Do you like a little bit of possessiveness?

[teawrecks]

Nothing scary like they dictate who you can and can't see and what you can and can't do on a daily basis.

Just minor possessiveness like them calling out anyone who tries to hit on you, etc.

this dude I'm potentially seeing soon got mad cause a snap I sent him looked, to him, like I was laying in someone's lap.

When I said he seemed mad he was like "well yeah, lol. I'd rather not get snaps from you laying in someone else's lap, lol"

... haven't even met him yet. I'm torn between being turned on and backing away 😂

Updates

+1 y

I'm assuming he lashed out like that because he's been cheated on in the past, but... like I said... we haven't even gone on a date or met. Nothing I do constitutes as cheating right now.

[lumos]

Naaaaahhhh that's too much. Like he's already thinking you're with someone else and apparently you haven't seen each other yet. I can only see that kind of behavior getting worse.
The only amount of "possessiveness" I tolerate I actually have a real life example of. I was buying a phone case with my boyfriend, and then the (male) cashier and I started small talking and joking a little while my boyfriend was looking at other things behind me. When we were leaving he put his arm around me and kissed me which threw me off a little bit because it was sorta early in our relation. So I was like "oh, are you jealous of the cashier?" And according to my boyfriend he "didn't even think of it, but maybe a little". Haha. And since then he hasn't even shown any signs of being possessive, like he hasn't been grumpy or even slightly aggressive and the worst thing he did was kiss me (oh no how hooorrible!).
Whereas with your guy he was clearly being grumpy towards you because a mere assumption about you being with someone else. Like that's flat out jealousy and freaking out over something he made up about you.

[lumos]

early in our relationship*
Like we hadn't done a lot of PDA before that and the store wasn't exactly huge.

[nevermoregirl7]

Why would you send them a pic of you on someone's lap? I wouldn't snap personally because like you said, haven't even met them, but if a guy were to do that with me, I would probably stop talking to them.

I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. And I actually do like some possessiveness. I think my limit would be not being able to have certain guy friends, because that indicates no trust.

But I do like it when I tell him a guy said something kind of flirty and he suddenly says they better back off. Or when he notices another guy around he makes sure he is extra affectionate with me. Things like that.

[teawrecks]

You read it wrong. I didn't send him that snap. He said it LOOOKED like I was in someone's lap. Wasn't.

[nevermoregirl7]

ooohhhh. Probably best to still move on.

[samhradh_leannan]

A little bit, yes. It shows that they value me and don't want to lose me.

But honestly, getting MAD because it just LOOKED like you were in someone else's lap, when you haven't even met yet, seems like kind of a red flag to me. I mean I can understand why he didn't like it, if it really looked like that to him, but... you haven't even met yet. How extreme will he be when you're actually dating?

[Anonymous]

BIG red light! Any trait like that is a sign of insecurity. He jumped to the wrong conclusion because he made an unnecessary assumption. At this stage of getting to know him, he should have found out the facts, by some means.

What would I do? Like one of your alternatives, back right away. Fast.

[MrMysteryMan]

I don't mind if my woman shows a little bit of this and jealousy. It just shows that she really wants me and would fight to keep me in her life. But once she's always questioning where I am and who I'm with or can't leave my side or have me out of her vision for a sec, that's when it starts to push me way, because it starts to tell me that they have trust issues.

Play it by ear still with this guy. In his defense, having your head in someone's lap is a fairly intimate position to have your head in. It would be different if you maybe just had your arm around his shoulders like a best bud or something, but usually, just friends aren't in such intimately close quarters. Like your head is right at his crotch really. Let me put it to you this way, what if he had another woman's head on his lap with a snap of this on his phone? As well, why would you have a snap of this on your phone if this type of image wasn't of a personal sort? It's like you were happy to have that guy in your lap so close to you. Can you see where he's coming from? It might not be this way to you, but the image says otherwise.

[hahahmm]

If you are intentionally trying to push a guy's buttons by making him jealous it will eventually backfire when you meet a good guy.

Just because you can do something does not mean you should rub it in the guy's face

[Nadia1994]

What if it's the other way around? I mean if a guy is intentionally trying to push a girl's buttons by making her jealous? What should the girl do?

[teawrecks]

All I did was send him a selfie lmao

[hahahmm]

If a guy tries to make you jealous, dump him. Or give him one warning and dump him the next time.

[Nadia1994]

But why would he do it?

[hahahmm]

@nadia1994

In a relationship:

A.) a self-centered person with low esteem likes to feel wanted. Flirting with tons of people gets them that as does seeing their partner's reaction. But making sure their partner knows is where it crosses the line, in my opinion.

B.) a neglected person may notice that they get more attention from their partner when they pretend to be interested in others. This may or may not be bad but the relationship obviously has issues.

Outside of a relationship:

People have the right to flirt with whoever they wish but if it is to play games with someone's emotions that's not cool.

