Is it Okay to have sexual fantasies about someone else while in a relationship?

Is it Okay to have sexual fantasies about someone else while in a relationship?

When you are in a relationship, is it ever okay to sexually fantasize about someone else?

Or is it a form of emotional cheating?

Would you be okay with it if you found out that your partner fantasized about others?

Is it more okay to fantasize about celebrities rather than fantasizing about friends and coworkers?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i have slept with many women and men but only had one relationship. A marriage that nearly lasted 21 years

    in this time, I only had eyes for my wife. To the point that i could have a naked woman in front of me saying come forth, young man. And i would turn away

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To all those who claim fantasizing is or will lead to emotional cheating... bullshit. To all those who claim they've never fantasized about another while in a relationship... bullshit. It's human nature. Being in a relationship does NOT mean you stop finding people of the opposite sex attractive, it does NOT mean your curiosity dies, it does mean you're no longer free to act on these thoughts. Emotional cheating isn't just fantasizing. When you have an actual bond with someone other than your partner, and you start to confide in this new person and tell them things you would never tell your partner, then it becomes cheating emotionally. Merely thinking about someone else in a sexual way does not make anyone a cheater! It's absolutely ridiculous! The only people who agree fantasizing is cheating are most likely too insecure with themselves and their sexual abilities to accept that its perfectly healthy. Uggghhhh! The immaturity and mindset of some people are so freaking irritating!!!

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    • To all those who claim they've never fantasized about another while in a relationship.

      I have actually been in one whete i had never fantasized about anyone else.
      Findibg other people attractive is normal, you may think of how they would look naked and get aroused, but fantasizing about how it would be to be with them is sonething else. I wouldn't say its emotional cheating, but if its done too frequently, and with the same person, it can replace your so from your heart a bit.

      You should fantasize about your so, and be with your so, thats how you keep the passion alive. Fantasizing actively about other people may not be a killer in itself, but iy can damage the bond with your so

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    • @lord_chilled like I said. Do some research. There's your proof. You can remain oblivious and ignorant to what's going around you (while your girlfriends rubbing one out to Ryan gosling) but i choose to accept reality. Stay prude.

    • Lile i said i did mine.
      I take it you won't answer my question. Cos i had a whole lot of information to share with you.

      by the way, ryan gosling😁 Really?
      If you were trying to get a raise out of me for saying my non existent girlfriend masturbates to actors, you should have gone for more masculine types.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 58

  • See This is one of those things, that better stay a secret in any relationship.
    Because we are human beings with some things beyond our control like thoughts and fantasies.
    Just don't tell about it!
    Just don't!

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  • Great questions. I can easily see the argument for it being emotionally cheating - but I'd be hypocritical if I tried to make that case because I do it often. But I am OK with it because they are just thoughts - actual actions would be different.

    And I am OK if my SO does the same - again, if it is just thoughts. We are sexual beings and I do not see how it is possible to shut off a wandering sexual mind - or at least how I could lol.

    Again, great post and questions.

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  • I think its normal to see someone hot and find them attractive, even when you are with someone else.

    But i think when you are actively fantasizing about being with them, its not very healthy. Especially when done regularly. That builds passion and desire for this person instead of your partner. Therefore we shouldn't indulge in it.

    If it plays in your mind once or twice, forget about it, dont tell your partner, no need to hurt them about this.
    But if you are thinking about someone else while you are having sex, for example, then that is a big problem.

    So, its not really okay to sexually fantasize about others when in a relationship in my opinion. If it happens once, let it be, but if its recurring , you may want to introspect yourself.

    I dont think it can be classified as emotional cheating.

    I wouldn't be okay if i found out my partner did that. It would be better if she didn't say it, because if she did, or if she accidentally said someone else's name during sex, i would have a big problem with it. It could possibly even be a dealbreaker, depending on the situation...

    I dont think its any more or less okay to fantasize about celebrities, in fact, if you fantasize more about celebrities, it makes you look more shallow. The upside is that you can know they won't be able to act on it 😏, bit thats not really much comfort.

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    • Don't men do this all the time? Isn't this kind of a double standard?

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    • Okay, thanks

  • Well when I was deeply in love, I mostly thought about having sex with only her, but also with porn chicks/hot girls i saw in streets and internet, although less than I would usually. So I think thats perfectly fine, cause I wouldn`t have cheated nor had any emotional doubt.

