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My boyfriend doesn't want me to go bars/clubs, and I feel he is controlling me. What do I do? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(30-35) 
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He is insecure. You need to reassure him that he is the one you are with and thats not gonna be jepordised. Does he have bad expierance with being cheated and lied to?
It's not so much as controlling, it's that us guys know how other guys are, we can trust are woman with everything unless there is a reason not to.. then you have to think your going to a club to drink without him, I know when I'm drinking 99.9% of the time I'm thinking or trying to get some booty.. your same problem ruined a 5 year relationship, also because she was actually out fucking everyone lol so a little different. Just always try to think as if you were in the other persons shoes.
whatm you think you can date a normal sane guy and just him accepting you shaking your booty for some other guys at the club? "just dnace" yeah we dont buy it , club girls are the worst kind of girls any guy can date i wonder why he is even interested in being with you to begin with, obviously you're far from his taste or standards.
What do you do when he goes for partying to a club? Ask him how he would feel if you threatened to break up with him if he didn't stop going there with his friends?
I dont think you should continue that relationship, for your sake and his, your lifestyle is to much for him, and the other way around
I wouldn't allow my girlfriend to go to clubs nor bars...
I wouldn't even date someone like that.. It's a matter of choice..
If he’s only a boyfriend.. wow... if you get married, it will get worse.
I wold give him an ultimatum right away. Accept your indepedence, or it’s break-up time.
I don't blame him at all. You're going out clubbing without him and drinking and dancing with other guys. He cares about you or he wouldn't care. If you cared about him you would be concerned about him doing the same thing.
I think it's immature of you. If you're not ready to be in a committed relationship and show some respect and responsibility toward your man, then either don't be in a committed relationship or find a guy who doesn't care.
I fail to see how her out dancing with her girlfriends is her being disrespectful or irresponsible. It's dancing.
If there is love then there won't be any restrictions coz
Love is itself a belief an understanding between two
But my suggestion is if you can't be Happy with him for a couple of months how can you be for a life time
Just think about it because it's your life
Dump him.
You're just not ready for a relationship.
Girls night out = fuck party
Girls night out = spending fun time with my friends
I have never gone home with anyone. I go because hey, there's music and dancing with my friends! Now, if he can suggest other places that offer that instead of telling me what I can and cannot do, I will gladly compromise.
Yep, you're not ready. Cut 'im loose and let him find a woman with value.
Yes your boyfriend is being way too controlling, you need to do a second take on him and ask yourself if you want be in a relationship with someone like him.
Seriously it is an existential question, do you like your boyfriend enough to put up with that behaviour? - If the answer is not a resounding yes, you probably have to think about ending it.
Tell him that he doesn't own you, but you also like him a lot, and you would like to have a compromise of some kind. If you cannot compromise, then leave him. If you want to go out with your friends, that's up to you.
That's why I feel like 22 is too young to be strapped down. You're still in that "going out" phase, most of us "normal" people, stop doing that, when we start getting more responsibility. He likes the attention, and so do you, but, I think your'e too young to be strapped down
Scared you’re gonna get drunk and end up having a one night stand
The thing is nobody is hearing to the 2nd side here. Lol. There r two parties involved here right?
Don’t blame him. Most 22 year old girls are little sluts that love to take cock after nights out. Also most 22 year olds cheat. Leave him because that’s what you want to do. Your obviously not mature enough to handle a guy.
You've met the wrong people.
90% of women aged 15 - 25 sleep around A LOT and cheat. That much is true
I need some proof. But wouldn't that apply to men too?
Ya dude, your how old? Your right in that age range and you must be just like that, hey? Because you obviously have no idea what your talking about when your trying to state that "most" girls cheat and assuming she's a cheater. So if you want to throw around the accusations without knowing a person then scientifically you've been guilty of the act before.
@Ellie2432 most girls that age cheat and sleep around badly
I would love to see your references for your information. Because at this point your making assumptions and clumping all girls together. Because I know 20+ ladies in that age range who do not sleep around, and 3 are married and several more are engaged or have children with their partners and all have been 100% faithful to their partners.
As well, if your bunching all the ladies together as cheaters, I guess that us women should do the same to the men in that age group. Because most men tend to sleep around especially when they don't feel they are in a committed relationship, and it takes 2 to tango. So what category are you in?
@Ellie2432 most women sleep around and cheat at that age. I never said men didn’t though
I find it funny that you keep repeating yourself lol.
Because I'm in that age range and I've been with the same man for 2+ years and it's never entered my mind to cheat and neither with him. So I would never categorise men as cheaters or as you say "most", but apparently you seem to have the experience to see a cheater without knowing a person.
