Highly attractive women, do you find that your good looks make dating easier or harder?

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I know a lot of girls who could be described as "9s and 10s" have a hard time getting guys to approach because of the 'intimidating' factor.

Whereas "average" looking girls seem to get no shortage of attention, coz guys think they "deserve" an average girl but not the really hot girls.

But at the same time, the hotter a girl is, the more her general perceived desirability goes up in the eyes of straight men. So it could kinda go either way (and the halo effect is well established, as in, hot girls can get better service and are treated nicer), so I don't know if there's maybe an advantage AND a disadvantage to being an unusually beautiful woman.

[AmandaYVR]

I am not a 10 but the most beautiful friend that I ever had - I personally thought she was absolutely gorgeous, and I am sure I am not alone in that (my husband agreed) - she had more options, that is for sure. What surprised me is that she didn't have an equal, an ideal, next to her. It sort of clouds the whole situation, makes you scratch your head, and wonder why that would be (and is common.) She had a decent job working at a well known tech company, but it's not something you would call a career. But guys don't care about that much. They typically like to make more, and be more of a career person than their partners. She had an ideal body - great curves but not in the slightest overweight. She tanned, she dyed her hair blonde, took care of herself, always look casual yet put together. And, most importantly, she was nice. She was very nice to me, positive and upbeat, initiated our friendship, and was easy to get to know. I was very surprised she immediately asked me out for drinks (we're both straight) and it went from there, we became fast friends.

She turned heads. I certainly knew that she was the better looking of us, but it did not bother me, maybe I am just not the jealous type at all. (I guess I see my strengths as depth, intelligence, and compassion. So it's not like the tank is dry.) She's the kind of girl that gets a lot of drinks bought for her, and guys chatting her up. I did too, but to a lesser degree than her (which was also just fine.)

The thing is, that very obvious advantage she had, did not equal the man of her dreams, or a life partner whom she was going to marry. She did have a boyfriend, and he was pretty great. He was also a nice guy. Super easy to be around, good looking (also well above average in that department.) In fact, I think both of them were a catch. But that is relative, isn't it. Because, of course, any wise person knows that no one is perfect and we cannot be all things, wrapped up in one, convenient, flawless package. No one. (This is where envy comes in. And Instagram, and all that crap. Don't create false idols and worship them. It's hardly ever as it seems, right.)

He was short (for a guy), and she was tall (for a girl.) This was a problem. She was slightly taller than him. And it did not look great, balanced. That was an issue. And he was small down there, another -1 for a guy, so she wasn't entirely satisfied sexually, but he was a good lover otherwise. Career-wise, he was not making that much either (though I think more than her), and they certainly weren't set up to retire anytime soon. Although I think he might have come from money, so he had a safety net.

So what does it take to find a solid partner in life? That's the million dollar question. Do good looking people get approached much more often? Yes. As xoxokitty said below, the confident people will approach, never feeling that it's a bad idea to try. But people do not get together based solely on looks. So who cares if one is a lot better looking than the other? The other has intelligence, financial prospects, is the most compassionate lover, or greatest parent. And the list goes on. People focus too much on finger-pointing looks. Looks only gets you in the door. It doesn't keep people. It's all about compatibility. The exterior often does not belay the interior. (Although you can get hints of someone being very conscientious, detail-oriented.) How you present yourself does matter, and your natural genes do factor in. But the more esoteric your nature, the harder it is to find a match.

[AmandaYVR]

She wanted a wealthy, gorgeous, career-oriented man, who was tall with a big penis. (I think I'll start calling this 'the big 5'.) (All girls do, sure, but the difference is how much they stick to this almost-unattainable ideal, vs. how flexible they are.) (And let me say, she WAS nice. I really mean that. It's just her expectations were probably more of a superficial nature, then deep, when it came to men.) She always kept an eye out. She wanted us to frequent places they might be. (I didn't really want to because those places cost more and I was on a very tight budget.) She was keeping an eye out for an upgrade. One day when we were out at a club, she found a bartender. They had an affair, and she broke up with her boyfriend and went with this guy. I got embroiled in this, and long story short, it ended our friendship, and that was the last I heard of her. I did not like the second guy. He was tall with a larger penis, but he wasn't nice, like the first guy was. He ignored me and was rude. She could not find the magic combination, but she easily found some 'for now's.

