What does seeing someone exclusively mean to you?

[lovelym]

Is it dating? Would you call them your girlfriend/boyfriend and tell your friends about it?

[Anonymous]

I am in this situation right now. This was her asking. No labels, but monogamous during this "testing phase". I feel like she wants a relationship without having to do any of the work that comes with having a relationship. She still tells all her friends about me. Yet I am not officially a boyfriend. She seems like she is getting ready to go those extra couple inches to seal the deal, then backs off. I don't blame her. Right now she can do absolutely as she pleases and does not have to factor my needs into her life. You get it all with this setup.. security in knowing they are locked up.. but none of the stuff that comes with having to maintain an official relationship. I got suckerd!

[feminismisnarcissism]

^^^THIS. exactly... a girl wants to tie you up while making up her mind lol
yep, they may even introduce you to their friends, spend all their time with you... but have occassional back off freak outs, etc... it's not optimal, but it's kind of a fun carnival ride for a spell lol. best thing to do is start talking to as many other girls as possible and when she changes gears again (ie goes unexclusive in behavior-behavior, mind you, or tells you to back off) you jump onto another girl.. the first one will be 10x more interested if you do.

[lovelym]

Yeah i get what you mean. I think that's him too though. i get that we're new and we're getting to know each other but you're in or you're not, you know what I mean? i'm scared he's only in for the sex and said "exclusively" just so i'd be like "everything's fine we'll keep fucking then" and when he gets bored or something he'll look for something better. I feel like I'm unlovable and i'm not "girlfriend material" to anyone, and i've been told this before.

[Opinion Owner]

lovelym, if he cares at all and pays any sort of attention, he knows you are fragile in this department. Stand your ground on what you believe you deserve. If he tries to convince you to compromise your basic ideals, then fuck him. He ain't worth the energy or time. A little risk with hurt now is way better than a larger risk for larger hurt later if you compromise your fundamental ideals.

[feminismisnarcissism]

yep... I wish Anonymous wasn't Anonymous, I'd follow him. Men on this site seem 90% clueless to me... but this is GOOD advice, this man deffo has a clue. couldn't put this better myself. you gotta have boundaries, standards, and not compromise what you want-fuck him if he doesn't match them... by "Fuck him" i mean quit fucking him and go back to enjoying life (or improving it if you don't) til the right him shows up

[lovelym]

thank you! I don't like playing games and things and I try to be as real as I can but most people aren't like this unfortunately. well anyways, I think he might have noticed, or at least noticed that i'm genuine and insecure. I'm always sending "i like you please be nice" sorta vibes i guess. I do believe he's not an asshole and wouldn't treat me like i'm afraid he might or how other guys have in the past, but sometimes I just think what if he is and I'm just being naive again? it would be so shit

[Opinion Owner]

@feminismisnarcissism Yeah, I talk a good game.. I am here in pretty much the same situation... lol. Knowing is only half the battle (I am sure you are one of the very few that will get that)...

[Opinion Owner]

Well, maybe he is allowing you the space to label this thing? Maybe he is scared he would scare you off if he asked about a full blown relationship? I ask because I learned the hard way it is best to let women bring that one up. Maybe he is that way? Talk to him about it.

[lovelym]

I see where you're coming from, i just wish i wasn't always too scared to talk about things like this. I'm always sacred i'll fuck it up. maybe i'll just give it some time since it's very recent and if he doesn't say anything i'll try to bring it up...

[JerichoJared]

I don't do exclusive and I make a point not to hide that from women at any point, but if I suddenly got the urge to I would make sure to mark my territory and hope that she would do the same. You can't really help feeling sexual attraction to other people. That's nature, but the emotional attachment you're describing should be openly defined between a couple for the world to see.

[lovelym]

i dont think we're making it very open for the world to see

[JerichoJared]

Are you sure you're on the same page? Talk to him about it. As long as you're calm he's not going to think you're a crazy person or be turned off of you. Men don't usually see the same problems in things that women do unless they were raised by them.

