enables her ability to keep asking and digging.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

The guy who has the opposite belief will attract the woman who doesn’t care or has set money low on her priority list. The gold-digging woman, if she approached, would be rejected by the guy as his boundaries are firm and set high. He isn’t willing to entertain a gold-digger. Therefore, he is effectively filtering for the women he wants to meet, date, and possibly build a relationship with.

So, if you are wondering what is it that this guy has over that guy in attracting women, look at what they believe about women. Take a look at what they believe a “man” has to be in order to attract women.

A guy who goes to a social gathering who is neatly dressed acts casual and presents as non-needy is going to get attention. He is able to talk with multiple people on a range of topics. He is able to casually let his intentions be known. He is able to flirt in a way that resonates with the women he is talking to. Within a matter of minutes, he is surrounded by a group of women wanting to talk to him.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?

Compare this to the guy who comes to the same gathering wearing oversized clothes, flashy bling, and acting like the big-shot. His conversations are all about him and his accomplishments. The conversations are limited to only what interests him. His intentions are vailed in off-handed remarks or “jokes.” His flirting is overt and pushing the limits of harassment. He has a few women around him but it’s small and the women he wants to get won’t pay attention to him.

The difference between these two guys is their beliefs.

Those beliefs show through in their mannerisms.

The first guy believes that he is has something to offer beyond his societal status. He's comfortable in the setting. In other words, he is confident, happy, and unapologetic with who he is. His status within the gathering is going to be based on his interactions and acceptance of the groups he interacts with. The more interactions and acceptance, the higher his perceived status. He believes that women are to be valued for who they are. He enjoys their company and energy. He does not believe they owe him anything, and he doesn’t owe them anything. Anything that transpires between them is based on earned respect and trust. If he is rejected by a woman, it’s because she didn’t hold the values he was looking for, to begin with. The universe just saved both of them time from filtering each other out.

The second guy believes that he must present himself as confident and “alpha.” He believes he has to show people his status and force his status acceptance. Anyone who rejects his “alphaness” will bear his wrath. He doesn’t ask or earn, he commands his own version of respect. His opinions are the only valid opinions. He believes women owe him whatever he wants when he wants it. Women to him are manipulative cheaters who can only offer sex. Though women don’t really want or like sex until they meet him. Anything that transpires between him and a woman is because he allowed it to happen on his own terms. If a woman rejects him, it’s because she is a manipulative cheating prude bitch.

If you keep ending up with the same type of people in your life, look at the beliefs you have adopted. Then challenge those beliefs and test a new belief system.

You will attract what you believe is true. When you can't figure out what it is that makes that person more attractive than the other, it's more than likely their underlying beliefs.

Why Do Some Men Seem More Attractive Than Others To Women?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • zeitgeist057

    Well written, but I see a fair number of answers that show the information didn't take.
    This ties into one of my philosophical cliches "You can't tell anyone anything they don't already know." It will ring true for those who understand it, but those who are convince about "all women are gold diggers" and other such paradigms you discussed... it's going right over their heads.

    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • AmandaYVR

    Well done, and I agree with you.
    Reading the handful of comments here, there's a hell of a lot of pushback against this, but I'm with you. If only more people would challenge their own beliefs and how they simply confirm their biases. They've got to take some accountability and help themselves. It's no wonder sympathy is running out.

    Like 5 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • na2398

      Ma'am, I agree as well. It's preposterous to have preconceived notions, isn't it? We've all been guilty of this, isn't it? :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Chriscunning

    I for one believe in the "Alpha" male, but perhaps I can try and explain things are well.

    "Not totally untrue and generally backed up by observational science. However, this is only true to a certain point" - I see this point wasn't really touched on again, but i think it's an important observation. Better looking / more confident people do better. Generally good looks comes with more confidence because you are a "prize". Everyone keeps being nice and asking you out the confidence gets reinforced over time.

    "I'm not talking about abusive relationships, that's a separate topic altogether. Very few people in the world actually seek out abusive partners." - Actually people do seek out an abusive partner. The book slips my mind but written by a psychologist. Mostly woman tend to pick an abusive partner in order to "over come" the hurt they had. They feel if they can "correct" or "fix" the abuser they have "fixed" their life long problem and overcome it. Unfortunately it often doesn't work that way

    "The hidden factor in attraction" - This is spot on, I recall Oprah Winfrey doing a spot on this. The same pic was showed to the general public and asked to vote on attractiveness. The rich person was always rated as hotter. Remember the same pic. Money seems to play an important role as well.