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  • Thinking of others isn't necessarily unexpected, however I would not say its "okay" either. The fact is if your making a habit of thinking of other people that does become emotional cheating, your wishing you where with some one who is not your partner and that's not a good mindset to have, it kind of opens the door for other things, basically your convincing your brain to look elsewhere rather then focusing on your partner. Kind of like flirting, if your flirting with others then the energy your spending doing that is not going to your partner. Relationships are a fire and you need to constantly feed them to maintain them, if you let your energy/resources/what have you go elsewhere then the fire begins to die and eventually it will go out. So like I said I don't think its necessarily something that will not happen, but I think you should make an effort to try and avoid it.

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    • First time seeing a real smart man, props to you.

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    • So, if you don't believe that I don't fantasize, why should I believe you don't?

      I think for me it's because I had such a strict religious upbringing, I had a mental block.

    • @PunkinPie First and foremost I am not in a relationship, secondly I never said I don't, I said its not unnatural but its best to try and avoid it if you can so as not to take away focus and energy form your significant other. Did you not read my comment at all?

  • I hope it's ok, because I do that all the damn time.

    I'd be fine with it I suppose, although the only reason I fantasize about anyone else is she quit being sexual and withholds love from me. So... I'm not cheating and I may as well have a fun fantasy sex life.

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  • I think it's okay to. As long as it's not will being intimate with your partner. That's a little messed up. It's completely normal to fantasize about other people though and I don't think it is emotional cheating. However that is something that only your partner can answer. Anything that affects the intimacy, emotional distance, or the dynamic balance in the relationship is by broad definition what emotional cheating is. I'm just saying though everyone does it but not all will admit it.

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  • Fantasizing about someone who is unattainable is pretty much ok. Obsessing over that fantasy, not so much, but just having one isn't a big deal.
    Fantasizing about the hot guy/ girl at work or in your social circle, etc is definitely not OK. Thinking "mmm damn she's hot" is human nature, but you be actively fantasizing and imagining yourself with that person has got to be damaging to your current relationship. At the very least it's not a good sign.

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  • Well. To me if you do that, this means you're missing something from your current relationship and you need compendate, or you're just worried and unsure anymore about your relationship/SO. I would give it time, if you no longer fantasize it means nothing. If you do then be careful.

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  • Some people can handle it, others can't. I don't have a problem with celebrity crushes, but if my woman told me she was into a friend or coworker, that would be a deal breaker for me. If you know your significant other might stress about it, don't share. It's not cheating unless you act on it, and there's no need to hurt their feelings or stress them out over a fantasy that never becomes reality.

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  • It's not possible to stop being attracted to other people. It's a problem if you start to act on it, or tell your partner to upset them (dependin on how you and your partner react to that situation.)

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  • Of course it's okay. What goes on in your own mind is your own business. Only an absolutely sick and twisted paranoid control freak would try to be the thought police for their partner.

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  • Pretty sure it's a form of emotionally cheating. Also everyone does it, if you claim to not do it, congratulations you managed to stay away from pornhub and probably live in the Amazon.

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    • Bullshit. I have never fantasized about others while being in a relationship except with one boyfriend whom I didn't love.

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    • @PunkinPie agreed. OP seems to be living in a fantasy of his own, thinking that every body fantasizes about other people even when they’re in love and in a fulfilling relationship.

    • Yea because humans are primal creatures. Out basic instincts for survival are eating, and reproducing

  • I think it's normal to have these fantasies, but i guess it can depend on how the other half feels about it, me and my partner are very open about who we've been eyeing up or thinking about like that, whether it's at work or a celebrity. We find that confessing it can feel good, we feel closer and whether we're thinking of eachother or not we usually end up having fun 😎

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  • I knew this was a pink question before I even clicked on it... Its not ok if you keep indulging in the fantasy soon you will find a way to justify actually sucking this guy and you'll be on here asking us if its ok because its not about right versus wrong its about what makes you still seem ok in the eyes of your peers.

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    • How do you feel about 3 somes? I am surprised by all these answers from guys saying it isn't okay but then dont understand why their girlfriend will get upset and hurt when the guy asks for a mff 3some. Because THAT is actually acting on it, even if you're both there.

    • Besides, don't men fantasize about other women all the time? Isn't this kind of a double standard?

  • This is a very tricky question. One the one hand, fantasies are just in your head, but on the other, it's not something any partner ever wants to hear, that they're not their partner's focus.

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  • If you can turn to your partner and tell them "Oh, by the way, I was fantasizing about someone else the entire time" and there be no issues in your relationship afterwards... then... by all means... go ahead...