[lovelym]

I'm too scared to talk about it. I think he'll dump or something or think i'm weird for having feelings for him like that already

[JerichoJared]

He'll either be patient or not. If you're more emotionally inclined, and he can't deal with that, he's a shitty person for not being able to tell you anyway.

[lovelym]

i am very emotional hahaha i struggle a lot with talking about feelings or just talking about me in general, i tried to read him a poem in portuguese it said things like "i like your voice" and "i could stay for more 20 minutes just watching you talk about your day" and shit like that. and he asked me to translate it for him and i said i couldn't do it because i'm just too shy. I forgot the poem at his place and he asked online for people to help him translate it and they did, i asked him if he ever translated it and he said he did and that it was nice. and i was blushing and being really awkward trying to pretend it didn't mean anything but it was something i wish i could've said to him but would never. anwyays i dont know if he got that but I'm sure he knows i like him and that i'm somewhat fragile when it comes to things like this. i know he won't be mean but he will tell me the truth and i'm scared to hear it cos if it's what i'm fearing it could be, i'll ruin me

[JerichoJared]

Hold on. I'm going to link you to something else I commented on.

https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q2105664-what-do-you-do-when-you-know-for-sure-that-the-person-that-you-ve

[lovelym]

it's not opening :(

[JerichoJared]

Close the gaps between the www. and the. com. I'm not allowed to post URLs yet.

Anyway, you're relatively young and a little naive. A rejection is not the end of the world. It may seem like it at the time, but it's far from it. They help you grow as a person and maybe really discover who you are as a person.

You sound like a very nice young lady though. As long as he's not like me and can't feel romantic feelings, I honestly don't know why he wouldn't want to be exclusive. You're not going to know if you don't ask him, though.

[JerichoJared]

It basically said I fell in love one time and got rejected. It was really painful, but I eventually got over it by separating my feelings from the situation.

That is literally the worst thing that will happen if you get rejected. Stewing over it is really unhealthy, though. Please, do yourself a favor and tell him.

[lovelym]

thanks for being so nice and for the advice! I know it's not the end of the world but i know it's going to be really hard and i don't know how i'd handle it. I'll try to talk to him, I hope he feels the same and will be nice about it :/

[JerichoJared]

I wish you luck.

[Paris13]

If you Both have Talked it over, and a Title such as "Exclusive" has Come up, you could be in the Stages of Dating, then Mating. It doesn't Mean Official until you both have slapped on another 'Title' that Means "Official," and with this, means In a Relationship, which is More Serious.
However, being 'Exclusive' could be that you are Past the Dating stage but are more like a Couple who are Not going Anywhere Anytime soon with Anything Too "Serious" when it Comes to a Relationship, but this is Called then An... Understanding Pact you have Between one Another until Further Notice.
Good luck and Great question. xx

[lovelym]

Oh I see. Thank you for your opinion that's actually what I was looking for I guess. I want something serious and this isn't something temporary or an understanding pact for me cos we're "not going anywhere" kind of thing.
Would it be stupid if I tried to talk to him about it again? Because I don't want to push things but I do want to know if we're on the same page. I don't even know how to talk about it because I also just want to let it flow and I'm scared that talking about it will ruin that. I'm probably making it more complicated than it should be but if he meant something like "i won't fuck anyone else but i don't want anything serious with you" i'll just get really hurt because i have feelings for him and I'm considering him my boyfriend already and not just a exclusive fuck buddy or whatever lol (sorry i'm awful at talking i hope i made sense)

[Paris13]

You are Most welcome, hun, and yes, this happens, is why I mentioned all ends with Today's Toms.
If you Have already been down this road with talk before with him, then for now, let it rest. he has Not showed you a sign that he will change his mind. Sometimes, when a guy is real cozy like a fat cat with his girl, like in a corner, he will not budge because it means change and rearrange.
However, the ball is in your own court, and if you see down the line, he is not moving, maybe you will decide to Move on and look for More in Store. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thank you for the Like, hun. xx

[Paris13]

Thank you for the Vote of Confidence, hun. xx

[mimiblondychick]

maybe friends with benefits , well it depends on the situation? how did it happen , if a guy wants to be in a relationship he would put as a label and say i want you to be my girlfriend.