    So Alpha guys, generally they are even more popular with guys. But generally they don't worry to much about pleasing the crowd, they stand by what they say and they confident. They don't attract a type of girl, they go and 'take' the girl they want. They talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk because even if someone turns them down, it barely touches them because "you lost out actually".

    Like 2 People
    • dray995

      That’s the best description I’ve heard of an Alpha. Usually when it’s talked about, it is presented as a negative. Like the Alpha is sex obsessed pervert who shouldn’t be able to get any girl he wants because he’s a player and is only using his charm to manipulate women into wanting him but what you’re saying makes more sense and seems more down to earth and realistic of representation of what a normal guy actually strives to be.

  • MzAsh

    Facial attractiveness. The guy in the photo with different styles literally is average in every photo. The way he dresses doesn’t change that for me as his face is still the same.

    LikeDisagree 6 People
    • This is what I and many guys have been saying. If you have height, frame, and face then it doesn't matter the clothes.

    • Ryfyle

      Wow, some one that isn't face blind.

  • canucker90

    When girls don't even know themselves and think they do they will have an ignorant mindset regardless. You ask any woman in her 40s now how she approached life in her 20s and it would most likely be night and day. Yes, a woman wants to feel attracted to the man but attraction varies. As a guy maybe it is your physical appearance that turns off women but at the same time maybe its not, i've seen Sports Illustrated models marry mediocre looking men. There is no right formula for a guy to woo a girl. I will flat out and blatantly say this, in today's world of materialism, and social media status and fame, a lot of girls are attracted to that. Even the music we listen to where girls listen to those pointless puppy dog Britney Spears/Katy Perry pop music about "love" or music about money, fame and status it gets embedded in the mind. That's why I am not a fan of todays music, I don't follow social media trends, I don't believe everything the news says, I have stopped talking to guys who kept weighing me down. If a guy meets a girl on a dating app, talking to a girl for a year and he doesn't mention anything about having sex with her but he flirts with her, nice and shows interest and she's replying back so it seems there is obvious interest if nothing is happening is that a guy a loser? Majority of people on GAG will say, "of course he's a loser, he doesn't have balls, he doesn't have a spine, blah, blah, blah". I've realized now a lot of girls don't take accountability in their life so to point the finger and say "it's all the guys fault" is a stupid statement to make because none of us are perfect. I would rather marry a girl who had great values, believed in God and prayed and was a good mother/wife than marrying a woman who is a gorgeous babe 10/10. Yes, I want to marry a girl who I am attracted to but she doesn't have to be the best of the best. A lot of girls now a days on YouTube and IG who are famous such as Corinna Kopf or Lindsey Pelas were nothing special. Lindsey Pelas had a big no and she did a ton of plastic surgery to be famous and I'm tired of women complaining that all guys do is focus on their looks, meanwhile all girls do it seems like is focus on their looks. There's a difference between looking presentable and respectful then trashy. I'm just a different in a different time, I'm not right for this era and that's why sensitive GAGers or people on Twitter or IG are so hard headed with their views they think of me as an alien.

    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • tatianamay

    Some girls tend to like bad boys because they have confidence and appear as a mystery or something. im not into bad boys, most are players and a waste of time. But when a good guy has confidence thats amazing

  • oldasIfeel22

    There is some truth to this.

    Honestly I could use some good luck/confidence booster. I did manage to have a brief fling with a very attractive 22 yr old a few months ago.

    My game was tight but tbh I surprised myself that I pulled it off. Even she told me that she wasn’t planning on sleeping with me but after hanging out w/ me for a while she said I was very charming.

    But seriously I just need a decent chance again. Not sure where to start.

  • FictionalCharacter

    I’m attracted to guys who flirt and compliment me. While they’re humorous and mysterious. Also laid back attitude mmmmpf ☺️

    Like 3 People
  • DWornock

    It is because they are more attractive. Men are more attractive if they have more money, are more intelligent, are taller, have higher bilateral symmetry and if they are more athletic. Men that have more of the foregoing are more confident because success gives confidence. Men with few of those characteristics lack confidence because women usually reject them.

