I believe weight preference and height preference are both okay, and it's literally the person's preference and attitude that decides for me if they are shallow. But I'll try to explain why one might find weight preference more problematic, at least this is what I think.
It's okay to prefer a certain level of bodyweight/bmi. But if they are like 'even a hair over 45 kg and you're a fat bitch' that's a huge red flag.
And same with the height thing. Anyone under 6'2" automatically being ruled out is excessive.
One might say people can control their weight but not their height and so height preference is shallower, and it is understandable to a degree especially when it comes to rejecting someone with an unhealthy bodyweight and unhealthy lifestyle which is okay.
But otherwise, this is also a reason why some people might see it as more shallow to reject someone for their weight than height. In case of height, at least you're either tall enough for her or you're not and it's that simple. But when it comes to weight, if a woman is in a healthy bodyweight and BMI it's very problematic for someone to turn up and say she's fat because she is not thin enough to his personal liking. This might lead to a perfectly healthy person thinking that they aren't doing something right and it can be mentally destructive. Someone being rejected for their height don't have to carry that burden because they already know they have no control over their height.
Another problem that arises is the lack of guarantee that someone will always be of their partner's weight preference. Again, if I marry a guy of my preferred height he will never have to be afraid that someday he might get shorter. But if a guy marries me because I fit into his preferred weight range, there is no guarantee that I can keep this weight up for the rest of my life. And it's so horrible to leave someone for gaining or losing weight! A short man doesn't have that kind of fear, he gets rejected right off the bat. So I can see why some women would see weight preference being more problematic than height preference. They don't like the idea of a relationship escalating to marriage, kids and all and then suddenly ending because of the number on a scale! And I don't either!
It's a preference, whether the guy is into curvy, chubby, slim, fit or whatever. Or if the woman is into tall, shirt or medium guys.
It's a matter of attraction altogether.
If my partner wasn't attracted to me, I would feel horrible.
So why not allow people to be into whatever they're into?
@purplepoppy your using height as a measuring stick for success that's not factual a checkable fact is not a true definite fact that's concrete it's more on the lines of a theory. Ok let me educate you on your statement yes obesity is insane because its easier o buy a meal then to monitor yourself blah blah blah so yes and now it's a trend to be a foodie which more women do then men on the other hand the scale for obesity was created in 1830 by a Belgian man that produces no true accuracy unless you're properly measured known as a BMI test so everyone knows ofpeople like The Rock and John Cena and Kai Greene who are ripped shredded sid walk crackin muhfuckas but because of some premade scale they're qualified as obese for their height and weight. So yes genetics account for some I agree but but until there is a definitive way to measure true obesity dont judge based of your own preconceived thoughts because and I digress most successful businessmen are obese or at one time was obese, successful military men once done with the fight typically put the pounds on so you can't say its greed, gluttony, and self control for bigger people and taller people are successful and dominant. We have our own struggles and problems so why not just say we're all human beings and stop categorizing people to objectively bully one label against another because we all have preferences as well as issues.
The whole issue is just that women feel entitled to the best since they receive so much positive attention early on in life.
An average girl doesn't see an average guy as her match because do many other men will shower her with compliments in the hopes of sex.
And if I could work out my height I would, but I'm cool with girls only wanting 6ft+ guys since it it's a preference. But it's pretty obviously more shallow than not wanting fatties.
A tall guy might have some small advantages in life but most of the time it never ends up being a practical difference. People quote success but I'm more successful than all my taller friends so I dont think it's a very noticeable trend.
Fat girls are prone to many health complications and pose a serious problem for anyone who likes doing things besides eating cheetos and watching Netflix.
And lastly girls might not like average or short men but they really look just the same as tall men. Add some big boots and you wouldn't even know he wasn't actually 6ft.
But fat people are physically deformed to the extent that nothing can mask it, so the lack of attraction makes much more sense.
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There's a difference between preferences and requirements.
A woman having a height preference and a guy having a weight preference is okay. It's only a problem if you require someone to be in a specific height or weight range and will not date anyone who is outside of that range even if it's slightly above/below it.
