Is it true that as soon as a man thinks he's got you, he pulls away?

I hear this all the time and am just wondering if this is true. What keeps the guy interested?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anyone playing the GAME OF LOVE YES. But not all. This can go for both sides. Women like to chase guys "bad boys" but once they get them they try to change them into the prick they are not. Men like to chase women but once she turns around and saids... Hey lets move in together? They run... games game games.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Men do this all the time, and judging from the responses below they don't even realize they're doing it. Which is why if you try to talk to them about it they'll act confused, hurt, and cornered.

    It boils down to the male "chase and conquer" mentality. Men are designed to find things they want, chase them, and conquer their goal. Once they have accomplished that, they scale back their efforts and look for something else to conquer.

    When a man is chasing a woman he will do ANYTHING necessary in his eyes to get her. He will be very romantic, use more words in more sentences than he's ever used in his life, open car doors, buy gifts and flowers, etc.

    Once you tell him you're committed to him he relaxes. He turns his energies towards work or his car or his hobbies. The number of words he says drops to his normal level. No more opening doors, no flowers, or gifts. Valentine's Day is for "chasers" not "keepers."

    There is no way to avoid it. It just is. It's largely why marriages suck. They expect sex on demand with no romance, which makes it hard to want sex beause you just feel like his maid, cook, secretary, and whore.

    The only thing you can do is play games to make him less certain of your interest, which is exhausting.

    Disclaimer: some men are very romantic and verbal by nature. I'm talking about your average Joe.

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    • Thanks for the last couple of sentences :) I think im very verbal and like to compliment, more so if they are giving 100% to me.

      This is the first time I've ever heard of guys doing this, I didn't know that this happened so much.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 37

  • From a relationship coaching lens, sometimes and it applies to both men and women. There are two reasons for this:

    Some people need mystery, intrigue, a challenge and they get bored with the easy way into someone's heart. This is childish but not completely uncommon

    Some people, when they feel something real, get scared and back off. They've been hurt before and don't wanna get too close to someone.

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  • Yeah I've sort of been guilty of this in the past. I always got bored with women really quickly. As soon as they gave themselves 100% to me I was just instantly bored. Was different with my girlfriend I guess. She managed to give herself to me 100% and still keep me interested. I actually still don't fully understand that girl lmao. She crazy man. But in a good way.

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    • Why did you get bored? I broke up after a year because I realized I didn't want to marry my girlfriend, and the flaws/differences were too much, but if you've found a great life partner, why wouldn't you cherish that?

    • @Salohcin22 I don't just find a great life partner around the corner. I have pretty high standards when it comes to that stuff. I was mostly just sleeping around for a good couple years. I could definitely see my settling down with my girlfriend today though. It's too soon to make that call as of right now though.

  • i don't think so , but thanks for asking this question , i think i'm on the verge of doing this , guess i should ask her out already

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  • That's called playing games, playing hard to get. Treat them keep them keen. You will only find that from a player. Girls that like this stuff, get their hearts torn to pieces.

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  • If a guy does that, he is likely freaking out a bit that he has gotten himself into something, and is naturally fearing losing his freedom and independence to his new girlfriend. He's trying to figure it out and doesn't want to hurt her, because he wouldn't have pursued it this far if he didn't care for you.

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  • Yeah... with guys, it's probably the opposite of that.

    When women say that they are talking about sex and they are talking about meeting guys at a club or a bar. "Once you sleep with them they never call back".

    Women are taught that men should keep them interested all of the time. Men are very content with a womens infacuation. If you are a women who wants to keep a guy then show him you really appreciate him. If he knows you think he's the best then everything will be great..
    Damn, I wish I could have that.

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    • No guys always pull back in relationships. They mostly cut way back on communicating and gifts.

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    • @PunkinPie it's more that women expect men to be suckups when it comes to the early dating. They've gotta make the first move, they've gotta pay, they've gotta impress her and be patient with her. All you're seeing is a return to normalcy, because men don't hate relationships, they hate dating. They hate being suckups. It's tiring.

    • @tyber1 Hell, wait until you you get married. When things cool down and she's content suddenly after a few years BANG, she wants to be impressed then hates you.

