A girl I worked with said playing the field was the best thing for girls (nevermind her awful track record)
What's some bad advice you've been given and how did it work out for you?
That's good you were smart enough to realize that was bad advice. I bet your boyfriend appreciates your brain as well
Congratulations on figuring this out with common sense. You have my respect for that. I don't know what it takes for a woman to realize what you did.
Because too many can be too demanding and then wonder why they have never found a boyfriend.
I've known of a few girls who tried the pregnancy thing, and yes, the guy ended up leaving anyway and abandoned the baby. Horrible, horrible advice and also really unfair to the human life you're about to bring into this world for the wrong reason, and usually completely unprepared to care for on your own.
@aWes0MeNeSs amen! Like, what makes someone think that a tiny human being is going to make someone stay? So careless.
I can agree with that. I think the biggest problem guys on this site have is their attitude. Many guys need to change themselves to be more attractive to women
But you guys, will that ever work. Changing minor things is completely doable: wear a better deodorant, floss better, cut your nails shorter. But personality, attitude? Don't you think that's developed over YEARS and is entrenched? Maybe with some serious behavioral therapy. But I don't think that's a simple task.
Agreed. If it were simple, those guys would've been able to figure it out for themselves. It's much easier to blame someone else for your misfortune and wallow in your own misery. But part of relationships are putting in hard work. These guys with bad attitudes would just let the relationship fall apart even if one did magically fall into their laps
One thing my boyfriend and I discussed was how depression makes guys unattractive to women. In hindsight, that was one of his major problems with women (obviously before he met me). Now he's not depressed and has a much better view of life and has even made more positive career improvements (which makes him even more attractive). If it were easy, it wouldn't be called "hard work"
đ đ đ telling somebody to be their self is absolutely the worst advice anybody could give. They should say be your desired self.
@aangelena Be your BEST self is wonderful advice. It will ONLY not work if you're a serial killer, assassin or murderer. Then we ALL have to get better locks and hide... ha ha...
in my opinion, if a man can't be himself while dating then he shouldn't bother with dating.
@frostwalrus What if being "himself" means being desperate, annoying, having zero confidence, being sexually aggressive long before the woman is comfortable, etc?
I'm not saying that a steelworker needs to pretend to be a poet, but there ARE bare minimums that you need to meet in order to date, and a lot of men simply refuse to make those changes or even make any effort in that direction, and then are bitter when women aren't interested. It's fine if they legitimately don't want to date, but nearly all of these men DO, in reality, want to date - they just want HER to lower her standards to HIS level so he doesn't have to do any work. And, well, that's just not how the world works. We all have to do our part, whether it's (relatively) easier or harder for us on an individual level. Some minimums must be achieved.
@MrOracle If a man is content and happy with the way he is AND he's not violating the NAP (Non Aggression Principle), then he shouldn't change for anyone in the world. If a man has to be inauthentic to appeal to women, then women are not worth his time.
Also, women hold men to much harsher standards than men hold women. And women often do not live up to their own standards. Women expect men to be charming, funny, intelligent, just the right height, attractive, popular, wealthy, etc, all while women are often none of these things. A woman can be a failure in life and still find love. Men cannot. Relationships are based upon a lopsided dynamic that favors women. Therefore it's irrational for a man to pursue relationships, unless he's content and happy with unfairness.
The pure advice "be yourself" is the best you can give, because that always included being #authentic. Sure if the guy/girl doesn't know about himself/herself, then this is a terrible advice and that is why I have up-voted, else I would down-vote because being authentic is best for dating/handling relationship.
@roland77 Right, but "authentic" means "don't pretend you're rich when you aren't" or "don't pretend you're a ladies' man if you aren't" or "don't claim to know everything, or to have experience with everything, when you don't."
I'm talking about something completely different - about having more mainstream social interactions and having a positive attitude. You can change those things about yourself and still be authentic.
@MrOracle I understand it when I was reading your opinion. That is why I have up-voted. Still generally said, be yourself=be authentic is the best advice (given by many sociologists). My brother has studied #sociology into becoming an educator (not therapist) and he (4 years younger, so he has a developed character) said that to me one day. We talked back there about "dating books" (how to date every girl and that kind of BS) and I told him a guy I know does this, like playing chess! Conversations are no chess games, they are way too dynamic. That is why I came up with my comments here: be yourself means also show honestly who you really are and don't pretend to be someone else. She will find it out anyway.
Changing your personality is probably the toughest thing for a man to do if he had the WRONG personality beat into him from his youth. A lamb canât morph into a lion.
BUT a man can make small eventual adjustments to make himself more attractive to women. This biggest thing is to work on not being overly nice, being more mysterious and saying no to women who try to take advantage of him.
Society isnât help though. Feminism has really fucked up everything for men and women. I donât want to use that as cop out for all the guys but itâs hard to ignore how feminism has successful brainwashed large droves of guys into something women donât want.
As someone who was the bottom of the barrel for most of his life, I have to say for me being myself was the answer.
Even today, where Iâve massively improved, I have trouble being myself:
I can flirt and hug and touch and poke and pick girls up and do all kinds of stuff. I can âbe myselfâ with most girls now.
As soon as I find a girl I really like though? Boom. I am no longer capable of being myself. I get awkward and weird and shy and I get anxiety and then itâs no wonder the girl isnât into me, I canât even be myself around her.
And thatâs what itâs all about. Being yourself means being yourself, devoid of social anxiety and negative feelings towards yourself.