Sorry this was so long, I hope that somewhat answered your q. Moral of the story? Personal/character compatibility is key. Like with like. Whatever you prioritize, that is likely what you will receive in return. And if you seek to upgrade based on these things, so will they. Which creates a revolving door, a carousel.

Finding compatibility is hard, no matter what you look like. IF you really want to love the person, too. And build a life together. For hookups, there will be an endless stream of offers, but let's face it, most people ideally want a partner, and? Maybe expectations are just too high, too unrealistic. Maybe some people are opportunists, always looking to level up. And it's become the most individualistic society in history. Compromise and acceptance is being lost. When necessity turns, instead, to preferences, expectations can be limitless.

[Bookluvr25]

I personally date nice guys. The ones who treat a woman right and are kind and smart. The rest doesn't really matter.

[MzAsh]

It’s easier in terms of attracting men, but more difficult in terms of filtering those men for the ones who are willing to see you for more than just looks.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Yeah that seems to be a recurring theme in this thread. Even to this day I still hear the advice given from guys "oh pick a less attractive girl coz they actually have personalities". As if looks and personality are somehow mutually exclusive. It's strange. People are strange.

[MzAsh]

Yeah it’s definitely something of a catch 22. Women are either really attractive, or they have great personalities, but we have a difficult time being convinced women can be both at the same time.

[aliali8]

@SomeGuyCalledTom The reality is that good looking girls usually can have the pick of the litter. These hot girls can pick whoever they want as their boyfriend. So if you're an average looking guy , just keep in mind that this hottie has tons of other really hot guys wanting to be her boyfriend. why would she pick you over the rest of them?

[aliali8]

@MzAsh I think its more has to do with the fact that guys are so distracted by her exterior beauty that they can't focus on her inner beauty. I have been through this before.

[MzAsh]

Yes that’s a good way of putting it.

[Bookluvr25]

@aliali8 1 word... personality. All most women want is someone who will match the energy they put out ya know? I would take an average guy who is kind and treats me right then a hot asshole any day of the week.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

@aliali8 that's also true, but I don't think it's such a unidimensional equation of "best looking guy wins". My observation is women tend to judge men as "package deals", wherein looks is an important factor, but can be undermined by a shitty personality or lack of intelligence/humour/wit etc. Plus, the hotter guys often feel less impetus to grow and challenge themselves, so they coast along and never develop that masculine "edge" that can make even a less good-looking guy stand out. It's like the smaller wolf in the pack who fights harder than the bigger wolf. Looks can make men complacent, and nothing dries up a girl's panties faster than male complacence. But then good looking guys alsp get lots of positive social feedback just because of the halo effect, so in some sense they do have it "easier" and might take more risks, feeling that society's safety net will always catch them. So I don't know, it can kinda go either way.

[aliali8]

@Bookluvr25 hun, here's a wake up call. Nobody would be willing to date someone without any emotional attraction. But it doesn't mean that looks, money or status doesn't matter. The most shallow person would need some sort of emotional chemistry to make a relationship work.

Would you rather take an ugly looking guy with a good personality or a very hot guy with a similar, maybe not a good but around the same personality? You're likely gonna take the hotter looking guy. No questions asked.

[aliali8]

@SomeGuyCalledTom I think you're just trying to say things to make yourself feel better. All gorgeous people are complacent because they can get things they want in life easily. A hot guy is complacent because he already attracts a million women. why would he need to aggressively pursue women if he already attracts a million women? he gets attention from all kinds of women. he has women initiating conversations with him. Its easy for him to get sex.

He CAN be complacent. He CAN attract a ton of women being complacent.

If he can't attract any women, he won't be complacent anymore right?

