Why do I eventually lose interest in all the guys I date?

Question

And no, I haven’t been in a relationship since I broke up with my first boyfriend months ago.

It’s been flings. But I find I don’t like the guys later as much as I thought I did in the beginning. I may also start pulling away. One thing I have is trust issues and I’m scared to open up fully to a guy and become attached.

I’ve managed to “succeed” in certain instances by not putting my all into some guy such that I don’t make myself fully available to a certain guy. For instance, two dudes I dated were single dads (note that they didn’t tell me they had a kid but only after we met.. but I was still willing to kinda give them a chance and still see them). Later they would bade farewell and say they were going back to their exes to so-called mend their relationship—and say they’d have to stop talking to me. Times like that I’m really glad I hadn’t committed my attention fully to them and was talking to other guys. Because it doesn’t affect me as much emotionally. It’s like I build this wall to not get hurt. But it also makes me feel lonely because I do want to find The One.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Did you trust your first boyfriend or you had trust issues during that relationship as well? Or could be that he left scars that now reflect on your actions?

Take some time to fully look inside and trying to understand what exactly is the reason you lose interest.

I'm somewhat like you. I love to flirt with people and often have small and big crushes, but when they like me back, I pull away and suddenly lose all interest. Deep down, I'm sabotaging myself due to lack of self esteem and fear of intimacy. It took me a while to truthfully acknowledge that to myself.

If you somehow get to this same conclusion or you think your trust issues are a huge problem you don't know how to solve, seek a therapist, I'm sure it will help you!

TheFriendlyOne · Accepted Answer

Maybe its about the possibility that you might be going for guys that aren't what you are looking for exactly, which connects to the 2nd point which is that its more likely that you lose interest because you are just dating and that not might be your thing , some people just aren't made for dating as a substitute for relationships.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I can understand where you are coming from I'm the same with women. I am hesitant to open up fully but when I have I've only had my heart broken. What I'd suggest is get to know somone as a friend then try to open up more. Hell in saying that my heart has been broken by friends before who said they would stick with me but haven't. I don't know what to suggest in actuality what do you want an adult relationship or a more teen relationship is where to start?

uravgguy · Accepted Answer

I think it's because of what you are doing to meet or date. No relationship is going to be exciting all the way through, there would be times where you literally sit in the same room, doing your own things, and bad times. And it requires work. So your expectations play a big part too. Honestly i would say talk to someone you know or even strangers to get an opinion on why you've built a wall or just trying to get you to open up.

skytatoe · Answer

Cause you pull away and stop investing. Its that simple. Once you stop putting in effort in something or someone you'll lose interest.

Try going to the gym and doing 2 half assed minutes on the treadmill then giving up and going home. Do that 5 times and you won't go back to the gym at all. You'll lose all interest and motivation. You won't feel rewarded cause you didn't put anything in.
For relationships, you won't find someone interesting unless you actively try to get to know them / spend time with them. If you let them initiate all the time or stop bouncing back in conversation, it will dry up and you'll lose interest.
You only get back in proportion to what you put in, that holds true for EVERYTHING in life. The more you put in, the more you get back.

If you're not ready to put in the effort because you haven't healed, that's normal. So I'd suggest you take time to focus on yourself, let dating go for a while, focus on friendships so you don't feel lonely and heal until you're ready to invest in someone who you feel is worth it. It takes emotional energy and strength you might not have right now.

5x9BOB · Answer

The fact that you lose interest is because you do not share your true thoughts, ideas and goals with the guy. A guy will not know what to talk to you about that interests you or discover those commonalities that the relationship can build off of. It is not the perfection that attracts us much as it is your imperfections that makes you unique. Just be honest and open and you will eventually be blessed with that one guy who you can truly be yourself around, tell anything to
and you will find comfort in his nonjudgmental and giving nature.

Dause · Answer

If your talking to multiple guys at once, those guys can probably tell pretty easily. If you don't give a damn about the person your talking to, then eventually they aren't going to care in return. Not letting it affect you emotionally is self sabotaging any sort of a relationship.

Treat the person your talking to as an equal/friend at first. Take awhile to have a boring conversation every once and awhile before things warm up, because often times the people who start off great do so because they have played girls a number of times.

