How to deal with guarded girls?

[Anonymous]

I am dating this girl and she is really open with me, but I think she's guarded. When I asked her out on dates I know she's had a good time. Last week she texted me that she had such fun on this date.

I tell her open things and she always texts back "thanks for being open".

She doesn't look me in the eye when she talks, she's usually looking elsewhere. When she leaves, she will always look me in the eyes.

She got in a pattern of texting me and now she's a bit silent.

She's talked to me about the duds she's dated and I always got the sense she was a bit guarded or easy to screw up with her.

How do I approach this girl? She's very very attractive.

[Nat2193]

I was this way for years, and this wasn't how I started... a past relationship screwed up my emotions and look on every relationship. I still have issues looking people in the face during convos bc my ex said a lot of hurtful things. This might be the case with the girl you like. Just take it slow and let her know that she can trust you, try to show it more than just saying it- bc we r so used to the words! Open up with her and make her feel appreciated. She will come around. You just have to make yourself seem different than the typical "asshole". And it might take time (don't take tooooo much time) but when her walls come down she will be a completely different girl... and happy!!!

[Asker]

I am guessing she is guarded, but I don't know..

[Asker]

She's very sexual with me. Like I'll interlock my fingers in hers and she'll say, "like being stretched out in other places.." or tell me she isn't wearing panties and that it's not lady like.

[Nat2193]

I would say if she's quiet while texting and has probs with looking you in the face, she is probably guarded. She could be having a downer streak but if this has been the thing for over a month; Id say she's guarded.

[Nat2193]

Being sexual is in our nature. We enjoy sexual things bc it makes us feel in control and sexy. It's not overly related to being guarded, try talking with her about something more real and see if she struggles with it.

[Asker]

She's really sarcastic... she doesn't text much. But she does say things I do that are nice and when she's enjoys a date. I don't know... I usually grab her hand and am proactive with her. She's 25-27, surprised a girl this old can be this way.

[Asker]

I know she got out of a 7 year relationship some time ago. Her parents ask if she's dating and all...

[Nat2193]

She might be just easing into the relationship. If you feel comfortable enough with her, ask her why it appears that she's a little guarded.

[Nat2193]

7 years is a long one, I'm sure she's still recovering from that.

[Asker]

I think that was a while ago. I don't know, she's very guarded, but I'm pretty nice to her... I might be too "nice guy" to her

[Asker]

It's confusing because... we had a great weekend together (maybe not). She was texting me all day Friday and last week. Yesterday, not at all and not today. My thinking is that something happened during the weekend when we were hangin gout

[Taywallee16]

Usually women are guarded because a past relationship left them broken. So it took her awhile to put the pieces back together and isn't going to lower her walls for just anyone. It just takes time for her to feel comfortable and trust you. You can't expect her to tell you all her secrets after a month. I know I don't let guys close to me because I kept getting burned when I did.

[Asker]

No of course not... But I have to be careful. Like I am sure it's possible to kiss her too soon

[Anonymous]

Back off a bit.. she'll wonder why if she's interested in more with you.

[Asker]

I just read this. I called her during lunch but she didn't pick up... hopefully not bad.

So if I back off now is that good?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes... try it out...

[Asker]

We went to the park and then we stopped at my house afterwards, maybe that freaked her out

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe. How long have you known her?

[Asker]

A bit more than a month

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm... yeah it might of been too soon for sex., assuming that is why you brought her home

[Asker]

No, not at all. We were in the park and she was cold. We were walking back and my place was 1 block away. I said I'd like to drop my bag off and maybe we can warm up there. So I put the fire place on and got us tea and sat for a bit. I figured she was cold and that's it.

[Asker]

I honestly had no inclinations for sex..

[Opinion Owner]

She might have thought so. Or maybe she wanted you t make a move... women kinda expect men will at least try. That way we know you find us attractive. ..

[Opinion Owner]

And by the way that was sweet of you to do for her...

[Asker]

I haven't tried... most girls yeah, I try and push. But I held off because I've been getting a weird vibe from her... you know for what I mentioned.

Haha, it's so easy to screw up with women. If you bring her to your house: she thinks you are trying to sleep with her. If you don't: she thinks you don't find her attractive.

[Asker]

I hold her hand, put my arm around her... I'm not afraid to touch her... She makes a lot of sexual references... but I don't know...

[Opinion Owner]

If she's letting you touch her that's a very good sign. Good luck!

[Asker]

Yes.. But she hasn't been responsive since Sunday. So I wonder if she lost interest? I backed off.

[Opinion Owner]

How many attempts at contact after her not responding?

[Asker]

I called her once (during lunch) and nothing back. I texted her Monday night, asking how was, and she asked how I was, I responded and no response after...

[Anonymous]

Don't bother with her, it's the easiest way to deal with it. Find a more secure woman.

[Asker]

Do you think it's not worth it?

[Opinion Owner]

Depends on how much you want to work. I'm usually pretty busy, and since I value my time, I don't want to spend it fighting to land an insecure woman. She should be boosting my life, not draining it.