Guys and Girls: Would you wait to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Imagine you've met someone whose company you enjoy, who enjoys yours as well. They're a suitable partner, and you care for them. It doesn't have to be true love, but it's not a quick fling either--something considerable. Imagine they ask you to wait to have sex. Not a few days, weeks, or months... but until marriage. This suitable partner will not have sex with you until you two are wed. They're not pressuring you into it, but make it known, when the time comes, that sex is not going to be part of your relationship. What would you do?

(it's not a thing they'll change their mind about, either. It's set in stone)

I would wait for them

I would leave them immediately

Updates

+1 y

Okay, I saw some people questioning the point of waiting if tthis partner already had sex previously. This partner is in fact a virgin --sorry, I thougt I had mentioned that before.

[btbc92]

Exactly what I believe in! Waiting. The same things I said years and years ago, is what I told these idiot guys then. But nope! Let me just say, it will take some courage from somebody who desires the same thing. Ask this before it becomes official. If they refuse to wait, move on. Don't expect them to stay just because you everything they want. If they don't believe in waiting or desire to change it will NEVER work. Too many foolishly believe in that sexual compatibility nonsense. Then when their hoping from one partner to another, all of a sudden it's a complaint with this sex life, and how their aren't any good men/women left.

[Solanaceae]

That person is me. Not going to have sex until I'm married, so glad to see that majority of people said they would wait. I want my husband to know he's special to me, and that I am to him.

[Solanaceae]

Thanks to the person who downvoted me. Love you too.

And thanks sincerely to the like <3

[TacosRAwesome]

I'd need a time line of things but up to 2 years of dating I'll wait. I already waited 4 years once. And got nothing except sadness.

[Adonis_pl]

In my personal opinion, you can definitely have a relationship without having sex, but if they're waiting for marriage and I'm not in love with them, then i'll probably leave. Maybe not immediately, but it all depends. you can stay until it becomes and unavoidable question of "are you gonna marry them?" End result, I vote to wait just because you don't know what you may learn from this relationship and how it may benefit future ones, either that or you marry them

[Asker]

That's fair. Frankly, if you're not in love with the person, staying would make no sense, but if you respect the person enough to stay with them because you care about them and not sex, that's definitely important. You have a good point, though!

[MackFreeze]

Yes I totally would wait, I want to wait myself so that would be a blessing! I feel like if I told people that I want to wait, it is like how you said, "not pressuring but make it know". It is just like if, key word, if we ever get married, then that is the only time.

[Asker]

You’re a rarity, and I can’t begin to express how many girls appreciate that :)

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Gone immediately.

- I don't "care for them". I'm no longer capable of having Feelz for women. I know too much, and have been through too much.
- She sure as fuck didn't make Thuggy McFootball Jock wait, so why should I?
- I won't do marriage again. That's non-negotiable. I would go back into the uniform of this cuntry that hates me just because I'm male rather than be married again (and that's saying something, because I can't think of a circumstance where I'd do that).

Any further time invested in her would just be wasted.

[Curmudgeon]

"She sure as fuck didn't make Thuggy McFootball Jock wait, so why should I?" -- Bingo. Unless we are talking about a virgin bride, Barrabus has it spot on here.

[masterotaku]

Answer this first... and be honest.

Why do you want a man? For his ability to lift heavy things? For his potential to earn money?

Or... are you attracted to men in general and your man in particular?

If you you're not attracted to his male-ness (physique, genitals, etc...) then I have to wonder whether or not your social conditioning as a female is getting in the way of your ability to be honest with yourself.

Beliefs aside (because in all honesty this whole chastity thing is largely a modern phenomenon) you should really think hard about this... and especially why you deny...
Yourself.

Sex practiced safely is about as dangerous as going to the mall. And no one... not in the history of life on Earth has been harmed in any way whatsoever by consensual sex. Quite the opposite in fact.

[Plowboy]

I swear you young kids now aday, waiting for marrage is not worth it , you all are so young, enjoy your youth have sex with one another but always wear protection, if you wait till marrage you will only regret it later

[MackFreeze]

Not true, recent studies show the more sexual partners you have before marriage lead to higher dissatisfaction, divorce, STDs, pregnancy, etc. And the less partners/no partners you have lead to a higher marriage stability and overall better happiness.

[Plowboy]

Your welcome to give that a try, but don't say I didn't warn you young lad

[MackFreeze]

Warn me from what?

[btbc92]

If that's the case, where is your wife?

[0112358]

@MackFreeze They do not show causality, and it really only applied to women. Basically replaces every 'leads to' in your claim with 'is associated with'

My suspicion is, women with low sex drives are happier in marriage. If you don't care about sex, your odds of finding a monogamous relationship satisfying are higher.

