Actually it's the other way around. If an older man does it he's a predator, peado or cradle snatched if an older woman goes after a younger man she's a cougar and celebrated. The media applauded older women with younger men, you go girl articles are written about it. Just look at the reaction female teachers get from the media, society and the law when they are caught sleeping with underage students.
Hell some even end up on talk shows, if it was a male teacher it would be a different story.
Kyle
[appears at the breakroom entrance] Ex, excuse me? [the officers look, and he walks in] My name is... Brad. And uh I need to report a crime. Anonymously.
Yates
Oh? What's the crime?
Kyle
Well, I attend South Park Elementary, ah-and... w-one of the teachers is having sssex with a student.
Yates
Oh my God! This is terrible! [other officers say other things. Yates and another officer get on bended knee next to Kyle] Ya-you did the right thing telling the police, Brad. Now, who is the teacher? What's his name?
Kyle
Well, it isn't a guy teacher. It's a woman.
Officer 1
A woman.
Kyle
Yeah. She's having sex with a boy. [the officer to his right is taking notes.]
Officer 2
Oh, but, but she's ugly, right?
Kyle
Well no, not really. It's the Kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.
Yates
The blonde?
Kyle
Yeah.
Officer 1
Some young boy is having sex with Miss Stevenson?
Kyle
[firmly] Yes.
Officer 1
Nisssse.
Yates
Nnice.
Kyle
What? No, you don't understand-
Officer 1
You sure they've had sex?
Kyle
Yeah.
Officer 3
Has she performed oral sex on him?
Kyle
I think so.
Officer 3
... Nice.
Officer 1
Nisssse.
Officer 3
[whispers] Nisssse.
Yates
So wait, what, what's the crime?
Officer 1
The crime is, she isn't doing it with me. [jabs jokingly at Officer 2. All the officers laugh]
Kyle
Hay! He's totally underage. She's taking advantage of him.
Yates
You're right. We're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down and... give him his "Luckiest Boy In America" medal right away. [All the officers laugh harder]
Yes and it has to do with fertility. I first noticed at 28 and I had a lot easier time getting younger women. This has been going on all for all human history.
This is one of the very very few double standards that men get to enjoy. When it comes to dating virtually EVERYTHING else favors women. There are higher standards for men when it comes to:
- Personality: we have to be funny, confident. Much less is expected of women when all else is equal
- Romantic Risks: we have to risk rejection when we approach, setup date, first kiss, initiating sex. Some women have never experienced rejection.
- Shit tests: men have tolerate shit tests from women. But will women tolerate guys shit testing them? Nope.
- Vulnerability: much less room for men to show insecurity vs women
- Money: in general the man pays and is expected to have a good career.
- Intelligence: the guy has to be smart. But not “nerd” smart.
So with all these other high standards I don’t feel bad at all having this only double standard. Check your privilege before you cherry pick something that is very exclusive.
There are probably biological reasons for this. First is that men can reproduce at anytime, that doesn't go away, whereas women have a biological clock. Subconsciously, we seek partners who would be best to reproduce with, even if we have no intention to have kids. That's why slimmer, younger people are considered more attractive, as they are healthier and virile. Therefore, often younger women will be more attractive due to those child-rearing qualities. For men, obviously younger ones will seem more re-productively compatible and healthy, but older men can still be attractive to women because they still have that children bearing ability. Secondly, men and women reach maturity at different points. Technically yes, we may all have differing opinions on when someone reaches their prime and this may be individual, but often, women are at their most attractive and are fully mature in their 20s, whereas it takes men longer to mature. Men probably look their best or reach their maturity sometime around late 20s/into their 30s. I know I would rather a guy older (as my boyfriend is), as he has developed all his body hair, ability to grow a beard, has more muscle. Guys my age tend to seem too immature both mentally and physically for me.
But there are always exceptions. I also don't think women are seen as predators, but actually men are more often given this label when they have far younger women. Some women as well, age beautifully and look better in the 40s and 50s then they did in their 20s, and the same goes for men. Just because you're older doesn't mean you're unattractive.
I think a lot of it stems from what was considered "traditional". Back in the day it was more common and considered natural that an older guy would find a younger girl because:
A) Parents would be more willing to wed their daughters to an older man because he's more financially stable/already has an established standing in society and thus would be able to provide a better life for the woman.
B) Having a younger wife means a larger time window to produce offsprings for the older man.
Anything outside of this would raise eyebrows especially since the past was relatively more conservative than it is today. This stigma have been passed down from generation to generation, and although it has "diluted" given the fact that more of us start to question it, it still hasn't totally died off yet.
But I believe with more passings of generations, your question of "Why is there a double standard for age gap relationships?" will gradually become, "Why WAS there a double standard for age gap relationships?".
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118Opinion
No one should worry about age gap relationship unless it’s an unequal or unhealthy relationship. It’s silly for women to get slammed more than men.