It used to be that I couldnât talk to ANY girl EVER, because of the anxiety and self doubt and all of that. Now itâs only the really super hot beautiful girls that I get like that around. And I know theyâll like me if I can stop with the anxiety and the fear and the self doubt. Though itâs very very hard lol. The only way out is practice and that means talking to beautiful women if I want to stop being so self conscious around them. There is no other option. You have to get out and start talking to them.
@Kaazsz I too think practice is the only way. If you're an average guy you might think your ordinary looks mean a woman won't talk to you. But hot looking women may not be talked to and they are happy when someone has the balls to do so. Conversation opens a lot of doors. Sure, you can be shot down, but adversity makes us stronger. If one person doesn't want to talk, another will. Laugh it off. You have NO IDEA why someone doesn't want to talk to you. A bad day, too shy, too drunk, a bad attitude, terrible at conversation. 95% of the time, it's all about THEM, not YOU. That's why you keep on pitchin'.
@sapphireruby no she was dead serious! The women that responded stood up for us guys and it gave me lot of hope!
Oh that's terrible
Besides, there are a lot of girls who don't mind small dicks. Sex is more about your emotional connection anyway
Especially considering that if anything, being gay with a small penis is most likely MUCH worse...
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I couldn't agree more that that's bad advice. A good relationship requires attention and affection daily
Exactly, especially because it mostly revolves around little things.
For example, yesterday night I cooked homemade pizza for my girlfriend, with the topping she likes, and her reaction was like I had gifted her a ring!
I agree about the coldness thing. Some girls have actually told me they thought I was an asshole before they met me.
@Jean-Marie_Céline awesome, dude! I wish I can find some time to make the pizza base... Because bought from supermarket is not with heart (being warm).
I was given this advice too, and one of my friends also tried really hard to pressure me into having sex with my male best friend "just to get it over with" because "you're too old to be a virgin" and "guys don't like virgins". Ironically enough, this all started after she lost her virginity on the second date with a guy who ended up using her for sex, and I think she wanted some company so she wouldn't feel as bad about her choice. Not that I'm judging her choice, as it's up to her to do whatever when she feels like she's ready, but it's my theory as to why she was so concerned with me doing it as well.
Good point. I read a study that suggested it can take men even longer to get over a breakup (possibly because they don't talk about it as much for have an emotional support group among friends)
And I just have to comment on that adiralr kit th you have as a profile picture. He reminds me of my Hammy cat
@Silver158 You would be surprised how many females who have fallen victim to the current dating battlefield agree. Too many are forced to "give it up" just to fit in.
I actually agree with you there. But I also feel like the 10 day thing is a bit much. and the high school diploma requirement is also silly, There are plenty of high school dropouts who own successful businesses. The living with parents thing I agree with (hell I was afraid to bring a girl back to my mum's house back in the day lol).
The biggest issue with dating at the moment is there are far too many people who play numbers games and weigh up their options. They will quite happily drop someone for what they consider to be a "better option" then come crawling back when the better option doesn't pan out and get ratty when they're no longer wanted.
Valid. That advice can lead to stalkers and unrequited love
I was friends with a guy for about a year who kept trying to make moves on me despite my outright objections and always telling people we were nothing more than friends. If a girl doesn't "come around" within the first month or so, she's not going to. Even then, you should be able to tell if your advances are received well
And for those of you who think that being coy or playing hard to get is why you give this advice. What you are saying is
"No means no... Unless it doesn't" you're playing with consent and are bluring lines. You're setting guys up for criminal charges, getting beat by her friends and family, and getting a reputation as a rapist. Stop that let your no mean no.
A girl who is hard to get will not tell you No. If a girl says no, that's what she means. Girls who are unsure will say "not yet"
A "not yet" is absolutely valid. And invites further advances. A no, has to be accepted as a no. Yet many people just tell him to try again. No he should move on.
I've never understood how some people think being single is just awful and that it's better to settle for an unhappy relationship. I think that's why those type of people tend to have such bad track records; not only are they settling for less than what they really want and trying to force a square peg into a round hole, but they're also expecting a partner to provide their happiness. Happiness comes from within, and if you can't be happy by yourself, no one else can ever make you happy. A partner should add to your happiness, but never be the sole provider of it.
It's actually true (because I have experienced that personally.). But those are not the type of girls you want.
I think there is some truth that part about waiting, but I also to agree with the main message of it. That doesn't mean you should close yourself off to the opportunities that you could make for yourself. Part of the right one coming along is trying to catch her when she walks by
My uncle is a good example of that though. He dated when he was younger, but never found the right girl until he was too old to really start a family. He was almost 50 when he met my aunt, but he knew right away that waiting for her was the right thing to do. No he didn't get to have kids, but he got to treat my sister and I as kids when we lived with them for a couple years as adults. So it's never to late to find the right one. Don't give up just because you're getting past the age to have kids
Don't take yourself out of the game altogether, but also don't settle for the wrong person
I just want to date. I just want to have some simple coffee shop conversation... I've gotten some advice from one gagger to find things and places of similar interest. But it's also hard to be in a place where I have a lot going on since my father's death...
Have you tried going to a singles mixer? Or speed dating? There are some websites you can join where you plan to meet up for an activity like that
I agree about playing hard to get, but I do think that sometimes the right one comes along when you least expect them to and aren't looking. However, there's certainly no harm in going out and looking, either.
I agree that's bad advice. When you first meet someone, you should be excited to see them again and want to learn more about each other
Being clingy is not necessarily a bad thing. I cling quite literally to my boyfriend, but he clings to me as well. Affection is healthy for a relationship. It's important to find someone who appreciates that quality in you
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