Am I being unreasonable for feeling upset that the guy I like had dinner with another girl at her house?

[Anonymous]

Backstory:

I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months now and everything has been great. we established that we were not going to be intimate with anyone else but we are not in an official relationship because he is still healing from his past bad breakup. I respected this and I didn't want to push him into anything. Today I found out that he was having dinner with a female friend, 1-on-1 and at her house. and he didn't tell me about it. He has gone out even with his ex before and I didn't have an issue with it because he told me about it by himself. This time I'm so so sad that he didn't tell me and that makes me suspicious. He acts like nothing is wrong between us so I don't understand why he wants to have dinner with another girl?

I don't want to tell him he can't hang out with girls, because I know I don't have the right to. But I've been crying my eyes out for the past 2 hours thinking about him being alone with another girl and what they could possibly be doing. Im too scared to talk to him about it. not because he will get upset but because I don't want to seem crazy.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? I am so in love with him that the thought of him with another girl breaks my heart

[Jessica405]

What he is doing is unreasonable behaviour. It is cheating, in a way. You say you BOTH are not going to be intimate with anyone else, but are you BOTH being intimate with each other? If so, it IS cheating, especially as he didn't tell you about this date.

In either case, it is bad enough that I would dump his ass right now. No guy gets a second chance with me. I would rather be on my own.

[Asker]

Yeah we are being intimate... thats the reason we made an agreement so that we knew we were being safe. I feel so bad that i do want to end it with him right now. But at the same time i care so much about him and i want him in my life. Tomorrow i will ask him about it and if anything weird happened then i will for sure end it there. I won't be with someone who doesn't think im enough. Do you think it could simply be a friendly dinner?

[Jessica405]

Sadly, I doubt it is just dinner. The question is why agree to it? What is the purpose? Why didn't your guy tell you? It is not even a special occasion like a birthday or eexam results. Why would a girl agree to dinner if she knows the guy has a girlfriend?

I think he is cheating well and truly! I bet he doesn't know, OR CARE, how upset you are.

[Asker]

Thats what i dont understand either. He has had dinner before with friends and he just told me about it and it wasn't a problem. This time i specifically asked him about his plans and he said "nothing special". I asked whether he was going to his parents for dinner he just said "no" . Usually he would tell me what his plans are thats why i was really upset that i found out through someone else when he had a chance to tell me.

It could be that he doesn't want me to worry but it could also be that he is hiding something.

[Jessica405]

He is definitely hiding something. Everyone knows it is better to be told by your SO than to find out from someone else, like has happened to you.

[Asker]

How should i bring it up tomorrow?

[Jessica405]

Just tell him you heard he had dinner with SOMEONE. Don't say a girl. Just say "someone".

See how he reacts and what he says.

[Asker]

Okay thanks!

[Jessica405]

Hope it works out ok!

[Asker]

I hope so too! Im nervous haha

[boggboss]

Wait if its just a friend is he not allowed to go to herbhouse because he is with you?

[Asker]

No thats not it. My point is that he didn't tell me about it as if he didn't want me to know

[boggboss]

Is it that he didn't tell u because hebdidnt think it was anything to tell did he hide it then get caught lying

[Asker]

No i haven't talked to him about it yet. I just found out this moment and im seeing him tomorrow

[boggboss]

Then dont make accusations till u know otherwise u could get panicked over somthing small

[Asker]

Yeah thats a good idea. I was freaking out and crying so much and im scared to even confront him tomorrow

[OlderAndWiser]

Is this other girl a longtime platonic friend or someone new in his life?

[Asker]

I have no clue because i dont know who he had dinner with. If its a long time friend then i wouldn't be so worried but if its someone new then i'd end it

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you think of yourself as his rebound?

[Asker]

From his ex?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes.

[Sam_The_Savage]

😂😂😂 love is stupid.