@Ellie2432 everyone knows girls are sluts at that age! They go out and get drunk every weekend and drunk girls are sluts.
Then you must be oblivious to the female gender. There is a group of 8 girls including me that go to the bar on the weekends and our partners are at home. We go out by ourselves, just us girls we stay till the bar closes then we go for breakfast and then we all go home alone to our partners. So, we are not sluts, we dance and have fun, and sometime we are drunk, but we GO HOME TO OUR PARTNERS. Plus, us girls don't let the drunk men figure that they can grind on us because we have our MEN to go home to.
Not all women/girls that age even drink that much or want the drunk scene. Obviously if you hang out at bars/frat parties everyday you will have a skewed perception of the world.
@hahahmm a big high five to you, at least there are real men out there still :)
BS... girls that go to clubs/parties/bars every weekend (90% of girls aged 15 - 27) get drunk and take dick. They love the thrill of taking new dick. This much is true. Modern women eh. Nothing to be ashamed of just stop acting innocence and blaming ur guy. Leave him off he’s better single
Yeah well guess what we can see where you're coming from, you must be one of the ones that love to have the cheating type of girls because apparently you know a lot of them. So I guess you must be one of the cheaters. So to only put blame where the blame belongs right? So maybe you should grow up and start acting your age not your shoe size buddy. For someone who has such an opinion.
Ah you didn’t defend yourself. You didn’t deny my accusations because they’re true. Most women that age go home with a new guy every 1-3 weeks. Why should you boyfriend think your any different? And like a typical female in 2017 u put it over on the guy. Your a “victim” right?
Defend myself? why would I have to defend myself against guys like you? it's a waste of time. guys like you are a dime a dozen, all they're looking for is a cheap piece of ass you can pick up in the bar. God for bid you find those types but the people I hang around with got class and you sure don't have much the way you're speaking. Considering I have not once sworn or used any outrageous comments towards men in general the way you have. Yes I did say that with your point of view "most" men are cheaters as well. So if you would like to continue this argument on your absurd view on women, feel free to make a question so that we no longer bother these decent people who have spoken their peace on this topic.
And see? This all started over this young lady wanting to know about what to do about her controlling boyfriend, and you deciding to accuse her of being a cheating slut. I guess you must be the controlling type two, hey? Not wanting to actually listen to a woman because you believe they are beneath you, and that your opinion is always right when it comes to women. I really think you have a lot of growing up to do.
Class? Oh yeah I’m sure you have class when your on your knees in the bathrooms of the club. Once again, most women your age go home with a guy every 1 - 3 weeks. Why should her boyfriend think she’s any different? She’s clearly lying. Girls go to bars and clubs and parties for COCK. Eveyone knows that that’s why he’s “controlling” her. I say she should leave him. Girls that age only want new dick every weekend anyways.
@Ellie2432 girls have to grow up! They use guys. Cheat. Sleep around. They need to grow up and stop being sluts. Then guys would take them serious and more relationships happen and more marriages and happiness.
@Ellie2432 It's true what he's saying LOL he grouping the Club/party/etc type in one group he never said everyone just the ONES going to the clubs. It's 2017 come on, go to a club yourself if your choosing to deny what's going on i got homies who know many grlw with bfs whothey MET at the club. I seen it myself and everyone elsew knows this haha you want opinions from REAL men who actually get ladies and have had GFs not these beta virgins who know nothing about Women lol he's just trying to help and your pouring abuncha feminism all over him.
Well why don't you read ALL of his comments, he said 90% of women do this. so you better read everything that was said before you start going off about this. If you were to read the full comments. As I said before, I know 20+ women in the age group that he is bashing on and calling sluts who have partners and who do not go to the bars/clubs to pick up guys. We have men at home we go home to, we do not go to pick up a piece of tail in the bar. I'm only 20 years old I know what I'm doing, maybe you guys live your life where you go to bars and clubs and pick up whatever you can find. So I suggest you bugger off because your just as bad as he is because your defending him without seeing what all was said or trying to see both sides of the story.
Considering he started off calling a woman he don't even know a cheater and a slut.
But you're calling me a feminist, don't start categorizing me. you don't know me you, don't know what I'm like. And believe me, if I were to meet you on this street you wouldn't think I was too much of a lady or very feminine. Because im more of a man than you and your little friends would even hope to be. And that's sad considering I'm a WOMAN. And I'm standing up for my fellow woman that your trying to knock down. That's not feminism, it's called human decency witch you two boys do not have. So tell me, of us ladies were knocking on one of your boy friends, it would be a totally different conversation now wouldn't it?
