I told him to slow down physically and he pulled away completely?

[Anonymous]

We had our first date yesterday, it was great but it heated up and it got too physical for my taste that early on. He couldn't get his hands off of me, we were making out for hours. I told him beforehand that I want to wait for sex until we establish a ground connection and he said he is cool with that, but his body language apparently disagrees. Well I told him today that I really like him, that I enjoyed and that I want to keep seeing him and getting to know him, but to slow down on the physical part a bit. He said that he is okay with whatever I want. But now I feel like he took me wrong and pulled away completely because he hasn't texted me back all day. What happened?

[Anonymous]

I suppose he's immature and is not really ready for a real relationship or it's his first time dating and he got overly excited with the physical touching. He sounds devastated by the fact that he couldn't touch you physically, he probably is wondering and pondering on the question whether you like him or not; however, when it's your first date it's important to slow down. For not texting you all day sounds pretty immature of him. Try talking to him again and make it clear.

Here are other tips:


Applaud your assertiveness

You have taken the time of figure out what you want and you’re ready to communicate that. You are not shying away from being honest, and you’re not running away from something you’re enjoying just because you want it to change a little.
What to say to him:

Have a clear ask for what you want so that you are answering:

What does slow mean, how would you define it?
How does it practically look?
Do you have a time frame in mind for this current pace?
Stay calm. One way to do this is to plan your words beforehand. Rehearse the scene and potential responses he may have. This will help prevent you from saying something that is emotionally charged, or that you regret.
Give context

Prepare to explain why you want to slow down. Help him understand by walking him through your decision. You have also decided to continue seeing him, not just break up, so explain why.
Anticipate that he may worry he has done something to upset you, and you can help him see that you made this decision for yourself. He may become defensive and interpret your request as a critique of him or that he has done something wrong (neither of which may be true). But, it is not your responsibility to soothe his feelings or handle his anxiety.
One thing that can help is to mention positives about him, your relationship, and your thoughts (even hopes) for the future.

[Anonymous]

So you are claiming you want to wait for sex until you established a relationship yet at the same time you are saying you made out with him for hours making out with him you gave the impression you wanted sex talk about playing mine games with someone no wonder why he pulled away and he hasn’t bothered to contact you

[drdank518]

It sounds like you're the type of girl that finds anything and everything to bitch and complain about. If he texted you more, you'd wonder if he had anything better to do with his day than being on the phone. But he doesn't text you at all and now you're craving his attention.

[OlderAndWiser]

You've had one date, you told him to slow down, and now you're complaining because he doesn't text thoughout the day. Isn't that mixed signals? Perhaps you need to slow down, too!

[Asker]

I meant slow down with physical affection when we are together, not attention.

[OlderAndWiser]

Everything must be done your way?

[Hypnos0929]

He could just be busy. It's one day. Relax.