I've seen this question pop up here at least a couple of times, and I'm curious what the person is getting at when they ask. I'd like to know how the majority votes so that I can give more informed advice to people, dating.
Scenario: You met someone (either online or IRL.) You're getting to know them. It's in the early stages. There has been interest, seemingly, on one or both sides. Or you went out together, one or more times. Or you hooked up.
You ask, "So, are you seeing anyone else?" (I use the word "else" because you to have just started something. But you don't know what it is yet.)
Why do you ask this?
Is it more often/likely that you want to know what their level of interest is in you, and if they are available, not committed or dating anyone else, and interested in being exclusive with you? You'd prefer being the only one.
Or is it more often/likely that you're just looking for hookups, and you want to know if the other person is seeing anyone else (or looking for any other potentials), which will tell you that you are not going to be exclusive, and will be free to see other people, yourself, simultaneously, as well? You'd prefer you're NOT the only one.
When I ask this, I'm hoping the answer will be "no" and that the person is available and wants to date just me.
When I ask this, I'm hoping the answer will be "yes" so that I can keep things casual.
I have no idea. / Or... it's 50/50. / Or... show me poll results please.
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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+1 y
People, take note that the question is "So, are you seeing anyone ELSE?"
Meaning, it's not a friend or family member asking. It definitely shows interest. And it signifies that you are already somehow involved with the person (albeit at the very beginning stages, or casually.)
Just means they are trying to gage weather or not you are available. I don't typically ask this ever as my feeling is if someone wanted to date me, they could easily break up with their boyfriend. And if they chose to or not, that is a choice for them to make. Just because they're dating someone now doesn't mean they're the property of that person or belong solely to them in any way and I believe they always have the option to stay with them, or switch. And they are smart enough to chose what feels best for them. So I never ask typically.
If I asked it would be somewhat more possible that I wanted to be exclusive with her. But I, knowing myself, is open to the possibility that I might just want to know what level of expectations to allow myself to have in order to be fair to her and myself. If she want to be "extra on the side" or maybe just polyamorous that is a useful bit of information in both damage control and for explorative reasons. Sounds cold when I say it like that, but I assure you it's not.
That's fair. I don't think it's cold. This is why I asked the question, trying to find out how many would be outside the majority, more straightforward preference.
If I ask a guy that, I'm really hoping he says no. Why-
It means I'm interested in him (and hope he feels the same way), so that we can possibly start dating if things get more serious.
Though I also make sure to throw in, "Do you see anything happening with us?" or, "Are you interested in a relationship?" Because I'm not playing any games where he wants all the perks of a relationship without being my boyfriend first.
It’s like asking, why are you still single? It’s a nervous insecure twitch that spews from the bottom of your insecure soul out from your mouth and into the air!
If they say yes does that mean they are now not interested and available? The question does more harm then good unless it’s like on a third date or something and things are really going great! Then I would find out!
If I ask, I am interested in them, bite them as a potential partner for an LTR, I have a sense that they are also interested in me, but I want to confirm that they are available and I have not missionaries the signs.
Translation: "I find you attractive. Am I going to waste my time?"
However... if the person is the same biological sex as you they may be comparing themselves against you as a form of competition and social ranking: "They don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend and I do therefore I am more attractive/better."
That's still polite. I have people ask me very often why I don't have a boyfriend. One lady added with "It's weird. There must be something wrong with you."
That's mean but a compliment in a different way. Maybe an exhortation to live according to their values, too. The compliment: You are definitely good looking enough to snag a guy. The exhortation: "Get with the program and get a boyfriend! You're good looking enough and the goal in life we should aspire to is to have a man."
@Freddy78361 Thank you. That's a very positive way to interpret. The thing is being attractive doesn't mean you can have a good, faithful hushand right away. Being attractive draws more people. Mostly wrong men who just want to hook up with you. Well, I have learned my flaws and always will to improve myself. I am here to see if my personality is attractive or not since no one can see my appearance. Maybe I'm just not good enough.
@Jamie05rhs Yes. That hurts. I tried to observed her usual words. She criticized me almost all the time. Thank you.
@el_Te_de_la_Rosa "Your body makes a man want to go to bed with you. Your personality makes him want to wake up next to you." People can be ugly, brutish, short, and selfish. That won't change. You could argue that I am only being nice because I dream of one day sleeping with you. Or I think there's enough crap in the world. Your pick. Something tells me you are good enough.
Good and faithful husbands are hard to find. Not because men are shit but because, I think, society and social media have sexualized women and made sex so available and meaningless. Traditional courting/relationships/dating was slower and emphasized nonsexual aspects because sex was special.
But I am a dinosaur who thinks it is all turning to shit.