I think the reason why men get more hate when they say they want someone to be a certain weight, despite it being something you can change, is because people can have eating disorders. Just because someone is at a weight that is generally considered attractive doesn't mean that they are healthy. I think what's more important is how they became the size that they are rather than the actual size itself. Some people are at a desired weight because they chose to eat healthy and exercise. Some people ended up becoming the desired weight from starving themselves and over-exercising. Not everyone becomes severely underweight when having an eating disorder (atypical anorexia exists) so you wouldn't know. Therefore, you shouldn't judge anyone regardless of their size and not have such harsh weight requirements.
A lot of people can make healthier lifestyle choices but how your body reacts to those choices isn't in your control. You can increase the chances of your weight increasing/decreasing with your lifestyle choices, but it's not 100% guaranteed that you will be at the desired size that you want to be. Some people don't need to do too much work to become a healthy weight because their metabolism might be fast enough to help them, for some people they might not be able to be the desired size without over-restricting.
It's okay to not want someone obese or underweight, but not everyone is healthiest and happiest while being the size of a Victoria Secret model or a K-pop star. It's okay for people to just be in the middle, or even slightly under or overweight as long as they are not in the extreme. As long as they are trying their best to be healthy it shouldn't be a problem. Your lifestyle is more important than how you look and your lifestyle will not always show through the way you look.
Another reason why men get attacked for wanting a woman to be a certain size is because, when choosing a guy based on height, their height will never change so the guy doesn't have to worry about it changing. But when it comes to weight, there will be that constant worry and stress of it changing. That can lead to poor body image and self-esteem issues and it might even trigger eating disorders/disordered eating to develop.
It is a bit of a double standard; however, I have learned that when a man has a preference, he is an asshole.
Before I met my girlfriend, I used to put in my dating profile (not my exact words, obviously):
-I want a woman who is college educated.
-I want a woman who enjoys working out and anime.
-I want a woman who doesn't smoke weed.
-I want a woman who is goal oriented and doesn't spend time twerking at night clubs.
When I put those preferences in my profile, women would match me just to tell me that I was an asshole for expecting too much and that I need to lower my standards and be more accepting. Yet, you would see all these women who have REALLY outrageous demands when it came to dating men.
I do kind of think the height thing is ridiculous, because most women want men are 6 feet and up, especially women who are like 5 feet exactly. If women said they just want a man who is taller than them, that is reasonable.
As far as weight is concerned, I don't think having a weight requirement is a bad thing, because unlink height, weight is more associated with health. I wouldn't want an overweight partner, mainly because I focus on my health and I would want a woman to do the same.
Ah yes. The female entitlement dominating the world today.
In her 20's : "Is he handsome?"
In her 30's : "Is he rich?"
In her 40's : "WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL GOOD MEN! WTF! MAN UP AND DATE ME YOU LOSERS! can't YOU HANDLE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN?"
There is a clear line between "preference " and "Prejudice" (of which being shallow is an aspect). Liking X more than Y without ruling out Y's potential is "preference". However, liking X and completely disqualifying Y as a result is "prejudice".
In this case: Liking someone taller while still being open to someone the same height or shorter is "preference". Disqualifying all men (or women) under a certain height however, or who aren't taller than you is nothing more than prejudice. Even more-so because height cannot be changed (unlike weight)
The same logic applies to other supposed "preferences".
"She said she prefers tall men and my male coworker said he prefers curvy fit women. She got upset and called him shallow."
This is women in a nutshell. A lot of them cannot recognize their own hypocrisy and deem their physical preferences as being perfectly justified while chastising men for their preferences.
Well its a preference but yes women are absolutely hypocritical about this (no surprise their). I mean you cannot claim your preference is acceptable and anothers isn't without being a hypocrite yet this is precisely what every (or at least the overwhelming majority) woman claims, that if a man doesn't want a girl who is over weight he is shallow but her wanting a guy who is above average in height is a "preference", him wanting a woman that doesn't sleep around is "shallow/sexist", her not wanting a player is "having standards", etc. etc. Again, its hypocritical but it is expected.