@Ellie2432 no because if it were the truth, i would not care im sorry you have a HARD time taking in facts lol also i never called you feminist, and you sound like you are very upset about facts, get out from under that rock, go walk into a club and tell me im WRONG? Lol you can't refute me at all. Just accept reality for what it is. This is not knocking women. So are you telling me, you are going to the club wearing revealing clothing, gonna grind on other guys but you have a boyfriend, and men wil pick up on you, but thats obv because your there to be seen by other MEN. Cause nothing but single males are there looking for one night stands. If i can admit were some DOGS why can't you admit that what women at the clubs are doing is slutty?
@ opinionowner /these are the funniest, most ridiculous comments-replys I've ever read on here. 90% of women aged 15-25 sleep around alot? First off, a womens age doesn't begin at fifteen, but eighteen. So 15-17 is a girl. And what country are you in?
@Robsinsf53 most females start sleeping around at age 15 that’s why I include it
@Ellie2432 you still can’t grasp it. 90% of women your age go to clubs, regularly. What happens at clubs/bars? Girls get drunk and start acting slutty. Before you know it your “Sweet” girlfriend is sucking dick in the bathroom. Your boyfriend knows this is how 90% of women act these days so why should he think your any different. You know I’m right that’s why your blaming him
Well see, you don't understand you just take for what you see. you don't know me, you don't know my friend, and you sure the hell don't know a hundred percent of the women in this world. so where you get off putting us in a category that's only because you don't know what you're talking about. so when you can sit down and talk to every one of us women then you can come back and tell me about it. because I know what me and all the women im around with we are very trustworthy and loyal to our partners. and we do not go looking for anything like that and yeah I do know there are A FEW women out there like that. but let me tell you something I know more men like that then I do women.
@Ellie2432 I obviously don’t know all women but it’s the general mentality of women these days.
Again your generalizing women. But if a woman was to generalize men against one of your friends, or if the roles were reversed you would try to stick up for the guy. So how about you go on your way and bugger off and leave me and the other women alone.
Because frankly, I'm tired of being civil, because you seem to want to keep up your BS. So leave me and the others alone.
@Ellie2432 it’s true. A lot of women do do that these days. It’s modern society and American culture for young women to sleep around
When I was 19 and I was dating a much older guy, I think he was 32 or 36 can’t remember but yeah I broke up with him because I was young and wanted to party. We only dated for 2 days! At that age no guy was going to hold me back!
Relationships are about compromise. If you can't make the relationship work because one party in the relationship isn't able to compromise enough on certain issues, than you need to leave.
Put your dancing shoes on and get out there hunny! Don’t be controlled by another being! You are you and you are free!
Define your boundary and don't back down. If he violates that boundary time and time again, you will have to send him a message.. break it off.
break up with him.. having your significant other stopping you from going out with your friends is a deal breaker for me..
If he doesn't trust you then move on..
You want to look at the other way. Does he go to clubs still? If the answer is yes then ask him why it's OK for him to go out with his mates there but not you. It's more an issue of trust ask him why he does not want you to go explain to him you only want him (if that's how you feel) and tell him you feel the same but you need to have your own space with friends. Did he have an ex who he lost to another person in a club.
Dump him he's insecure and will always be worried you'll act on your emotions one night out and hook up with some other guy
If you dont think that can happen, you have a lot to learn
@lord_chilled I'm not saying it can't but a confident guy won't care cause he can get a new girl. This guy is obviously scared of losing her cause her thinks he can't get another girl
Dude...
I dont care how confident, alpha or whatever a guy is.
If he loves a woman , he will care.
He can get another girl, or he can't, but if he loves his girl, he will care.
If a guy goes with the mentality that "oh, if she goes away, ill just get another girl", he can't love his girl.
And you dont wanna lose the girl you love. Its not because he is scared that he can't get another girl, its because another girl is not the girl that he loves.
Men that care for their women WILL act like this to a certain degree, unless their women never ever do anything to upset them.
You sound like someone who has never been in a relationship or hasn't loved a girl.
He's insecure, find a guy they likes clubbing, dancing and drinking.
If someone ever threatened to break up with me I'd break up with them on spot.
Dump him, no point dating someone who restricts what you do
So you're the kind of man who likes watching his girlfriend fuck other men, right?
No restriction as you put it.
Fucking little bitch.
Yeah totally
@heaintme
LOL relax! I thought that you're her boyfriend for a moment. Being ok with your girl going to bars and have fun doesn't mean fuck other men u fool. She's a human u can't control where she goes unless you're that insecure u should get some help.