Aggressively pursuing women does not necessarily make a man more attractive. I can tell you that good looks will work way better.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

@aliali8 "I think you're just trying to say things to make yourself feel better." well that might be your interpretation, but it's a pretty baseless assumption considering you know nothing about me. Anyway, my contention was never that better looking guys have no advantage. The whole reason I made this post was to get an" inside view" from the woman's side of the equation. I'm already well aware of how men go about pursuing women, and of course less good looking guys have to work harder in other areas to compensate, if they wanna remain competitive in the sexual marketplace. But I don't want this post to turn into a discussion of how ugly guys cope with being ugly. I elected to only receive responses from women because I want to know how attractive women feel about *their own* lived experience. We can talk about attractive guys vs. Less attractive guys in many other threads. That's not the hill I'm planting my flag on, I just provided a working theory since you raised the topic

[Bookluvr25]

@aliali8 I would go for the uglier one actually. I have done it before and will do it again if that situation presents itself. Looks literally do not matter! The person could be the hottest person on the planet but id rather be with the one who makes me feel amazing and makes me laugh even if he's not the most good looking person around. Beauty fades and it fades quickly. I want that person with an amazing heart.

[aliali8]

@SomeGuyCalledTom There is also a huge difference between actively seeking women vs being dominant. You assume that just because a guy takes initiative to get to know women, then he is more "alpha". This is not true. You don't suddenly become alpha by being more active in getting to know women. You don't suddenly become masculine overnight because you decided to do 1 new thing that you dont normally would do: approaching women.

Masculinity is a mindset. And trust me, women can sense a dominant alpha man from very far away. It is something that very few men have nowadays.

Women look at the overall package that she is getting. Looks and money will get a man far in the dating scene. And men are just the same way. People are shallow. We just need to accept it.

[aliali8]

@Bookluvr25 you're the exception, not the rule. Humans are not mean to mate without physical attraction. Most of us need some form of physical attraction to make the relationship work.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

@aliali8 "You assume that just because a guy takes initiative to get to know women, then he is more "alpha"." I don't recall suggesting that. You're making a lot of assumptions about me, when you haven't really answered my original question for that matter. This conversational tangent of" what makes a man masculine" would be quite interesting to pursue in its own place and time, but I think we're getting derailed from the original topic

[aliali8]

@SomeGuyCalledTom I think we all understood what you meant. You're just refusing to admit it due to pride.

[lol20075]

I don't see myself at all as a perfect 10, but I've had tons of guys hit on me from high school onward, from boys my age to guys who were literally old enough to be my grandpa, from introverts to the most creepiest of the creepy. Even at work there were always guys hitting on me to the point where I felt attacked. One guy had the audacity to ask me in front of a colleague if he could buy me so he could take me home with him. And one old dude literally said aloud in front of other customers that the guys in the office must get off just by the sight of me. I don't walk by myself on the street anymore after one guy was literally following me down the street with his car, saying that I "looked" like I needed a ride home. I even had a former coworker try to ask me out on a date 6 months after I quit. He's an ok guy but he gave off these really sleazy/pervy vibes so I ignored him. Occasionally he pops up at my workplace to see if he can get a glimpse of me before he returns to work, so I have to hide, LITERALLY.




My current boyfriend was my very first relationship and I even shared my first date/kiss ever with him. He had a very hard time believing that I had never been on a date before, and I had to really convince him that he was my very first. He invited me to his family Christmas party (pre-covid) and his relatives had a really hard time believing I was actually his girlfriend. I told them we met at work but they were extremely skeptical of that. One of them thought I was a stripper or an escort, and a couple agreed with that. My boyfriend was a little upset at the question, but I didn't want to be a bad sport so I just laughed it off.


My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship, and in a way I'm glad that he's my one and only. I'm not looking for any other guy to replace him. If he didn't pop into my life at the right moment I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been treated like an actual person, but as a sex object.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Damn, lot of skeezy pervs out there huh? :/ I'm glad you found one of the good ones though

[Anonymous]

I am an attractive woman. I have turned heads, etc. Simply buying a washer today and the assistant sales manager after asking if needed help (was waiting on a rep) kept circling around, for no reason, where I was three times & glancing over (my age).

