I've been asked to write something like this a few times by several different people so here goes.
What I want in a man
Everyone is different in what they are looking for.
I can only say what I personally look for and others that I've personally known. I grew up rural and live rurally so I'm a bit unique and different from city people.
Some people are very vain...they insist he has to be tall, rich, and whatever.
I am not that way, I personally find the most attractive features to be your heart, soul, & personality.
I love people with beautiful soul.
They help me to feel at peace from all my inner torment.
Physical Looks
I don't usually care what he looks like, as long as he tries to look presentable by taking care of himself, that he isn't a heart attack away from dying.
It is a turn off for me, if it looks like he just got struck by lightning, unless of course he really did.
As long as he can keep up with me, that is pretty much all I need. If he falls short and is willing to work with me to do better, that is alright by me too. Working out together can be a bonding experience in itself.
I'm not in the best shape myself, so shouldn't be too hard to keep up.
When dating someone new, I have a tradition around the 6th date to go on a hike up the mountain, to a historic place that my ancestors used, summer time only as in the winter its under 30 feet of snow at which point we do it soon as it melts.
It is about a 14.5 miles round trip hike and has a elevation gain of about 4,900 feet from trail head to top, which is around 11,700 feet. For some reason it is rated as Strenuous although it doesn't seem Strenuous to me.
I think they just want to make sure people really can do it and don't have to be rescued by making it sound harder than it really is.
Usually takes me about 8 hours to do it, 10 if I'm being a little slow.
As for height, I don't care how tall he is, in fact those way tall guys can be nice and great, but I like to look into his eyes, not his belly button as I am pretty short.
I have been serious with men that are 5' 8 or 5' 9 before.
The more intimate details of life I/we share, the closer our bond becomes...it can work reverse to. As I get to know someone, if they have a terrible personality and everything else, the less attractive they become to me.
Stability requirements:
I do require that someone be stable though. I've had enough unstable relationships, I don't want to be bankrupt or homeless, or trying to take care of him cause he is too lazy.
You could say I look for a stability credit score.
I do not care what job he has, or if he makes more or less than me. Only that he is trying, has a job and has had it for awhile...not 30 jobs in the last six months.
Even full time at a fast food place is fine by me, as long as he is trying to do better. I can work with that, we can work together to help improve each other.
He should also be independent and have a good FICO credit score with a reasonable debt load.
What he can't be doing:
He can't be living at home with his parents, that is a sign he isn't independent and stable.
He can't be on the verge of bankruptcy because he doesn't know how to handle money.
He can't be untrustworthy and I see someone who won't live up to their loan obligations as untrustworthy. If he made a promise to pay back a loan and broke that promise, he WILL break any promises he makes to me, it is just a matter of time and convenience until he does.
Exceptions:
There might be exceptions if they can explain their situation and it can be verified.
For example, living at home with parents if they have a mansion and renting a $5000 a month suite from them would be okay. That shows stability, or if living at home taking care of a disabled/aging parent but is still the primary income earner there.
As he is taking care of a parent, that also shows stability and responsibility.
Everything after this point, no exceptions.
Living home with parents and playing on GAG all day and not having a job, is NOT a exception 😂.
He needs to treat me well
Treat me as a partner, an equal in all things, listen to me...be open with me. Not try to control or boss me around. Not be mean to me, he should support me and make me glad that I am with him. I will do the same for him.
Especially none of this, making me getting rid of friends and isolating me.
Absolutely no controlling behavior.
If he intentionally tries to hurt me in anyway, physically, emotionally, spiritually then we won't work out. As each time of doing that, does forever damage to us and makes our bond weaker.
Cleanliness
He can't be a slob, I'm a clean freak. I'm not his maid to clean up after him. Cleaning helps me to de-stress unless I'm cleaning up after someone then it adds stress. I don't need someone that adds stress to my life.
Communication and trust
If things are going well and we are hitting it off, I love to leave short video or audio recordings and he do the same, more so than direct talking. This way I can save them, play them later and listen to his soul. See how he sounds, how much he is into me.
This combined with texting, sending video/audio clips via text.
By short, I mean no longer than a couple of minutes...talking about my day, or hearing about his day or whatever.
Seeing his face on a recording while he talks is also nice, I do the same...any chance I get. Getting diesel at the station, takes awhile...to put in 35 gallons so I'll record a 3 minute video clip, doing some selfies and chatting with him. Then I send it away...for him to enjoy, I hope he does the same for whatever he is doing too.
I also want to feel their energy, their essence. See how they come across, if they irritate me, scare me or I begin to fall for them.
Trust that we both can talk to each other about anything, that there is nothing taboo that would make one of us leave. Trust to work together in financial matters and other issues.
With good communication and trust, most issues can be worked through.
If either I or him is afraid to bring up something, that is a huge red flag.
Usually around the 12th date, I want an all day date, where we spill everything. History, problems, concerns, future plans, just put it all out there. This is both of our chances to be 100% open without fear of problems.
After this if something comes up that was not talked about, it will damage our relationship, and I make that very clear. Hence the logic behind a all day date, plenty of time to visit, do whatever and spill the beans on everything.
Sexual Compatibility
He can't be asexual or boring...or too big down there, I want a loving connection, not a painful one 🤕.
(Sorry huge guys, I'm short and small so average is better for me.)
Things in common
We don't need to have everything in common, but enough that we can do things together, enjoy our time together and be willing to try things that the other person likes, even if you don't.
I don't need a male version of me, but at least someone open to doing things they may never have done. As I am 💯 open to trying new things that he may enjoy doing or want to do with me.
I don't want to be with someone who wants to stay home and read, while I want to be out hiking, riding, camping or going to theme parks. I don't want him to go begrudgingly, like fine...and be grumpy the whole time either. I want him to enjoy it and like it.
Not enough in common, means we won't work out.
Personal Time
Despite wanting to do lots of things together, I do also want us both to have time for ourselves, to take care of ourselves, our own needs. Be it read a book, play a game, and let the other have time for their own hobbies as well.
It shouldn't be the majority of the time, don't want someone who spends 90% of their free time doing their hobby and ignoring me.
Religion and Political Beliefs Matter to me
I want to be with someone who has similar political and religious beliefs.
I want to have harmony in our relationship, not destruction and violence.
There is more;
This is a great start, but the more I think about it, the more things come to mind but not everything is required at each stage. Some things are early on, talking stage, mid-stage, later and together forever.
Sexual combability for example, is not something we'd know about for awhile.
It is unrealistic to figure everything out about someone in the first five minutes or even the first five dates. These things take time.
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