I think this poor mentality is changing
I am married to a woman 3 years older and have messed with a lot of older women before I was married the biggest gap was 20 years damn I never actually did the math on that one (I was 15 and she was a blast you do the math). I've never worried about age or other people's opinions that much but I would say my answer to your question is because it's been a male dominant world for the most part and will high five each other over taboo shit where as women will judge each other and talk shit behind each other's back. This possibly comes from nosey snobby fake religious people that are too busy worrying about everybody else instead of cleaning their own house. Also men are more primal we want to get laid eat and sleep women are more nurturing tending to their children and others so people tend to excuse men because where wired to be dogs and judge women because they're mom's they're supposed to be pure, and 9 times out of 10 it's jealousy. People need to focus more on themselves instead of worrying about every body else and they might be more content.
Because by 40 a woman is as good as infertile. A genetically desirable man in the top 10% can keep siring children into his 70s, with minimal decline in genetic quality. Even in the modern age with IVF and egg donners, it'll still cost you £4,000 a pop with only a 50% chance of success.
You replied to someone down in the comments that you're asking this for a term paper you're writing in "Gender, Culture and Society"... well, trigger warning;
That double standard exists, because men and women are different. Apply the same standards to apples and oranges, and you're gonna have a bad day when half the time the same standards don't make sense.
It's not a case that these double standards don't make sense, it's just people don't like them because they don't like being slaves to their biology and every other part of nature that negatively effects them which they have no control over.
For the record, my unofficial fiancée is 44 years old, and just hit menopause, not having had a period for the last 6 months. I don't care what other people think, she's my soul mate. Her age is not irrelevant, it's proof of what a strong connection we have, still agreeing to have her, in spite of her age.
Unless you have that once in a lifetime connection, a relationship with such an age gap does not last, for very good reasons.
Evolutionary subconscious instincts that were born out of 300 millions of years of pre-IVF evolution aside, the family I want to have with her will cost me a fortune.
You don't think that's a good enough reason to justify this double standard of our mating preferences?
actually i think you'll find that if a guy goes after a younger woman he's belittled, called a paedophile even if the woman is well above legal age...
but if a woman goes after younger guys she's often accepted as "knowing what she wants out of life"
it is mostly though down to what society vews as acceptable... younger guys are often praised for "bagging a milf" or "pulling an older woman"
but an older guy who goes out with a younger woman... that suddenly is reacted to as if it was a world ending event.
and if a younger woman goes after an older guy, she's seen as being a gold digger, even if she isn't one...
and the guy is branded a pervert etc, and she's branded a slut...
personally way i see it, is if someone likes someone who cares, as long as they are of or above legal and consenting age and and of sound of mind... if they choose to be with someone older/younger who is of sound of mind and legal/above legal age of consent then it has nothing to do with anyone else, they are not "pervert's" or "paedo's" as some like to call them... they are concenting adults who are interested in each other... and people should accept that it is THEIR right and choice to live and love who they choose to... they aren't breaking laws, therefore they are not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong... which many people who have an issue with this seem to forget... as they choose their own life choices themselves they should allow others the same respect even if it doesn't conform to what they would choose
Eh, I don’t think either gender is a predator for having younger partners if the connection is their (unless the younger person is underage). My uncle married a woman 15 years older than himself and they’re still married over 30 years later, so it can work. I’ve also been hit on and written to dating apps by guys who have grown children my age but when I look at the profile the cut off age is always around forty. That’s what I don’t understand, but only because I would think these men would have more in common with someone their own age. I’m not bashing it or judging the men for it, I just don’t understand it.
I think we are gaining ground. Yes women that are older than their men are called cougars just like women that sleep around are called whores. Smh. What are men called? Men and they’re congratulated for it. But it IS more acceptable for a woman to be older though the bigger the age gap the more judgement it seems. When I’m at dinner out with my 23 year old son, people always assume we are a couple... i don’t know why. Possibly just because we are together and out having dinner. Wait staff always give him the bill and he was once scolded by a college student when he passed the bill to me until I explained he was my son. The morale of the story is perhaps we should mind our own business and let people live their own lives. Stop the assumptions. Everyone deserves to be happy
KrispyKrunch,
Honestly that's a good point. I mean why is it okay for a man to go after a younger women but it's suddenly wrong what a women goes after a younger man? I mean that seems so sexiest. Like what's so wrong about a girl going after a older guy, but its right for a man to go after a younger woman?
There are double standards, but not, in my experience, quite those you outline. If we ignore transgression of legal boundaries, then most criticism nowadays seems directed at older guys chasing younger women ("cradle snatcher!"). Older women get the term "cougar", which doesn't seem overtly critical - perhaps the reverse. Consider the French president, and how people would comment were the roles reversed (a male teacher married to a pupil 20 years his junior).
Younger women chasing older men do not seem to get negative terminology, unless you count the accusation "golddigger", but that is not directly about sexual motives.
