What's the worst dating advice you've ever heard?

[Idonthaveausername]

Talking to a G@Ger on here who said he's seen dating coaches give guys advice to ignore women in an attempt to garner attraction--terrible advice, and no wonder guys are complaining about girls not being interested in them

A girl I worked with said playing the field was the best thing for girls (nevermind her awful track record)

What's some bad advice you've been given and how did it work out for you?

[Vesuvius87]

The more demanding, the more value I'll have. The guy will not mistaken me as someone easy. My mother would say that if a guy buys me something cheap, don't accept it. Instead throw it and request of greater quality.

My boyfriend loves me for not being a needy, demanding woman. Or else the relationship wouldn't have last. He hates golddiggers. In addition, he believes that if once in a while the guy spoils the girl (can be with either food, paying the whole date, an expensive gift, etc), the girl has to take turns and do the same to her man too... that it's not just a woman's wants and needs. It's even.

[Idonthaveausername]

That's good you were smart enough to realize that was bad advice. I bet your boyfriend appreciates your brain as well

[Unit1]

Congratulations on figuring this out with common sense. You have my respect for that. I don't know what it takes for a woman to realize what you did.
Because too many can be too demanding and then wonder why they have never found a boyfriend.

[This_is_my_username]

I overheard someone say that the one way to "lock in" your boyfriend is to get preganant. Than there's no way out. And he'll love you forever. Thought I was going to barf.

And yeah, the whole "ignore her" thing that circulates around GAG is hilarious. One way you can guarantee someone's interest in you.. is to ignore them. **sarcasm** 😂😂

[Idonthaveausername]

This is quite possibly the worst one here

[This_is_my_username]

Yeah, it's really messed up.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I've known of a few girls who tried the pregnancy thing, and yes, the guy ended up leaving anyway and abandoned the baby. Horrible, horrible advice and also really unfair to the human life you're about to bring into this world for the wrong reason, and usually completely unprepared to care for on your own.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

And yes, ignoring a girl just makes her think you're not interested.

[This_is_my_username]

@aWes0MeNeSs amen! Like, what makes someone think that a tiny human being is going to make someone stay? So careless.

[Unit1]

The recipe for being a single parent and to stay single indefinitely.

[MrOracle]

There's a ton of bad advice here, but perhaps the most common is to "be yourself" when a guy being himself hasn't been working. I mean, there's SOME truth to it, but a lot of people really need to change some things about themselves, their attitude, and their motivation (or lack thereof).

[Idonthaveausername]

I can agree with that. I think the biggest problem guys on this site have is their attitude. Many guys need to change themselves to be more attractive to women

[MrOracle]

Yup.

[Screenwriter]

But you guys, will that ever work. Changing minor things is completely doable: wear a better deodorant, floss better, cut your nails shorter. But personality, attitude? Don't you think that's developed over YEARS and is entrenched? Maybe with some serious behavioral therapy. But I don't think that's a simple task.

[MrOracle]

It's not always simple, but it is what is necessary to succeed.

[Idonthaveausername]

Agreed. If it were simple, those guys would've been able to figure it out for themselves. It's much easier to blame someone else for your misfortune and wallow in your own misery. But part of relationships are putting in hard work. These guys with bad attitudes would just let the relationship fall apart even if one did magically fall into their laps

One thing my boyfriend and I discussed was how depression makes guys unattractive to women. In hindsight, that was one of his major problems with women (obviously before he met me). Now he's not depressed and has a much better view of life and has even made more positive career improvements (which makes him even more attractive). If it were easy, it wouldn't be called "hard work"

[aangelena]

👏 👏 👏 telling somebody to be their self is absolutely the worst advice anybody could give. They should say be your desired self.

[Screenwriter]

@aangelena Be your BEST self is wonderful advice. It will ONLY not work if you're a serial killer, assassin or murderer. Then we ALL have to get better locks and hide... ha ha...

[frostwalrus]

in my opinion, if a man can't be himself while dating then he shouldn't bother with dating.

[MrOracle]

@frostwalrus What if being "himself" means being desperate, annoying, having zero confidence, being sexually aggressive long before the woman is comfortable, etc?

I'm not saying that a steelworker needs to pretend to be a poet, but there ARE bare minimums that you need to meet in order to date, and a lot of men simply refuse to make those changes or even make any effort in that direction, and then are bitter when women aren't interested. It's fine if they legitimately don't want to date, but nearly all of these men DO, in reality, want to date - they just want HER to lower her standards to HIS level so he doesn't have to do any work. And, well, that's just not how the world works. We all have to do our part, whether it's (relatively) easier or harder for us on an individual level. Some minimums must be achieved.

