Is it Okay to have sexual fantasies about someone else while in a relationship?

[Kiki98]

When you are in a relationship, is it ever okay to sexually fantasize about someone else?

Or is it a form of emotional cheating?

Would you be okay with it if you found out that your partner fantasized about others?

Is it more okay to fantasize about celebrities rather than fantasizing about friends and coworkers?

[lord_chilled]

I think its normal to see someone hot and find them attractive, even when you are with someone else.

But i think when you are actively fantasizing about being with them, its not very healthy. Especially when done regularly. That builds passion and desire for this person instead of your partner. Therefore we shouldn't indulge in it.

If it plays in your mind once or twice, forget about it, dont tell your partner, no need to hurt them about this.
But if you are thinking about someone else while you are having sex, for example, then that is a big problem.

So, its not really okay to sexually fantasize about others when in a relationship in my opinion. If it happens once, let it be, but if its recurring , you may want to introspect yourself.

I dont think it can be classified as emotional cheating.

I wouldn't be okay if i found out my partner did that. It would be better if she didn't say it, because if she did, or if she accidentally said someone else's name during sex, i would have a big problem with it. It could possibly even be a dealbreaker, depending on the situation...

I dont think its any more or less okay to fantasize about celebrities, in fact, if you fantasize more about celebrities, it makes you look more shallow. The upside is that you can know they won't be able to act on it 😏, bit thats not really much comfort.

[PunkinPie]

Don't men do this all the time? Isn't this kind of a double standard?

[lord_chilled]

@PunkinPie no, men dont fantasize about other women all the time. Guys look at pretty girls all the time when we go out, because its part of the hunter instinct.
We have to kind of "unlearn" that when we are with a woman. But that doesn't mean that we fantazise about them. If a nice lady walks by, and we look, the firl with us may think that we are thinking of her, but in fact she was only in our minds for the 3 seconds that she passed us by. There was some study on this, i forgot the link.

Even as single guys, in my opinion not many guys fantasize about a lot of women. We usually fantasize about one, maybe 2 or 3 if a guy hasn't made up his mind about whom he likes.

When i was with my first girlfriend, in that puppy-love stage i never even tought about other girls.
I was with her for about 1.5 years and the only time i sexually tought of other girls was when someone else asked me if i found this or that girl hot. Upon which i would think and say "yes" or "not that much"

[PunkinPie]

Interesting. So what about the fact that my ex-husband used to fantasize about other women all the time? He said this was normal.

[lord_chilled]

@PunkinPie your ex was slightly a douchebag.
Those kind of guys exist too.
I dont know what he was trying to do, show you that he can have other girls, make you jealous? Im not sure, but i wouldn't say thats how most guys behave.
Sorry you had to go trough that

[PunkinPie]

Okay, thanks

[lord_chilled]

@PunkinPie np 😊

[gobsmacked3]

i have slept with many women and men but only had one relationship. A marriage that nearly lasted 21 years

in this time, I only had eyes for my wife. To the point that i could have a naked woman in front of me saying come forth, young man. And i would turn away

[afs_99cent]

what happened between you and your wife?

[ashley1996]

Mad respect.

[gobsmacked3]

@ashley1996 thank you

@afs_99cent My denial being deemed as a trust issue

[gobsmacked3]

Thank you for the MHO

[Kiki98]

You're welcome! It was such a nice thing to read

[Js138]

To all those who claim fantasizing is or will lead to emotional cheating... bullshit. To all those who claim they've never fantasized about another while in a relationship... bullshit. It's human nature. Being in a relationship does NOT mean you stop finding people of the opposite sex attractive, it does NOT mean your curiosity dies, it does mean you're no longer free to act on these thoughts. Emotional cheating isn't just fantasizing. When you have an actual bond with someone other than your partner, and you start to confide in this new person and tell them things you would never tell your partner, then it becomes cheating emotionally. Merely thinking about someone else in a sexual way does not make anyone a cheater! It's absolutely ridiculous! The only people who agree fantasizing is cheating are most likely too insecure with themselves and their sexual abilities to accept that its perfectly healthy. Uggghhhh! The immaturity and mindset of some people are so freaking irritating!!!

[lord_chilled]

To all those who claim they've never fantasized about another while in a relationship.

I have actually been in one whete i had never fantasized about anyone else.
Findibg other people attractive is normal, you may think of how they would look naked and get aroused, but fantasizing about how it would be to be with them is sonething else. I wouldn't say its emotional cheating, but if its done too frequently, and with the same person, it can replace your so from your heart a bit.

You should fantasize about your so, and be with your so, thats how you keep the passion alive. Fantasizing actively about other people may not be a killer in itself, but iy can damage the bond with your so

[Js138]

@lord_chilled dlDid you really just say that? Hahaha Thinking about how someone looks naked and becoming aroused IS fantasizing! Regardless of how far you take it in your mind! You're thinking about someone other than your partner in a not so wholesome way and getting a boner... uh oh! You're cheating!