  • Well im not entirely sure, i dont exactly speak for all guys, but i think its just spending time together and talking, sometimes i think you just have to treat your partner like a really close friend. and try not to base the relationship on sex or possessions. your not his and he's not yours. no one owns anyone, but thats just me.

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  • Getting played is your own fault.
    2static3.fjcdn.com/.../...f26529ec447c24381777.jpg

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    • Not really... I don't dress provocatively, don't act flamboyant... I'm just a nice, smart, and caring person... I am a selfless and nurturing person as well. I think that used to give guys the impression that they could get shit out of me..

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    • @PunkinPie You went into detail, thank you.
      Did you ever suspect he was cheating? Because he suddenly stopped speaking and started being very aggressive with you. I think yours is the case where when you marry the person you love they suddenly change.

    • @disgustingweebtrash
      Thank you for changing your view on the subject. I know I was a little harsh, and I think you mainly got that because you didn't read as much in the lines as I did. The reason I defended her so much is that I could tell this was a long issue where she did all the work and he was lazy, but she was still extremely polite to you after you said all of that. I would have done the same if the genders were switched

  • the most logical answer...

    some people do, some people don't

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  • A little yes... girls do that too
    I know that I'm too available, sometimes not always, she might pull back a little

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    • it's not a bad thing. it;s just going with the flow

      It's good that you can pick up that cue, just back it up a little... and give him space. That's the best option

  • It happens from both genders. This is just a trait of a true player or playette. They do it simply because they don't want to enter into a relationship, just want to play the dating game.

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  • i dont think so

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  • Complete nonsense. Shit young people make up... usually women..

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  • Yeah, that's so many men marry women, that's our way of pulling away.

    xD

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  • No, not true at all.
    Boys? Or men?

    Men are simple creatures, easy to please. You're still not sure how to keep a man interested?

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    • You'd think one could tell the difference between a boy and a man.. I am confused honestly because I had known this guy for a year before I asked him out. We'd always had great discussions and a plethora of things in common. Anyways, I asked him out and even somewhat initiated the first move. I got a great response in return and he had followed up on texting me for a few days. However I am not always "quick to respond" because I dislike texting which I told this guy as well. But he got irritated somewhat about the fact that I didn't always reply soon enough. Texting started to fizzle out and he sent me an interesting message on V-day in a text that compared me to a purple rose saying "Your like a purple rose, so hard to find but worth the search". I responded later that day and got no response. I called two days later to check in and got no response. That is honestly why I was confused..

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    • From the dominance article I found these two paragraphs quite profound:
      "Love and lust are not based on mutual respect. Love is based on mutual care, lust on mutual desire. Women care and lust when they can respect man’s hardness, men lust for flesh, caring only when they are ensnared by a woman’s softness. An equal woman is not a soft woman, nor a desirable woman, nor a woman a man of any real standing desires to protect, and so she is neither a woman he will endure to commit to, nor a woman in anything but the physical sense of the word, for by behaving as a man and trying to compete as one, she devalues herself in his eyes.

      It is as such the strategy of the wise woman to submit, complement and enjoy the fruits and protection of her man, whereas it is the purview of the foolish woman to compete with him at every turn. Women of a masculine nature will never be truly desirable to men in much the way men of a feminine nature will never be truly desirable to women. -->cont

    • ... The difference between the two of course is masculine women can get laid, but feminine men can’t, where they are of course equal is neither receives commitment from anyone either."

  • No sorry hun thats ridiculous.

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    • Not at all! I think you don't even realize you're doing it.

    • incidentally, right below your comment on my screen is an ad "#1 Reason Men Pull Away"

  • Lol, that sounds more like something a girl would do than a guy

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  • Hmm. No I don't think so. I pull away when I notice the girl is bit crazy or if I come to some twisted conclusion she is better of without me for whatever magical reason I find at that given time.

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  • I think he was just putting in a lot of effort to get you (pretty much a requirement as a man) and now that he's got you he doesn't need to keep chasing you.

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  • Not necessarily. Once he got you his desire will get down, that's for sure. When this happens your relationship loose intensity and earns more peace and chill. That's the natural course of life and relationships.

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  • It's possible with some. However, I doubt that many would do that - since guys want love, too.

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  • Not true for me, if i think i got you ill ask you to be mine and seal the deal.

