Is it okay for someone in a relationship to check another guy/girl out?

Question

I work with this guy who is in a relationship. He’s very friendly and he helps me a lot. Every now and then I’ll catch him staring at me. He complimented me and told me I had a beautiful smile. He likes to watch me do stuff. He just got into this relationship about a few months ago but he’s always been like this (still is). Let’s say I’m doing something like cleaning up, he’ll lean back and just watch me. He mostly stares at me from behind when he thinks I can’t see him. He was in the breakroom talking about the cute girls at work with another coworker. I was making coffee and when I turned around to a sec, he was watching me while he was talking about the cute girls. He didn’t say anything about me tho lol :p

There maybe one creepy time I was standing behind him towards the left facing the opposite direction. He was sitting down on FaceTime with some guy and as soon as I turned around, his front camera was on me/my butt. He didn’t even bother to hurry up and take it off me. My face was all on the camera lol. This was during his relationship.

princessde · Accepted Answer

It's fine. You need to be a bit political here. The guy and I in a relationship also check out girls and guys like together hahaha. But make a note that to notice if he tells his girl that he stares at other girls and she being ok with it. Have a light fun conversation with his girlfriend if she checks other guys out and if she does not, ask her how would she feel if his guy checks other girls out and if she doesn't mind then good. If she does, let her know that her guy checks other girls out in a funny way ( pretend that you have no idea that this girl and he are in a relationship - also suggest her if she and he can check out girls and guys together). The red alert is that the guy could be a player as well haha ( as in the way her stares at you) coz relationship is not a joke and one day he could ( possibility) cheat on her - which again is not good in long run. So you better save her life if at all it's at stake.

Red-Blaze · Accepted Answer

I think its ok as long as his honest and remain loyal

I don't see it wrong for someone I am with to admit other or compliant them
As long as its what it is and there not starting with them and remain loyal and honest (/open) about it

Saying all that the guy you talking about sound bad without relation to him being in a relationship

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

We are very visual, and our eyes go where they are happy. But stairing and gawking... it's not good... it's a bad sign. I have no problem with looking, and then reflecting upon the one you are with. Often, that leads me to admire them more.

He has problems. When I'm with someone I'm attracted and drawn to, others fade and don't look as good. I may admire something they wear, or their shape, but generally speaking I don't have interest. Guys "creative/fantasy" minds get them into a lot of problems. As does watching porn, etc.. And then there is the selfish narcissistic personality which doesn't care. It may be he isn't really interested in the other girl as much as he'd like to be...

ForteExe · Accepted Answer

My girlfriend and I both like people watching. When we go out we comment on the passerbys and talk about whether they're slutty or respectable. I'll tell my girlfriend "I like that girl's outfit" or "she's cute" with the intention of letting her know what kinds of outfits I'd like to see on my girlfriend. She knows that's why I'm doing it too by the way. I think if you want to do this, it should be known by both parties that you're not bringing it up to make your bf/gf jealous or feel bad. Incidentally, I'll also point out girls I think look trashy or slutty or ones I just don't like too. My girlfriend is interested in hearing my preferences too so it's not unwelcomed information.

Apope16 · Answer

Checking out girls subtley is okay. What he is doing is not. he's in a relationship, objectifying booty, hitting on girls? Not good. Not a high quality man. You sound like you like him though. You like him looking at you with a desire to fuck.

Desconhecida · Answer

It's natural to look.. but it can't be more than that

Account · Answer

In my opinion he is a piece of shit.

westwordbound · Answer

It’s human nature to find someone attractive. The problem is guys are not so subtle about looking up a woman and the woman has strong intuition about it. She usually knows fast.

Women in the other hand are infinitely more subtle about this (unless their drunk).

Point being a see way more girls getting upset when their bfs do this vs guys getting pissed because the boyfriend usually doesn’t even notice it. But the girlfriend almost always notices it.

When it comes down to it there should be just one simple rule in relationships: you can look but you can’t touch.

soleil2666 · Answer

Formally, all of the righteous of the world will tell you, it is absolutely not ok.
In real life though, I'd guess that over 60%, if not 80% of all relationships are between people who are not quite a match and one (or both) desire something better.
The hardliners will tell you all about how wrong this is, but the truth is simpler - since we're all under so much pressure and, unlike the academia or professional world, there is not established path to get to that best person you could have (strangely enough for such a central part of human existence) - these things do happen.
Would his current girlfriend mind - probably. How close they are or are not, when you look at it sincerely - is anyone's guess.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude was obviously a creep. Sorry you had to endure that nonsense.