[lord_chilled]

Well you can call it all fantasizing if you want.
I was making a point about the difference between looking at someome and thinking maybe they would look hot naked, and actually fantasizing about being with someone else.
One lasts a few seconds whike you walk by said person, the other can take up several minutes or more while you are lying in bed masturbating, or thinking of someone else while having sex.

But lets fixate on the words instead 😏

[Js138]

Fantasizing is a normal part of every healthy relationship. Why would anyone want to ONLY fantasize about their partner when they can actually do the things they're fantasizing about? It defeats the entire purpose of a fantasy! Fantasies are essential for a healthy sex life, and allow everyone to safely explore their sexuality without the risks. In healthy relationships, couples even share their fantasies with each other and recreate ones they're both comfortable with to spice up their sex lives. Of course this isn't for the weak at heart or insecure as it can bring up feelings of inadequacy, but for a lot of couples fantasies can bring them closer together and allow them to be even more emotionally intimate.

[Js138]

Speaking as a woman who's actually been in several long term relationships, fantasizing is essential in keeping the passion alive. ONLY fantasizing about your SO for the rest of your life=sexual frustration and boredom=infidelity. Vanilla sex and clean fantasies aren't for everyone. Come talk to me in 15 years or so and i bet you'll have a different opinion.

[lord_chilled]

I didn't say only fantasize, you do things with your so too. Im talking fantasizing when you are away from your so.
Id much rather my girl fantasize about me when im gone for a while rather than some random dude.

" In healthy relationships, couples even share their fantasies with each other and recreate ones they're both comfortable with to spice up their sex lives."

True, but i dont think this will work for fantasies involving other people.

ONLY fantasizing about your SO for the rest of your life=sexual frustration and boredom=infidelity

I disagree strongly. Some of the best couples i have met are strongly attravted to each other and dont fantasize about each other. At least for the guy's part, that much i know. They dont think about random girls like us single guys do, when we go out and talk with them about girls.

And no offence, but you have been in SEVERAL long term relationships, and you say fantasizing of other people is necassary?
Well, thats not very impressive,

[lord_chilled]

Maybe if you kept your fantasy to one person, you could have been in ONE long term relationship with a man instead of several.

Not impressed, and not gonna change my opinion.
Im looking for one woman to spend my life with, and i dont have time to think of anyone else. I want the same for her to think of me as well

[lord_chilled]

*ONLY fantasize about each other
Not, dont fantasize about each other, my mistake.

[Js138]

@lord_chilled The reasons for ending my relationships were my choice and had absolutely nothing to do sex or sexual desires. The first one was the father of my children. He was a very jealous and angry man and would become enraged over little things. He tried to kill himself the first time I went out without him (after 8 years together) to see a band. And at that time i was a lot younger and more naive and felt as you did.. that fantasizing wasn't right. So assuming that's the reason for the ultimate break up is way off base. I felt it was longer safe to have him in the same house with our children. The second man was just too immature and couldn't accept the fact that I had children and they would always come first. So you're really trying to equate fantasizing with my relationships ending? In terms of sex, we got on great. We never experienced infidelity on either part.

[Js138]

Naivety at its finest..."maybe if you kept your fantasy to one person, you could have been in ONE long term relationship with a man instead of several". With that logic, fantasizing about someone other than your significant other is to blame for just about every breakup in history... because almost everyone does it! So what are you going to do if some years down the road you marry some girl and she's confident and secure enough in her sexuality and your relationship to admit that she likes to fantasize about other people? Accuse her of cheating and get divorced? It's human nature, and no matter how hard you try you can't control someone else's thoughts. Although in your case, you may want to tell her it's forbidden. She'll probably still do it, but that way you'll never have to know about it. This entire conversation is just ridiculous... You're allowed to think about how another woman would look naked, but not about what she would do... and definitely not while touching yourself.

[lord_chilled]

I dont think you quite understand the points i was making.
Im not saying correlation = causation, but there is something deeper in this.

Just because you fantasize about others doesn't mean that it will be the end of the relationship and that that in itself is the reason of all breakups.

Its more about the attitude, if you tend to think of being with a lot of other people, instead of your so, in your mind, your so, can become replacable.
Thus, its easier to get rid of them, if things seem to hit a rough patch. On the other hand, if your fantasies are limited to your partner, even if things get rough, since you have been picturing a future together, or even just passionate times together, you will have more incentive to make things work.
You may say that fantasies dont have that kind of influence, but the mind is very powerful. It can have more of an impact on your decisions than you think.

by the way, when you said "several" i was expecting like at least 6-7 ltr's. 2 doesn't count as several

[lord_chilled]

So, maybe trying to connect your attitude with your breakups wasn't the most logical thing to do.
So my bad,,

But think about this, maybe you could have worked things trough in some relationships if you gave them more "value" for lack of a better word, in your mind.
The first one obviously doesn't count, since the guy was very extreme, and also since you say you werent thinking of others back then.
As for the second, im no one to lay judgement, i dont know the exact circumstances, and again, im not trying to point out your mistakes, this is only for the sake of discussion, i do think maybe you could have worked things out with him, given better communication and if you both tried to understand each other (assuming he was co operative).

