My answer is somewhat a combination of A, C and D.
A relationship is (or should be, in my opinion) about mutual happiness. Partners should be considerate of each other's feelings on certain things, and so avoid purposely hurting their partner by doing those things. One partner's happiness and opinion is not more important than the other's. If there is a conflict; both partners need to discuss it and reach a solution that leaves them both happy (either through compromise, equivalent exchange, or retaining the status quo).
There is value in only being with someone who's exactly like you. The problem is that finding such a person can be almost impossible. And even if you do, people often change with time. The person who is like you now, might transform completely with time. Unless you commit to ending relationships when that happens, I believe the mutual happiness route is better, because it limits change that hurts us.
I strongly reject "B" because it is a mantra for suffering in silence. E. g., If you hate smoking and your partner suddenly takes it up, why should you have to "like them for who they are/have become" when they knew full well that you hate smoking? This idea basically says that partners should be free to disrespect each other, and can easily be used to justify deal breaker-type behaviour like cheating. Relationships are a responsibility.
I would agree that someone should be open to feedback from their partners. Depending on what that feedback is. The problem I have is that this view is not shared by many people. I find often one person wants the other to change, but thinks they are perfect, and are insulted if that partner asks the same from them.
Most of the women I have dated, have tried to change me in some way. By making little passive aggressive comments here and there. Hoping I will get the hint, they never just come out and say it. Which is not the way to do it. The rare cases they actually sit down and talk with me about it. I try to listen and see if I can adjust, as long as it's reasonable.
The problem usually starts when I have my own feedback for the woman. I find most women do not handle this well. They like to blame everything on the man, and it's like pulling teeth to get them to admit that they might have fucked up or are wrong.
If they fuck up, they just give you a pouty face and expect you to forgive them on the spot. Then cry if you proceed with any type of pushback. To hear the words I'm sorry from a woman it takes way more effort than it should. There are a lot of reasons for this, but it is what it is.
Yes and no. If you're doing something that deeply bothers your partner or acting in a selfish manner, of course those are good things to change. However, you should never try to change yourself into a completely different person to please someone else. In other words, there's a difference between self improvement or changing something you do out of respect for your partner, and becoming someone you're not.
Depends. All relationships take some change and sacrifice to work. But there are certain things you shouldn't be expected to change. For example having a girls night from time to time, or spending time with family.
Opinion
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To a degree, yes. When being in a relationship, you're not on your own anymore. You're trying to work together in order to form a future that includes the both of you. If reaching a higher goal means I have to change certain things in my behavior or at least not act in ways that violate (basic) relationship rules, then so be it.
But it's not realistic to expect someone to drastically change certain lifestyles or habits. In that case, you shouldn't be getting with that person, to begin with. like changing the clothign style, trying to change the other person's personality, trying to change what they like etc. Even things like bad habits. I'm not going to bother trying to have someone quit smoking. I'll just find me someone who doesn't smoke, to begin with.
But expecting my partner to stop talking to certain people or wear certain things that got introduced in her life after we met, then yes, it's justifiable to expect coöperation from my partner.
No, if people only change their behaviour to make their partner then it is a very wrong to do because such a change will be temporary and will only last for a while. Nothing wrong with the thinking that they want to make their partner happy but then true change or any major change will only come with introspection and self realisation.
Hence the person should first believe that their change will not make them a better person but will also make the relationship better, only then they should change.
Its somewhat 50/50 on some circumstances. U don't change them or change u for who u are. Acceptance is one thing g but making them change is not the ordeal. If u want to change. U do it on ur own. If u want them to change that will be on them if the decided not to. Which 90% of the time they won't and it's a waste of time. If the person loves u enough would change on its own not u telling them to do it.
If it’s jeopardizing the relationship then there should be a reason to change. That person can take the same bad behavior elsewhere whether it be a platonic relationship or romantic relationship and ruin it as well. If we’re with a genuine person then they’ll be willing to tell us something about ourselves that we weren’t aware of and vice versa.
I love having a partner that challenges me physicalIy and mentally. I like to move forward in life, not backwards. Who wants to fight over things we thought we left back in high school? Get those people out of your life. Today, their is no easier way to become a millionaire.
There is and isn't a time to change for example personality never changes but if its a bad habit like leaving clothes on the floor then yes you should change just cuz everyone can improve and it can bug a partner and thus changing that habit can make both of you happier but on a base level you should be with someone who likes you for yourself not someone who wants to change you to fit their ideal
If the behavior started after the beginning of relationship, there's a spot to do better, or it's something which the other been kept unaware of.
Unless something has dramatically changed which creates reasonable justification for changing behavior, don't change. Because you're then changing the very person your partner fell in love with.
Yes, if their behavior influences in a negative way mutual quality of relationship, they should change their behavior. My ex got over years online games addicted and he ignored all my friendly request and warn shots. He was confused and disturbed as I left him because he didn't notice all my efforts to keep this relationship alive before, or he didn't take it seriously while convincing himself he is right and I'm wrong.
You should definitely always aim to be a better version of yourself, but trying to change your partner is most likely going to have negative results. You should like them for most of their traits/qualities before going into a relationship with them. This is why I think filtering tons during dating is very important.
Don't change for your partner - change for you. If it's important to you for self improvement, then definitely take the opportunity. Otherwise, you risk resenting the person.
What is this tired thinking girls have about changing their man? You feel in love with who he is now, not what you could mould him into. Why are you trying to manipulate someone into being something they are not? This never works.
If you wanted someone different you should have dated someone different.
What's the point there'll never be happy you sell yourself out in the end for what a Peck of the cheek and some squeeze in between the legs I'm sorry folks that's what it's come down to.
It depends on what changes in behavior their partner is asking for.
Say one partner is a drug addict and asks the other one to do drugs so they can share the experience together and that would make that partner happy.
Should the other partner start doing drugs?
There has to be compromise and give and take in any relationship. I wouldn't try to change who I am to stay in a relationship, but I can change small behaviors to make my partner happier.
Stop leaving to toilet seat up: Yes
Give up a core belief: No
That’s complicated but in a basic way yes if it’s a negative behavior in general but equally be careful it’s not a control thing hopefully I’ve explained myself properly
They say that the longer you are together, the more alike you become. I have found that to be true for my wife and me.
If that someone is important to you maybe you'll consider their thoughts but if it's something important to you maybe not. t
It all depends on if it's a positive attribute or a negative attribute. If the person you're dating is calling you names, putting games or outings before you, or just overall treating you like shit, then sure, they should change or better yet, just break up. Now if it's positive and it's not really an issue and they want you to change, then I don't know bro, that shit is wack as fuck. :)
It has to be a mutual effort. If not changing completely, thing that I find overly difficult to achieve and also pretty wrong, at least round up the edges. Especially those on which your partner keeps smacking into.
Yes if they’re being toxic or arguing too much they need to change that that’ll ruin the relationship. Also being judgmental and being disrespectful as well
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