Well, you should definitely ditch him. Besides, if it comes to a physical fight, donr worry as females are the stronger sex. Just let him feel your power and he will submit to you.
You are your own person leave him little things like that build up and get worse
You can choose to obey your boyfriend like a good girl, or you can continue going out whoring it up. You can't do both, because your boyfriend is a stand-up guy who won't tolerate it. Good for him!
i agree he is a true guy not some gay fker like most guys nowaydas
A lot of women will get drunk and use it as an excuse to fuck someone else. I would ask you not to go as well and if you did, i would dump you.
Damn. Just one girl answering to this question? That's not fair haha
Lol clubs these days arefor single people, nobody is not saying you can't go out and have fun, but your boyfriend knows most guys go to clubs main goal is to get laid, they dont care if ur taken.
Leave him. He has the right to be bothered by you dancing drunk up on other guys but you also have the right to do as you please. You two are not compatible.
Did she say she was dancing drunk all up on other guys? I must have missed that.
Mllecake you're innocent... its cute. I've heard the "No i just go to have a drink or two with my girlfriends" horse shit so many times it hurts.
"All girls night" - yeah.. I'm so sure the clubs are also girls only and they wonr talk or dance with any guys all night. Come on... you're 45.. over 10 years older than me... you're really going to play that game? I've been clubbing maybe half the time you have and even I know the shit that goes on during "girls night out" . Even if it's not sex it's still behavior that would irritate a significant other.
I don't drink. I don't pick up men at clubs, never did. I dance. Now, if the guy legit doesn't trust his woman's fidelity, there are other ways to handle it than this. And the best thing to do when you have a partner you don't trust? Move on.
Oh, men try to rub up on me and shit. But that's on them, not me. I'm out dancing with my bestie. I don't let them control how I spend my time either. The OP has given US no reason not to trust her - she said, she's not there picking up guys. If you all think all "other men" are dogs, y'all can work that out yourselves. Not my problem. She's just dancing. You, and her boyfriend are the ones tripping, and that doesn't sound like HER problem either. Or mine. You think this world is dangerously full of predatory rapey men, then show me how you're working on THAT problem.
@ronaldo75 You think that every woman that goes to a club goes to get drunk and dance on random strangers everytime they go?
@ronaldo75 I'm one of those women who never picked up a guy when I went clubbing and I was single when I used to go clubbing. Some of us actually go to drink and dance with friends, some of us have no interest in the sleazy (most are sleazy) drunk guys at the clubs.
Well thats a little extreme
Him not letting you be an individual
Id just say too bad to him lol
Does he have a bad past of being cheated on or something?
I'm the same way. But that's because I have trust issues. Even when I don't always want to have trust issues.
Life is too short to not enjoy yourself. Its harmless fun and times like that are needed and well deserved. Stop the controlling and put your foot down or the years will pass without you even realizing and you will be miserable
No matter how much a female claims she doesn't go there for guys, a female will ALWAYS meet a guy who makes her feel something while drunk and she will make stupid choices and blame the alcohol.
Hahahaha is it anywhere near true?
@Munj82 Have you ever met a female?
Of course. Was that a sarcastic statement? Becoz I feel it was hehe.
This. Even if he doesn't get between her legs, they will have some conservation, have a special momemt or two. Its like a mini date with a guy who isn't your main guy, but you can't be called a cheater.
Why are all these taken girls in clubs anyway?
Its like 60-70% of girls in clubs have a boyfriend, and they only tell you after 30 minutes talking. Sometimes they dont tell you at all. Disguisting. Sometimes i wish i was a complete jerk and didn't have a problem with fucking taken girls. Could have had so many lays by now.
Hmmmm. I agree with you. They even dress up so hot just to get the attention from opposite sex. Anyways. If u know a lot about it, try and fix ur mindset. Lion is never compassionate about it's prey hahaha. And this prey u don't even have to hunt. They r coming out to get hunted isn't it? Lol. I wish I was there, u could teach me a lot of ur moves 😉
@Munj82 sure if you have the dog eat dog mentality, that is apparent in society, then its not too hard to take whats prevented and not care about the loser.
However, all my life i had been tought that women are decent, proper and are the pillar of a family.
I most certainly believed they are more loyal than men.
When you realize that it isn't true, especially, when its right in your face, you just feel more disguisted than you feel a desire to fuck.
by the way i dont have any moves, i just go up to talk to girls and see how it goes from there.