Now does fantasizing about other people have anything to do with it? Maybe.
Maybe, if he is all you tought about, it might have given you more incentive to try and work things out.

Not saying thats the all and end of it, but it can be a strong factor

[lord_chilled]

And if you say everyone fantasizes, that could be true if you expand the definition of fantasizing to everything including looking at people, finding them attractive and imaginibg them naked.
What i meant by fantasizing encompasses basically only actively imagining being with another person, either as a partner, and/or being with them sexually.
Regardless of wether you masturbate to it or not.
If you dont want to call it fantasizing, we can call it some other word of your choice, but im adamant that this is not positive in a relationship, especially if done repeatedly.

by the way " some years down the road you marry some girl and she's confident and secure enough in her sexuality and your relationship to admit that she likes to fantasize about other people "

I think this whole phrase is ridiculous. First of all, what has confidence and being secure in ones sexuality have to do with disrespecting your partner.
Im sure being confident doesn't make you less intelligent.

[lord_chilled]

I don't know about women, but no man wants to hear that his woman thinks of other guys.
Thats disrespectful. I have never seen any man who is okay with that. At least no masculine men.
Maybe for the wusses out there, they just deal with it. I sure dont think they like it tough.

And to be frank, i have never seen any woman who has respect for her man, say something like that infront of him either.

I think its disrespectful and kinda dumb.

I would want her to be respectful enough not to say such things and also actually try to not fantasize about other people

[Js138]

@lord_chilled Being confident in your relationship and your sexuality are exactly what makes fantasizing "okay" for most couples. Trying to control your partners sexual fantasies stems from insecurity either in your relationship or your own sexuality, and often times that forbidding leads to resentment and/ or infidelity. Fantasizing helps break up the monotony of long term couples and can actually improve the quality of their relationship. Its a safe way to explore your sexuality and sharing certain fantasies builds more confidence and comfort with your partner. Therapists often suggest couples fantasize to rebuild connections and fading sexual desires, and couples who encourage sexual fantasies in their partner are three times more likely to stay faithful. How many men out there have complained that their wives seem to lose their sex drive after some time, and then these men inevitably end becoming unfaithful?

[Js138]

There is a direct correlation between fantasizing and desire, and it's a proven fact that women who fantasize have a higher libido... thus ensuring that they maintain sexual intimacy with their partner. It's also a proven fact that new sexual experiences boost norepinephrine and dopamine levels in the brain, which cause the feeling of falling in love.. so keeping things fresh by fantasizing ultimately strengthens your personal relationships.

[lord_chilled]

You know i dont disagree with anything you said. You know why?
Because none of that had to do with fantasizing about "other people".
You can explore and fantasize away all day if you will, and sharing those fantasies with your partner will strengthen your bond.

As long as its not fantasies about other people.
You are just argueing for arguments sake now.

[lord_chilled]

" There is a direct correlation between fantasizing and desire, and it's a proven fact that women who fantasize have a higher libido "

Shot yourself in the foot much?
So if she fantasizes about other guys she will have a higher libido and is more likely to fuck other guys. Well, thats not rocket science.
If she fantasizes more about her partner. She will have a higher libido for her partner.

"It's also a proven fact that new sexual experiences boost norepinephrine and dopamine levels in the brain, which cause the feeling of falling in love"

Are you trying to argue my point or sonething?😂
So she fucks another guy, and falls in love with him. Thus ending previous relationship.
If she has sex with her current partner tough, it only increases or retains feelings of love for that partner.

I hope you understand that i NEVER SAID FANTASIZING IS FORBIDDEN! I only said fantasizing about OTHER PEOPLE is bad.
Jesus , you are like an ox

[lord_chilled]

by the way,.

" Trying to control your partners sexual fantasies stems from insecurity either in your relationship or your own sexuality, and often times that forbidding leads to resentment and/ or infidelity. "

Nah woman. Telling your woman that you are the only man she should be thinking about is what real men do. Its how we feel and we are confident and secure enough to say it.
And we dont take disrespect from anyone, including our wives.

Its funny how shaming tactics used by the extreme liberal r*tards , calling straight men insecure and questioning our sexuality for being real men, has become so commonplace. I feel bad for you if you actually believe what you said right there. Guess you have never met a real man. Never heard a guy say what he truly feels.

But oh well, as for the last part, pussies get cheated on a ton more than real men do. Everyone knows that. That means your emotional, sensitive, open, "its okay if you think about other guys" weakling is 100x more likely cucked

[Js138]

@lord_chilled speaking as a woman who's actually been with a man who couldn't accept the fact that we're all only human, and fantasizing is a normal and healthy part of relationships I CAN say with absolute certainty that these men who go about FORBIDDING their women think of anyone but them are absolutely insecure! Being a real man is not controlling your woman and her thoughts! That's more akin to a dictatorship! Fantasizing and acting on your fantasies are two completely different things. If I fantasize about living in the tropics, it doesn't mean I'm going to actually pick up my entire family move! Rape fantasies are quite common in women, it doesn't mean we actually want to be raped! Fantasy is not reality its simply a safe space to explore and heighten ones sexuality and desire. You can stick to your standards, but I guarantee if you do manage to keep a woman despite your domineering mindset, she'll be thinking about someone else despite your "rules".