[lovelym]

He said he likes me and likes spending time with me and he was the one who mentioned being exclusive. I thought he wanted to be just friends with benefits, but he changed his facebook status and it's not single anymore. I thought he just wants to take it slow because so do I. I'm confused because if he just wanted sex and nothing serious why would he say to us to be exclusive and don't mention that?

[mimiblondychick]

ask him what is he really looking for with you? be honest you don't want to be lead on.
if a guy mind games you he's def insecure and doesn't know what he want in life
guys do it just to get in the pants , play hard to get
remember you are beautiful , love yourself before others girl :)

[mooky06]

I wouldn't say that he's my boyfriend and i'm he's girlfriend, but he's interested in me (and so am I), so we're working together to be in a long term relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

Your generation has such strange practices about dating. Why are you afraid to call it that?

[lovelym]

i don't know either lol

[posted]

It doesn't necessarily mean 'official/tell everyone'. It means 'only you' basically. It's generally meant as boyfriend/girlfriend though.

[lovelym]

yeah that makes sense to where we are now i guess

[posted]

Yeah, I guess it could range from dating only you to boyfriend/girlfriend.

[AynonOMouse]

It means that they are your long term girlfriend and you aren't with anyone else romantically or physically. It is like marriage, but without the legal stuff or paper certificate.

[lovelym]

I'm so insecure I still find it hard to believe he'd said he likes me and that we're actually dating now

[AynonOMouse]

Just be happy about it and don't question his intentions and he'll be happy with you too.

[lovelym]

Well I've always been questions his intentions, not to him but still. Should def stop doing that then :/

[WillowTree]

We're only dating and fucking each other and do everything together and probably living together.

[lovelym]

We haven't put it on facebook or anything though, I haven't met his friends yet and it's quite new. I'm so nervous about it, i'm not used to this

[WillowTree]

Good luck. Make sure you meet people he knows and you're being introduced properly.

[Phoenix98]

I only date exclusively to me that's normal and the only way to do it if you ain't just with one person then you ain't datin.

[Sharktank33]

Making it official with each other, not seeing anyone else.

[lovelym]

oh boy

[SammyGurl]

Only dating one person, while you are the only person they are dating, monogamous dating.

[CisScum]

Girlfriend/boyfriend. Exclusivity is in essence is you taking something serious which usually leads to you being exclusively theirs.

[martyfellow]

Well, it depends. Are both of you single, for example? Are both of you open to a relationship?

There are so many permutations here!

[lovelym]

For some reason we never talked about it, being in a relationship or anything. I guess because we were just letting things happen and we're both shy/reserved. It took me a while to have the guts to ask him what was happening between us because I thought he just saw me as friends with benefits or something like that.

I asked him "What are we doing?" very awkwardly lol and he said "I like you a lot and I like hanging out with you, would you like us to be exclusive" and I said I'd like that. Later that day I went to his facebook and I realized he took out his Single status from the front page and I checked his About and it was showing "No relationship info to show" and I changed mine as well. So yeah, not single anymore, and only seeing each other.

[martyfellow]

At this point you are a couple. congratulations!

[lovelym]

I don't know why I'm still in denial hahaha

[martyfellow]

It's always good to hesitate about a long term commitment at your age. Your future plans have to play into what your relationship becomes now.

[lovelym]

That's true. I'm not actually scared of being in a committed relationship because of how it will affect my plans and everything but I'm not used to having feelings for someone and I feel vulnerable and scared of getting hurt

[martyfellow]

Yes, I 'm not surprised, since YOU had to be the one to bring up defining the relationship.

[nog6422]

Not really sure what you're asking here. If you are dating you should be exclusive to them. Exclusivity is when you only do sexual/romantic acts with one person for a certain period of time.