[btbc92]

@0112358 I'm sorry but you need to stop generalizing. As that is so FAR from the truth. Libido doesn't work that way for anybody. You need to seriously study human anamony and how sex drive works. You are not a woman. But I will kindly explain to you how sex, lust, love and marriage can impact her life:

1. Women who have low sex drives are more miserble and unsatisfied because they want to have more sex with their husbands, but often can't because of other factors:
- Infeldality
-Trust issues
-Being forced to do outragous sex acts she is not comfortable with
- Hormonal imbalence
-Illness
-Menopause
-Had already been sexually active before marriage
-Hurt feelings
-Abandonment
-Abuse
-Overall, how she is being treated at home throughout the day by her spouse

2. As the other one states, being sexually active before marriage impacts how she will view sex when she does finally marry. Many women who either taught to hate sex, or had premarital sex views that she doesn't have to have sex

[btbc92]

whenever her spouse asks for it. Or she will often times grows to hate having sex with their husbands and resent them. Often attempting to 'stave him out' until he stops asking. Pretty much the same tastics you men use on girlfriends to stop asking about when you two will ever get married or engaged. Marriage is about having sex whether anybody likes it or not. Love is the foundation marriage should build on, but sex is part of that building block. The Sex is the beams that hold's the house together.

[0112358]

@btbc92 Your comments barely make sense. Saying you want to have sex, but don't because it's too kinky, or you have hurt feelings, is actually saying... that you don't want to have sex.

In any case, I was commenting primarily on the argument that married couples are less likely to divorce when the woman had few prior sex partners. And that does NOT mean that having less sex partners CAUSES the marriage to be more successful. Correlation is NOT causation.

[0112358]

@btbc92 If I'm understanding you correctly I might agree on your views on sex in marriage. But I'm not sure that people's views on sex in marriage necessarily are tied very much to whether they had sex before marriage or not.

[btbc92]

@0112358 Very MUCH tied together. I am not directly saying that I want to. I am celibate, therefore I have no desire for that. Doesn't mean I don't have a libido. God made us as sexual creatures. The problem is I list of many different factors that impairs a women's sex drive to drop.

"Saying you want to have sex, but don't because it's too kinky, or you have hurt feelings, is actually saying... that you don't want to have sex. " Only again, for some women those combination of factors does cause her to lose interest sexually. If she didn't want to have sex, she wouldn't be fornicating with other men in adultery. So it isn't saying she doesn't want sex. Women want's to be threated with respect and love, and this builds intimacy. At the same time, ifr your into sexual things that she isn't it will make her upset, sad, and turn her off, or be distant during sex. That is how bad and impactful premarital sex can do to your marriage and the brain. I keep saying, sex is learned not taught.

[btbc92]

You can't teach sex. You can only create the sex life you choose to have when you marry and is a virgin. Then is when your true sex drive kicks in and merges and functions intangibly with your partner in harmony and synchronous. A sex life that you cannot replicate with other people. That is how sex was designed to be.

[btbc92]

Men fail's to acknowledge that intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, kissing through the day, etc must be done outside of the bedroom, not just inside the bedroom. At the same time, women have to learn to communicate verbal when something is bothering her. it is about establishing healthy boundaries, communication, and trust.

[0112358]

@btbc92 Not having premarital sex doesn't insulate you from ANY of that though. In fact all it does is show that your partner is able to turn off sex and survive like that while thinking things are okay. So it's a red flag.

I de-anonymized by answer. I certainly -could- wait. But i'd be totally unwilling to wait for someone unless what I was waiting for was going to be a great and mutually satisfying sex life. So it would take quite a lot to convince me, without us establishing and maintaining a great sex life, that one would magically appear after marriage.

because huge numbers of married people end up with no sex life at all, and the average one is STILL pretty bad to me.

[0112358]

@btbc92 My personal experience, and that of people I've known, is that communication only smoothes over relatively small differences around sex, inside a marriage.

And huge mismatches in sexual desire spill over and wipe out any and all affection between the two. The low drive partner avoids any touch because they fear it will lead to sexual initiation, while the high drive partner feels more and more rejected and that any affection is 'fake'.

[btbc92]

@0112358 I'm sorry. But again, marriage and sex doe's not work the way you think it is. You already have been conditioned to the improper sex life you chose for yourself. That will cause relationship issues. It is not a red flag, but more so of a warning to each other how your attitudes affect another person. Don't believe me? Look it up.

www.yahoo.com/.../...s-divorce-risk-144722762.html

"And huge mismatches in sexual desire spill over and wipe out any and all affection between the two. The low drive partner avoids any touch because they fear it will lead to sexual initiation, while the high drive partner feels more and more rejected and that any affection is 'fake'." Again, quite a generalization you have about women. When you never had sex or seen explicit images, you know nothing of sex, and thus is a clean slate. When you become sexually invested for the first time, you literally become one with that person.

[btbc92]

That means all of their sexual taste becomes yours. Doesn't mean you have to like it. And you're wrong about people with low sex drives. As I have previously listed, it comes with other factors that lowers her sex drive. If she doesn't feel safe and comfortable, she will not engage. The amount of sex partners you have can also cause a lot of problems, but it doesn't mean she has a lower sex drive than you. It becomes a put-off. Again, it is HOW you have been taught sexually. Anybody who isn't been able to be sexually intimate would be hurt. It hurts everybody. Just that a lot of women don't know how to explain themselves without being judged for it. Which can lead to abuse.