As for dating it makes it harder. Why? Well. Guys are either blatantly obvious in their interest sometimes gutter-worthy (e. g. implying big dick, saying put me in the backseat - the whole conversation made obvious why) so. Being a professional woman who dresses respectfully (/never revealing) it's very appealing (sarcasm) to hear lines a prostitute would find offensive.

Or they are so very subtle - intimidated I am not sure if that's the right word as more they figure already have a guy, etc. - that figuring out they're interested becomes a guessing game (a guy last year when he made his interest obvious it was so sudden / out of the blue I well panicked and said the first dumb thing that came to mind & it still bothers me cause I'd be interested in him for two years but held off showing my interest believing he was with someone) instead.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I'm not a highly attractive woman, but I've known a few as friends.

Life is definitely easier. Most of the time, they just blow it off, because all the TV shows and rom coms show that's how women are treated anyways, and I think all girls think that's how the world works until they realize that it only works that way for some girls. Does that make sense?

Being really hot often is more of a metric of a guys confidence level, nothing that has to do with you. Even the average guy, will shoot his shot at some point if he can get 1:1 time with her as long as he knows she's single. It takes a type of guy to have the confidence to point blank ask out a stranger without context.

[AmandaYVR]

Well said.

[Holisticapproachsara]

Make it easier in a sense u get approached a lot. So if i want to have a boyfriend i can go down the street and get any man. Being single is optional. But that if you looked at it from quantity over quality pov. The down side of being pretty its that you have many options and its likely to choose the wrong guy. A shallow guy who is only after hit it and quit it. I noticed good nice guys avoid me. They get intimidated , i noticed i attract guys who are risk takers, bold, and confident. Who go after what they want and try to have the best for themselves. But at the same time they tend to be assholes

[Bookluvr25]

Ugh this is so true. Then if you say no they act like your being a bitch or try and pressure you in to saying yeah

[Nmalinova]

It makes serious dating a lot harder!
Sure, you get chatted up by people way too much, sometimes in an obvious way and sometimes in a more discrete fashion, however a lot of the time people don't want anything serious! And the ones that do want something serious are scared to be with you or get overprotective because they are scared that somebody else will catch your attention...

[Splatzonelover1]

some girls can be attractive and cute at the same time. I only have harder time with dating because I am learning disabilities and not easy for me to look for guys since I don't like any places with loud noise and don't people with strong personeity that make me look weak and think with my college experience with some women being very completion over a taken man. this happens quite of a lot in my experience with some relationship that I did have in college. some guys did cheat. I Just broke up with cheater. other guys were ok.

[amadimal]

My good looks make indeed dating harder than it should be. One issue is catching the attention of plenty of creeps, which is extremely unpleasant and dangerous. Another is appearing ”intimidating”/”unapproachable” (by the ”not so creepy” men). Then, there's another issue - not being seen (beyond physical aspects). It's difficult, because in the end not all attention you get is to be seen as positive.

[VianneRoscher]

I don't know how, but all my friends were always very beautiful and as an average girl I can say that I was never approached in their company and they, on the other hand, had no shortage of attention. Men would always surround them. Hence, I don't think men feel intimidated approaching pretty ladies.

[Bookluvr25]

Its harder. I often have to make the first move. But im shy and have social anxiety so Thats hard for me. Im 27 and i can tell you of about 3 instances in my life where I've been approached by a man and they were all in their 50s! I have had ex who get extremely jealous ones who think every guy that i meet is interested in me and wants to have sex with me. Which is not true. But they demand i never talk to other men because of it. Its ridiculous.

[Kit_Kat88]

I’m tall and seem like I don’t want to interact in social settings because I’m reserved. Girls that show themselves as available get approached more no matter the looks. Guys I date are often more jealous or jumpy. I’m kind of paranoid about being treated like a sexual object

[Bookluvr25]

I feel this.