Aynsof · Answer

Well you seem to have answered it yourself
You have trust issues so you don't open up and get attached
So you don't bond and the relationship doesn't grow and gets boring
Yoi will never build a successful long term relationship until you let go
And yes you risk getting hurt... bbut no risk no reward

tainor · Answer

Well maybe it's too soon for you to look for a new partner? I mean your only single since a few months that's not a long time. And also talking to multiple guys at the same time, with the intent of searching a new relationship won't work very well I guess.. I would explain it like this : If you have two girls/boys you like and can't decide which one to choose, go for the second one. Because if you liked, or eventually loved the first one enough, there wouldn't be a second one :) Hope this helps you

AG900 · Answer

You may want to stop putting expectations and let things flow. Ask them about their childhood, when you're in person. That will give you both a deeper connection.
Also, test them before giving your trust. Most women would give it all to those that don't show a thing and treat like crap those who are worth it. Try not to make the same mistake. Have boundaries.
It's normal to lose interest if there's not a connection. You can try to make them part of your life too. If you have a party, or something were you can take your significant other, bring him with you. So this together and become friends too

Udbhav_Bantwal · Answer

Your trust issues won't let you get close to a guy, it'll always find faults and reasons for you not to be with anyone cause you don't want to get hurt again so you never let anyone in, never let anyone really know you and you won't get to know them and if you don't know if each other truly or if he doesn't know you truly then after a while you'll just lose interest because you feel like you're not going anywhere. You need to work towards clearing those trust issues, only then will you be able to find or be with the one for you...

naraku · Answer

Why do you want to find "the one" at 20?

I've known people who found " the one" at 18 then they're divorced by 25. They then regret wasting that time on " The one". They also wish they just chilled more. But maybe you won't end up like that, who can say.

Any trust issues because of your ex is because he was/is a c**t-Sorry but from what you told me and I read here he is- the thing is you're a dreamer with a romantic heart so, I'm not sure you always listened. But, that's just what I think.

Don't worry about "the one" it will happen, until then just enjoy things.

lernulo · Answer

Palm five, one month ago I dated 4 girls a week, but I didn't get anything of anyone, and Im not so ugly neither I make catfish.
Its just that they know there isn't real love there.
I dont know if its your situation or not, but I took a breath, I dont want just to be loved, I want to love too, and for it, I must be able to make it.
I dont know because Im not your partner but I think that you are realizing that if you continue dating for dating without more meaning that it, you will be in problems.
My only advice I can give you is that you get ready to love all the men you date, so you will be able to see the chosen one.

krogaan · Answer

your a peek type of person u like the beginning and get bored of the med and end 4 example it's like a new video game comes out people go crazy over it can't wait to play it then they play it for 3-5 days and it's gone next game please same thing with guys and girls they get boring same thing with food you don't eat the same food everyday we like peek the EXCITEMENT PHASE i call it peek high point of whatever your doing weather it's hang out with a new person, new dress, making new friend, moving, collage for the 1st time and so on

boggboss · Answer

For a start would say don't go for relationships if you still have trust issues simply put

Mr_Weirdo · Answer

The issue is lack of mature and wise approach to dating, you do not want to actually get into relationship in the first place, remembering previous failures that imprinted fear and inability to open up. I have dated a woman who has similar problems (inability to open up, being anxious, she couldn't accept vulnerability in the relationship) while she simply didn't wanted to commit as well. You'll be better off dealing with your own issues instead, if you fear loneliness, then you got the answer. Because once the guy who will be ready to give in whatever he can - in the state you are just now - you'll lead him on.

This is my opinion, nothing else.

On_the_other_hand · Answer

In your case I would say what you are doing is fine. You just need to open up slowly over time as you get to know who the person really is and little by little risk a little more of your heart.

I will say it is the ones who love the most are the one that get hurt the most and they are the ones that after getting hurt protect themselves more than anyone. So the ones that love the most are often the ones that have the harder time letting love in.

archonicon · Answer

Oh, I know why you can't commit. You're not supposed to. You're 20. You're not even a real adult yet. You're supposed to have fun, mess around, go through your slut phase. No couple in their 20s are stable. Anyone who tells you otherwise are wrong. Guaranteed. Oh here's one more reason. You're effing 20!

BeyondPlusUltra · Answer

Because you don't know what you want. Go figure yourself out first.

awx0ne · Answer

Maybe you've excluded the type of guys that are truly your match.

DiegoO · Answer

Perhaps you should stop entering rebound relationships and stop feel the fear of been alone in the aspect of not having a romantic relationship. Why not give yourself time to heal? Instead of looking ways to covering up that pain or insecurity?

Riichy · Answer

Your young yet still trying to get your head on straight as to what you like in a guy

pootytangg · Answer

Because you dont know what you want in a relationship.

Frankenstein99 · Answer

We're a lot alike in this way. The good news is you're a woman so it's acceptable for you to do this.

Why do I eventually lose interest in all the guys I date?

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