Guy is hot and cold/on and off with me because he doesn’t have his career figured out and if he’s moving. Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

He likes me and I like him but we don’t know each other enough to plan our lives together for any long future. One minute he wants me and the next he says we shouldn’t continue. Then he changes his mind. And it isn’t because of me but because he is currently jobless and wants to pursue his career wherever that takes him. He keeps applying to places in our home city as well as places far away. If he moves we wouldn’t be anything because we don’t do long distance and don’t know each other enough for it to last. But if he stays he’d see me. So, he won’t tell me what is going to happen because he doesn’t know because he’s just going to take the best job he gets (he’s 31 and in debt and just starting his career so it’s important to him.) In the meantime, I’ve just kinda had it? I’m tired of the on and off... the hot and cold so I said I can’t take it and I need a guy fully for me so until then I can’t take this. And he said we should end it. Was I being inpatient or was it a wrong move on my end? Or would you do the same?

[daml2075]

You can't be too hard on him for he is probably a little confused where he's going to be. If he is serious about you and probably isn't into longdistance relationships then this factor matters to him. He doesn't want to start anything before he knows for sure he can be with you... but! And this is a big "but". You don't have to put up with this kind of behaviour, you are not obligated to wait for him. If he is making you confused, insecure and uncertain, communicate this with him. Tell him that you're getting mixed messages and that you don't know where this is going, but you are not gonna stay there for too long if he can't decide what he wants. Also, uncertainty is much worse than rejection

[Asker]

What do you mean by uncertainty is much worse than rejection? (: and yeah I mean I did tell him this and that’s when he said well since you’re pushing me it’s best if we just cut it off right now because he doesn’t know. That made me sad but also I felt I had to?

[daml2075]

I mean by that when somebody rejects you at least you have a clear message and you can move on. When you only have yes/no or "maybe" stuff you overthink, you're confused. Costs you energy and time. Somebody worth your time is not going to make you confused. Second half of your reply kinda figures it out. He felt pressured in making a decision and he chose not to. In his defense, that was a good decision, unless he was sure that he wants to be with you, he shouldn't. It would be a waste of time for both of you. Even if people are really good for each other, timing can be very important and in this case it was not favourable. It's good that you wanted to find out the answer without waiting and overthinking but now that you have it I realize it makes you sad, but now you can move on. And who knows maybe in life you will meet at more opportune circumatances

[Anonymous]

Walk away flip flopping back and forth about wanting to be with someone or not is unhealthy if someone genuinely wants to be with you there would be no flip flopping