[Js138]

Speak to a psychologist to get some clarification. Fantasizing about someone other than your partner is perfectly healthy and my exact meaning of fantasizing in my references above... NOT fantasizing about your partner who you could actually do these things with... which kind of defeats the purpose of a fantasy in itself.

[Js138]

I love the ridiculousness of some of these conversations. Try telling men in real life who are secure enough to accept that their women fantasize that they're not real men... threat they're pussies and douchgebags. See where that gets you.

[lord_chilled]

" men who go about FORBIDDING their women think of anyone but them are absolutely insecure! "

I think you can keep that opinion for yourself.
Most women i know not only find it okay for their men to do so, but also expect them to.

I guess they understand and accept masculinity and men , because they are maybe feminine themselves?
And they dont exopct guys to adhere to some ridiculous expectations.

Lets save the rape fantasy discussion for another time because its not really a "rape" fantasy ( its not rape if she desires it, its more like she is fantasizing about rough sex with a guy that she likes who can't hold back anymore. By definition, since its consentual, it isn't really rape, but i dont want to drag on...)
But i do get your point about fantasizing, and that it doesn't have to do anything with acting on it.

However i still disagree that fantasizing about other people has absolutely zero positive effect in a committed monogamous relationship.

[lord_chilled]

" You can stick to your standards, but I guarantee if you do manage to keep a woman despite your domineering mindset, she'll be thinking about someone else despite your "rules". "

Im pretty far from domineering, im quite relaxed and pleasant, probably as non threatening as guy eith a rather big frame can be.
im sure pretty much all the women that know me irl say the same.
However i do have a few rules and i won't give any quarter when it comes to them.
Fantasizing about other guys is a big no for me.
Im not gonna enfirce this on a woman. Im gonna lay these things out upfront and its up to her wether she can deal with them or if she can't be in a relationship with a guy like me due to my "rules".

And you talk as if you speak about all women when you say things like she will definitely be thinking about other guys. Are you saying that by default all women are sluts? At least in their nature?
Well i have heard enough women say that their man is the only one they think about "that way" to

[lord_chilled]

Believe otherwise. You may not believe them but i would. Some would even say that the tough of a man other than their husband touching them is irritating/disguisting.
Id say thats a woman with strong morals.

I dont need any psychologist to figure out my own feelings.
And if i can keep my toughts to my woman, im pretty sure so can she. Are you saying women aren't capable of that? Are you saying women are mentally inferior to men?

Fantasizing about other guys may be healthy for her, its certainly not healthy for the relationship, and its definitely hurtful and disrespectful to the man.
Not exoecting you to understand that tough, as it is clear that you have no understanding about men and that you dont even try to sympathize with us.

How would you feel if as the next thing, psychologists said its healthy in a relationship for men to call their women fat. Does that sound okay?
Who knows, might be healthy for a stable relationship. Would you be supporting that?
If you can see how that is

[lord_chilled]

Disrespectful but telling your guy that you think of other guys isn't, then there is no hope for you.
You dont know a single thing about men, and even if you do, you are unwilling to accept men the way we are.

And by the way, if i told a guy he was a pussy for letting his girl fancy other men, what would you think is gonna happen?
First of all, how would i even know those details?
I wouldn't know it unless i knew the guy personally. And if i know him and i tell him that, he wouldn't do sh*t.
If he does decide to come at me for it, doesn't that make him just as "insecure" as the guys that dont want their women to fantasize, by your own logic?
I must have hit a nerve there, or they knew deep down they DONT like their woman fanying other guys, and they took it out on me.
What do you have to say to that. And if they dont do anything about it, well kinda proves my point about them being pussies, doesn't it?

Oh, well, dont worry. Its not like we would get with each other anyway

[Js138]

@lord_chilled First of all, me saying that almost all women fantasize is not implying they are sluts... quite the contrary. For you to assume so says a lot about your views on women and sexuality in general. Using my opinion to prove that i don't understand or sympathize with men on this subject is ridiculous in itself as most men DO fantasize... maybe even more so than women. Any man who became angry with you for calling him a pussy or a douchgebag for "allowing" his girl to fantasize wouldn't do so out of insecurity. A man who realizes its natural and part of human nature is secure with himself and his relationship... enough to know that just because his girl fantasizes doesn't mean she's going cheat. But to each their own. I couldn't handle a man trying to control my thoughts (been there, done that, and he was bat shit crazy) , nor am I insecure enough to try to control his. With age and experience comes wisdom and acceptance.

[lord_chilled]

Women that fantasize about other guys while in a relationship are sluttier than women who dont fantasize about other men while in a relationship.

They may not be as slutty as girls who actually sleep around, but you still put women on potential position. Which i dont think all women would agree on.

