I just needed to like get this off my chest after 6 months of non stop and I mean non stop anxiety and hatred towards myself, a day did not got by when I just replayed the same thing in my head, situation after situation. The only thing that brought me peace was sleeping.
I was crying constantly, constantly trying to find things to make me feel better, constantly planning out suicide attempts and not being to look myself in the mirror and moving 8 hours away from my home to try to escape my past.
I guess I’ll say what I did, when I was in 20 I used to talk girls 20-16. Sometimes flirty sometimes not. I guess I should preface when I 16 I talked to 16 year olds, I don't now if that makes it better and I knew they were going into grade 12 so yeah.
I remember always feelings weird about though and knowing it felt old and it wasn’t right for me. I know it’s controversial topic and I know a lot of people who dated 20 year old's at 16 and I’ve read a lot of people are fine with that age gap and don’t find it weird. I’m not gonna judge you if you find okay or not. Where I’m from it’s all legal by the way no laws were broken
Anyways I realized that instead of Hating myself, I should realize in my opinion I made a mistake and I should be grateful I stopped and I knew it was something that I considered wrong and it wasn’t something I was comfortable with. I think maybe at first I didn’t seem that weird. Considering my ex was 16 for a short time while I was 20 but she had late birthday and she’s 18 and I’m 21 now ( when she was in grade 9 I was in grade 12, 3 year difference)
I’ve been called a pedo and it really hurts, but I’ve also talked to some really helpful people and that made me feel better and they didn’t consider me bad person at all, at the time i did this i guess i thought it was normal and shit because of the age of consent but i've smarten up now, i just feel weird
i just wanna be happy and stop beating myself up, please don't flame me
I was crying constantly, constantly trying to find things to make me feel better, constantly planning out suicide attempts and not being to look myself in the mirror and moving 8 hours away from my home to try to escape my past.
I guess I’ll say what I did, when I was in 20 I used to talk girls 20-16. Sometimes flirty sometimes not. I guess I should preface when I 16 I talked to 16 year olds, I don't now if that makes it better and I knew they were going into grade 12 so yeah.
I remember always feelings weird about though and knowing it felt old and it wasn’t right for me. I know it’s controversial topic and I know a lot of people who dated 20 year old's at 16 and I’ve read a lot of people are fine with that age gap and don’t find it weird. I’m not gonna judge you if you find okay or not. Where I’m from it’s all legal by the way no laws were broken
Anyways I realized that instead of Hating myself, I should realize in my opinion I made a mistake and I should be grateful I stopped and I knew it was something that I considered wrong and it wasn’t something I was comfortable with. I think maybe at first I didn’t seem that weird. Considering my ex was 16 for a short time while I was 20 but she had late birthday and she’s 18 and I’m 21 now ( when she was in grade 9 I was in grade 12, 3 year difference)
I’ve been called a pedo and it really hurts, but I’ve also talked to some really helpful people and that made me feel better and they didn’t consider me bad person at all, at the time i did this i guess i thought it was normal and shit because of the age of consent but i've smarten up now, i just feel weird
i just wanna be happy and stop beating myself up, please don't flame me
