Why would anyone treat the person they say they “love” like this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has done and said some horrible things to me. He wasn’t like this in the beginning. We’ve been together for almost two years. His true colors began to show months into the relationship. He became physically abusive and verbally and it started to mess with me mentally and emotionally. He has called me weak for not wanting to accept his abuse. He always says “Do you think you’re gonna find a perfect guy outside of me? We all have flaws.” Which I get but his flaws are damaging me in ways I feel like I’ll never come back from. He even has told me “This is why I don’t want to be with you.” And pretty much called me a hoe. He said all this a few months back, my birthday was coming up and I told him that we should go to a bar after we went out to eat for my birthday because I don’t usually drink and I thought it would be different and fun for me. He told me that I act like every other hoe and that if I wanted to be like them he didn’t need to be with me. He said all this publicly, we were around a bunch of people and he was loud. He has called me stupid on many occasions simply because I had a different view or different opinion from him. He says he loves me and always apologizes but he continues to be this way toward me. I feel like I’m in too deep to let go now because I really do love him.

[Anonymous]

I had an ex where things were great in the beginning and then all of a sudden, he's cheating on me and saying things like: "Are you going to give 20 guys one chance or one guy 20 chances". He even implied that I knew he was like this when I got with him when CLEARLY I didn't. One day I decided, I'd rather give those 20 guys a chance than to put up with his crap over and over. Now, that I'm a little wiser, I know why I fell for that mess in the first place.

1. Guys come to you as the guy they think you want. NOT as who they truly are. The true them shows up over time. This is why things are great in the beginning and then go to poop and you're standing there wondering what went wrong.

2. I didn't love myself and I didn't know my self worth. I had never thought I thought so low of myself until I began to love me more. Women who love themselves do not put up with mistreatment. They respect themselves too much to allow someone else to disrespect them. When a guy disrespects you and you let him, he knows your self worth is low.

3. I had to unlearn to learn. I grew up learning to put myself second. I stopped doing that and learned , to me, I am to come first. Also, don't believe what people SAY. Believe what people DO. Actions are Key! Actions tell you whether people are about what they say or if they aren't. You can't love someone and do things unloving to them. That doesn't match up.

4. We give gifts to ourselves without knowing it. I gave myself a loving man in the beginning of me and my exes relationship. As, time went on, and he changed, I was no longer with the guy I thought he was. The longer I put up with it, the more I gave myself the pain of his actions. I was gifting myself someone who was cruel, rude, mean, and unloving. I didn't deserve that. So I stopped giving it to myself and left. So, now I ask you... why are you gifting yourself a cruel boyfriend when you can give yourself much better than that?

[FlutteringFeelings]

He doesn’t love you because if he did his words and actions would align with each other.

[Markm3212]

you need to dump his sorry ass. if he is like this now what will he be like in 5-10 years time. will he be telling you what to wear and who to hang out with.

you stated that this is effecting you and will be long lasting. you need to get some self confidence and get rid of him. he is wrong there are much better guys out there and will treat you better (not perfect as none of us are, but better). this will make you see that there is more to life then some over controlling, degrading little man with security issues.

[mark000h]

He doesn't love you. You are in an extremely abusive relationship. Seriously, GTFO of it. It'll only get worse. He's a controlling bastard who uses cruelty to dehumanize and demean. It'll likely turn physically violent if it hasn't already.

[Wester1967]

You're not in too deep. GTFO. One day of being happily single is better than being hitched to a nasty piece of work who needs therapy. Stop being his therapist.

[HazyDaze63]

This is not a healthy relationship. You need to seek out counseling to help you realize you deserve so much better in life.

[Staximus]

He doesn't own you, get your head out of your ass and leave him. He's not the only guy left on the planet. There are much better guys out there who will not abuse you. Leave him now.

[Anonymous]

Oh ffs he doesn’t love you wake the f up and leave his ass which you should have done a long time ago

[Yourfriend2021]

You have to leave him and find someone else, he doesn't really love you.

[LegendaryIcon]

People change

and sometimes, they even show their "true colors"