Are there some people who aren't cut out for dating?

[honeybrowneyes]

I'm wondering this because with all the dating sites and books available, why do people have a hard time finding someone to be in a relationship with, let alone date? Even people who are in their 40's or 50's don't find someone who they can truly click with. I've only dated 2 guys, but the relationships were very short lived, so I don't know what a serious relationship is like. Whenver I like a guy, its either he doesn't feel the same or when he does, things fall apart before they even get serious. I have this stupid tendancy of dooming things before they start, because it usually goes 2 hell. I don't know, I've pretty much given up. Am I, as well as other people out there, not cut out for dating? Having a man is no big deal to me. However, I just wonder if I'm doing something wrong?

[rdr005]

I won't say that there is anyone who isn't cut out for dating. I think many people just find it difficult, especially the older you get without experience in dating. Guys in particular who are about my age (23) and have never dated, don't know how to ask a girl out, or what to do on a first date... and how to do the dreaded "first kiss." Many people aren't very social so they don't know how to approach people they may be interested. Simple conversation starters can be daunting to some, while holding the conversation more than to just, "hi" can be intimidating or awkward to others. Online services help out in that you can talk via messages and have time to think about what you want to say and how to interpret a message before replying. The non witty don't care because they have all day to figure out what to say. Other's want to skip the bs of finding someone they are "compatible" with so they resort to those services as well. The big issue is that these sites have become overrun with guys and girls desiring just simple flings... so that people who are interested in the more serious relationships end up getting lost in the numbers online like flowers surrounded by weeds.

But again... I don't think its so much that people aren't cut out for dating. Even the sadistic criminals need a partner in crime, no? Its just a matter of finding the right person. For you, why do things go to hell so early or fall apart? Analyze your situation and see what the root of the problem is. Are you taking things so fast that it scares off the other guy before you get to meet them? Are you asking questions about marriage and family life before knowing what he wants to do for a career? You may be doing something wrong, or maybe you are just fortunate that the guys that are leaving, just might not be the right guy for you... it's saving you the heartache of getting serious and then breaking up and leaving you in shambles. Either way, I'd say don't give up, and give yourself a self-analysis of what's going on with you and your life. You might find some unanswered questions there.

[honeybrowneyes]

You're right. For me, things tend to fall apart because I tend to pull away easily from people I sense is getting to close to me. I'm scared of getting close.

[rdr005]

May I ask why you're scared of getting close? Perhaps it would do you some good for both experience and "overcoming fear" reasons for you to open up to it. Not completely to where you throw yourself to that person and let them do whatever they want, but just allowing yourself to at least trust one person and be willing to let that person get close to you may change everything. That's not to say that you should just open up to the next person you date, but someone that you feel comfortable with.

[Marciano]

well...having a partner does matter to you, its why your asking. But no your not doing nothing wrong, you just didn't get along with the guys you dated.

[Anonymous]

I do not think you are doing anything wrong. But I do hear a negative attitude within you. So I would work on that and not men or dating first. Pay attention to the negative attitudes in other areas of your life primarily and men/dating secondarily. Remove any negative attitude you have---you do not have to be The Super Positive person, but either neutralize the negative or be positive.

Just drop the negative. I think you will be happily surprised with the things you learn along the way! Best to you! And yes, even some positive people with the best of everything decide that dating with the goal of getting into a relationship just is not worth the time and energy for them, they are totally happy, have meaningful relationships and are contented. ahh!

[confused415]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, be happy that things end early and don't drag out into something more hurtful.

Dating just takes time and patience. It is very difficult and frustrating- but when was something worth having not? You must be happy for who you are and be yourself. Other than that, you really can't go wrong.

Perhaps instead of looking for a potential mate- look for a potential friend. Find someone you really enjoy spending time with, even if it's just hanging out casually. You'll find that things will unfold as they should and feelings between you two will come naturally.

Good luck! Keep your heart open, someone great will come along :]

[honeybrowneyes]

Thank you :o) Yeah, riight now like a potential friend is a good idea. To me, relationships work out better when the people involved are friends first. I do have my fear of getting close to someone because I'm not sure of their true intentions. I just have to trust my instincts.

[confused415]

Absolutely. The world is a cruel place, so it helps to make friends because at least you can find out who they really are as a person and see their true colors and intentions. Good luck, never settle for someone who sees you anything less than perfect.