[lovelym]

What do you mean for a certain period of time?

[nog6422]

@lovelym Like, you could say "I was exclusive to my girlfriend while I was dating her" and that means that the "certain period of time" is the period of time when you were tating her.

[feminismisnarcissism]

lots of times it just means sexually exclusive... especially with girls that are head cases... that's my experience.

[lovelym]

Wouldn't you make it clear it's just sex though? Why lead someone on like that?

[feminismisnarcissism]

personally I don't get "just" sexually exclusive. Either we're together or we're not. But girls seem to think you can be exclusive AND single... whatever... I want to either be WITH her or with MANY girls, but not some vague bullshit in the middle.

But most guys don't have options so most guys WOULD take this contradictive concept (single but exclusive) and agree to it... I don't. If she wants to be with me in a real way-THEN i might be exclusive-but only in EVERY way-ie she's my girlfriend. She wants some middle of the path shit-like act like my boyfriend, but I'ma act single while "exclusively" fucking only you-naw, I'll call her out at the first contradiction (and it won't take more than a few days) and end it... and go back to fucking several girls, fuck that version of "exclusive"-it's some kinda selfish nonsense that is self sabotaging to that girl (maybe guys do this too, I simply wouldn't know since I never dated any guys-but I myself don't pull this "exclusive, kinda"

[lovelym]

Yeah I'm the same as you, it's either one thing or the other. I find it extremely hard to trust men though, cos all they seem to care about is the sex and they'd probably do anything

[feminismisnarcissism]

some men... but girls are the same way if you ask me. maturity is the issue. and emotional stability. I have the option to sleep with at least 5 different women right now... but i wouldn't even consider it-cuz i have one I ADORE. she's enough and i also trust her completely-that's the real shit, that's what it means to give yourself to each other. I don't even see anyone else (ie i got tunnel vision for her)

Or take my marriage-I had at least a dozen opportunities to cheat, thrown at me, I never once even considered cheating. and in most of the cases it was 100% safe, my wife would never have known. thus-it's really about principles. However, I'm a total horndog, a bit of a pervert, and think about sex nearly nonstop lol... doesn't mean I can't be loyal though. if that helps

[lovelym]

I'm just moved out to a new country and I could be going to parties, getting to know people have sex with everyone but I don't want anyone, I just want him and to spend time with him. And it's so weird because I've never care before, i'd hook up with who i wanted and party and I wouldn't mind being single at all. I don't need him or depend on him but I want him to stick around and choose me. All I can hope is that I'm enough and the feeling is mutual I guess.

[feminismisnarcissism]

i think you have a good attitude about it... but don't wait around... live your life and don't be blind to new opportunities. :)

[abc3643]

Yes to everything you said.

[lovelym]

He hasn't said the word girlfriend though. He has a radio show and he mentioned something I said and he said "A friend told me the other day..." and I saw a post he made on reddit and he also said "a friend" in the sentence lol i'm flattered to also be his mate but we're also more than that

[abc3643]

Well, for professional reasons, he may have to not say girlfriend. You see, when people have the illusions that a celebrity is available, they continue to be interested in the celebrity. Once the celebrity is known to not be available, a certain fraction of the listening/viewing audience will drop off. This is a significant reason that DJs, musicians, and actors 1) don't wear wedding rings, etc., and 2) never change their professional names once they are married (and usually don't use their real LEGAL names anyway). So, if your boyfriend is some type of celebrity like a DJ, then it will be a habit of his as part of his job to not say girlfriend.

[lovelym]

He's not really a celebrity but I just realized after what you said that he might have not said girlfriend because it would make it very personal and since he has loyal listeners he'd have to explain and tell them about it and etc. Since we're new he might been careful about that? I don't know. I've told my family and friends because I couldn't help myself and I was just happy about it. I think too much into things wow

[Anonymous]

It means that she thinks hers is the only vagina I am boning.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Being exclusive...

[skykidx1]

No shit if not move on