Girls, women often tell me I go out too much/hang out in bars too much. What would you expect from someone who works second shift and lives alone?

[Anonymous]

I find this puzzling. I work second shift, so really the only places open after work are bars. If I go home, I’m just sitting around by myself and I’m definitely not helping myself to meet anyone if I’m at home. So when someone says I spend too much time in bars, what else am I supposed to do to be social under these circumstances? I need to be out to meet someone but if I’m perceived to be out too much it’s a bad thing, apparently. This happens to me often.

[On_cloud_wine]

A bar is a great way to meet others.. I admit, I met some wonderful people, but do you have any other hobby’s or interests?

[Asker]

Oh, absolutely. Most of them just aren’t things I can do socially at midnight. I used to be an introvert and started coming out of my shell quite a bit a few years ago and I reached a point where sitting at home night after night or doing things by myself all the time no longer interest me.

I guess my point is…if I had someone to come home to I wouldn’t be out as much. But apparently people can’t see past the “always out” part of it. Seems like a bit of a catch-22.

[On_cloud_wine]

Nothings wrong with “going out”. I feel as if whoever said that to you was being critical because you don’t have any real hobbies or interests or passions besides work and sleep and eat and drink

[On_cloud_wine]

Do you frequent the same exact bar often?

[On_cloud_wine]

You’re living the bachelorette life. It has its pros and cons

[Asker]

I never said I didn’t have hobbies. Are my hobbies not real hobbies because I can’t do them socially at night?

Are you suggesting that I come across that I have no passions or interests because I work late and my after work options are limited? That’s not exactly something I can help unless I change careers.

[Asker]

I should also add that one of my hobbies is singing karaoke, and that’s probably the only hobby that’s ever resulted in me meeting someone for a relationship. Unfortunately, yes, it generally requires being in a bar. But that doesn’t mean my hobby is drinking. Many times I’m not even there to drink. And yeah, I go to different bars depending on who has karaoke that night.

Other hobbies include acting, filmmaking, hiking, mountain biking, having interesting conversations with new people, live music.

Should also note that the person who said this to me recently actually approached me. At a bar. And I see her there often. She usually hits up 4 bars in a night when she goes out, or so she told me.