[0112358]

@btbc92 Virgins are not clean slates. They have imaginations! and you pretty rapidly are aware of what others are up to. If your sex life is bad, you know it, even if you doubt how much is your fault, but you know it.

I'm well aware of the study you're quoting, but that does NOT show causation. If you don't know the difference between correlation and causation, you need to learn.

I did not generalize about women. I did not say the man was high drive. I've spoken to many couples with drive mismatches, and this is what happened to all of them. Probably 60-70% the man was higher drive, and the rest the woman was. It happens in both directions. There are a LOT of men out there who will say they want to wait to marriage, and once married, basically don't want to touch their wives sexually, ever.

[0112358]

@btbc92 The idea that low sex drive is simply because of other factors is a HUGE myth. It's not supported, and most sex therapists will admit it's not the case. Yes other factors CAN impact drive, but most people with a low drive, that's just how they're wired, period.

[btbc92]

@0112358

Again, no. Sadly again, mistaken. Highly. If you're exposed to sexually explicit material as I have said before, you would not be having this problem. Temptation happens, but you do NOT entertain them. It is however, your beliefs and opinion. Your not the only one who have spoken to so many people about this issue. It is NOT a myth. And by you saying that is why a lot of women are not trusting men sexually. Because you're telling her to be somebody she is not. Not everybody is wired for a low sex drive. You cannot always determine this as a virgin who never had sex. Especially again, you have hormonal imbalance. I know because I am a virgin and have hormonal imbalance. My mom before she passed away had the same issue in her marriage, and she ended up with not only MS but cancer. It not only gravely affected her marriage to my dad to the point he threatened divorce in the early years for no sex, it badly destroyed her view of herself image as both a woman, wife, and mother.

[btbc92]

"There are a LOT of men out there who will say they want to wait to marriage, and once married, basically don't want to touch their wives sexually, ever." I don't know how you came to that conclusion. Again, this has everything to do with how they were taught. Especially in premarital counseling. They don't get into how these changes can impact the marriage as a whole.

[btbc92]

Mind you, she found out she had both less than 5 years of her last days of her life. In her early years of her marriage, she had no idea she had either or. If the women enjoy's sex with her husband, and she sees HOW he displays his affections through sex, as that does have major impact, she will gladly have sex with him more. Frequent sex increases sex drive. Besides environment, diet, and nutrition. If you don't know who your partner is as a whole person, you will never understand who they are sexually no matter how many times you have sex with them. This is the biggest complaint in a marriage.

[MackFreeze]

@btbc92 awesome stuff! I tottally agree

[0112358]

Most likely B. There's a small chance. I'm assuming no sex means no sexual activity.

These votes seem unlikely to me, since as far as I can tell most guys are less willing to wait then I was historically.

[Wolframium]

“who enjoys yours as well” Error 404.
And with this…I don’t even have to read more. It’s like “Hey man, what would you do, if aliens invaded the Earth?” Huh? It’s never going to happen.

[TheWaterBear]

I waited 2.5 years with my one and only actual relationship. We broke up before getting married because of religious differences... it just wasn't going to work... but we abstained from anything sexual for the entire time. She was very religious.

[Anon-ymous1]

I wouldn't leave them "immediately," so that's kind of a weird choice OP because almost no one would, but yeah I'd leave eventually of course once it became clear they weren't going to change their mind.

[BoyIfYouDont666]

I don't really see a reason why someone wouldn't have sex the person they like. Why wait?

[Asker]

To some people it's a matter of self restraint, not immediately indulging themselves (idea of immediate gratification). It's also a more powerful thing--you're promising yourselves only to the one you marry. A romantic idea, but still one that seems to preach loyalty, since you claimed to have loved them enough (before you even met them) to refrain from sex with anyone else.

[ritxi]

If she says it clearly and I like her I will have no problem to wait to have sex until marriage.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If I love and respect her I'll wait to marry her to give her the "Mambo" lol.. Besides since I became a Christian sexual activity outside the marriage bed is forbiddin.

[Ceins]

Probably leave, cause I don't want to get married. But can't tell, maybe I would.

[genericname85]

oh hell no
months, yeah maybe.
a yeah. debatable.
till marriage? goodbye.

[genericname85]

year*

[RedThread]

I'd rather be having sex with someone I really like the whole time lol

[anewgirl]

I would most certainly wait.

[rose004b]

It wouldn't be a problem for me.

[kenjaminSlutton716]

Marriage no your crazy months maybe sure

[Insanyx12]

Ill wait for years I'm not desperate for sex

[Hannah591]

I would wait.

[Nahid1234]

it depends on the guy.

[Anonymous]

No, Life is too short.

[Anon-ymous1]

Ain't that the truth.