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  • Nah not with me at all

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  • Sounds like meaningless idle salon gossip to me.

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  • Is weird, I usually got stuck and couldn't get out.

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  • Depends on how lucky your are meeting someone serious

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  • never dated a guy
    and don't wanna so not sure

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  • How can a man pull away if he already has you? Nonsense question.

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    • They usually cut way back on communication and gifts... none to little romantic gestures. (I don't count sex as romance)

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    • I mean, I don't need a dozen Valentine roses. "Just get one." I told him it's just making the effort to stop.. that he thought of me. I didn't care of it came from a grocery store but Jesus, when you know someone really like something why would you intentionally not do it?

      Of course I didn't bug him at first but around year ten I started spelling it out for him.

    • @PunkinPie You're complaining about flowers that are just going to wilt and die in about a week? That's a waste of money if you ask me, why not just get you a $1 card and write nice words in it?

      If he went on a paid honeymoon with you, that's already effort and time invested in YOU. I commend him for shutting you up for complaining about freaking flowers. You had no right to "speel" anything out for him.

      Also, what are you getting HIM? I see you complaining, but what did HE get on the honeymoon?

  • no it's not true of course...

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 16

  • It depends on the man. Some do it to play you and keep you on your toes. Others do because they want to reflect on what they're feeling and make sure they're doing the right thing (i. e. they don't want to get into a relationship with you to then realize they don't really feel like it, and end up breaking your heart). Others know for sure they want to be with the girl and see no reason to pull away.

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  • Sometimes guys are puling away when a girl becomes too clingy, too dramatic.
    To keep guy more interested in you, sometimes you can be unpredictable, like kissing a guy unexpectedly (but of course when you'e both in relationship) being spontaneous and do some activities you didn't plan to do. Sometimes you can be a "bad" girl around your guy too, like not being afraid of being sarcastic sometimes, have some wild sex:) Not being too submissive, showing your boyfriend that you can have your own opinion too, sometimes boast yourself that for example you're doing something better than him and challenge him :P

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  • How much does he pull away? Either he needs space or he's not that interested or both. If he doesn't communicate why he does this then he's just a boy. Someone who doesn't communicate well is not worth my interest.

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  • I don't think it's on purpose ( usually) though it can certainly appear that way! I think the right guy will show an equal level of interest... Best of luck!

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  • Only if he doesn't really care about you. Players tend to do that. So if he's not playing you then he won't. If he is, then he will.

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  • Ouuuchhh...

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  • It seems like it. It's frustrating. But maybe I happen to be dating the "wrong" type of guy? But seriously how can you tell from the start? It's not always black and white

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  • It depends on the guy as it depends on the girl. Sometimes a guy pulls away bc the girl is starting to show way too much love, but not all of them pull. And sometimes the girl shows love but not too much, and the guy still pulls away, bc he's afraid of what's coming.

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  • It is right for some

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  • Boys, yes.
    A man, no.

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  • It depends on the type of guy.

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  • A narcissistic asshole yes... a real man no.

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  • yeah nsome are like that

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  • Yeah guys do that all the time which is why I decided not to get close to them and not let him think he "got me". I will still act interested but at the same time I'll act like he's just an option and that I don't care if he doesn't want me I'll just continue to live my life happily and this has actually worked I mean if we're official official then I won't act like this

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    • Awww :( My girlfriend acted like this and never completely opened up to me, which was one of the main reasons I ended it. Do you mean officially exclusive or official as in engaged? If its exclusive then that makes sense, but I dont like being in it long term and still being treated as an option, especially when Im not treating them that way.

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    • @Miss_Behave aw sorry to hear that girl I know things can get tough will relationships trust me I know what you mean I've been hurt countless timea before with guys in the past so I just decided to give up for now and just live my life but if the right guy comes along great if not it's okay. In your situation tho it might be good to takw some time off dating till your heart heala and do stuff that makes you happy! You seem like a nice person so I'm sure you'll eventually meet the right guy :)

    • Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I'm definitely not looking right now... Not even for awhile, I don't think. I'm trying to focus more on healing and myself... and protecting my heart.

  • Yeah, sometimes. Men are assholes

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  • Depends on compatibility. People usually don't know if they are compatible until a few months into a relationship. I doubt many guys say oh she likes me well now I am not interested haha.

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