Are you considered exclusive after dating for a month?

[coachTanthony]

Yes

No

Other "left my intelligent and thoughtful insight" in the comments below

see poll ( chocolate covered cheetos rock )

[Cynicaldreamer]

You really can't go by a timeframe. You're exclusive when BOTH people agree that they're ready to commit to each other, obviously the trust needs to be there, and feel like the time is right: a connection if you will. Just because a guy takes me out a few times, does NOT mean I'm ready to be with him!
And I'm sure some guys feel the same way... actually I know that's the case because I've been on both sides of the spectrum.

I've dated and spoken with guys for months before deciding, "Okay, I'm ready to commit." And even then if the guy isn't ready, or vice versa, that doesn't mean you're exclusive.

[coachTanthony]

I ask the question because I got an email asking me the same question. A woman who has spent every waking moment almost with this guy for an entire month wants to know if she needs to verify whether or not they are exclusive. I say YES. She says, but but we are perfect together, how could he not think we are?

[Cynicaldreamer]

Hmm, interesting.

So they've been together for a month, she's obviously ready to commit and she's investing all her time with this guy. But I wonder how said guy feels? Not to badmouth your gender coach, but said guy might not feel the same way and he might not want to be exclusive with her yet. Again, it depends on BOTH of them! Just because she's ready, doesn't mean he is- and I'm afraid she might be hurt if/when she asks too soon.

Nonetheless, she definitely needs to ask him where does he see them, if nothing else, so if he doesn't want to be exclusive with her anytime soon, she can move on.

But you're the expert here, so I'm going to let you guide her, lol. Just my two cents.

[coachTanthony]

You are right... said guy thinks much differently then said woman. I told her just because you spend all your time with someone doesn't automatically get you something in return like an "instant" relationship.

[DorkVader]

That lady needs to get a hobby. She gonna be burnt out on that guy before the honeymoon phase is over.

[coachTanthony]

@DorkVader Bout time you showed up!

[DorkVader]

I've been hiding out today. It's been a long ass year already

[DorkVader]

@coachtanthony Did you really try chocolate covered cheetos or you teasing us?

[coachTanthony]

@DorkVader I am a marketer... I tease lol

[DorkVader]

You probably really did it. Diet sabotage!

[Cynicaldreamer]

@DorkVader Oh hi...
I've missed you and discussing food with you! You still alive and kicking over there? How goes the exercise regime?

As for that woman, you're right. I can tell she's going to be hurt and I don't even know her... bless her heart. She better back off now while she can.

[coachTanthony]

@DorkVader my diet sabotage would be cheese cake or something worth cheating for. I remember reading Tim Ferriss and his diet protocols... he says.. if you are going to cheat... cheat big! Don't buy dunkin donuts buy the most expensive donut in town... so that is what I do... I go big.

[DorkVader]

@Cynicaldreamer I had to delay on the exercise. Moving kicked my ass. I'm counting that as my workout lol. I'm still sore. I'm gonna start something before I heal up though. No point in letting the soreness fade.

[Screenwriter]

Every waking hour? That sounds like overkill right there and a pink flag... Enjoying time with someone, even lots of it is no assurance of exclusivity. The asker didn't say every waking hour either... But that kind of diving into something smacks of... I dunnoo... Too much, too soon... Never assume, either.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@Screenwriter Mhmm, I agree. It sounds like she's smothering the guy and getting attached WAY too soon! Which will wind up driving him off if she's not careful.

Though I'm sure coach warned her of that already.

[Screenwriter]

She stated elsewhere she's been on four dates. I expect that means she's been out weekly for a month a few hours each time. Hardly enough to know someone very well.

[SydneySentinel]

I can't assume that but I only date one person at a time. If we're going on a second date, it's because we both felt something on the first date. If he's still dating other women, I'm obviously not a stand out for him. This ain't TheBachelor!!

[coachTanthony]

Should we get a rose when we are exclusive? lol

[SydneySentinel]

Damn right...

[SydneySentinel]

But like Desert Rose? I like rocks better...

[coachTanthony]

Whatever works lol

[YourLastFirstKiss]

For some people it takes more than two dates to really establish the chemistry we seek. Right this isn't the bachelor. But it's also not a car lot where you take someone on a test drive once and know it's the car for you. If you can really create a connection intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically after two or three dates and know that person is the one you can confidently say you will spend the rest of your life together, then you need to write a book and share your secrets. People tend to judge chemistry to quickly, 5 to 10 years later they realize they made a mistake and end up in divorce.

[dustdevil69]

I really believe it depends on the level of intimacy and the communication, such as knowing what was your partner looking for, how long did you know them before you started dating, and if between the two haven't agreed to be monogamous then your not exclusive

[OlderAndWiser]

You are exclusive when you and your partner have a discussion and you arrive at an explicit agreement to date exclusively. This is too important to be based on assumptions or "understandings."

[BlackRoseFairy]

I'd say it depends. I only focus on one person at a time. Multiple dating is not my thing.
Of course the guy I am dating might have a different point of view...
Back to my first sentence, it depends on how often we have met during that one month. If we have been on 2 dates I wouldn't call it a big deal. If we have been on 10, yes I would expect it to be cleared up.
Last but not least, I wouldn't assume anything without talking to him or without him saying something that makes it clear he wants to be exclusive.

[Screenwriter]

OK. I'm going to quote boring statistics. I've read it takes 60 hours to ESTABLISH a friendship. That would mean you spend two hours a day WITH, not texting or on the phone, but in the physical presence of, the other person. BUT... if this is a PRESSURED sort of seeing each other, and I think two hours daily is too much with a new person you know nothing about... And you need TIME APART to consider your experience with that person and how you feel about them.. And, a boyfriend girlfriend relationship is different than a friendship. So I'd think you'd need more to feel on equal footing.