@Jamie05rhs Thank you. I'm not a love hater by the way. 😁
@Freddy78361 "society and social media have sexualized women and made sex so available and meaningless. Traditional courting/relationships/dating was slower and emphasized nonsexual aspects because sex was special." Word.
I chose A. When I go on a date with someone, I'm interested in learning and exploring that person and not looking at anyone else for the time that I get to know them.
Preferably, I'd like to establish a base of knowledge about the person in a way that resembles friendship, but I know that many people are put off by the idea of anything related to the friend zone. It's not my intent to become friends, just to understand some basics of their lifestyle prior to a deeper type of dating relationship.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
My guy and I both asked each other this at different points early on in our relationship. I asked because I wanted to be exclusive. I probably would have been very disappointed if he said he was seeing other people.
On the flip side, if I wasn't that into the guy or wasn't sure about him, I probably wouldn't be the one to bring this up. It's opening up the conversation for him to say we're exclusive when I don't really want to be.
I don't ask this question unless I'm interested in the person. And it's just "Are you single?" "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Mostly, I am asked by similar questions; nothing is close to "else". E. g. "When will you have a boyfriend?" "Why are you still single?" "Are you secretly married and have children?" "Do you know how to reproduce?"At the same time, there are also men who think I sleep around like women they personally know, asking shamelessly if they can have sex with me without a relationship/status/commitment. The fact is I don't do casual - ever. And no single man asks me out for a date. That's Why.
When I ask this it makes me know if him and I are on the same page in terms of how we define dating as well as learning his level of intrest in me. Is he one to date more than one at a time, keeping his options open - cause I don't care to be with someone who has that "Bachelor" dating mindset. If I feel a connection with him and see things could potentially become something more, I'd like to know his level of intrest and if he cares to make things exclusive.
Yes, you only ever ask - and you naturally do - when you like them and hope you are already exclusive. The rest doesn't actually exist, it was the various extremist groups peddling it as 'valid' or even 'usual' just to get all of us to fall apart (which has worked until I figured what it was)
It could be any number of things, but I would think it is most likely that the person is checking to see if he or she has competition for the affections of the questioned. Also checking to see what level of protection might be necessary if physical intimacy is involved.
Knowing if a person is seeing someone else will help the asker know how to approach the person. If I know a girl is see someone I'll treat her in a way that respects her situation. If she is not I might openly show interest in her.
Know things about each can help avoid hurt feelings. Being a guy I would be a fool to make it obvious to a girl that I am sexually attracted to her if she is unavailable. Not knowing could end a friendship.
As a female, it’s me wanting to know where I stand to the guy. But hope it’s just me and open minded he is probably talking/seeing others. I’m not sure about guys though.
I don't ask this... Because even if they are then why would they give me their number when I ask them? If they are and happy they wouldn’t give their number or they will say they are (even if they aren’t and just not interested)... so, I never ask this.
Well for starters after you've slept together, asking, so are you seeing anyone else is too late. You need to ask that before, coz that usually means you like the person and are looking to start working towards exclusivity.
Society and all these stupid cosmo mags talk about being cool not coming on strong. Wrong. We set the terms on how we are treated. Accept less and you'll get less
So this is basically another "What does that mean?" question where the answer is pretty obvious. Why do people ask these questions? What does that mean?
It is the very reason why I am asking this. To get ONE definitive answer. If I tell people this, they will take it as one opinion. If a poll shows a majority or landslide vote, it culls tons of them together and puts an end to it. That's why.
They ask them because they don't know and they need help. I ask them to confirm what I know (or clarify, to make sure; or to correct me if I'm wrong.)
Oh sure. And I don't plan to keep answering the same questions with every new user. Too boring for me. But if one day I feel like answering one, I'll know where the answer is, easily be able to grab the poll result from my qs, and sometimes I do send just a link, and some appreciate it. So, meh, no big deal. And I like getting understanding, closure, confirmation for myself, then put a topic to bed.
Not sure. Really don’t know what “it’s not you, it’s me,” means, or “it was nice to meet you.” Any books on amazon that does a good job at exposing phrases like this? I’m really not sure.
Sorry, I don't know about any books. But this movie does come to mind. It makes me cringe a bunch, but in the end, all the people pair up in what seems like the obvious way, so it has a feel good ending. But until that point, there's all this 'what does that mean?' which many people could relate to. 'He's Just Not That Into You' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU-aI4oKJno
I don’t believe I’ll ever have a chance at love, etc... I’ve lost hope. I’ll check out the movie sometime soon. Been busy writing, reading. Coming on gag telling everyone what I feel. Lots of shills, not caring enough, never doing research. It’s very discouraging people spend 30 seconds on news headlines and never understanding any of the subject material. News lies and they assume it’s gospel. Very discouraged.
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