What do you do after a bad date?

[mayahboo]

Do you usually ghost them or tell them straight that you are not interested?

Me personally - I can’t hurt people’s feelings so I rather disappear than hurt someone. I’d feel so guilty if I knew I was a reason someone started feeling bad because of me.

Ghosting - I don’t like hurting their feelings

Being real - I tell them I don’t like them and it’s not going to work out.

[Anonymous]

First time on a date with a girl that ended up being a girlfriend, we argued. It was an ok date, but I figured that especially since we argued (I was right that time, which was nice), and she wasn't super talkative... I felt like I embarrassed myself later on (not being a jerk, or getting drunk or anything), so I figured there was no interest. I ghosted, though not intentionally - it was around the holidays and I got swamped.

Of course, it took a friend telling me she was interested to give it another go.

If a date goes badly, like she's really rude/entitled or we have a blow out fight or something, I'm probably just figuring it's obvious enough that I don't have to call her to let her know there's no plan for a second date... but if a date just goes badly because of circumstances beyond control, or it's minor stuff - I'm usually willing to give it a second chance.

I think she would have to ask why, in many cases, for me to "offer" an answer like "you were a jerk to the staff!" or "You were over half an hour late with no call" - though in many cases, she'd probably know I wasn't a fan ON THE DATE - I'd be polite, but a bit vocal about it not sitting well right away. If it went THAT badly, I'm probably not going to say anything about "So I'll call you..."

[etexbearkat]

Ghosting is never a good idea. I’ve had it happen to me on several occasions on dating sites. It’s painful, especially if you thought there a possibility of some sort of relationship with the other person. One time this woman had liked my profile and I liked hers back, and we start messaging each other that night. I was highly interested in her. I asked her question that night, and she didn’t respond, then I asked another question, and she didn’t respond to that one, either. I was very hurt. Not only did she ghost me, she kept viewing my profile for some time after doing so, which was leading me to believe she was still interested.

[etexbearkat]

Because of the ghosting, we never had a chance to meet. However, I met my best friend on the website just a few weeks later, and she I have been friends for nearly two years. 🙂🤗

[amber8894]

After a bad first date, I would let the guy know when he reaches out to me the next following day (s), I usually don’t text them until they do and I let them know.
If I have seen someone for several dates and the guy is disrespectful I just ghost and I don’t feel any regret about it since the guy crossed the line ( being physical, violent etc)
I have been ghosted when I was 16 and I didn’t even understand it until late in my 20s LOL. I just thought the guy had an issue with his phone and his internet.
But yes if now a guy I liked would ghost me, I think I would be hurt, but I don’t really expect a lot from people so I would just move on telling me something better is waiting for me

[amadimal]

I love being direct. However, I found semi-ghosting to be safer, and I'm gonna explain my point of view. Some men don't handle rejection well or they don't understand they shouldn't insist once you tell them you are not interested, so they become very pushy and bothering. Because I had this type of issues in the past, now I do the semi-ghosting thing if I feel there's something wrong with the guy. And by semi-ghosting I mean I tell them I am very busy/something happened at work and I won't have time for going out in the near future/I have family problems I have to attend to.

[YSIV-LIT]

I see how your past has affected your decision making but, no matter how you try to spin it you are still ghosting them. True, not every person is going to take rejection the correct way but that still doesn't mean you have to apply it to everyone. Not every guy is the same. Sure nobody wants to get rejected but even then it's up to that person who got rejected to not take it personal not you. If they do that's their problem at least you gave then the common courtesy by telling them the truth instead of being immature about it.

[Apope16]

I straight up tell them the truth. Ghosting is absolutely not okay and rude. I had 2 women ghost me recently this week.

I text them the next day and typically say something like, "Hey it was nice to meet you! I liked ___this about you. But I don't really feel a spark when I am with you. That is what I am looking for. I wish you the best! You seem like a cool person."