And who are you to say most men do fantasize about being with other women?
I think its incredibly sexist to assume this.
Most men i know personally, are really loyal and dont actively fantasize about being with other girls while they are in a relationship.
There you go with your lame generalizations...

" Any man who became angry with you for calling him a pussy or a douchgebag for "allowing" his girl to fantasize wouldn't do so out of insecurity"

So were cherry picking now. Somebody gave you monopoly on using the word insecurity as you see fit?

And trust me whn i tell you this. No man, unless he is a cuckold likes hearing that his woman thinks of being with other men than him.

[lord_chilled]

When we hear that, it hits our male nature (something you dont seem to understand exists) and we dont like it. We dont just understand or accept that its part of human nature.
If your girl says that and you just say nothing, its because you want to avoid an argument and are basically just "ass kissing". A real man wouldn't do that, hence why guys like that are pussies.
And trust me when i say that the same number of guys like being told that as the same number of females that like being told they are fat.

This has nothing to do with being secure, you just wanna say whatever is on your mind without regards for others feelings. You at least have a clue that men dont like it, yet you will keep doing that.
Seems like you enjoy a punching bag rather than a real man. You wouldn't be able to handle a real man.

Same as a lot of western women today. No idea of what male nature is, want men to accommodate their bad behaviour, and are absolutely unable to handle a raw, unhindered man.

[Js138]

@lord_chilled Have you been living under a rock your entire life? It's unbelievably naive of you to call me a sexist for claiming "men do fantasize, maybe even more so than women". Look around. Do some research. It's a proven fact that men think of sex more often throughout any given day than women. And i hate to burst your bubble, but according to studies (published in psychology today) most people do fantasize about someone other than their partner...80% of women, and a whopping 98% of men. And those numbers don't include the people that won't admit to anyone, including their partners, that they fantasize at all. So the actual number could be even higher. So according to you, 80% of women are sluts, and 98% of men are pussies. What a world. I think your entire issue with this is that you equate fantasizing to cheating, when in reality its completely normal and healthy. If your ego is too fragile to accept that fantasizing is human nature, you are most definitely INSECURE.

[lord_chilled]

Do you realize that i am a man?
I happen to spend a lot of my time in all-male groups and circles.
And your studies dont mean sh*t to me.
I prefer to see examples from the real world instead of some studies, especially when you can't even define what you mean by the term fantasizing.

You are saying seeing a hot girl and imagining her naked is fantasizing. Well if thats the case then, not just 98% , all men fantasize troughout the day.
What i was referring to , in terms of fantasies are those involving imagining actually being with someone else, other than your partner.

And most committed men, dont actively indulge in those type of fantasies, or at least restrain such toughts. What good could come of thinking about another girl all the time when you are with a girl?
You would just start wanting the other girl. Which is not helping the relationship. So we dont entertain them. If we happen to meet a new girl who seems really hot and we catch ourselves thinking of her we stop it.

[lord_chilled]

And its not that hard either. Like can't you control your own toughts?
When i was with my ex girlfriend, i never entertained such fantasies. And tbh i never had them either.
When i saw another hot girl, i noticed her ifcourse but that was that and it was done with.
You can choose not to believe it, but its still sexist to assume all or even most men think about most girls all the time. Even single guys often center their fantasies around mostly one woman.

I have done my research, i go out and talk to other guys, after a few beers, if the guy trusts you, he will let you into his mind pretty easily.
I would trust that a hell lot more than "research" on the internet.

Fantasizing doesn't always lead to cheating , but cheating is always the result of fantasizing. You dont f*ck someone you dont fancy.
And without the cheating, fantasizing still implies that you are seeking something missing in the relationship. That too is a fact.

Is it natural? Maybe for some people it comes natural

[Js138]

@lord_chilled That's exactly what I'm telling you, that 80% of women and 98%of men fantasize about someone OTHER than their partner. Do some research. It doesn't matter that you're a man who claims he doesn't fantasize, or that I'm a woman who does... the proof is out there for everyone to see. And if fantasizing were so terrible for relationships and led to cheating, pretty much no relationship, ever, would stand the test of time.

[lord_chilled]

But its definitely not healthy in a committed relationship.

Look, in a long term relationship, im not saying you are doomed if you fantasized about another once or twice. But if you caught yourself doing that, i would say its better to introspect and then stop thinking about that person.
It would be much better to direct your toughts and ideas to doing something that you can actually participate in with your partner. Or even just something that would make them happy.

But if you are married to tom and fantasize regularly about harry from work, nothing good will come out of that regarding your relationship with tom.
Thats all im saying.

And you keep using those shaming tactics, "fragile" , "insecure". Like right out of a feminist handbook.

If men not liking their women thinking of other guys makes men insecure, then i got some bad news for you : all men are insecure. Some just hide ot better than others. I dont call it insecurity, since i dont subscribe to bs. I call it being normal

[lord_chilled]

Lol what proof are you talking about, one study?
Like i said , i dont care about your study nor do i believe in it.
The only one who says its proof is you.
Keep it as your bible.