*presented
Whatever we were taught most of it isn't true. That doesn't mean everything is bad. But as u grow up , the definition of right and wrong are so compressed u don't even know what is what. And Yes it's completely true that a woman is pillar of a family , there is no doubt about it. But those who are wasted why would u care about? There r polygamy and monogamy pool of people. Like there r gays and lesbians. U can't help it. And u can't change everyone to one single code of conduct. Even I get disgusted with many things in the name of love, care, family, society, religions, nations. Most of which are fake and Mal intentioned. U can't change the whole world. It is the way it is. It was the way it was. U just have to go through it happily in ur limited time here. But one thing really bothers me if u have answer to it, who decides what's right and wrong? M very much confused about it. Still. So many questions and logic but I don't have the perfect answer yet.
@Munj82 i think every person can decide for themselves whats right or wrong. Based on their own ideas about morality.
And yes, i understand the way things are. But i dont know if i want to give up my morals and just go with the flow. I think i will keep to my convictions, regardless of how other people are. And in the future i hope to teach my children the same values
That's very nice of u. To add one point all fights and debates in the world is ur wrong and I am right. Right? So it's an ever evolving question? With no true way of defining it. As every geography, society, race, cast, religion is different in one or another way. It's an endless cycle. :(
@Munj82 yes, it won't end
Do you go together because you want, or because it's a rule?
Well I think it comes down to which is more important to you.
You like it, he doesn’t it hurts him. Choose.
A little insight to what I think his perspective might be: His vision of going to clubs is not for dancing and drinks. Even though I’m sure he understands that you don’t see it that way, that’s not the issue. Going to clubs — for most guys in my opinion — is about girls. I don’t want to pay for overpriced drinks for myself let alone other people. But girls like dancing and drinking so we go to find them. Those are the guys he’s picturing you hanging around. I’d prefer you no putting yourself in a position to be hit on. Even if you’re loyal, you’re still in that situation, which is an unpleasant idea. Guys buying you drinks and dancing around you, it’s all a very unpleasant idea to me.
Now, I wouldn’t control you and say you couldn’t do it. But I would tell you that I don’t enjoy the idea and it would quickly drive me away. It’s not meant to be a threat, it’s just the reality that you’re gambling that I’ll be there when you get back.
That's true.
Does he take my perspective into consideration though? I have to give up what I like just so he can stay around. So while he's happy, I'm just like really? And I feel there's no trust there.
"Just so he can stay around" is what you want though, or I assume so since that the choice you made. Again it comes back to the choice. Instead of 'just so he can stay around,' a better way to think about it is that you chose something you would rather have -- the company of your partner -- over something else that wasn't as valued.
If he's happy then that means either he's settled his wants and chose you over something else or whatever else he values doesn't conflict with the relationship which is merely luck on his part. You have this conflict in you which is why you might be not as happy as he is, so you'll need to deal with that; decide what's more important to you. He doesn't seem to have this conflict or he's already resolved it, so he's sorted.
It doesn't need to be a trust issue, it just need to be gross to think about.
He'll also be making some effort to adjust to what you want, but that's him. You need to think about what you value and not hope he just gives in to you.
I would ditch him. If he doesn't trust you to go out without him. He's not worth it
he knows what happens in bars and clubs
he knows how you are after three glasses
Best answer !
Punch him in the face and tell him he's not the boss of you and you're an adult and you can make your own decisions and dont give it up for a month so learns his lesson
Get a new boyfriend that isn’t possessive
Has nothing to do with that
He is just being a little protective, he'll get over it once he knows you aren't going to ditch him.
you could lock him in chastity, tat would switch the dynamic for sure.
My girl could go wherever she wanted to, as long as she doesn't leave me for good :)
i honestly feel like your boyfriend doesn't want you to "stray away". talk is cheap. unless you've proven to them otherwise than i'm sorry to say that maybe he was scared of losing you that way. even though he already kinda did.
#nohate
Only whores go out clubbing, so why would you want to join them?
You need your life and freedom, if it's controlling now it's only gonna get worse
Then you should tell him what you feel.. because if you dont go now you will never goo
He feels you will have guys trying to get with you there since that’s where guys go to pick up women
Ah he's possessive and jealous, that's not a healthy thing
I would never be with a girl who does that shit beacause i hear way to many stories from my mates and could never trust a chick like that
There's probably a reason why he doesn't like it when you go out. Flirt with other guys much perhaps?
Do like most girls - Be unsubmissive and blow guys senseless.
What girls do you know? Most of the girls I know are not like this.
Are you sure you actually know some females?
@jack187625 You know a one aspect. I know the other. You're being allowed to see one side of her only. But to answer your question, "yes" I've been in position to see another side of them. On several occasions.
Does he go out to clubs with his friends only?
Eventually you will break up with him and he will regret losing you for a while.
He's insecure
Ditch that clingy loser.