    Mostly, though, there definitely will be problems afterwards and the relationship will never be the same. The other person will constantly be thinking "are they attentive right now or fantasizing about someone other than me".

    Successful relationships cannot be healthy with such nonsense.

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  • As long as it's not always the same acqaintance it's not a problem. And even if, just keep that person in mind. Fantasy and dreams are ok. Don't try make them happen in reality.

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  • If you're fantasizing someone else, its because you like him more than ur current boyfriend. Its alright for the moment you're having sex, but afterwards you need to be straight with ur boyfriend and tell him the truth

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    • Don't men do this all the time? Isn't this kind of a double standard?

    • Technically, not all men do that leaving perverts out of the question.

    • But it's also ok to fantasize other people when you're having solo sex.

  • I think it is natural to be attracted to another, but I also think it could indicate an issue within the relationship.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Honestly I’d rather not know that he is because that would just hurt my feelings. I like that he makes me feel like I’m the only hottest most desireable woman to him. If I knew then damn I’d be crushed xD. So noooo I don’t need to know if he does. I’d feel it was more cheating if it was someone personal that we both know. But hey. That’s just me.

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  • I think it’s normal to an extent to have fleeting thoughts like that without it meaning anything. But if you’re constantly thinking about other people, and your partner rarely (or never) gets the spotlight in your thoughts, I’d say something is wrong. I wouldn’t think that’s ok.

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  • No. The Bible says that if a man even looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery in his own heart. Mathews 5:28 , so if the Bible warns us of this along with various other things that is only beneficial for us and Never meant to hurt us. I would agree that fantasizing about someone else that is not your spouse is not only unacceptable to your spouse, but God. If you have to fantasize about other people to get satisfaction, then marriage shouldn't be a option for you.

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    • Those listening to Jesus' sermon in 5:28 also said "well who then... is saved?". Jesus responded "come what is impossible with men is possible with God".

      Every flesh and blood man and woman of normal mental capacity is going to have fantasies to towards other people before, during and after being married (if someone passes away). God knows that, so that's why he sent his son Jesus to die for those sins and everything else.

      By the way I'm Christian myself I'm not justifying sin. I also commend you for posting scripture and increasingly atheist dominate, anti Christian online community. However I'm also acknowleding that temptation and self discipline is a fundamental scenario every healthy marriage (even most true Christian marriages) will encounter from time to time.

  • we all have dirty thoughts about doing it with someone else while we are in a relationship. that's why it's called a fantasy. not something you act out if you are committed to someone who loves you. you can think it but don't do it.

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  • I have learned that men's sexual fantasy life is a lot more complex than women expect. So basically, anything is okay because it's just What Guys Do. They can't really help it.

    But they don't have to describe it to the woman while making love to her. Please just don't tell us.

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  • I'm pretty sure that it is very common, and probs normal, to have fantasies about other people even while in a very healthy relationship

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  • Until the thought police becomes real, fantasize away. If it’s a persistent thing, you may want to look deeper into what may be lacking in your real life relationship.

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  • I fantasize about past experiences all the time. Most of them are about my current boyfriend, but not all.

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  • I don't feel it's OK. But I have those fantasies sometimes.

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  • Omg yes totally.
    Emotional cheating get outta here.. lol

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  • If you're thinking of someone else, then you're partner must not be doing it well enough for you. People will try to excuse this so they don't have to feel guilty about it until they find out their partner is thinking of someone else the whole time durning passionate love making as well. Would you really be okay with that? All the guys saying it fine, would definitely loose their cool if the girl they were with was thinking of another man instead of him. Especially if she blurted his name out loud by accident. I know women would not want that either. It's saying that's what you really want deep down but settled for what you got or have and just not truly satisfied. It makes a person wonder why you with them when you can just go get the people you really want.

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  • If you have fantasies about others while being in a relationship, Why be in a relationship to begin with? Stay single and have all fantasies and partners you want. Why pick a person to ultimately mess with their head, lie, look for better, hide texts, and flirt? Why not be single and do whatever you want? I never understood this. If I enter a diet willingly, clearly I know I can't be tempted to over indulge in junk food! I chose this diet. If I want to eat junk food, I just won't go on a diet. Why torture myself?

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  • Are you crazy no it not ok defiantly not ok

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  • To me, is emotional cheating.

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  • I guess so as long as it's not too intense

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  • Not really. Fantasizing about someone else indicates that you're not in love/satisfied with the person you're with or that your needs are not being met.

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  • I think it's normal.
    We are all human and it is human nature to masturbate and fantasize. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't check out or fantasize people you find attractive...

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