  • Rob17792

    physical appearance due to genetics, how they groom themselves, if they're fat bald missing teeth or just plain ugly as fuck. and how they stand and carry themselves. guys can tell instantly when another guy is a good looking male or not hence the jealousy and competition factor women do the same with each other hence the cat fights. it's natures process of natural selection

  • moviedude714

    Yeah I never liked or was a fan of of what guys men need to know or have in order to attract women but sadly it's always going to be that way, for men it seems it's primarily social behavior based or social skills based

    Like 1 Person
  • exitseven

    Good job with this.
    I knew a guy who managed the gym I worked out in. It was not a high paying job. He was not your typical gym manager. He was in his 40's and was bald and overweight. He smoked constantly and was from Israel.
    He was however a pretty interesting guy. One Sunday I was in the steam room with him and a couple of other guys. He told us that in Israel he used to go in the steam room and go outside and roll in the snow.
    So a couple of minutes later 5 naked guys went out the backdoor and rolled in the snow.
    This guy had the hottest girlfriends my 15 year old self ever saw.

    Like 4 People
  • Sarahr123

    Confident men who don’t give a shit and aren’t easy are more attractive.

    Like 2 People
    • dray995

      But what’s the likelihood of finding both and not just one or the other of those 2 qualities?

    • Sarahr123

      @dray995 A lot of South Asian men are confident + don’t give a shit because they’re used to being treated like spoilt kings by the women in their family.

    • dray995

      Yeah but I’m not Asian, I’m American. We’re taught to be insecure and on guard from strangers and things we’re uncomfortable with like uncomfortable or awkward situations.

    • Show All
  • Asianguy123

    I think that the money plays more role in attractions. Rich men can take good care of his body and dressed up nicely that makes him more attractive than the poor guys who can’t afford good clothing and stuffs.

    Like 2 People
  • Explorer91

    Seriously men over analyse this so much. Attraction is pretty simple. Women are not aliens and do not find confidence and personality any more attractive than a male does.
    do these qualities help? Sure. But if the person is not attractive no amount of confidence will help.
    sort of like how men say they like a nice smile. What they mean is they like a nice smile on an attractive face. And women who are kind. What they mean is women who are kind with a nice body,
    women are similar. What do they like. The same thing. They like a nice smile, a good personality, kind, just like men, but also like men they like these qualities with an attractive face and body.
    It’s not really hard to figure out. The guys that get laid for being bad boys aren’t getting laid for being a bad boy or having confidence, it’d because they are hot.

  • wittymilf

    Amen 🙏🏻 I rarely read my takes but I’m genuinely glad I spent time to do so in this case.

  • msc545

    Because they are taller better looking and richer than other men. Being richer means that the other things don't really count. Women love money that they don't have to earn.

    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • genericname85

    simple. because some men "ARE" more attractive than others xD

    Like 1 Person
    • wittymilf

      Yeah but why? That’s the point of this my take, it shows you how to be more attractive

    • @wittymilf i think your goal shouldn't be "to be more attractive". Life isn't about pleasing others. It's about finding your way and finding someone who wants to go that way with you. If you follow others, you get nowhere.

    • wittymilf

      Depends who your follow… but being attractive means you attract people who are on the same path as you and no one needs to follow anyone 🤷‍♀️ You can walk hand in hand

  • cookiesandcream8

    Hey, it’s me! GAG deleted my account so I had to make a new one 😅 I can’t message because my level is too low

  • Aphrodite801

    Wow, y’all really have to ask such a rhetoric question?

  • Goatmeal

    I would say you're onto something regarding beliefs and how they shape our behavior and consequently what people we end up surrounding ourselves with. I know from my own life that I tend to involuntarily reject women I consider out of my league, simply because I am trying to preempt the rejection I expect down the line from them.

    However, regarding the point about dressing for the occasion, etc., I was actually most popular with women when I was living in dorms and hadn't shaved or had a hair cut for years. I must have looked like some white wannabe jihadi who couldn't grow a proper beard.

    But inside my life was (somewhat) infused with meaning, and I exercised a lot and tried to live according to my own moral code.

    One way I have found it helpful to look at attraction is through the lens of evolution.

  • Marioz86

    Sorry I don't agree with you. There is alpha males and beta males. Inly a beta male thonls there are no alphas. Other stuff is more true.

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