I wasn't part of the survey, neither were you is uppose and 99 , scratch that 100 percent of all the people i know werent part of that survey either.
"proof" lmao, what a fail...

[lord_chilled]

Simce you keep circlim aroumd your claims of "proof" and a few studies, and that someone else said that its healthy, let me ask you something for which you will give an original answer:
do you know the difference between strong minded amd weak minded people/individuals?

[Js138]

@lord_chilled like I said. Do some research. There's your proof. You can remain oblivious and ignorant to what's going around you (while your girlfriends rubbing one out to Ryan gosling) but i choose to accept reality. Stay prude.

[lord_chilled]

Lile i said i did mine.
I take it you won't answer my question. Cos i had a whole lot of information to share with you.

by the way, ryan gosling😁 Really?
If you were trying to get a raise out of me for saying my non existent girlfriend masturbates to actors, you should have gone for more masculine types.

[BrittBratt2416]

If you're thinking of someone else, then you're partner must not be doing it well enough for you. People will try to excuse this so they don't have to feel guilty about it until they find out their partner is thinking of someone else the whole time durning passionate love making as well. Would you really be okay with that? All the guys saying it fine, would definitely loose their cool if the girl they were with was thinking of another man instead of him. Especially if she blurted his name out loud by accident. I know women would not want that either. It's saying that's what you really want deep down but settled for what you got or have and just not truly satisfied. It makes a person wonder why you with them when you can just go get the people you really want.

[labruja]

If you have fantasies about others while being in a relationship, Why be in a relationship to begin with? Stay single and have all fantasies and partners you want. Why pick a person to ultimately mess with their head, lie, look for better, hide texts, and flirt? Why not be single and do whatever you want? I never understood this. If I enter a diet willingly, clearly I know I can't be tempted to over indulge in junk food! I chose this diet. If I want to eat junk food, I just won't go on a diet. Why torture myself?

[Pinay_ako]

we all have dirty thoughts about doing it with someone else while we are in a relationship. that's why it's called a fantasy. not something you act out if you are committed to someone who loves you. you can think it but don't do it.

[Apope16]

Its fucking normal! who cares! This whole idea of "emotional cheating" is bullshit. You can flirt without even knowing it. You can wink at someone and be emotional cheating. Heck you can smile and be emotionally cheating.

Women are not only not allowing men to have the free expression of orgasming to porn... but now they want to get to the point of controlling a man's inner mind by dictating what sexual fantasies he can or can't have?

Let your partner have sexual fantasies about whoever they want when they masturbate. if they are shouting another person's name that is a problem. If the sex is bad, deal with that issue. But let them masturbate whatever fantasies they want. You have women that masturbate to rape fantasies for crying out loud.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Thinking of others isn't necessarily unexpected, however I would not say its "okay" either. The fact is if your making a habit of thinking of other people that does become emotional cheating, your wishing you where with some one who is not your partner and that's not a good mindset to have, it kind of opens the door for other things, basically your convincing your brain to look elsewhere rather then focusing on your partner. Kind of like flirting, if your flirting with others then the energy your spending doing that is not going to your partner. Relationships are a fire and you need to constantly feed them to maintain them, if you let your energy/resources/what have you go elsewhere then the fire begins to die and eventually it will go out. So like I said I don't think its necessarily something that will not happen, but I think you should make an effort to try and avoid it.

[Sheeva1223]

First time seeing a real smart man, props to you.

[lord_chilled]

Well put

[PunkinPie]

But doesn't the typical guy fantasize about other women all the time, though? Isn't this a double standard, or am I mistaken?

[hellionthesagereborn]

@PunkinPie Isn't it sexist to assume that just because a man has a penis he must think of other women at all times? No its not a double standard. At what point did I say its okay for men but not women? I used gender neutral terms for a reason, it stands for both men and women. As I said it does happen, we are human however we should not intentionally initiate these thoughts nor should we encourage it as your wiring your brain to desire some one who is not your partner. As for men, no not all men think of sleeping with every woman they see, I find it strange that its okay to say that about men but if I where to say anything similar about women it would be unacceptable. Men are human beings, they want the same things. Yes we have higher sex drives, yes we are the ones who have to initiate and that means we tend to be more obvious/vocal about our attractions but that is different then wanting every woman we see and I would appreciate it if you would actually think of us as

[hellionthesagereborn]

@PunkinPie people instead of animals. If you look at the statistics, women cheat about as much as men, they also sleep around as much if not more (depending on what studies you look at) they also divorce more frequently then men the most common reason being irreconcilable differences or no fault while for men it is the majority of the time due to there spouse cheating. Men are no saints, but neither are women. So I would appreciate it if you wouldn't try and pick a fight here, if you want you can message me and I can go down the very long list of double standards that women benefit from if you want, or we can just say men and women are human and move on, your choice.