[frostwalrus]

@MrOracle If a man is content and happy with the way he is AND he's not violating the NAP (Non Aggression Principle), then he shouldn't change for anyone in the world. If a man has to be inauthentic to appeal to women, then women are not worth his time.

Also, women hold men to much harsher standards than men hold women. And women often do not live up to their own standards. Women expect men to be charming, funny, intelligent, just the right height, attractive, popular, wealthy, etc, all while women are often none of these things. A woman can be a failure in life and still find love. Men cannot. Relationships are based upon a lopsided dynamic that favors women. Therefore it's irrational for a man to pursue relationships, unless he's content and happy with unfairness.

[roland77]

The pure advice "be yourself" is the best you can give, because that always included being #authentic. Sure if the guy/girl doesn't know about himself/herself, then this is a terrible advice and that is why I have up-voted, else I would down-vote because being authentic is best for dating/handling relationship.

[MrOracle]

@roland77 Right, but "authentic" means "don't pretend you're rich when you aren't" or "don't pretend you're a ladies' man if you aren't" or "don't claim to know everything, or to have experience with everything, when you don't."

I'm talking about something completely different - about having more mainstream social interactions and having a positive attitude. You can change those things about yourself and still be authentic.

[roland77]

@MrOracle I understand it when I was reading your opinion. That is why I have up-voted. Still generally said, be yourself=be authentic is the best advice (given by many sociologists). My brother has studied #sociology into becoming an educator (not therapist) and he (4 years younger, so he has a developed character) said that to me one day. We talked back there about "dating books" (how to date every girl and that kind of BS) and I told him a guy I know does this, like playing chess! Conversations are no chess games, they are way too dynamic. That is why I came up with my comments here: be yourself means also show honestly who you really are and don't pretend to be someone else. She will find it out anyway.

[westwordbound]

Changing your personality is probably the toughest thing for a man to do if he had the WRONG personality beat into him from his youth. A lamb can’t morph into a lion.

BUT a man can make small eventual adjustments to make himself more attractive to women. This biggest thing is to work on not being overly nice, being more mysterious and saying no to women who try to take advantage of him.

Society isn’t help though. Feminism has really fucked up everything for men and women. I don’t want to use that as cop out for all the guys but it’s hard to ignore how feminism has successful brainwashed large droves of guys into something women don’t want.

[Kaazsz]

As someone who was the bottom of the barrel for most of his life, I have to say for me being myself was the answer.

Even today, where I’ve massively improved, I have trouble being myself:

I can flirt and hug and touch and poke and pick girls up and do all kinds of stuff. I can “be myself” with most girls now.

As soon as I find a girl I really like though? Boom. I am no longer capable of being myself. I get awkward and weird and shy and I get anxiety and then it’s no wonder the girl isn’t into me, I can’t even be myself around her.

And that’s what it’s all about. Being yourself means being yourself, devoid of social anxiety and negative feelings towards yourself.

It used to be that I couldn’t talk to ANY girl EVER, because of the anxiety and self doubt and all of that. Now it’s only the really super hot beautiful girls that I get like that around. And I know they’ll like me if I can stop with the anxiety and the fear and the self doubt. Though it’s very very hard lol. The only way out is practice and that means talking to beautiful women if I want to stop being so self conscious around them. There is no other option. You have to get out and start talking to them.

[Screenwriter]

@Kaazsz I too think practice is the only way. If you're an average guy you might think your ordinary looks mean a woman won't talk to you. But hot looking women may not be talked to and they are happy when someone has the balls to do so. Conversation opens a lot of doors. Sure, you can be shot down, but adversity makes us stronger. If one person doesn't want to talk, another will. Laugh it off. You have NO IDEA why someone doesn't want to talk to you. A bad day, too shy, too drunk, a bad attitude, terrible at conversation. 95% of the time, it's all about THEM, not YOU. That's why you keep on pitchin'.

[DLFisherman]

I was not told this, but a woman posted this here and I'm paraphrasing, "Guys if you have a small penis try going gay, as you can never really please a woman any ways. gay sex is better than no sex..." This is possibly the worst dating advice I've ever heard.

[sapphireruby]

I hope that was a troll comment lol

[DLFisherman]

@sapphireruby no she was dead serious! The women that responded stood up for us guys and it gave me lot of hope!

[Idonthaveausername]

Oh that's terrible

Besides, there are a lot of girls who don't mind small dicks. Sex is more about your emotional connection anyway

[DLFisherman]

I agree fully it's the connection you have before during and afterwards :)

[Pamina]

Especially considering that if anything, being gay with a small penis is most likely MUCH worse...