On the issue of "checking someone out" it depends on the context. Guys are biologically hardwired to look at a girl. Even the most holy of men will glance down a womens exposed cleavage or catch themselves looking at a womens butt while she's wearing tight or exposing clothing. This is natural and healthy males cannot help it. Being a civilized male means training yourself to catch yourself and not dwell on it. If he dwells on those urges it becomes "lust". Its a fine line between natural instinct and unfaithfulness. The guy you described clearly is uncivilized.

Reaperbot666 · Answer

it is more of less human nature to give a quick look now and then.

however this sounds like boarder line stalker or creepy maybe. unless your enjoying it that is.

but if he is in a relationship with someone else. should at least show respect to them. and not stare at other girls for long periods of time. unless she happens to be ok with it. but that is uncommon.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

The way I see it - just looking at someone who passes by and accidentally have your eyes be drawn to the attractive parts is okay as that's an entirely instinctive action.
Purposefully seeking out, observing and evaluating for long is not okay if you have a partner.

KCMM1 · Answer

So it depends on all people involved.

I know some couples who are perfectly fine with each other checking out people (as long as they aren't creeping the third party out)

I know some poly relationships that are both for and against this as well.

I know some couples that treat it like cheating.

Clear and mutually beneficial communication between people is a must that sadly it's missing in a lot of relationships.

DorkVader · Answer

Too bad for his girlfriend, but it's not a big deal if he looks but not touches. Men look. They all do it. Even the self righteous ones in the comments. HOWEVER, if he is making the workplace uncomfortable for you, you have every right to go to a supervisor or hr manager and let it be known.

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

The only issue is people who think that someone is going to suddenly stop finding other people attractive just because they're committed, when all said and do we're still human and there's absolutely nothing wrong with flirting as long as that all it is.

btbc92 · Answer

The answer is a No! And you girls wants to know why men doesn't respect want and call it misogyny. Leave these pigs alone and stop tolerating it.

Daisy007 · Answer

I'd say normally it depends BUT in this context NO! bc he's doing it for way to long & observing you everywhere, I'd understand a quick look, that's natural & sometimes unavoidable to rec. someone else is attractive BUT don't act on it (usually that 1 is meh ok)

HayleyMarie · Answer

I’d say a compliment now and then is fine, no harm done. But this guy seems to be crossing lines. I’d feel uncomfortable around him if I were you. I’d speak to him and tell him you don’t appreciate what he is doing, and if he keeps doing it you should file a complaint to HR. Having a camera on your butt, showing his friend on FaceTime is harassment and please don’t treat it as anything else except that.

Lliam · Answer

I check out cuteness all the time, even when I'm with my wife. She doesn't mind because she knows that I have no intention of cheating on her. Sometimes she even calls my attention to a particularly impressive view. As far as I'm concerned, it's like appreciating art or any other beautiful thing you happen to see.

As long as this guy hasn't tried to hit on you while he's in a relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. He obviously finds you very pleasing to look at. You brighten his workday.

zeaxnax · Answer

It totally depends on the relationship in my opinion.

In most relationships I guess that could be preferred to keep within the relationship and not check out other people.
In some cases it might perhaps appear like an individual are checking out another person but really isn't. And in those cases it's fine.

In an open or polyamorous relationship it's totally fine though, those relationships are also open about it, else they wouldn't be open or polyamorous.

Vibhanshusharma9 · Answer

There is a difference between "checking out" and " stocking" as in sense "beauty is something to admire and appreciate not to criticize and disrespect it " __ if a guy/girl is just checking out another person when they are in relationship with you it's you who has to make your mind clear about it rather then creating unnecessary problem and it also signifies how well you know your partner!! And if in case he/her were stocking then there action well make there intension clear. After that you decide will you compensate or fight/ war

xkildy · Answer

Chances are your body is build Nicky and your likely very healthy , chances are your butt has a bit of a pooch to it so that's why he keeps looking... But it is out of the ordinary for him to be acting like this I would HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. Keep your distance be friendly but not to much he will think he is (getting somewhere ) with you

omanitsdan · Answer

There's really no harm in it, as long as looking is as far as it goes. Some people are super attractive, it's almost impossible not to give a beautiful person a quick glance up and down. As long as you're still faithful to your partner checking other people out is perfectly normal and perfectly fine