[Pamina]

Are there really people who actually just assume exclsuivity because of some imaginary time frame, instead of discussing with the person they're dating?

[coachTanthony]

I think this is when people start thinking about it.

[Pamina]

Approximately, yeah. But that's not really what you asked, is it?

[coachTanthony]

I know what I asked so the answer is no.. no it's not lol

[Pamina]

But then my question remains - are there people who do that? Like, have you met any?

[coachTanthony]

Yes I get emails all the time asking whether or not they should just assume it or find out. My answer is always don't assume but then they go into stuff like... we have spent every waking moment together... we are meant to be... we are perfect together how can he not think we are?

[Pamina]

Wow, that's fucking sad. How does this happen? How does someone become a grown up so shockingly incapable of basic communication and so utterly scared of it?

[coachTanthony]

I mean I get they had this whirl wind romance for a month but basic conversations still need to take place.

[Pamina]

If those people actually end up in relationships with their dates, those relationships are doomed already.

[coachTanthony]

I think she pushed herself and her time onto this guy to somehow speed up the relationship exclusivity. Well at least that is what I think she is trying to do... that shit never works.

[Pamina]

It's so sad that so many people don't realize this stuff.

[coachTanthony]

Look at the poll! LOL

[Pamina]

Unsurprisingly mostly guys. GaG is full of very inexperienced guys who never even dated, so...

[Tracey426]

That's entirely up to the couple and a situation. Depends upon many factors, most importantly the two people involved, how they've communicated, and what they've decided. In my own personal recent experience, it's been discussed within the first week or two, and then decided upon pretty quickly if both people agree.

[Avicenna]

No. It needs to be discussed and specifically agreed upon so there aren't any misunderstandings like a young lady in rural Texas experienced recently, assuming she and some guy were exclusive when he had no idea she wanted that and was seeing another woman.

[coachTanthony]

Dude you need to move on my man.

[Avicenna]

I'm just using that example to illustrate why it has to be discussed because it's perfect.

[coachTanthony]

LOL oh okay

[thegirlfromthething]

You’re exclusive after you have a conversation to confirm that you’re exclusive. Don’t assume because you’ve been seeing each other for a certain amount of time.

[Flower7]

Regardless of how much time has passed, you're not considered exclusive until you have both discussed that and both have agreed not to see other people.

[moosette134]

You're exclusive at whatever point both parties are not seeing anyone else. I can't date more than one person at a time, regardless. It's just not how I work. So I tend to assume everyone else is this way too, but if that's not clear, you might want to have a conversation about it. I would argue that after a month, you should be exclusive.

[Screenwriter]

Unless you've had a talk about being exclusive after dating for a month, I don't see how there's any assumption about it. And really. A month? That isn't very long. People reveal themselves over time. You've been out on four to six dates? Talked on the phone? Texted? You need more time.

[saxymike]

If you have been dating for a month, is that one date, 2 or so on... communication is the key to any relationship in my opinion if it feels right then it usually is!

[coachTanthony]

I wasn't specific.. could be 4 dates could be 20.

[archiz]

There is no ground rule. As long as both adults are aware of their place and are in consent with the situation then it is not a problem.
Also in a month, one can only have had like 3 dates which in my opinion isn't enough to decide to be exclusive with that person.
But of course you should let them now where they stand and what you want and expect from them.

[kales96]

I’ve been dating one person since February, but been only dating him since I think May. I still have friends who are guys and he knows this because I get along with guys than I do with girls and he knows this, but he knows I’d never do things with them like I do with him

[Anonymous]

Depends on the woman. Right now, I’m seeing a woman who prefers to wait longer than that, so I’m seeing other people until she makes up her mind about me.

[coachTanthony]

Does she know you are seeing other people?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, she does. She insists on taking things slow, but her pace is feeling too slow for my taste. I may have to cut her loose if she takes too much longer to make up her mind.

[coachTanthony]

Do what you got to do my man!

[Opinion Owner]

I always do. 👍 I gotta wonder how many guys have walked away because of her glacial pace...

[perislav85]

I think it is enough time to understand her better and she can have a pretty good picture of your personality. Enough time to get to know each other better. Enough time to start something new 🙃

[JimboGB]

I've never judged how a woman feels about me in the time spent together but the enjoyment we have in each others company. I would be closely watching how she reacts to me through her body language and attitude, her eyes and eagerness to be around me. A month dating could be a month wasted, definitely doesn't mean you are official.

[Anonymous]

I chose C. I think it’s depends/varies. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I never considered myself exclusive with someone until we had a conversation discussing exclusivity. Sometimes that conversation happened after a week, sometimes it happened after a month. Sometimes it never happened, and therefore I never considered is exclusive haha.

[Jjpayne]

I think it's wrong to assume. you can ask by that time but I would not assume it.

[seniorghostman]

I put no. Exclusive seems to come when it’s decided upon these days. Before my last long relationship ended and I was under the assumption that exclusivity came with the request of actually dating the person. That doesn’t seem to be the way things are anymore and that’s different. I don’t share so I don’t want a chick dating me and somebody else at the same time.

[ShadezMcgee]

Time seeing each other aids in the decision to be exclusive, but it's not the ultimate say so. It is up to the woman at the end of the day when she brings up the "What are we?" Or "Where is this going?"

[EleanorRigby]

If we're not exclusive on the first date already, there won't be 2nd date that's for sure.
I would only date one person at a time, and I expect the same from him.
Serial daters are a no go for me.

[ImSparkly]

Your not exclusive unless all agree to be exclusive. You might be less interested in other people, but that doesn't mean your partner (s) is/are thinking the same thing.