HELP!! Everything was going fine until he said he wasn't in the right headspace at the moment, is this the truth or a way of letting me down gently?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy a few weeks ago, and it was incredible. We hit it off straight away, he ticks all the boxes, we have so much in common. He was romantic and kind and the messages had a lot of effort to them. We were excited to get a date planned.

Then his work got a little busy but it was no problem. I understood. After a week I suggested we put things on hold while he sorts things out, I didn't want to be adding to his stress. He didn't want too, he apologised and things continued.

Shortly after that (The messages were few and far between) I asked if he was still up for the date and he said he definitely was 100% but felt a bit nervous. I said it was coming across as he had lost interest and if he could just be honest with me as I would very much like to not waste my time. He insisted that if he was taking the time to send messages, he was interested.

Following that there was a drop in communication and it was becoming difficult to get a decent conversation out of him - But he had expressed he was suffering with his mental health and I offered to be his support.

But recently I told him I think it's best I leave him alone as it was clear to me he did not want to talk. However if he did need me, I would be there.

He told me that he was sorry, and that it wasn't me but he just felt like he wasn't in the right headspace at the moment to date properly as it wouldn't be fair to me and wouldn't be fair to drag me down too, he said he had been feeling down lately and didn't want me to think that he was out with other people as that was so far from the truth.

When asked if he was happy to continue to get to know one another (pressure-free) and see where that takes us in the future. He said he was happy to do that, and wanted to keep chatting. We've spoken briefly since then but I haven't text him for a few days and he hasn't text me. We didn't mention 'Just being friends'.

Please shed some light on this it's getting me down. What should I do?

[NetSapien]

Hmm.. this "head space" is something I have some experience with personally.

There have been times where the stresses of my responsibilities have forced me to prioritize over my personal and more social interactions. My one and only ex-wife became my ex-wife partly because of this too. I am definitely one that wears my emotional state on my sleeve and am very fortunate and proud of the women in my life that give me room and even help pick up where I seem to lack when I get this way.

I am naturally a very imposing and dominant man but I am also a very very caring and tolerant individual. When I'm in this 'head space' only my imposing and dominant nature is apparent and I will 'come across' as very apathetic and intolerant, since I wear my emotions on my sleeve, even though I am still the same person and still care. I'm very conscious of this and the effect it has on some people and have asked them to give me space until I resolve whatever it is that put me this way in the first place.

I don't know what you should do, but hopefully me sharing my experience in my 'head space' helps you determine what you should do for you.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing! I wasn't sure if his lack of communication entirely meant that he just didn't want to talk to me. Or if this was a way to let me down gently however I do think he went into far too much detail to be letting me down gently. If someone was going to do that I don't think they would go to the trouble of explaining themselves so much.

[NetSapien]

You know the dude better than I could ever even imagine.

You ultimately must do what's right for you. Don't go putting yourself on hold for people that you don't need to.

Look out for you first.

[Effably]

Seems pretty genuine to me. I mean sure he might just be sitting around doing nothing but doing nothing takes a lot of time. I too wouldn't like to string someone along on a potential maybe. Bit of distance might even appear considerate to me.

He still has to eat doesn't he? You two could set up a no-expectations dinner-not-date and you get to see if there is chemistry. At least as I understood it that has not happened yet. Change of scene would probably do his headspace some good anyway.

I understand the idea of taking a step back and giving someone time. It is respectful, proper and even smart. That said if I was ever to be in a serious relationship we need to be exceptions to that tactic. I'd want to be part of that source of recuperation and not an additional concern. So waiting (but making it clear you are still living life) is fine. I wouldn't but it is probably the go-to response.

[Asker]

Thank you, he has a very stressful business that he runs, and children from a previous relationship. So I can understand how things can get a bit on top of him. We haven't been out on a date yet, no. Nor have we met up. I got the impression from his message that he was saying he wasn't ready for that step.

Yes, I do too. I would love to help but he seems to shut down a bit. I wasn't sure if this was his way of saying that it isn't going to happen between us and he doesn't want to try anymore.

[Effably]

I would push. Politely, kindly and all. But I would push.
I also know that objectively that is the wrong thing to do. It is just, if I was in his shoes that'd be what would work with me. Smart call is of course time.

[Asker]

Thanks for helping me! I appreciate it so much

[PrettyPriya]

I would take it as serious. He really may be suffering from a mental block. Could be stress at work or with friends/family. Never know, but sometimes people just need a break and get sorted.

My advice is to offer up support and respect his wishes. A message saying "take the time you need and I am here to listen should you need someone" is probably a good place to start.

[Asker]

Thank you, I am just concerned that he has completely lost interest in me as we have gone from speaking daily (although this last week, I was probably the only reason it was daily) to not at all.

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you for MHG

[Staximus]

Don't worry about it. Are you going to wait around forever for him to grow a pair of balls or get his head out of his ass? He should have asked you out within a couple days and already seen you within a couple more if he's really that interested in you. He may be interested but now is not the right time. I've met a few girls and women during my life where they seemed like great matches for me in a different time or different place in our lives. It's out of our control. It's like planets in the solar system. They pass each other, then go away and come back around again, maybe closer or farther away from each other, maybe they collide and there's an explosion and they are floating together forever in sweet oblivion. Your worlds did not collide. Maybe he will come back around again and get closer, or just go off into a far away orbit. How long are you going to wait for this bozo? Life's too short.

[Asker]

Saying 'don't worry about it' is much easier said than done. He did ask me out in the first couple of days but he had his children and explained that was the reason why he was unable to that week.