I ask the question because I got an email asking me the same question. A woman who has spent every waking moment almost with this guy for an entire month wants to know if she needs to verify whether or not they are exclusive. I say YES. She says, but but we are perfect together, how could he not think we are?
Hmm, interesting. So they've been together for a month, she's obviously ready to commit and she's investing all her time with this guy. But I wonder how said guy feels? Not to badmouth your gender coach, but said guy might not feel the same way and he might not want to be exclusive with her yet. Again, it depends on BOTH of them! Just because she's ready, doesn't mean he is- and I'm afraid she might be hurt if/when she asks too soon. Nonetheless, she definitely needs to ask him where does he see them, if nothing else, so if he doesn't want to be exclusive with her anytime soon, she can move on. But you're the expert here, so I'm going to let you guide her, lol. Just my two cents.
You are right... said guy thinks much differently then said woman. I told her just because you spend all your time with someone doesn't automatically get you something in return like an "instant" relationship.
That lady needs to get a hobby. She gonna be burnt out on that guy before the honeymoon phase is over.
@DorkVader Bout time you showed up!
I've been hiding out today. It's been a long ass year already
@coachTanthony Did you really try chocolate covered cheetos or you teasing us?
@DorkVader I am a marketer... I tease lol
You probably really did it. Diet sabotage!
@DorkVader Oh hi...I've missed you and discussing food with you! You still alive and kicking over there? How goes the exercise regime? As for that woman, you're right. I can tell she's going to be hurt and I don't even know her... bless her heart. She better back off now while she can.
@DorkVader my diet sabotage would be cheese cake or something worth cheating for. I remember reading Tim Ferriss and his diet protocols... he says.. if you are going to cheat... cheat big! Don't buy dunkin donuts buy the most expensive donut in town... so that is what I do... I go big.
@Cynicaldreamer I had to delay on the exercise. Moving kicked my ass. I'm counting that as my workout lol. I'm still sore. I'm gonna start something before I heal up though. No point in letting the soreness fade.
Every waking hour? That sounds like overkill right there and a pink flag... Enjoying time with someone, even lots of it is no assurance of exclusivity. The asker didn't say every waking hour either... But that kind of diving into something smacks of... I dunnoo... Too much, too soon... Never assume, either.
@Screenwriter Mhmm, I agree. It sounds like she's smothering the guy and getting attached WAY too soon! Which will wind up driving him off if she's not careful.Though I'm sure coach warned her of that already.
She stated elsewhere she's been on four dates. I expect that means she's been out weekly for a month a few hours each time. Hardly enough to know someone very well.
Should we get a rose when we are exclusive? lol
But like Desert Rose? I like rocks better...
Whatever works lol
For some people it takes more than two dates to really establish the chemistry we seek. Right this isn't the bachelor. But it's also not a car lot where you take someone on a test drive once and know it's the car for you. If you can really create a connection intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically after two or three dates and know that person is the one you can confidently say you will spend the rest of your life together, then you need to write a book and share your secrets. People tend to judge chemistry to quickly, 5 to 10 years later they realize they made a mistake and end up in divorce.
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OK. I'm going to quote boring statistics. I've read it takes 60 hours to ESTABLISH a friendship. That would mean you spend two hours a day WITH, not texting or on the phone, but in the physical presence of, the other person. BUT... if this is a PRESSURED sort of seeing each other, and I think two hours daily is too much with a new person you know nothing about... And you need TIME APART to consider your experience with that person and how you feel about them.. And, a boyfriend girlfriend relationship is different than a friendship. So I'd think you'd need more to feel on equal footing.
I think this is when people start thinking about it.
Approximately, yeah. But that's not really what you asked, is it?
I know what I asked so the answer is no.. no it's not lol
But then my question remains - are there people who do that? Like, have you met any?
Yes I get emails all the time asking whether or not they should just assume it or find out. My answer is always don't assume but then they go into stuff like... we have spent every waking moment together... we are meant to be... we are perfect together how can he not think we are?
Wow, that's fucking sad. How does this happen? How does someone become a grown up so shockingly incapable of basic communication and so utterly scared of it?
I mean I get they had this whirl wind romance for a month but basic conversations still need to take place.
If those people actually end up in relationships with their dates, those relationships are doomed already.
I think she pushed herself and her time onto this guy to somehow speed up the relationship exclusivity. Well at least that is what I think she is trying to do... that shit never works.
It's so sad that so many people don't realize this stuff.
Look at the poll! LOL
Unsurprisingly mostly guys. GaG is full of very inexperienced guys who never even dated, so...
Dude you need to move on my man.
I'm just using that example to illustrate why it has to be discussed because it's perfect.
LOL oh okay
I wasn't specific.. could be 4 dates could be 20.
Does she know you are seeing other people?
Yes, she does. She insists on taking things slow, but her pace is feeling too slow for my taste. I may have to cut her loose if she takes too much longer to make up her mind.
Do what you got to do my man!
I always do. 👍 I gotta wonder how many guys have walked away because of her glacial pace...
Holy moly! You're going to demand that someone be exclusive after a SECOND date! What is the rush? Maybe the person is dating another person... Maybe they're trying to decide... Give everyone a break... Take your time. Don't be too rigid. I'd THINK a regular person MIGHT be able to see someone twice a week at most. Talk every few days. I'd be annoyed if someone was texting, talking to me all the time. People need time to think. At least, I do.
Not demand, it's up to them. I'm not asking for a whole life commitment so early. A person can think without lining up people then picking one
Not "lining up." I said, perhaps this person is dating someone else... I'm not talking about some idiotic date juggler. In my life I've certainly liked two people at a time and it took time to narrow it down to one..
I agree with you
@Pejtu @Red990 OK you two are purists. I think it's possible you can like two people and date two folks early on. After a month or so of dating, I'm sure most folks can make a choice. I don't see that as duplicitous or wrong.