Do you ever feel bad for not giving someone a chance because of the way they look?

[aoifeislovable]

I think a lot of people are kind of confused or maybe in denial about this subject. Me being one of them. Because let's face it anytime one of us on here asks which do you prefer looks or personality... we almost always say personality, and sometimes that's just not true. Obviously we'd all prefer a nice mix of both, but do you ever get asked out by a guy, that's super nice but just isn't good looking and you can't even imagine yourself being attracted to them, and you say no and when they say why? You come out with the good old excuse of I don't want a relationship or I don't want it to be awkward and ruin our friendship, when in your head your like we're in different leagues. Trust me I know the leagues thing is a stupid idea and usually I try to deter people from believing in or using it, but a lot of us think about it, even a little subconsciously from time to time. So my question is do you ever feel guilty for doing this?, or maybe your an awesome person and never do it... either way, what do you think?

[Levin]

I'm not bothered at all. The physical is reflective of the non physical, at least to some extent. We all know that conscious behaviour (ie that we're aware of), is merely subconscious behaviour that was decided on seconds, or even far earlier before, that the rational mind catches up to and explains away in every day terms. There's a good reason why you are attracted to the people you are, it's explained away in physical terms (ie consciously) because that is easier and overt. There's reasons why people are particularly agreeable to *you* also. Isn't it curious that you're baffled by some of the people your friends find attractive, and they too by who you find attractive?

It's actually also disrespectful and de-empowering to the other person to date them out of sympathy. Go with your gut, it won't lead you astray.

[Maik567]

No I don't feel bad about. Getting into a relationship with someone who I wasn't sexually/physically attracted to wouldn't be fair to either of us cause it would leave me unsatisfied.

Personality IS more important than looks, but that doesn't mean that looks don't matter at all. There still has to be that bare minimum of attraction.

[aoifeislovable]

Exactly...

[Aud_Queen]

Always. I hate being the one that's rejecting. Yesterday this nice man who works in a restaurant at my uni asked me out and asked if I had a boyfriend. I lied and said I'm seeing someone. I HATE LYING. But sometimes I feel like I have to because the truth will hurt him/ his ego.

I don't think you should feel bad for rejecting a guy you can't see yourself with/ not attracted too. Because your allowed to find someone you like/want to be with just like he is doing (he didn't ask you out solely for your personality either). And by saying no to this guy, your not stringing him along until you find someone better.

Just remeber to always be kind when rejecting people, no matter how rude they are sometimes when you do.

[aoifeislovable]

Thanks, nice opinion😊

[RachelBrigs]

I don't feel bad about it, because if everyone's honest the very vast majority of people won't get involved with someone they're not attracted to. Its human nature. And the person asking you out wouldn't be asking you out if they didn't find you cute. So really... if you're wrong... they're just as wrong.

And who really wants a boyfriend or girlfriend who isn't attracted to them? It isn't fair to them. If a guy isn't attracted to me I don't want him to date me. I'll find a guy who is attracted to me.

[kaylaS91]

Nah, no need to feel bad because for whatever reason, because of how they look or some aspect of their personality, for not being into someone. I'd feel more guilty if I told them I was interested when that wasn't the whole truth then essentially led them on versus just saying sorry, but I'm not feeling it.

[aoifeislovable]

Very true actually I've never thought of it that way

[spuitkaas]

That is basically my life. I always feel bad about it. I tried dating a guy who I didn't found attractive last summer but it ends up with me not responding in time or ever on his messages. Which is even worse for him and I felt even worse about that. So now I just try to be honest with myself.

[aoifeislovable]

Yeah that's tough

[BrownBoyBrownies]

No because I don't even ask girls out. What I feel bad about is the guys and girls who had no idea they are being or had been rejected because of their looks, they were excused as 'havin' a BF' and 'I'm not lookin for relationship' as a rejection. That sort of stuff. It happened to my friend plenty of times but at least he got a babe now.

[aoifeislovable]

Good for him😂

[bente2]

I don't feel bad about it, no. I'm not the prettiest but I have certain 'standards'. It's instinctual, the best gene pool will be the most attractive. My standards aren't high, just be tall, not too many pimples bc that's.. No.. And not too ugly, just normal. I know I could never get an incredibely hot guy 😂

[StickStickity13]

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date someone. People shouldn't have to explain their reasons. Even if it's because of something really stupid.

[aoifeislovable]

Very good point...

[Tarvold]

I used to feel bad. So I started giving some of these girls a chance. Unfortunately, this almost always end up in regret. It turns out that with every step decrease in physical beauty, there is a disproportional increase in insecurity and the desire to use drama to compensate their fear of "losing me".

Now I don't know what to think anymore.

[Scrambledagain]

No. I just feel bad for ugly people in general. But it's my insecurities. I know some very happy ugly people who live life and get on with it, I unfortunately don't. I've been friendshipzoned so many times that now I'm used to that part of life that whenever somebody approaches me or gives me a hint and I'm not attracted, I just a politely decline without feeling anything.

[hotstuffSRD]

Yeah the way you think is right but I'd say that it's nothing wrong having preferences and saying personality matters more than looks is usually a lie tbh cause if a guy's ugly girls usually don't talk to them though I haven't been through this but as I'm not at all good looking so this can happen to me by the way you look beautiful :P LOL 😁

[aoifeislovable]

Yeah I guess so, and thanks😂

[hotstuffSRD]

My pleasure senorita 😜

[AleDeEurope]

I feel bad for her if she came to me and expressed her feelings, cause it's not easy, and even worse when you get rejected, but I won't lie to her and myself by being with someone I don't wanna be with, cause looks are very important too.

[lolasmith23]

Yes, I definitely feel guilty and I hate seeming like I'm shallow. Honestly it's hard to date someone you aren't attracted to and if people try to tell you other wise then they are just naive.

[cirox_y]

I do just a little because there are some great guys out there that do deserve to be someone, but if I'm not attractive to them then there's no point. I hope I don't sound superficial but looks do matter to me just because thats what first attracts you to a person. And if you don't find a person attractive but they have the best personality, the personality won't matter because you're going to eventually find lust in someone else.

[brinaeac]

I do feel bad. because sometimes those guys that approach me could be really good guys its just im not physically attracted to them and I know my thought process is not cool

[DodgersGM]

Not gonna lie, I have felt bad. One of the WORST feelings in the world is when someone is into you and it's not reciprocal.

That said, turning them down is the best thing for everyone involved.

[CBryan]

I feel bad that so many girls didn't give me a chance because I'm not great looking. They all missed out on someone whom they will probably never find another.

[aoifeislovable]

I guess but then again maybe they found a good looking just as nice guy and are happy... there has to be at least a little attraction there

[RachelBrigs]

I'm sure all those girls you asked out are ones you were attracted to.

[CBryan]

Yep, look matters most ;)

[WhatTheHellAmy]

Yeah, I feel like shit and like someone superficial. But meh, that's me.

[truthhammer]

never.

if i m not attracted to her, that side will always lack.

if i m not attracted to her, she won't be treated as well as she should be.

[Helghast_kitty]

looks are more about getting your foot in the door, personality is what actually makes me want to be with you

[Nandor]

No I dont feel bad but I know that I may would regret it

[Dylanguest1989]

I'll give anyone a shot if they live close they usually don't though

[gobsmacked3]

Look, never have and never will mean anything to I

[Caliopie]

Dont feel bad it is What it is

[pavlove]

nope. no one should

[jamesdegod]

no i dont tbh