[PunkinPie]

Guys have said this themselves, if you read other responses here for example but in other places too, and my ex-husband said it's normal and men really can't help it. So I'm actually going on information from actual guys. I'm just surprised.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@Sheeva1223 Thank you, I appreciate it.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@lord_chilled Thank you

[hellionthesagereborn]

@PunkinPie No, your going on a handful of words that you don't understand the context of. Men do find women attractive, yes if a woman walks by who is really attractive a guy will automatically notice. He will also forget she exists after a few minutes. That's a far cry different then him fantasizing about sex with other women. Also again, I said it was natural to look, I also said we should try and avoid it. Notice however I also never actually excluded women from that statement? that's because women do it to whether or not you wish to admit it women also find other men attractive. Its not the thought that is the issue, its the action the actively thinking about another that is the issue. But again, you want to insult men as a whole that's fine but if I turn around and do the same with women will you accept it or will you claim its all lies and slander? Be respectful, try to see men as human beings instead of animals, we men would appreciate it. getting looked own on has gotten old.

[PunkinPie]

Who says I'm looking down on it or being sexist? I just see it as a normal part of sexual thought life for healthy people of both sexes. My ex had a thing for a particular actress. *shrug* I'm no supermodel, so whatever. I don't expect a man to be obssessed with me alone.

[PunkinPie]

And I most certainly do understand the context.

[PunkinPie]

I actually feel like I'm repressed because I *don't* fantasize, honestly.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@PunkinPie Your immediate response was to claim a double standard even though I used gender neutral language, your accusation being that I was some how allowing men "off the hook" and applying my reasoning only to women even though again, it was clear that I was not. If you don't see how that comes off as you having a bone to pick, I don't know what will. Further more you where equating looking at women and finding them attractive with actively fantasizing about them even while in a relationship, those are two different things. So no, I don't think you do, I don't think you understand how men operate at all. Despite what women think, men are damn loyal, we love our girlfriends/wives and we in general do not cheat or betray. As for your claims, I find them dubious, people are people, they have urges they have impulses, claiming you don't is well it seems highly improbable, but it doesn't matter, what I said still stands.

[PunkinPie]

So, if you don't believe that I don't fantasize, why should I believe you don't?

I think for me it's because I had such a strict religious upbringing, I had a mental block.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@PunkinPie First and foremost I am not in a relationship, secondly I never said I don't, I said its not unnatural but its best to try and avoid it if you can so as not to take away focus and energy form your significant other. Did you not read my comment at all?

[tctravis007]

Great questions. I can easily see the argument for it being emotionally cheating - but I'd be hypocritical if I tried to make that case because I do it often. But I am OK with it because they are just thoughts - actual actions would be different.

And I am OK if my SO does the same - again, if it is just thoughts. We are sexual beings and I do not see how it is possible to shut off a wandering sexual mind - or at least how I could lol.

Again, great post and questions.

[InTimoreDei]

If you can turn to your partner and tell them "Oh, by the way, I was fantasizing about someone else the entire time" and there be no issues in your relationship afterwards... then... by all means... go ahead...

Mostly, though, there definitely will be problems afterwards and the relationship will never be the same. The other person will constantly be thinking "are they attentive right now or fantasizing about someone other than me".

Successful relationships cannot be healthy with such nonsense.

[PunkinPie]

Exactly

[Unit1]

See This is one of those things, that better stay a secret in any relationship.
Because we are human beings with some things beyond our control like thoughts and fantasies.
Just don't tell about it!
Just don't!

[MindYourEyes]

Honestly I’d rather not know that he is because that would just hurt my feelings. I like that he makes me feel like I’m the only hottest most desireable woman to him. If I knew then damn I’d be crushed xD. So noooo I don’t need to know if he does. I’d feel it was more cheating if it was someone personal that we both know. But hey. That’s just me.

[lumos]

I think it’s normal to an extent to have fleeting thoughts like that without it meaning anything. But if you’re constantly thinking about other people, and your partner rarely (or never) gets the spotlight in your thoughts, I’d say something is wrong. I wouldn’t think that’s ok.

[lord_chilled]

Exactly

[Worriedwife101]

No. The Bible says that if a man even looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery in his own heart. Mathews 5:28 , so if the Bible warns us of this along with various other things that is only beneficial for us and Never meant to hurt us. I would agree that fantasizing about someone else that is not your spouse is not only unacceptable to your spouse, but God. If you have to fantasize about other people to get satisfaction, then marriage shouldn't be a option for you.

[somewheresomeway]

Those listening to Jesus' sermon in 5:28 also said "well who then... is saved?". Jesus responded "come what is impossible with men is possible with God".

Every flesh and blood man and woman of normal mental capacity is going to have fantasies to towards other people before, during and after being married (if someone passes away). God knows that, so that's why he sent his son Jesus to die for those sins and everything else.

By the way I'm Christian myself I'm not justifying sin. I also commend you for posting scripture and increasingly atheist dominate, anti Christian online community. However I'm also acknowleding that temptation and self discipline is a fundamental scenario every healthy marriage (even most true Christian marriages) will encounter from time to time.