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

To be abrasive and cold, and they'd fall for me.
All the three women I've been with in my life (my current girlfriend included) all said they got interested in me because I was warm and kind to them.

[Idonthaveausername]

I couldn't agree more that that's bad advice. A good relationship requires attention and affection daily

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Exactly, especially because it mostly revolves around little things.
For example, yesterday night I cooked homemade pizza for my girlfriend, with the topping she likes, and her reaction was like I had gifted her a ring!

[Idonthaveausername]

Yummy. That sounds delicious. What a way to a girl's heart !

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree about the coldness thing. Some girls have actually told me they thought I was an asshole before they met me.

[roland77]

@Jean-Marie_Céline awesome, dude! I wish I can find some time to make the pizza base... Because bought from supermarket is not with heart (being warm).

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend knew I was a virgin and he told me to go and sleep with the first random stranger I find to get rid of my virginity cause he said guys like girls with experience.

[David_Kek]

translation; "please have sex with me"

[Unit1]

@David_Kek very accurate!

[lightbulb27]

definitely bad advice.

[Idonthaveausername]

Yeah I was given that one too... by a total meanwhile. Absolutely terrible

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I was given this advice too, and one of my friends also tried really hard to pressure me into having sex with my male best friend "just to get it over with" because "you're too old to be a virgin" and "guys don't like virgins". Ironically enough, this all started after she lost her virginity on the second date with a guy who ended up using her for sex, and I think she wanted some company so she wouldn't feel as bad about her choice. Not that I'm judging her choice, as it's up to her to do whatever when she feels like she's ready, but it's my theory as to why she was so concerned with me doing it as well.

[OlderAndWiser]

During a breakup: "You just need to forget about her," as if you can just flip a switch and forget about someone who has been an important part of your life.

[Idonthaveausername]

Good point. I read a study that suggested it can take men even longer to get over a breakup (possibly because they don't talk about it as much for have an emotional support group among friends)

And I just have to comment on that adiralr kit th you have as a profile picture. He reminds me of my Hammy cat

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Playing hard to get. It's not only incredibly juvenile, but it gives any adult with a maturity level above a teenager's the sense that you're either not interested or immature and playing games, which will turn most people off.

[Dongtai]

“Focus on school. Girls will come later. Don’t look for love. It will find you.”

My parents told me this all through grade school and high school whenever I asked for girl advice. I didn’t get into my first relationship until I was 18 listening to them. I didn’t develop good social skills with girls until I was in my 20s so I didn’t really get to enjoy dating until around that time.

This is very terrible advice to give to a heterosexual guy. Especially if he hasn’t developed any social skills because the reality for most guys or at least for me, love will not come knocking on your door one day and say “Hey. I’ve been searching for you. Are you ready to start your life with me?”

Most girls will eventually be approached by “a guy” if they’re at least average looking. For them they can wait and end up with someone. But for guys, even if you’re attractive, social skills can make or break you when it comes to dating. I’d go as far to say the more attractive you are the more important social skills are because beauty intimidates most people. People will be nervous about saying hi.

I didn’t get my first girlfriend until I started letting girls know I existed. If I “waited” for the girls that caught my attention to introduce themselves to me I’d still be a virgin and I would probably die alone.

The reality is dating actually takes some effort. You have to develop social skills with the opposite sex. You have to build confidence with yourself and learn that rejection doesn’t define you. You have to know success or lack of with the opposite sex doesn’t decide your worth-you do. You don’t learn any of this stuff unless you get “experience”. That experience is vital when it comes to choosing a “good” partner. Without it you’ll meet people with the wrong mindset/attitude and either pick bad partners or have your sense of self worth affected.

[Dargil]

Some advice I've given:
*The 10-date rule. Ten public dates the guy plans, finances and provides transportation before intercourse is on the table. Mature adults can adjust the time period and plan outings together. But the general rule stands. This will filter out most players, predators and hit-and-runs of both sexes..
*No female should have intercourse before she receives a high school diploma or GED.
*No female should have intercourse with any guy who is not a high school grad or GED. and does not have a full time job and has his own address.
*Any male that lives with his parents is a dependent child, even at 30. Don't treat him as a mature adult. That includes college students.
*Do not discuss sexual history. Don't ask, don't tell.
*The first two dates are negotiations on whether to proceed. Zero sexual intimacy, as it will obscure them.
*Tell your new partner what your goals for a relationship are during the negotiations. Tell the truth. If you are looking for a spouse, say so. If you are looking for casual sex, say so.
*I'm no fun at all. Dating is a battlefield if you let it be. Don't.