[hsshannah96]

THIS!!! also keep in mind having a spark too early on is a red flag

[yofuknutz]

^^^^ how does that work can you please elaborate

[red324]

@hsshannah96 That's b. s. If the person is right for you their will be a spark early on. You may not necessarilly want to show them you're excited about it too early to them though

[hsshannah96]

@red324 no it isn’t. Having a spark too early can be indicative of love bombing. The right person should put you at ease, not make your heart race

[hsshannah96]

@red324 THAT is BS. What you’re saying

[red324]

@hsshannah96 you're right. You should feel like you should be able to be yourself around them so they like you for her you are. I don't really love bomb. A compliment here and there. If they ask me the question of I don't understand what you see in me then I'll mention a few of her personality traits and such. Excited isn't the correct word.

[red324]

When I say excited it could also be that we are both 50/50 engaged in a conversation. How many girls have I talked to and dated where she's just talking the whole time and I can barely say anything?

[hsshannah96]

@red324 but that’s isn’t called a spark when that happens
That’s just getting along well

[red324]

@hsshannah96 so then what's a spark?

[hsshannah96]

@red324 spark is when compliments are nearly constant and there is love bombing present, which is usually what’s going on when people believe there’s a “spark”

[hsshannah96]

@red324 giving compliments at the first date is definitely concerning for me

[red324]

@hsshannah96 I usually say they look nice when I first pick them up then don't say anything else after that. If you say them too much they are no longer believable.

[hsshannah96]

@red324 true that

[Apope16]

@hsshannah96 Its not a red flag. Some people grow into love. absolutely. other people pretty much know right away that they are going to fall in love with someone. I think 3 out of the 4 women I have fallen in love with I pretty much knew. I wasn't in love yet but I knew that there was a spark and the connection was intense. LIke terrifying.

[hsshannah96]

Yes it is

[red324]

That's true. I may not be able to put my finger on it immediately, but usually I know right away their is just something about a certain girl that peaks my interest.

[OlderAndWiser]

"I'd rather just save my feelings, ghost them, and deceive myself into thinking that they weren't hurt, rather than being honest because I just couldn't STAND it if it made me feel uncomfortable."

[red324]

You're a pussy then

[OlderAndWiser]

@red324 You obviously failed to realize that I was paraphrasing what the Asker said.

[mamasan]

I don't understand how anyone can think ghosting someone is sparing their feelings. Being ghosted sucks. It hurts, it's confusing, and it's not okay.

The real reason ghosters ghost is not to spare the other person's feelings. It's to make it easier on themselves. They're too immature and inconsiderate to talk to someone like a human being. My opinion? If you're not mature enough to have an adult conversation, you're not mature enough to be dating.

[AmeerX]

I think it is better to be direct about it. But what is considered a good date?

[mamasan]

@AmeerX a good date is one where you want there to be another one. If you don't want to see the person again, that deserves a simple text letting them know.

[AmeerX]

I meant how to make a date good. Like are their things expected?

[mamasan]

@AmeerX not really. I mean, all you can do is be yourself. You'll never be what every single person is looking for. If you click with someone, great. If not, that's okay too. It's not usually personal, even though it usually feels like it is.

[AmeerX]

Thanks 😊.
I hope you find a loving husband 😉

[kezout10]

Totally agree with this 🤗

[mamasan]

@kezout10 thanks!

[scott04sa22]

I been always in bad hooks and bad disappointments and they always gives me excuses NOT to date me. Even if I only ask for only one single date with no one night stands or no sex. The answer is still no.


This is the excuses i always get from them


Girl 1: i only date black guys 👨🏿‍🦲



Girl 2: i only date Hot Latinos men 👨🏽


Girl 3: I Only date Star Wars nerds


Girl 4: I only date Star Trek nerd


then each girl is etc and etc with flat out rejects.


Also I’m undateable 🤷🏻‍♂️Because I don’t drive at all and I’m unable too for life.


Hope this helps

[red324]

Are we talking about first dates or any date? If I'm not feeling it I'm not going to go out of my way to tell them, but they are more than welcome to contact me on their own and I'll give them an explanation of some sort.

I also feel that a person has a right to ask why and what went wrong if they do get an explanation. To a point. I mean if they won't let it go and keep asking for more info that's different, but you have to understand some people have to ask why so they can at least have a good answer to move on.