LovingJo · Answer

Well, I'm actually completely shocked guys, I really am quite impressed that you are sticking up for the fact that it is great to not have to be checking out other people whilst in a relationship... and as much as I agree with you, it is natural for your eyes to land on other person - especially when they are attractive. But there is a difference between looking at somebody and gawking, that's the difference!! 👍😊

TonyBologna25 · Answer

Yes, and anyone who disagrees is most likely very insecure. Looking is only human nature and just because we're in a relationship, doesn't mean we become blind and don't notice beauty in others. How we react to it is what defines respect in a relationship. I don't check out other women when I'm with my girl, which is just basic common sense, but I'll certainly notice an attractive girl within my line of sight and get a quick glance.

throwawaytime · Answer

What you describing is over the topz however I think no straight man will be able to completely avoid checking out women he finds attractive. Men dont take it seriously, it happens naturally, so women shouldn't aswell. HOWEVER HOW THAT GUY didn't GET FIRED YET, BECAUSE FROM YOUR DESCRIPTION IT SEEMS LIKE HE DOES NOTHING BUT STARES AT YOU. Hard to judge such one sided story.

Also comments here blue pilled AF

lacaras · Answer

I think it's typically fine, but this particular situation I kinda feel like is crossing a line. I should be able to acknowledge that other people are attractive and even "check them out" sometimes, but I think it's inappropriate for me to be gazing at one or two people (who aren't my SO) on a consistent basis, I just think it's kinda weird. My policy when dating (and early on in relationships I make this clear) is "look but don't touch" and that goes for both me and my partner.

Anonymous · Answer

The guy seems to be crossing the line, and I’m sure if his girlfriend read this she would be really upset.

I’d say it’s harmless if you catch your partner occasionally checking out a member of the opposite sex. However, if it’s more than an extra glance and they actually proceed to flirt, screw that.

I don’t believe in flirting while in a relationship, I don’t do it, and wouldn’t tolerate a girlfriend who did.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends what kind of relationship he has. She might be doing the same and they're not serious, who knows?
For me personally that's not really okay.
I wouldn't do it like he is.
I would check women out while being in a relationship, but not flirt or make it obvious to them that I was.
I wasn't looking for attention from other women.
I valued my girlfriend.

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not. Guys will often do it but they sure don't like it if their wife/girlfriend does it!

He sounds like a perv (and possibly lazy).

Be careful of him. Try not to be alone in a walk-in supply cupboard with him. And if he acts inappropriate again, report him to his and/or your supervisor. I'm sure his boss won't like finding out that he's just standing around watching you work!

Daniel3035 · Answer

It's fine largely because to ask a human being to not look at the opposite gender when there's billions of them is unrealistic for one and two you can't prove that your partners looking because she's checking that person out could be a past friend a bad friend etc.

Paris13 · Answer

It has Only been a Few Months into his Relationship and Now... SH*T!!! Sounds like he is Looking and has Plans for Cooking and Hooking UP with you, Cutie Pie, This Guy... Is Not Happy with his Current One, hun. xx

MissDawn7961 · Answer

a man who does this looking at another woman while on a date with his girlfriend / wife is not a man at all but a creep who would ask this strange woman for sex after just having sex with his woman just before they dated

markscott · Answer

There is a difference between checking a girl out, and obsessing about her. He's a little creepy.

nella965 · Answer

girl he's not interested in you. he's simply a pervert. No guy checks out womens bodies and asses all day everyday then shows the ass over facetime to another guy. Run far away from him!

mommoms · Answer

If it was my partner I will be okay with that
If he sees and say beautiful she is admires the beauty but he should not say she is beautiful than you
That means he is comparing and that is rude to degrade one

Elliegirl · Answer

I think a little window shopping is ok. Just don’t try anything on! And don’t even think about layaway lol

Dongtai · Answer

Am I the only guy who is unable to perceive other women once I’m committed to a girl? In my mind I’ve chosen the best. I’ll see other women but i won’t be able to perceive them as “another woman”.

woodvases · Answer

It should always be ok because everyone dies it. And everyone should be ok with it. But we all know that most people would not be impressed if their partner were checking out someone else so It would depend on how his girlfriend felt about it. Anyone who thinks that their partner doesn't check out others is in denial. Funny thing is everyone does it and most aren't ok with their partner doing it. Don't be a hypocrite!