[Silver158]

How to make what is basically body/brain chemistry into a business contract...

[Dargil]

@Silver158 Every relationship is a social contract. Value is exchanged.

[Silver158]

I mean to be fair you did admit "*I'm no fun at all."

[Dargil]

@Silver158 You would be surprised how many females who have fallen victim to the current dating battlefield agree. Too many are forced to "give it up" just to fit in.

[Silver158]

I actually agree with you there. But I also feel like the 10 day thing is a bit much. and the high school diploma requirement is also silly, There are plenty of high school dropouts who own successful businesses. The living with parents thing I agree with (hell I was afraid to bring a girl back to my mum's house back in the day lol).

The biggest issue with dating at the moment is there are far too many people who play numbers games and weigh up their options. They will quite happily drop someone for what they consider to be a "better option" then come crawling back when the better option doesn't pan out and get ratty when they're no longer wanted.

[Anpu23]

The absolute worst advice given to men is to keep trying... That they just need to see you and how great you are. You see this in romcom too. That a guy just has to be persistent. Many female friends and family give this advice as well. And this is how stalkers are made. If she's not interested move on, find someone who is. Girls aren't just going to magically change their mind, instead they think it's pathetic and needy at best, creepy and stalking at worst. But guys hear that all the time from well meaning friends.

[Idonthaveausername]

Valid. That advice can lead to stalkers and unrequited love

I was friends with a guy for about a year who kept trying to make moves on me despite my outright objections and always telling people we were nothing more than friends. If a girl doesn't "come around" within the first month or so, she's not going to. Even then, you should be able to tell if your advances are received well

[Anpu23]

And for those of you who think that being coy or playing hard to get is why you give this advice. What you are saying is
"No means no... Unless it doesn't" you're playing with consent and are bluring lines. You're setting guys up for criminal charges, getting beat by her friends and family, and getting a reputation as a rapist. Stop that let your no mean no.

[Idonthaveausername]

A girl who is hard to get will not tell you No. If a girl says no, that's what she means. Girls who are unsure will say "not yet"

[Anpu23]

A "not yet" is absolutely valid. And invites further advances. A no, has to be accepted as a no. Yet many people just tell him to try again. No he should move on.

[Idonthaveausername]

At that point, I would agree

[richardsnarky]

Me: *not physically or sexually attracted to this guy at all*

Friends: “Just give him a chance! He’s a nice guy! You never give guys a chance.”

Me: *dates guy for a month and a half later and still not attracted to him*

Friends: “You’re leading him on! How dare you!”

[Idonthaveausername]

That sounds like a bad friend, not just bad advice

[zollo]

Worst advice iv'e heard is when picking up a girl have a counter attack to every answer she has, if you get her a drink make her drink more, if she refuses somehow persuade her. Ask her to go back to your place and if she says no keep trying to persuade her. It's not only wrong but it's scary.

[Idonthaveausername]

That is terrible. That's why guys don't understand boundaries

[silvermoon84]

The worst advice I’ve ever been given was to settle because supposedly it’s better to just have a boyfriend even if he’s someone who I can’t stand than to just be single. Terrible advice from a friend who had a terrible track record with men. I know she meant well but I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I've never understood how some people think being single is just awful and that it's better to settle for an unhappy relationship. I think that's why those type of people tend to have such bad track records; not only are they settling for less than what they really want and trying to force a square peg into a round hole, but they're also expecting a partner to provide their happiness. Happiness comes from within, and if you can't be happy by yourself, no one else can ever make you happy. A partner should add to your happiness, but never be the sole provider of it.

[WalterRadio]

There are many things that are bad advice for guys: Go slow. Don't pay for everything. Be persistent.

The right advice is to go as fast as she is willing, never let the girl pay for anything, and if she doesn't reciprocate an interest immediately, find someone else.

[Idonthaveausername]

Well said

[rjroy3]

"Don't worry. Girls will be throwing themselves at you when you're 30"

Not even kidding. I've heard a girl say that to guys lol. The ol' "don't worry. You're not getting any now, but when the girls in your age bracket are done having their fun. The ones left over who don't settle down with a guy they actually like, will come back around to you because they're desperate to get a guy who will stay with them" advice... lol so sad

[Idonthaveausername]

I can't believe someone would say that. Just WOW

[Jamie05rhs]

It's actually true (because I have experienced that personally.). But those are not the type of girls you want.

[Anonymous]

I overheard a conversation between two friends talking about lying about how many girls you've slept with if she asks about it. As I walked in, one of them told me that's the only way to get a date and that girls love guys that sleep around.