[Deyoku]

Well when I was deeply in love, I mostly thought about having sex with only her, but also with porn chicks/hot girls i saw in streets and internet, although less than I would usually. So I think thats perfectly fine, cause I wouldn`t have cheated nor had any emotional doubt.

[darthreefer]

I think it's okay to. As long as it's not will being intimate with your partner. That's a little messed up. It's completely normal to fantasize about other people though and I don't think it is emotional cheating. However that is something that only your partner can answer. Anything that affects the intimacy, emotional distance, or the dynamic balance in the relationship is by broad definition what emotional cheating is. I'm just saying though everyone does it but not all will admit it.

[HateYourCellphone]

I hope it's ok, because I do that all the damn time.

I'd be fine with it I suppose, although the only reason I fantasize about anyone else is she quit being sexual and withholds love from me. So... I'm not cheating and I may as well have a fun fantasy sex life.

[PunkinPie]

I have learned that men's sexual fantasy life is a lot more complex than women expect. So basically, anything is okay because it's just What Guys Do. They can't really help it.

But they don't have to describe it to the woman while making love to her. Please just don't tell us.

[AustinTXGuy]

Fantasizing about someone who is unattainable is pretty much ok. Obsessing over that fantasy, not so much, but just having one isn't a big deal.
Fantasizing about the hot guy/ girl at work or in your social circle, etc is definitely not OK. Thinking "mmm damn she's hot" is human nature, but you be actively fantasizing and imagining yourself with that person has got to be damaging to your current relationship. At the very least it's not a good sign.

[Chaz269]

Some people can handle it, others can't. I don't have a problem with celebrity crushes, but if my woman told me she was into a friend or coworker, that would be a deal breaker for me. If you know your significant other might stress about it, don't share. It's not cheating unless you act on it, and there's no need to hurt their feelings or stress them out over a fantasy that never becomes reality.

[Julie_TS]

I'm pretty sure that it is very common, and probs normal, to have fantasies about other people even while in a very healthy relationship

[DarkFun]

I think it's normal to have these fantasies, but i guess it can depend on how the other half feels about it, me and my partner are very open about who we've been eyeing up or thinking about like that, whether it's at work or a celebrity. We find that confessing it can feel good, we feel closer and whether we're thinking of eachother or not we usually end up having fun 😎

[trumpjuice]

Pretty sure it's a form of emotionally cheating. Also everyone does it, if you claim to not do it, congratulations you managed to stay away from pornhub and probably live in the Amazon.

[babylips14]

Bullshit. I have never fantasized about others while being in a relationship except with one boyfriend whom I didn't love.

[trumpjuice]

But you have done it. So you just proved my statement.

[VaIiant]

Yes in the event she didn’t love him😂
So what does that say about OP’s relationship.

[babylips14]

@VaIiant It says that people on fantasize about others if they’re in a relationship with someone they’re not in love with.

[babylips14]

I’m sure that most people who are in love with their partners haven’t done it. I just happened to make a bad decision by getting into a relationship with someone I didn’t love while I loved another guy (the guy I had fantasies about). However, it would have never happened if I had thought wisely back then. I’m sure every couple who is in love and happy in their relationship doesn’t fantasize about other people.

[trumpjuice]

That's a lie. Everyone fantasizes wether it is in the act of sex, during a solo session or even when they dream. Anyone who claims they've never had a sexual dream while with someone is full of shit.

[babylips14]

Like I said, they’ll only have sexual fanatasies about someone else if they’re not in love or their needs are not being met.

[trumpjuice]

Clearly you are the exception to this... i congratulate you

[babylips14]

You can believe whatever you want to believe. Most people agree with me and I don’t think they have a reason to lie on this.

[trumpjuice]

Umm from reading the comments it look like most women here fantasize about others or previous experiences... quoting bible verses are about as valid as me quoting a Harry potter book

[PunkinPie]

I've never had a sexual fantasy about anyone other than my husband when I was married, nor a sexual dream. I actually felt weird, like there was something wrong with me. I finally realized it's just because I was raised in such a strong religious environment, even my subconscious wouldn't let me do something I thought was sinful. I'm sure I'm the exception, though.

Even now the only people I might fantasize about are fictional characters or celebrities, I can't fantasize about a celebrity I know is already married. I'm so weird.

[babylips14]

@PunkinPie agreed. OP seems to be living in a fantasy of his own, thinking that every body fantasizes about other people even when they’re in love and in a fulfilling relationship.

[trumpjuice]

Yea because humans are primal creatures. Out basic instincts for survival are eating, and reproducing

[jaafar76]

Well. To me if you do that, this means you're missing something from your current relationship and you need compendate, or you're just worried and unsure anymore about your relationship/SO. I would give it time, if you no longer fantasize it means nothing. If you do then be careful.

[jaafar76]

To compensate*

[ladsin]

It's not possible to stop being attracted to other people. It's a problem if you start to act on it, or tell your partner to upset them (dependin on how you and your partner react to that situation.)

[Belgie]

Of course it's okay. What goes on in your own mind is your own business. Only an absolutely sick and twisted paranoid control freak would try to be the thought police for their partner.