I prefer guys between 6ft and my height! I’m 5”4, so I’m def not tall. This is kinda unrelated but my history teacher is very tall, and when I go to talk to him I legit have to look all the way up, like I’m cloudgazing! I don’t wanna do that with my husband! I also just find shorter guys really cute! But, 6ft is perfectly fine! I think that’s my dad’s height.
No, it doesn't bother me at all, probably because I'm over 6' tall. But I'm also realistic, because I know that I'm picky about the girls I date too, so I accept that they have the right to be picky just the same. The guys who get mad over this are the short guys who are angry in general at what they perceive as their diminished status in life. And let's be honest, girls can be very cruel to boys and men they perceive as being weak. So there's a lot of smoke there, but there is some fire, too. But overall, I think most realistic people accept that others have dating standards.
I say the answer more lies in hypocrisy particularly on the women's part because you can't really change height like you could weight and second is the "preference" for both genders alike goes back to the same reason anyway. So why should men be the only ones called shallow for it?
Personally, I didn't really think about this stuff much until I started reading men's experience more a couple years ago and now I don't feel as encouraged about dating.
Weight preference is stupid though, it has nothing to do with how fat yo are. A dress size preference would be more accurate.
A preference is a preference, anyone has standards. I shouldn't be forced to like someone just because refusing them would. label me as shallow.
here's the deal women and men both think that women are the prize but actually they're not because the men are the workhorses they are in the money and they maintain their looks longer than women women hit the wall about 29 30 35 definitely after 40 their bodies go to s*** for the most part but men s*** you go to 78 years old and still be fit and have money to why you think people ain't getting married while you think all these things are closing down these wedding shops men ain't getting married no more cuz women gone batshit crazy
It used to bother me. But around 20 I realized guys are shamed pretty often for their "preferences" and standards. Its why most guys don't really have them. They'll fuck anyone.
No, my standards are extremely high. I judge girls on everything all the time and have more success and I'm more often satisfied.
If a woman of interest overlooks all of my other qualities because of a height preference, she’s definitely not someone I need to spend time pursuing. It doesn’t bother me. I have my preferences too.
If a woman of interest overlooks her height preference because of all of my other qualities she’s someone worth getting to know.
How’s that for an answer? 😉
There is a massive problem here. 99% of women can lose the extra weight, but 99% of men can't frow an extra 10cm in hight. So it's a false equivalency to start with.
Other than that, no it doesn't bother me. I don't wear pink glasses when i go out. We are all getting discriminated against for a fuckton of diferent reasons. Me for being short, some 2m girl for being tall; me for having a hair, another guy for being bald. The world is not a just place, so stop complaining and bear your own cross. We all have one.
If women see a weight preference as shallow then their height preference is even shallower. You can't change your height. So you saying you prefer something that is outside the man's control is pretty shallow. A person can change their weight. I have done it (although only within 20 pounds). So a woman can change to fit a guy's weight preference a guy can't to fit a woman's height preference.
It isn't shallow if you choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle and I am not attracted to that lifestyle and what it does to them. It's shallow to think the height is a preference. You can't control height but you sure as shit can manage your weight and diet.
I like taller dudes too. I think is ridiculous when women say a guy is shallow if he likes curvy women... like it's his type? Just like some of us like taller guys, fit guys, etc. There's a lot of double standards in the dating world
this is hypocrisy and a dumb one at that
weight can be controlled don't be a lazy ass glutonius bitch and don't get fat
but a man can't do anything for his height if they could there would be no guy who is bellow 5'11 or 6ft tall in this earth.
B and C, in this case.
Also, height and weight are not the same catagory. While they are both appearance, you can change your weight to an extent. I'd say use weight as an example for both sides.
Is a man shallow for not wanting to date a fat woman?
Is a woman shallow for not wanting to date a fat man?
I am currently searching for a partner but I don't look at those properties. On my dating site, I have already been bombarded with more than 100 likes from all shapes and sizes but I still can't find the matching one.
My main criteria is to look at the person's proper personality and matching interests before moving forward, otherwise once that initial passion over visual appearance fizzles off, there will be a very weak force to keep each other together.
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