I lied to 2 different women and it didn't work as they said.
Girl #1: she got up with a disgusted expression and walked away, claiming to be saving herself for someone special with similar views.
Girl #2: She figured out it was a lie immediately and was like ''why lie about something positive''. Needless to say we dated for nearly a year and then went on separate ways for different reasons.

[Opinion Owner]

That was stupid for believing such crap. I should've known there was nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend yet after my HS graduation. I was 21 years old when it was my first time.

[Idonthaveausername]

Glad you came to the understanding this was bad advice

[Anonymous]

Someone told me years ago that I definitely needed to lower my standards "and take all applications" because they were convinced that that was the reason I wasn't getting long term dates at the time but my only true standard really was someone who was nice and didn't treat me like dirt. This was after a series of dates where the guys were just down right rude, or freaky, or in one case so religious that I knew unless I converted on the first date it would never work out. The person that gave me this advice ended up marrying and (thankfully for her) divorcing her abuser. Be CAREFUL who you take advice from!

[Jjpayne]

I've had similar advice, play hard to get... I've never liked that... But also the idea that the right one will come while you are not looking for them... I could and should have been dating much sooner rather than waiting...

[Idonthaveausername]

I think there is some truth that part about waiting, but I also to agree with the main message of it. That doesn't mean you should close yourself off to the opportunities that you could make for yourself. Part of the right one coming along is trying to catch her when she walks by

My uncle is a good example of that though. He dated when he was younger, but never found the right girl until he was too old to really start a family. He was almost 50 when he met my aunt, but he knew right away that waiting for her was the right thing to do. No he didn't get to have kids, but he got to treat my sister and I as kids when we lived with them for a couple years as adults. So it's never to late to find the right one. Don't give up just because you're getting past the age to have kids

Don't take yourself out of the game altogether, but also don't settle for the wrong person

[Jjpayne]

I just want to date. I just want to have some simple coffee shop conversation... I've gotten some advice from one gagger to find things and places of similar interest. But it's also hard to be in a place where I have a lot going on since my father's death...

[Idonthaveausername]

Have you tried going to a singles mixer? Or speed dating? There are some websites you can join where you plan to meet up for an activity like that

[Jjpayne]

I'd love that!!! That would be fun!!!

[Jjpayne]

That's a great idea!!! Can you maybe send me some links?

[Idonthaveausername]

https://www.meetup.com/topics/online-dating/

[Jjpayne]

Thank you!!!

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I agree about playing hard to get, but I do think that sometimes the right one comes along when you least expect them to and aren't looking. However, there's certainly no harm in going out and looking, either.

[Jjpayne]

@aWes0MeNeSs thank you

[R_ūshī]

When my ex started flirting openly with me, one of my close friends who only knew him on instagram, told me to reject him. They had never even spoke before and my friend really hated him. The friend didn't like him just because he is into gothic stuff and metallica. My friend kept annoying me and that's how I realised that he's not a good friend.

I mean people are so much more than an instagram account...

[wingattebaby16]

Playing hard to get...

Most guys will NOT ask you out again if you tell them NO...

If you want to go out with a guy or girl, GO!!

[lernulo]

It's true, most healthy men will accept a not by what it is.

[admles]

I wish more girls had your understanding!

[wankiam]

this one is top of my list because it could have resulted in cell time in thailand. a user asked if it was essential to carry travel documents when on vacation there rather than leaving her pasport in the hotel safe and carrying a photocopy so i went on google to check local thai law and what the embassy said... it was clear you must carry originals at all times. several other users told her copies were fine and she chose two of them as mho eventhough i read a case where a traveller had been in a cell for two days and fined a lot of money for ignoring the law there

[Anonymous]

Not sure if it's the worst advice, but they say to not see the person so often when first beginning to date, to not act clingy, etc. BUT when I really like someone, I find this SO difficult, and crave communication with them. I want to know what they're thinking, how they feel about me, if they ever want to see my face again, etc...

[Idonthaveausername]

I agree that's bad advice. When you first meet someone, you should be excited to see them again and want to learn more about each other

Being clingy is not necessarily a bad thing. I cling quite literally to my boyfriend, but he clings to me as well. Affection is healthy for a relationship. It's important to find someone who appreciates that quality in you

[Elleymei]

I’ve been told my whole life if a guy takes you out and is mean to you “it means he likes you”.. stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. There is nothing wrong with teasing the other person. But being directly rude or mean to someone obviously means he doesn’t like you that much.. another thing.. when you like a guy you should play hard to get and pretend you don’t like him.. from my experience it tends to confuse the men and send them in the other direction.