[red324]

Like with me the girl disappeared for like 3 weeks when we normally talk a couple times a week. Then I got a random text one day with an explanation that was total b. s and left me with more questions than answers only to be blocked after that.

[The_Maphio]

Oddly enough, the usual choice that is made to "not hurt people feeling" are actually the ones that do so the most. Knowing that there's no cigar after a date allows one to prepare all over again for the hunting grounds instead of having to imagine, guess and ultimately not knowing what the hell is up.

[kannettava]

I've only had one bad date where I didn't want to see the person again and I was real about it, even though it was really difficult for me. I find it hard to express my feelings, especially negative ones. Not to mention to someone I don't even know that well, it was a nightmare. But I got through it and probably so did he.

[DiscomfortZone]

You can't hurt other people's feelings, so you choose to do the most hurtfull and disrespectfull thing possible in that scenario. That's dine for you if you choose to be that kind of person, just stop saying that it's to soare others' emotions when it's so obvious you care about yourself and norhing else.

[hsshannah96]

THIS

[AdithyaR]

I'd straight up tell them. It won't be either of our faults, we just aren't incompatible (unless she was rude or toxic etc).

Honestly ghosting would hurt more cause it means the person didn't even respect ypu enough to spare a couple minutes to just tell you they're not interested. You're just left wondering why.

[MahdiA]

Please never ghost. A guy likes to know how you’re feeling, if you feel like it won’t work between you two then just tell him! I would like to know what you’re thinking instead of her just ghosting. If you just ghost him, it will leave him thinking that he did something wrong and that’s the reason you left.

[Anonymous]

I text them I am not interested if they contact me again. Sometimes it is mutual and neither of us contact each other after the date.

You are being naïve about people not getting hurt from being ignored and ghosted. To some it hurts even more because it is disrespectful. But maybe you are lucky that they anyway did not want a second date with you.

[nella965]

you're hurting them more by ghosting them and saying nothing. Ghosting is the lowest of the low, what cowards do. It is to protect yourself from a difficult situation, you are not protecting their feelings.

[Anonymous]

If it was bad both ways and I could tell she wasn't into me either, I'd end the date on a positive note, no need to be rude, and we just wouldn't text each other.

If she seems to like me a little bit I'll make it known so that she can move on. Very often this results in her slinging a few insults my way but whatever.

[hsshannah96]

I be real. Ghosting hurts badly!!! I have been ghosted a number of occasions
hurts worse than being told the truth! and frankly, it expresses that the ghoster is selfish and immature

[ZackBan]

I do a bit of both.
I don't ghost but don't flat out say it either instead I slowly drift away by turning down date suggestions until they figure out it's not gonna work. If they persist then flat out tell them.

[mamasan]

Dude, that's so much worse.

[ZackBan]

Really? I didn't think it was. 😕

I mean I still show clear lack of intersting just avoid having a conversation that leaves someone in tears

[mamasan]

Yeah, it's a slow fade. It's so much worse because it gives the person false hope, and it drags out the ghosting process even longer. The slow fade has happened to me, and I agonized for a month or two trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

[Paolaa988]

Id tell them nicely that it was cool getting to know them and seeing where this goes but sorry I dont have any romantic feelings or attraction. I've been ghosted before and it's awful..

[AzzaBlue]

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. People don't ghost to spare someone else's feelings. People ghost to spare themselves of having to tell the awkward truth. In other words, ghosters are cowards.

[mamasan]

Exactly!

[Siren777]

Tell them that I enjoyed the date but it's not going to work. Just be upfront & honest instead of lead the person on.

[YSIV-LIT]

I see your reasoning about not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings but what people (especially women) don't know is is that ghosting someone hurts more than actually telling someone the truth. I've been ghosted before and I have akso ghosted someone and ai am not proud of it. If you didn't like the date just say that. Give that person he/she that same respect you would want if the roles were reversed.

[Anonymous]

You realize that ghosting is much more hurtful to some than if you were honest right? It's pretty selfish (ie it's uncomfortable for you more than you're worried about their feelings). Not to mention childish and disrespectful. Just sayin' lol

[hsshannah96]

THIS