Anonymous · Answer

sounds like your both being 'creepy' to me, he's watching you when he thinks your not watching (which is normal behavior btw), your watching him but pretend your not and giggle to yourself afterward in thinking he probably doesn't realize your watching him.

I get it, very clever, how's that working out for you?

Anonymous · Answer

No, it’s not okay. Partnership means commitment. Of course there will ALWAYS be better-looking people than me and her. BUT why would it matter for you? Instead of checking other people out and admiring them, care about your partner. Give him/her suggestions about their appearance, encourage them to look their best, support them to get a hair cut, pick the right dress.
It’s just a broad mindset, I don’t get the logic behind it.

arabgoddess · Answer

Always I have to witness guys who are in relationships checking me out. How can I ever trust a guy!

SheeRaXStePhan · Answer

Well, he should respect that he's in a relationship and behave. And in my opinion, if its bother you, then tell him to stop or try to be more formal with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

PinkMichae · Answer

The guy you're talking about is wrong. But I think people are drawn to look at and admire beautiful people.

morimeme1 · Answer

I voted Depends cause it's fine if you check someone out together 😅

Anonymous · Answer

Oh wtf. That is cheating but looking at other attractive people is ok as soon as you dont do that infront of your partner. I mean you would also look at hot men with abs outside even if you are in a relationship, right. I mean looking is ok but NOT flirting, touching and being tgat nice to your other gender!

heythere3xx · Answer

It's normal if the partner is not around But it's rude if they check out someone else infront of their partner. I would tell my partner off lol

wittymilf · Answer

Yup, even in a relationship your still actually a human.

face4sit · Answer

My girls would go toward camara and rubb ass of his phone )) just to see he's face expressions lol. Love

_SOARER_ · Answer

It's never ok Does it happen sure, but to be obvious about it or over zealous is a big slap on the face.  I can't even think about looking at another woman rn. It feels terrible when I do

davids88 · Answer

Looking once or twice is fine. But giving compliments to a girl that he is not dating is not fine

SuperCuteButt123 · Answer

That kind of stuff is inappropriate. It's one thing to stare, sure, but to do stuff like that is a direct violation of trust. Keep your distance!

eila7 · Answer

He sounds like such a sleaze, I have no idea why you're gushing about it but ok whatever rocks your boat

spartan55 · Answer

He would bang you no questions asked. I'm sure your ego likes that.

Belliebella · Answer

In this case spesificially, I dont think its okay. But I think its ok every now and then. That said, if my boyfriend felt like he needed to check out other girls all the time, thats not ok

sweet87 · Answer

There's a difference between appreciating the view and been sleazy with it, easier with strangers too. Sounds like a sleaze to me, wouldn't be trustworthy in a relationship either.

whaturlookingfor · Answer

For me I won't mind it's not a crime some people see this as a big deal when a relationship... Is not like they gonna have sex with that person they just watching.

Browneye57 · Answer

EVERYTHING is 'creepy' at YOUR age.  Just do your fukkin job.

SAVAGEDANK · Answer

While your significant other is not there it's okay but not too the extent this guy is going. I wouldn't keep all comments to myself, me staring I would try too stop it (but I am a man so it's a challenge half the time).

steffj98 · Answer

Honestly if your partner is confidence and doesn't mind the its ok! Its not cheating

Nils_VHS · Answer

I think checking out a guy/girl you don't know a lot when you are in a relationship is not a problem because it is just appreciating the view, but the guy you are talking knows you and is really creepy, especially the facetime thing.

Bellaboo01 · Answer

I think if it was someone in TV or someone passing on a sidewalk as a backhanded comment it's fine. However in this situation I'd say it's not okay.

Silverkey7 · Answer

If you're happy with your relationship there should be no reason to get caught up with the idea of another woman.

the_imperfectionist · Answer

I think it is cause its a natural response, but if it happens the person should at least have the decency to not do it infront of their partner

Is it okay for someone in a relationship to check another guy/girl out?

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