How is "he awesome"? To many men, they are pathetic and she is even more so. I can at least understand the woman being much older. Women reach their sexual peak something like their 40's, while men it is in their late teens early 20's. So it matches up. I have never met women so sexually aggressive as the women I dated 6 or so years ago. I always thought that if that is how us guys were, then I feel bad for women. I love sex, don't get me wrong. But i am at a point where if I am offered sex or a nap, I am taking the nap way more often then sex.
Boy, you asked the wrong question here judging by the answers. All I can say is love is not fair. I guess it's just a tradition that older men can date younger women ( over 18 ) because the women they date are gold diggers. You see it in Hollywood a lot and with sports stars/rock stars who are married to trophy wives even if the guys are ugly. Older women dating younger guys is usually for the sex aspects and the women are usually financially well off so they can get the young studs who love MILF women. I'm sure a lot of those guys are "kept" too. Seems to me it basically comes down to money and sex. You have the money, you get the sex.
Leftovers from historical gender roles. Men and women served a purpose. The woman historicaly looks after the man in old age. As your wife gets older she is less able to provide adequate care. A younger wife means better care. An older woman who 'tricks' a younger man into being with her will be unable to provide care into his old age and deliver offspring, he may end up looking after her. A younger woman will 'cheat' by being with an older man and spending less time looking after him, and recieve his inheritance. The old man with little money on the hunt for a young woman, was also frowned upon. Passed down stigma. There is a current trend to see older women as more sexualy mature and less reserved and older men as more emotionaly mature and more cultured.
Some people already after their mind made up when it comes to age differences because of the way society paints "Age gap" relationships to be. For instance, if a younger women is going for an older guy then she's looking for a sugar daddy. When a man goes after a younger woman he still receives heat. I was seeing a 32 year old and because I have a baby face it looked as if he could be my older brother or father. People walking by gave the side eye and made it seem as if we were aliens whenever we would interact or become affectionate. I felt extremely uncomfortable which I can agree that was the most uncomfortable position I've ever been in my LIFE !
I'm attracted to older men and it's not that it's a fetish but it has always been a preference. Is older and looks older.
I have been on both sides of this, when I was with the older women people used to egg her on with me there as a joke. When she wasn't there her friends would question why I was dating her. Now I am dating someone 5 years younger than myself and its only ever been mentioned once.
I dont think it should matter anyway (unless breaking a law of course) but I think people just seems to have an expectation and going against that is such a curiosity, like there must be some magic keeping you together such as money or having your own place. Honestly, I didn't realise this women was older until she told me and she was really worried, was actually a shock she was so worried. I would like to think that people will stop caring and that does seem to happen more as I am getting older.
No it's men who go after younger women in this whole me to movement that are seen as the predators. Women who like younger men are seen as just wanting a toyboy. You never hear in the news women praying on younger guys. I some what agree with the young women who get with older men. Mostly because you see it with celebrities too. They get with older men for the money then realise they don't want to be with a 50 year old any longer, divorce and claim he owes them money for having a bad relationship. Yet your the woman who married him in the first place for money. Argue all you like but it is the truth of the matter.
"Predator" is the wrong word, I think. That's reserved for like pedophiles and such. "Cougar" is what you hear more often. At least where I live. But yeah, who knows why. It's just one of those things that happens. Someone somewhere assigned some values and a bunch of people latched on to them for reasons unknown and have yet to let go of them.
yeah I think *some* men are threatened by the fact that older women can still get young attractive men because society has always pushed the narrative that women lose value as they age. So this might be a reason for the double standard. I try not to judge either way unless it’s an obvious power imbalance-then I find it creepy whether it’s the man or woman doing the pursuing.
Yea but not even just that... like my friends would date guys like 10 years older and it was fine. If i liked a guy 2-4 years younger, they bashed me. Its crazy. As for guys, they think its okay to date anyone 18 and older. Thats them, but it is pretty nasty when theyre over 30 years old and still hittin on someone below 21
I have a golden rule. If the person is not young enough to be your child, it's Ok. If the person it's not old enough to be your mama, it's Ok. Therefore I mark an 18y difference, which I fully apply with the later, and partially apply, for now, with the ones younger than I (they would have to be at least 18).
All what I mention before is hypothetical. In reality, for a functional relation, a 7y difference is the best. If I had the space and the mental ease to date freely, I wouldn't care going for the hypothetical age gap I would follow. Since is not the case, I am staying with 7y difference.
It’s biological. The older male is wiser, has more resources, stronger and more status than the young buck. Women want security for themselves and their family so they are tuned into going for older men.
On the other hand, young women have more years of fertility in front of them than older women. They also have more energy to care a for a young family.
Older male and a younger female is natural and fits within societies needs as it is helpful in continuing the species. It is understood at a primal level. The opposite goes against the grain and therefore meets with resistance since at a primal level people know it is not helpful in furthering the species and it just hits us as wrong. Stack a community full of older males and younger females against a community of older females and younger males and the former will be more successful in the long run.
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