[Eswarby]

I like the idea of moderate possessiveness - something that says "You're mine. I'll protect you" without the possibility of romantic imprisonment "I'll never let another person look at you ever again." If I was never another's, I'm not sure she could ever say she'll protect me 🤔

[Smiley_face101]

Yeah the thin line between being a gentleman and a control freak

[Eswarby]

Thinner than the thinnest thong

[bente2]

I mean, in your story, nah that's hella unattractive. But a guy that doesn't even care when I flirt back with a guy (not like I would when in a relationship), that would bore me. I like jealousy. I like it when my boyfriend drags me away to go do something where we can be alone if he's had enough.

[Mayank4077]

May be

[bente2]

@Mayank4077 may be what? What?

[Bella16]

Ditch him - yesterday if possible! This is how it starts and I have seen it happen so many times to other women. It may be flattering at first but when you can't even go out for a coffee with a girlfriend or say hello to another guy it's not funny any more.

[aacrs]

ABORT MISSION. I repeat. ABORT MISSION.

I mean, if you guys are dating already, it's kind of ok to be mad. Who would want his/her SO at someone else's lap. But you two haven't even met. Who knows what kind of restriction he'll put into your life after this.

[AngusBigMac]

No. If a dude is getting snippy about how you act when you two aren't even devote to eachother, he should come down a notch!

When in a relationship, it can be cute. A bit of ownership, a bit of claiming, a bit of territorialism. It has the potential to show faithfulness and devotion, but it also may encourage bad mentalities about personality permanence.

[TripleAce]

Sure sure lol oncr I remember this chick I use to know that was suspicious of her boyfriend. They live together
So once night he's on the computer desk in the living room and she's sleeping on the sofa

His back is to her. So she's all paranoid gets up in the middle of the night and starts sneaking behind to peak at his computer screen to see what he's doing

Like such a creepo. boyfriend turns around frightful like wtf is wrong with you
😂😂😂😂😂 got love the creativity lol

[duster_casting]

In this instance, you not being single is an instant drop and he doesn't know you.

Clingyness can be cute if it is basically just roleplay, as in.

1. No isolation attempts
2. No heated emotions/drama from stupid shit

If they are clingy and dont realize they are, its a big red flag. But if theyre mature and just like your attention, its not so bad.

Id hate to be in your position dating boring normies tbh.

[kneil4248]

A little possessiveness can be a cute thing! As long as she doesn't get carried away! I don't want her fighting with every woman that hits on me, I can handle that! The key, being happy in this relationship with her, will prevent me from shopping around!

[anewgirl]

In that case, yeah, I actually like that. Like you said, telling you what to do or "not allowing" you to see certain people would be too far. But wanting to make sure that everyone else knows you're taken is actually kind of endearing to me.

[5x9BOB]

haha, he seems honest enough. tell him you're going to go out with a couple of your girlfriends and see what he has to say. I must warn you to beware of jealous men. I definitely continue getting to know him a bit more before hooking up

[8string]

dang man whats up with you tryin to talk a ho out of givin that pussy up. damn cuz

[CollieWinters]

If you guys were in a relationship, behavior like that would be fine. This early is concerning. Without even one date makes me wonder how his possessiveness might look like after months of a dating and a relationship.

[Valkyrie1]

Yeah its cute and kind of hot that someone cares about you so much they to "own' you. Not like seriously you can't own people but like I want to claim someone as mine and have him do the same.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I believe a little bit of possessiveness is needed. Not sure about the other girls, but I personally need it. I like to feel wanted and this shows to me that he cares about me.

A little though, not too much.

[Anonymous]

I don't even know, really. Like, I'm pretty chill when it comes to these things but my boyfriend is a bit possessive I guess. For example, I took a long nap and he asked if I was thinking about other guys. It's not like I'm hit on much, if at all, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Women are very possessive of men but when men do the same women judge him. For instance, on a girls night out it's very likely she will cheat so if you don't let her your not doing anything wrong. The same way women wouldn't let you go to a strip club

[IdekButHey]

No one ever addressed this like you have, I don't know about the cheating thing when they go out and the percentage or likeliness that it will happen. But you are very right on women being possesive and it being okay but if I guy is its bad. And seen as over protective or controlling. I'm glad you pointed it out.

[altaxo]

A little bit of possessiveness is cute, but there's a fine line between a little cute jealousy and questionable behavior. At least he should confirm with you what's going on before just lashing out?

[FakeName123]

A healthy dose of possessiveness is fine in a relationship. Shows care and worries.

For casual sex its probably a turn-off though since it can become clingy / involve certain emtoions that people don't want during casual sex.

[Anonymous]

This is tricky. Many women will TEST guys by talking or flirting with other guys to see how they react. If a guy gets all pissed off he's a control freak. If he does nothing at all he's a beta.

A man should lay claim to a woman but at the same time quit the fucking tests ladies! Women pull this shit a lot more than men. I have never intentionally acted flirty around another woman in front of my girlfriend. Why is vice versa acceptable?

[Anonymous]

well since girls are always right, if you don't meet up with him, he's a little pussy and a needy bitch who needs to let you have your space to have fun, OR if you do meet with him he's a masculine man who knows what he wants and claims you as his own, a true alpha male. I assume your choice will be made depending on if a hotter guy comes along.

[8string]

HA true shit my man

[DumbandDumbber]

I am not possesive but I expect my so not to have male friends, that's one and to have me higher on her priority list then everyone else (except her parents (.